Beautiful Soul Spilling Freedom

It is like coming full cycle. When you create a piece of art and literally see it healing you as you create it.
Right place. Right time. Neither looking up or down. Neither being afraid of emotions or controlled by them or shut down because you cannot express them or nobody sees them. They are running unchecked, oh so free and it is the most beautiful thing in my world up till this moment.

Those tears do not symbolize sadness oh no but I have cried rivers so they are my truth. Part of my story.

They represent the healing art expression is to me. Art has given me my voice back. My power back. I have come to a place where I can be fully myself and it is a huge contentment plus.

I am not in need of anything or anyone. I love that for a deaf person I am mostly expressing the eyes and face atm and in this art piece the head/face is where it is at. Which speaks of intimacy and eyes represent windows to my soul which when expressing my emotions has kept me alive.. Art expression is powerful when I am feeling invisible, rejected, shame, powerless and I am alone & unsupported hurting more than anyone could ever know.

Which strangles the life in me when it is all shut up inside and I cannot communicate. I notice though I am not having to look straight ahead for anyone’s validation here. I am looking to what I have within me and expressing that right where I am as I am. I see incredible strength in my art today. I see bravery and I’m proud of myself that because I trusted in Gods Spirit & His Kingdom within.. I never gave up and I found a way through the madness.

I am looking to my art brush, to Holy Spirit.. to do what humanly has been impossible for me to do in my own power.

I have so enjoyed this 61 days of creating an index card daily.
Link here to what this challenge is all about. HERE..

I am on day 38 I think. I maybe a little behind the rest. But you know I took my time with this. If you only knew me personally you would know I am not a ‘take my time person’ with anything. And I mean that with sincerity. Not because I am a lay-back relaxed soul. But I do things as easily and quickly as I can. Can’t be bothered cooking or taking the time to prepare meals. The easier the better. I do not spend countless hours house cleaning or applying make up, maintaining my nails and doing my hair eek.. That is quite something for a woman to say these things.

But this art today. I took my time and it felt really good. Using my art supplies is good. It is just good all round. Because I was not being distracted but putting my heart and soul into it. I just do not always care for things as I could they have felt meaningless. A long time ago when I was struggling harder with life. I just dropped so many things to survive and which sucked energy that I needed to concentrate to staying head above water.

As time went on. I didn’t really get my heart back to much of what I dropped.. Some here and there. It is why I faded from so many radars.

So it pleases me that I can see my heart beating with meaning again. I have not blogged in ages either. But today I wanted to say more about ALL that is going on in myself which for the most part stays with me and ohh yes one online friend lol who gets a lot of it shared with them.

Art expression truly has helped me release the need to explain myself. And I have just kept up practicing drawing and painting and improving myself. I had no direction for so long oh dear. So very very long. So to see myself creating daily is cleansing to my soul and immensely purposeful.

I concentrate on what is within me to come out through my art rather than long lengthy explanations which I cannot be bothered with anyway. I mean the people around me have dwindled away in droves so I have had lots of time to hone my skills lol not that I always do. But God opened up a way for me to bring the inward out. I have mostly been alone in it. But you have to be don’t you. I can’t really concentrate on hearing as I am creating being deaf. I cannot listen to music even or have the tv on. Because I cannot catch enough of the programe by snippets of here and there. This is something hearing people take for granted. You can turn your head away and still hear. I have to be literally concentrating 100% and reading text or subtitles or your lips and I still miss so much. So its nice to just not have to try for hours while I create. Actually I lose all senses to the outside world. I think only about what I am creating.. so much peace in this..
So instead I hone in on what I am creating.. Full attention you know. These little index cards are simple and there is no end to what you could create with them. I enjoy following the tags on Instagram to see others interpretations of daily prompts. Day 38’s was palette.

I have challenged myself with the prompts but also I just so love that my spirit can so easily these days just hear a prompt and off my mind goes to bring forth different ideas in all directions. I have had more people noticing my art in this challenge then ever before. I can see the value of daily art and also what concentrated effort and joy brings forth. Immense joy to do these. Obviously the ones I pour more time into I find the most joy from.

People stopping to notice on social media and family members saying things to me when they see me. Wow!!!

I just want my art to be my heart blazing outwardly and being seen and my peace and faith and joy to be evident.. Yes even when the emotions are falling thick and fast I am not afraid anymore.. For so long I have lived a very tiny part of what’s inside of me on the outside but now the dam has broken and I am releasing what I think is my most soulful art to date.

Thank YOU Thank YOU LORD for art expression and how motivated I am in art these days I know I have had oh dear maybe years of sitting and shutting down and instead of flow reduced to dripping tap which mostly only annoys people.

I am also going to add a poem I woke up in middle of the night a few days ago to write. But I have had to change the ending today. Because putting my heart out into the world is not all that I need. I need connection too.. Connection has been my word of 2018. There is nothing like feedback, support, a word or more from people around you to give your artist heart even stronger wings then ever before. It can only get better from here…

Connection.

I write.

I create.

I live.

I feel.

To cope.

To exist.

To enjoy.

To rise. .

To be present.

To be seen.

To be heard.

To show my heart.

To bridge the gap.

Between you and me.

So instead of nothing.

There is something.

What I need.

What helps.

What comforts.

Is to know.

I am out in the world.

I am available.

It is enough.

But also it isn’t.

Not when I’m alone.

I look for you.

I wait for you.

I miss you.

I don’t want to be alone.

I need you.

I want to acknowledge your heart.

But I can’t communicate with you.

Will you meet me?

Where I can understand you too.

Please!!!!

See my art.

It is where our hearts can meet as one.

Bridge the gap.

Connection… 

****

Psalm 126:5

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

****

Hidden

Now I am revealing new things to you. Things hidden and unknown to you. Created just now, this very moment. Of these things you have heard nothing until now. So that you cannot say, Oh yes I knew this. — Isaiah 48:6-7

I am reading through a book called “The Artist’s Rule” where it gave me this scripture and I am contemplating on it and learning from what stands out to me at this moment. What speaks to me. What is relevant about it to my current life.

Hidden is the word that stands out to me today. It’s like spiritually, physically, emotionally even, I’ve been hidden.

Last night God encouraged me to see that what has appeared to have happened to me is similar to David in the bible. (I was praying about people in my life.. ) 

Who had to hide from Saul. Saul had a jealous spirit and persecuted David. He tried to destroy him. Doesn’t Satan seek to steal, kill and destroy? Spirits of evil still work through people. So I get a sense it’s wise and understandable to escape from what appears to be seeking to destroy us. 

The hidden part. There have been unseen forces over the years that have come against me through people and personal situations that have contributed to where I am and how I am today. Though I have been most frustrated with the ‘unseen’ part of it. The hiding part isn’t as obvious to many. Like many are blind and deaf to what has happened to me. Or it seems it doesn’t matter.

They can really only see the results of what has happened to me. I shared openly recently about the physical struggles I’ve faced and how that has shaped me. But it’s harder I think to define the struggles with people. Very real, different people at different times but similarities in them all as to how it affects me..But also its about more than just me. Where the bible names people and situations openly where there has been persecution.. the Christian way seems to be that we hide things and don’t speak publicly about it. Heaven forbid we name people. I don’t mean shaming, unkindness etc I mean speaking truthfully and not being afraid so that we can all find healing and move forward.. Truth sets free. 

Forgive and move on is the Christian way. Turn the other cheek thing which is ok if it stops. Where I have struggled with the ‘hide it what has happened to me’ kind of thing is where it has been ongoing and subtle. Slowly slowly chipping away at me till there was less and less of my confidence. So that when and if I react it comes back on me lol instead of the one doing it.. Unmentionable and extremely cruel like a person suffering but nobody notices and that in itself destroys you the anonymity of it.. It continues on destroying as it was sent to do. Now ok for believers in God it’s spiritual not personal but that shouldn’t mean we just lie down and let people walk all over us.

This word hidden also speaks to me about being in a place where things are specifically revealed at such a time. That there is a greater reason. New information to be learnt. That’s been Gods way all along. When bad things happen, God uses it for good. I am encouraged that even David had to hide for a season or two or three… onwards till it was safe to re-enter the world normally.. All this time something evil was doing its best to shut him down..

When that word came up again today. It gives me hope. I can trust God when things are hidden. I am hidden. A reason for it and it’s ok. New things will be revealed. Treasures will come forth. By God who summons us personally!

Isaiah 45:3

I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

Searching for Angels

DAY 24 – DAILY PROMPT:
Go somewhere completely outside of your normal routine to write today. Switch it up, try new locations, new music, new people, and new surroundings. Compare the output of your creativity with that of your usual places. Does that help? Does it hinder?

I went to the local cemetery, the old one lol because I have for a long time admired those beautiful angel statues  artistic type people take pictures of. Stone angels. It was a very hot day as I wandered around looking for angels. As always I didn’t give myself much time so I was not able to have a really good look around. Though surprisingly I did take in a lot!! There is a section for buried soldiers from the Eureka rebellion (famous in Ballarat) which I would love to go back to visit. I didn’t actually know it was here in our city like that. Learned something new from this exercise.

I have been to the newer cemetery where our baby son and my grandmother is buried but not this one. I have written a poem about my journey and what I found below along with my own photograph. I was surprised how well kept the place was. Gardeners and maintenance men walking through doing this and that. Beautiful gardens too. Smack bang in suburbia surrounded by cars driving around. But there are some lovely big trees planted. I wonder if they were planted back when many of the oldest graves were dug? I try to imagine what it would have been like in the olden days. Wagons and horses tied outside. Dust everywhere. People thronging in hats and coats or hats and everyone in black clothing or period type. Looking out at the gold fields which were part of our cities history and would have been I think surrounding Ballarat. We have two mountains that sit along the horizon and outskirts of our city. I always think as the old timers stood at the grave side they would be looking out at Mt Warrenheap and Mt Buningyoung. Some very elaborate grave stones dotted here and there. So there were rich people buried in this place perhaps they did well on the gold-fields? A lot of religious icons. I love that whole families were buried in plots together. Being the mother of a baby son who died at almost 2 months. It was heart breaking to see many little babies’ names mentioned buried in with their families. It was nice that they did that though.. Obviously infant mortality was much higher in the past.

I did sit and write after I’d finished taking photos. Near the front entrance in the shade looking across the beautiful manicured rose gardens. Some graves were so close to the street. That was hard to see. I know they are dead but to see cars whizzing so close to their final resting place just seems disrespectful.

I didn’t really have time to reflect with my writing while there. It was too hot to stay in the sun too long and uncomfortable even in the shade. But it was delightfully encouraging to be in different surroundings and I was noticing things more. Thinking of what it meant to me personally, what it meant to the people buried here, the beauty of some of the headstones and statues I did find. Lots of crosses and some of women with crosses which is interesting that it was women portrayed and not men. Jesus stood out most to me but I had to walk a fair way to find him. Kept thinking I have to walk all the way back lol and I don’t want to be late picking up my daughter from High school..

Plenty of seats dotted here and there for quiet reflection. Immediate thoughts were just scattered and random. I jotted words down in a blank page book I had with me. Definitely taking photos heightened the experience but that was not easy just using my Iphone. The glare of the sun overhead make it hard to see the small screen so I was blindly taking some shots. It wasn’t till last night I had to time to play around with them because that is something I like to do. Filters, aps and all. I hope the poem I wrote reflects more on what I was thinking and feeling. Least it is with less words. 🙂

I tend to stay in my bedroom a lot so to get out on this type of artist date was immense fun! I need to do more of them! I’d say the output is that I realize that I should get out of my house for regular artist dates and give myself time to actually do it and soak it in not hurry through. I love using my lap top to write best. Pen and paper is so scrawly so I tend not to want to use it too much. Just being out of my comfort zone and getting the stimulation for this post makes my mind leap ahead to what else I could do in the future. Good for the soul, good for body, mind and spirit.

 

30 days of writing

I am doing another writing course for the whole month of February. Sharing here on my blog. 30 days of writing myself alive.

DIG DEEPER: Why do you write? What comes up first? If you couldn’t write, what’s the second best thing you would attempt in order to express yourself to the fullest?

I write because it saves face.

I do not have a very good public persona. I withdrew from the world as people know it because I am deaf or close to it. Modern technology doesn’t seem to work for me and I am also not one of the rich people who can afford the bionic implants. I have really loud noises in my head as well as hearing loss and the thought of drills and such just freak me out to the point I could not mentally cope with anything drilled in my head. So I opt for writing, using my spirit in a different way. I am a spiritual person anyway so my disability just really makes it all the more reason to express myself in writing and not face to face.

It’s like there are giant signs everywhere I go pointing to writing. It is how it is for me. I would close down if I did not have some way to express myself. The hardest facet is that writing is subjective. People can choose to read or not as it is not as freely expressed as using your voice in an instantaneous way. People are busy these days so you can be rejected easily expressing your very heart and soul simply because people don’t see what your doing as essential to their and your day to day presence in this world. I am learning not to take it personally.
Person to person. Unless you are a total jerk and people won’t talk back, most can function in society and say things they want to say and there must be a certain exclusivity in that because being deaf can feel very isolating.
I can’t do normal communication. I cannot easily communicate face to face. It’s like watching someone and you cannot hear a thing they say. A television playing with no sound. If you can read lips all and good. But many people mumble, turn away, get distracted, don’t stand close enough etc. So you have to work extra hard to understand what they are saying and process that at the same time.. They may have moved on to another subject while you are still processing what they just said. You are constantly behind the mainstream of conversation and cannot keep up.

It is very tiring trying to hear people and I just kind of withdrew from that and would rather use my energy in a better way but it can be very one sided. It means you miss out on the life others live and that there are millions of different ways to think and process orally so you tend to channel yourself into writing and communicating in a whole different way but it can be and seem very selfish at the same time though it truly isn’t meant to be. It means I have to put myself out there daily in public if I want what I have to say read. It can seem exhibitionist. Instead of simply a soul trying to connect and find her place in the world.
I need to read up a lot too. It means in order not to completely fall off the side of the earth or be in a little world all on my own. I need to be constantly feeding myself with others opinions and the little snippets they do release. Believe me most everyone says very little on social media and its getting less and less because of privacy issues and people’s distrust of the Internet. There is not anyone who fills me in on daily life or what people talk about even when I am around them. I am really in the dark most of the time concerning the ins and outs of even close people in my life.

Whereas I guess most people are talking daily even to the people around them and in their daily travels. I am not at all doing this. So I have even more reason to write and shut myself away to write. You cannot sit with someone and give them attention and keep the creative juices running.. I can’t anyway.

As you can see my writing tends to be about my struggles, my world and that sort of thing. If that didn’t come out of me I think I would go totally insane. I need to say things be it to myself out loud, to another person or just to help process it. I find it hard to just think in my mind. Mull things over. Cause my thoughts have to compete with the noises in my head. Called tinnitus. Seeing the words via type on a page or screen gives them freedom and I can understand what I am feeling better.. My brain is a jumbled place with the constant noise inside it. You can feel stressed even if your body is at peace because the noises are the place your self first focuses on. Writing tends to give me another place to focus outside myself and it truly helps and I can be so busy thinking about what I am typing/writing that the noises fade into a background place where I forget about them. To listen to another person would mean the noises are competing against that person and do appear to become louder and that is extremely annoying.. On a screen or page my words have no competition at all and they are free and its truly easier for me to be released as a whole person be it quietly or crazily or gently or loud but its of my own choosing.

The second best way to express myself is visually. Though I cannot easily draw or paint exactly what I am thinking onto a page and do not seem to be talented in that area or naturally flow that way. A photograph can say it if you use the lens creatively or collage using various mediums together. I am learning this more because it can be tiring writing and it gives you a different way to see and express yourself. I love to combine writing/poetry and visual arts too. Like digitally or on paper. Like anything you need to stick at it so I am very thankful for this 30 day course again!

 

I can say it in other ways..

It’s incredible how easy it is to write the poem in the image.. getting it into that form however wasn’t so easy. 🙂  I kept making errors. I had it all ready to finish and found a spelling mistake, than I found something else etc.. I just think it looks better in image form. Colors, font, even the little icons added.. It was not so easy finding a cross icon either. I had to use various tricks to get that on my image..

I think for the longest time I kept it positive.. but you know when life is difficult you cannot just be positive and stay real. One of the apps I looked for pics to go on the image.. 99% of the pics were positive and that is wrong really. Life isn’t all good all the time. To be real you need to talk about dark things. I guess the cross image many wear and see as a faith icon and I do too.. But having faith is tough too and although we believe and speak love and positive good things we still have to honest with ourselves, others and GOD that it hurts and its hard and we cry and get angry and fail. And of course the cross was an instrument of torture and death. So I feel the cross and arrows really portray what I am saying here.

I have so much stuff inside me to tell but few to nobody to tell.. not without it coming out the wrong way or being completely misunderstood. There is just something about telling things to people who look at you like your crazy or don’t really take things you say into their heart or judge you in the telling or tell you no no no its not like that.. It is like speaking to a closed door or a brick wall.. I don’t mean they have to agree or even like it. I just mean listen with an open heart and open mind and let you freely tell it.

I don’t like burdening the one or two who do listen especially when they do not burden me the same. So when I read the prompt for today this just burst out of me. I get prompts from all over.. I love them..

So many times lately I have had written out face book posts and almost hit post and publicly shared the pain of my soul but anyone who uses social media knows not many can deal with dirty laundry.. the tough stuff.. the dramas of someone’s life. Even if it is truth or real or a major struggle.. I do not know how believers in GOD deal with the heavy stuff.. because let’s face it WE ALL HAVE IT. I guess private meltdowns?? Or perhaps they have a group they meet with and talk about things? A therapist? A spouse or parent or friend? Or they simply just never say it. I would burst I can’t do that. So this seems a less evasive way to deal with it.

Some of us don’t have someone available. My best friend is half a world away and we are in different time zones. You cannot just slot in when you need to talk.. AND I do talk daily to GOD.. because people say well GOD should be enough.. well hello.. everyone talks to someone.. and those who don’t go crazy I think.. because we are created to talk..

Deafness robs me of 95% of conversations I could have.. so yeah poetry seems a great way to express my inner soul and struggles and joys I have..

Unraveling the year behind

 

((HIM or words all in capitals (always stands for GOD, Jesus, Holy Spirit) I capitalize it. Its an honor thing.. Acknowledgement of HIM.. ))

My word for 2015 was a string of words.. Your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

This is how my word helped to guide me through the last 12 months.

Everything I once knew as Gods Kingdom fades away. It all seems to point back to me. To what is held inside this fragile container. Kingdom of God within. Outer crowded in. Outer world/relationships things I once relied on crumbled away, falling short.
I found HE really loves me.  Loves all of us. No one excluded. When your eyes are opened even a little more. See HIM in everything. Yet it doesn’t hem you in. And most definitely not controlling. Most appears hidden and that is so it can be deliciously found and enjoyed. HE wants it to be an adventure. Where even the bad parts are working for good. Like Dorothy and the ruby slippers. You have everything you need with you. You just didn’t know it. Although its been a dry year. Takes your eyes off flesh living to Spirit. Spirit is abundance. Freedom. Creativity. Abounding love, peace and joy.Its connection.. It’s greater. Spirit is everywhere. Even people who aren’t aware you can see “Spirit” alive in them. It is more than life. It’s operating whether you realize it or not. Holiest of Holy is in us. Beautiful. The new has come!! All done for us.. just need to discover it!! I don’t have to be religious!

GOD really has a plan to save us all!!!! Here and now..  Jesus made that possible!!

What did I embrace in 2015?

Creativity. HIM sometimes there was minuscule going on with me.
Rest.

What did you let go of in 2015?

Let go of being around certain people, let go of what people would think, (battle).. Let go of thinking of why certain things happened like they did..

What changed for you in 2015?

(Great sadness, rejection and low feelings) seemed to have moved past it. Amazingly without Drs, medication, people or things really changing. HIS power evident in my weakness. Not to be afraid of weakness and emotions.. Mind you I was very reclusive in 2015..

What did you discover about yourself in 2015?

Spirit is stronger. God isn’t about judgement. No fear in love. You can slip and slide into areas you never thought you would. God stays by your side. Moves you on without it destroying you or consuming you. Hope for everyone.

What were you most grateful for in 2015?

HIS strength. HIS unchanging love. Creativity and expression. Children. Justin’s kindness (former husband). Dustin’s friendship through thick and thin. (online overseas friend). SIL Lisa support and understanding. She told me things that helped.. Journalling. Recent Torquay beach holiday with almost all my children.. Oldest daughter finishing uni..

What did fear hold you back in 2015?

When I looked at all I fall short at. When I look at the way people have treated me. When I struggled to understand why things happened the way they did. When people continued to not know my heart and judge me according to who they think I am rather than who I actually am.
When I stopped expressing myself I shut down.. Fear of what people think..

When did you practice bravery in 2015?

Not completely losing it. Facing difficult people again. Speaking out at times. Letting things go. Finding peace in storms. Fighting battles no-one knew about even though they were present. When I haven’t been believed about what is happening to me.

What surprised you in 2015?

Good things happening to me even when I did nothing to deserve them.

What made you smile in 2015?

My children. Humor wherever it springs from. Sharing on face book. When somebody sees my heart. Children anywhere. Finding treasures at op shops/ thrift stores. Putting myself out there when not many noticed or responded simply because I loved doing it.. Continuing to do it..

What conclusions did you reach in 2015?

For all that didn’t happen. All the trials. I can smile and be at peace. Know GOD is with me. Know hope. Believe that somehow it is all working together for good.

These questions I found and signed up for through this site.. you can get a  FREE 5-day email class to help you figure out your word for the coming year.

Find Your Word for 2016

Roadlessness

So bountifully rich this path I’m on.. I have not added every word of this journey here but every word seems so perfect for where I am.. You see.. HE is where I am and I am where HE is. And anyone living from the spirit speaks clearly to the other.

I have often looked for comments, likes, recognition of any kind..  I suppose I’ve always felt I needed it otherwise it feels like without it I’m grounded. I’m not useful or part of the bigger plan.

But I saw this quote today on Twitter and it’s like a revelation. 

“People who shine from within don’t need the spotlight” don’t know who wrote it.. Source unknown.

I’m to simply live outward from what is within. That’s my calling..
Smack me across the head lol why does it take me so long to get this!!! 

I’ve been praying “let my light so shine”.. From Matthew 5:16

I want HIM to be seen.. But HE will be.. Because Jesus made that possible at the cross.. 

Sealing forever my oneness with HIM. Or better said.. HIS oneness with me.. HE is the way.. Truth.. Life.. 

HIS Spirit is within. 

Today’s word is – Roadlessness

   
   
 

Mindfulness

All of my writing today is based on a book I’m reading on Scribd called “The Artist’s Rule.. nurturing your creative soul with monastic wisdom by Christine Valters Paintner”

“Mindfulness” (Your teaching me how to live.)
Discipline of paying attention to “what is going on in the present moment,” which can give rise “to insight, awakening and love.” – Edward C. Sellner

Where do I encounter restlessness in my contemplative and creative life?

Not dwelling here enough. Feeling it’s selfish. Not seeing purpose for it. That it is an escape rather than a path to GOD and His purposes. Not seeing why or what it means..
Always seemed I’ve done this to myself rather than this actually being a calling of God.

What are the moments when you are tempted to run in the other direction instead of standing still and being fully present to the gifts and challenges of the moment?

It’s such an internal war. Solitary journey. Spiritual malady. (word came to me) I never use it.
I didn’t choose this path. I love art, expression, inspiration, writing, contemplative exercises and even my own company but I didn’t intend it for myself. The things I enjoy are suited to this place I’ve found myself. Not just because I’ve run here or tried to run from it.
The deafness, the isolation, the need to express myself even despite misunderstandings. It would be easy to be overwhelmed. Even heed others advice to do this or that.
But seeking GOD alone despite myself.
I’m still tempted to give up often.
Something greater keeps me going. Even people can’t distract me. Just makes me tunnel vision even more.
More determined. Even if I’ve no idea what it all means. Seems it’s a path I must walk. Not to be afraid of it. Speaking of it even now and here is perhaps the wisest thing.

Because like it or not this is my reality.

“Here I am God.”
“Do what you will with me.”

And go do it!!! 

 

Trusting

I’m sitting here on my bed propped up with pillows.
I cried earlier.. emotional. Time of month but also because I’ve had ongoing struggles with a teenage son.
At Psychiatrist yesterday. Missed a lot of school. Variety of things. Mental health but in this new year also physical as well. Almost all of us came down with stomach virus and pains. Son got that too and it has seemed to set him back.

Doing some art today. My art is so basic. Even the background ripped as I painted it. I leave it though because it symbolizes the difficulties that I’ve faced. My art is cut and paste.. simple. The message is about a scripture, or my interpretation of it.

I will post two art pieces I’ve done on this scripture that also speak about my faith, life and how I’ve dealt with it all.

Everything that happens to me draws me to the only source of peace I know.. the blue represents peace.. the purple my royalty (kingdom of GOD)… Scriptures say we are in a spiritual battle, but GOD with us. I focus alot on JESUS..
I have talked about being disabled here.. deaf. Hearing loss isolates from people. Life circumstances isolate.

My faith has been my strong hold.

Scripture.. art.. from working/reading through this book.. “The Artist’s Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom..by Christine Valters Paintner

“Now I am revealing new things to you
Things hidden and unknown to you
Created just now, this very moment.
Of these things you have heard nothing until now.
So that you cannot say, Oh yes, I knew this.”
Isaiah 48:6-7

Simply talks to me about NOW… but also intimacy and no distractions. Very close.. Personal. Whispered secrets.
New. I definitely feel love.. special.. privileged. Authoritative. Trust.. Presence..

I have to learn to let what I do expressive-wise speak for itself. Definitely no fear to put out art that is simple, ripped page ha ha.. My blog is not really frequented much either.. but despite all the reasons not to share this.. I still do..

Although I open this post with truth about struggles. My art expresses my spirit, my help my strength and what I learn in all this. This is the weird irony of spiritual life as opposed to physical life. That we walk by faith not sight.
God unseen but to those who believe HE is more real than anything you can see..

I mean a lot of people misunderstand me and I guess I can understand that being the kind of person people know and judge me as.
I say judge lightly because I mean perception and how I come across.. And I love this that God doesn’t judge by outward but by the heart of a person.. He looks deeper.. He is deep!

Physically I’m not stand out in any way.. My art reflects that.. But in every soul there is treasure. People look through trash and find treasure.. Not saying I’m trash but that on deeper inspection you can find so much more than you thought possible.. Which is what I try to show..

The fact that in good and bad I can speak to GOD 24/7. Yes I have to believe HE is there.. Have to believe despite troubles HE is there.. but that’s what all these troubles have done is to show me HE is.
Made me find HIM in a desperate kind of way. When people back away or that’s what it feels (even family) there has been no one else.. That’s where HE became centre stage..

It has not stopped the troubles but rather I have and continue to get through them.

I looked at this page and I think why not decorate it more.. dress it up.. But I can’t. It says what I want it to say. What it means to me. I am a very umm dis-organised person.. more so over the years. But in all this.. my focus has narrowed to JESUS alone as I keep saying.. I don’t know what it all means neither do I give in to fear. I just press on.. I seek HIM first.. I trust.

I also try to express it along the way…

I feel tired, its more than a physical tiredness but it makes me look to HIM.. and lean on HIM.. for dear life.. for strength… for peace.. for guidance… for HIS help and YES HIS promises to come to pass around me for whatever this all means..

Defining 2014 and looking ahead

I’m still going through it. 2 months to go thereabouts. But I need to set habits and feel good about that. I would love to be more organized and useful with what I have. I don’t know how to describe this year. Difficult because of isolation and problems with people. Learning to let go of people or not worry about them. Learning that I can control what I do not just simply be knocked about but see it as opportunities. Need to realize this year has been a gift. A gift to show that this is what happens when you let life just happen to you.
See people for what they are. Maybe jealous. But I don’t have to react to that. But separate myself from that and not take that on board. People are noticing my writing. I need to work on that more. I have enjoyed picking up more books. Its been good saying no but I find other people don’t like it even when they tell you you should say it. 🙂

There is a flow to the spiritual I definitely do best in that. There is joy in GODS presence definitely need to stay aware of HIM. Not be afraid. HE is with me. HE is able. HE is.. This year my word was Jubilee. I have seen it. In things that have come my way. They always have and they always do. This months word is Authority and next is Soul mate.
I’m thinking that what is coming to me so much of it I do so little to receive it so it gives me so much hope and now the choice is before me to recognize what I’ve got, run with it and use it.
GOD is my father so it is all mine, ours etc. Right now even at this very moment but it always has been and when you realize that.. there is the Jubilee.
Its the rising up and believing it. Mostly we live like paupers. We hoard. We moan. We live within our circumstances. we talk about anything but this grand life we have been given. We are not happy and realizing life is a gift to benefit from and enjoy. GOD has done it all through JESUS. Finished. Possession is not the issue. Believing it is and living from this abundance. That is faith to live not by physical but by the Spirit. How much do I have in my room right now? So many gifts and even a portal like this (internet) that takes me all over the world. My writing, my spirit, my soul, my art, my presence, my faith. LOL. Can’t get better than that.

I love that even though humanly and physically you can seem trapped, isolated and useless. Its exactly opposite in GODS realm there is no limit. I mean nothing can separate us from HIM..
Everything comes back to HIM anyway but HE doesn’t hold anything against us. At any moment we can turn it all around.
So really no matter the bad behind us or around us its always good.. Like I just replied to friend Christine on face book. It will all work together for good.. all of it.
I just thought of this verse below. Even though so much seems a waste, unused or it can seem we are left on a shelf or its totally impossible and difficult. HE will and does use it all. I think that is what makes you look at your life and where you are, how you are, what has happened and what hasn’t and realize its all still very good and HIS kingdom always rules! Cream always rises to the top.

John 6:12 “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.”