Tag Archives: WRITING

Deep Speaks to Deep


Took my time with this one I may not get through many of the Advent words in the list I’m very loosely following.. I do find it hard to stick with something and I have many unfinished art pieces to back that up.

Today’s word is Creator.. I was watching a wild life documentary and incredibly beautiful whales were swimming.. A drone captured the whales from directly above and oh my it’s what inspired this art but I couldn’t get a good photo off the TV..

I searched for an image.. and loved one I found with sun rays streaming down.. Which have been my ‘thing’ and one of the ways I’ve felt and seen God in my world.. There was a period of time when they appeared in the sky almost every time I walked.. it was phenomenal really but I don’t think anyone else really noticed this though I did post quite a few photos on social media during this time..

Most of the things that encourage me are usually just things I see daily that might only seem to be for me.. such things keep me going and although I do share so many times I’m one of the only ones really enthusiastic about it..

I didn’t trace I haven’t for awhile now.. drawing ✍️ everything myself and of course digitally it’s easier to try and retry until it looks the way you want..

God is the mighty creator of every creature and I guess it makes you think more on the wonder of creation when you create your own art.. I love love love deep things.. so the deep of the ocean where these beautiful whales are swimming up towards the light resonates with my soul.. the light beams that are HIS presence and glory and yet there they are in the depths which often I’ve experienced personally as well..

I’m AMAzed even myself with this art and I kept putting it down while working on it thinking to myself.. I don’t think I can get it right.. it’s too much work. it takes too long.. but I did keep at it. And love what I’ve created.. it’s different to the photo so even though it’s inspired by the original photo it’s not the same. I love how my creative spirit actually over takes me and helps me with how to do it and gives me ideas as to what might work.. And either though I do not know what I’m doing lol I am actually doing it..

We know environmentally world wide oceans are feeling the devastating results of pollution, the greed of mankind and the effects of global warming and whales are often hunted and it’s absolutely heart breaking. The darkness of the earth was in my mind too as I did my art.. and how I resonate with that fear of what is happening to our planet and for us as mankind re pollution and how mankind’s greed affects us all and how we prefer to destroy rather then care..

But as an artist soul you take such care when you create and it opens your heart and eyes to more of the small details… so you know that you know that you know that God the most awesome Creator of all.. Has put so much attention to detail into our world that of course He isn’t just idly sitting by and letting it all go to waste.. HE truly loves and cares for us all.. and He has always had a plan in action and we do good to dwell on that at this time of year.. Advent reminds me of the divine glory of creation and even more the absolute perfection of the earth as it was at the beginning and still we can see that beauty even now in our world.. The Master Creator and Designer has not abandoned us. We can rest when we look up to the light.. that He will take care of everything if we can keep our minds stayed on Him and live by our Spirit.. We have to keep looking up, do what we can do and treasure our world and value ourselves and the creatures and ask Him for guidance along the way.. We can trust HIM with the future..


What it all means personally.


Happy Easter..

I have not blogged in simply ages. I have been concentrating on art expression in visual ways and paint on paper or canvas ways. Today because it is considered one of the highest important holy days in the Christian calendar and as I did not attend a physical building I think it might be a perfect day to write and connect hopefully with others. When I say connect I mean others can read and respond or just read or ignore completely which probably happens more then not. 🙂 But it is my way to share this moment, on this day, on this occasion just in a different way then others share it. Except I am not confined to a physical location and specific time. When I post words and thoughts and any corresponding pictures it stays there and can continue to speak. That kind of tickles my fancy.. A bit thrilling cause it becomes timeless in its own way.

Just an easier place to connect for me and it is more meaningful too. Where I am not just sitting and vegetating in an environment where I am not feeling connected to others.

I cannot hear or enjoy any music, nor really join in singing or worshipping that way nor hear a good sermon or even bow in prayer and join with others cause I have no way to know what is being shared around me. Because I cannot hear it and I get distracted and I cannot enjoy it. I am not really drawn that way any longer.

I am here.. God is here and I am at peace and I can wholly immerse myself in what I am writing and flowing with here. I enjoy it.

I am so very thankful to HIM for what Easter means and I can talk about my recent painting that I didn’t get to share more about. HE continually is placing religious art and art supplies in my way and its so personal and HE is saying to me.. enjoy this journey and please express it and gladfully share it. I am here with you. So close. I have given you this way to express yourself and connect with others don’t be afraid to soak it in and you do not need to be this or that or go here and there and you do not need anyone else’s approval or to do anything different to what is on your heart and how I am leading you.. I feel so precious. So favoured and because I am online I can also share it which makes it a way to communicate too.

But it is different to the majority and it means not looking to traditional methods and it means every day reflection and inspiration not just on certain days. Every day is holy and divine but I am free to experience it in normal and every day life and also a way that is incredibly life affirming and life giving to me personally.

Religious type art expression again can set you apart and there will be only certain people who will respond to it and sometimes no one but it does sort of encourage people who are not religious to respond and take notice simply because its in art form and there is freedom there. All people can appreciate freedom well I hope they can. True freedom is what our LORD came to bring to the world in any case.

2 Corinthinans 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

My art of Jesus on the cross.. was inspired by a $1 dollar purchase of a beautiful prayer book. I did intend at first to cut it up for collage and art journaling and it was cheap but I may not of course because I find it hard to cut up beautiful things. So much gorgeous art in this beautiful book as well as prayers and writings. You see when I find these things it truly is as if HE puts them in my path. Well within my budget and yes I will admit to collecting many beautiful things and also things that inspire me and I enjoy being surrounded by them…

I do not want to be so ‘religious’ as such though this would be considered religious art.. I want my art to be personal, from my core and spiritual but also approachable. To be completely honest to who I am and what I believe but also not make it so that it isn’t disrespectful to GOD and HIS presence and glory. HE is holy and grand in the grandest sense but HE is not to me a central focus where I feel I need to be like everyone else.. not that I do not need people or too belong. Just that through HIM I believe and see that I am joined to everyone else and I guess that fixed gaze does tend to keep me not drawn to different ways of living or needing to be like everyone else. Through HIM I live and find my whole being revitalised and totally at peace.

My whole reason to exist, like HE is the sun and I am simply one of the planets among a whole solar system of other planets and we are all rotating and going through our existence revolving around HIM and although each is its own separate existence we are all one because of HIM who is at the centre of all life.

Seeking HIM first and HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness (not my own) and then all these things are added to me .. my rendition of Matthew 6:33

I thought first about painting on a canvas or something blank that you could do something else with or display at a later date. But my art journal is where I am daily. It has many things in it that are all personal to me. I have not set out to make a living from my art money wise or to display it other then online. I just felt led to create it at a personal level. I had already pre-painted the background. It felt right to paint it in here. Alongside a cut up collage of a city scene in winter .. It says.. here is where I seek and find GOD in my every day life right where I am, as I am.

So I put myself in the painting looking up at HIM like I do in my personal life. Being Easter HE is on the cross and inspired by that book I just found recently so it all fits in together. I did hesitate to paint something like this because the image I am basing my painting on is so perfectly painted. By artist Rogier van der Weyden (1400 -64) Christ on the cross..

This is where I have to lose all fear. Just have a go. Let go. let GOD. I remember the other day walking around the house after painting the initial painting. I love to pray walking around lol and also I can pray doing most anything.

I was saying to God.. how minuscule what I create is.. How I live. How I appear and present myself in this world. All so miniscule. Immediately after that prayer was said my youngest son came up and offered to me a plate of my favourite snacks. It was so beautiful. Like a reward straight after and I thanked God and was at peace. I mean I tie everything in you know. So I just do my thing. I find my joy in it and good things happen to me along the way!!

This is my intention always. ***

2 Corinthians 4:7 New Living Translation
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

and for a different slant from English Standard Version
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

So I can be unafraid even amongst the curled up pages of my art journal. My cluttered room. My introverted ways. By simple paintings.. to show you this absolute greatness of GOD that chooses to show HIMSELF through me.. ***

HE was vulnerable on the cross. At the mercy of me as an artist lol but also in life at the mercy of soldiers who didn’t care for human dignity or human suffering the cross was punishment and extremely cruel. I mean I realise they didn’t believe it was GOD right. But they would have heard the stories and maybe even witnessed miracles I do not know. I know the bible says on that day remarkable things happened. I mean this man was well known and he had followers and loved ones surrounding him. HE had stirred up a lot of people including the religious people of that day. HE was hated and HE was loved deeply.

To paint his body. HIS manly body. HIS human body. HE was probably stripped naked on that cross.. No decency here right. But I covered his maleness. I just wanted that to represent how I wish to depict truth but also not disrespect GOD or others in the process. I do not do what I do for shock value or even to disrespect others way of life. I see that modesty and honour is important. But I did start out being quite crude with my painting. I mean his arms are not right because HE was a carpenter HE would have been strong but to me the whole closeness of SPIRIT is hard because there is no touch.. there is no physical presence and I find that hard. It is lonely and I miss physical presence but faith isn’t seeing so you have to learn to trust and when you let go of the need for the physical closeness that strength and support brings.. you must find form and fortitude in weakness. So as I persisted on through my painting HIS face, heart, chest and lower body it became easier to form and paint. It was beautiful painting HIS body.. It felt freeing and I could identify with HIM as thoroughly human through this painting.. HIS suffering is beautiful to me because I have suffered and HE has become real to me in my suffering. So I am comforted.. I find hope and beauty in HIS suffering so that is how HIS thorns transformed to what appears a floral wreath.. though I did not mean that at all. I find my strength and momentum to live because HE is close to the broken hearted and HE himself was broken for me. Though HE is on the cross I believe and know HE has already overcome death, suffering and all evil and so will I.

By HIS wounds I am healed. At Easter and every day forward and back and for all eternity. I find life and not just life but abundant life.





She Remembered


I read those words in a novel I am currently reading and they stood out and motivated me to create this art and make a perfect heading.

Absolute struggle for me personally of late and this time I have told nobody except God alone. I don’t think I have ever done that before. Especially considering the intensity of it. I had a night of disturbed sleep and very dramatic dreams and I was struggling with what it all personally meant to me. Alone with it but I went straight to GOD and it was enough!! Peace came.. An absolute complete turn around in me.

The girl or woman figure in the painting is in black and white. No colour in her world. She craves it but you cannot change things sometimes no matter how hard you want it changed. I knew immediately that she was going to be in black and white and you were only going to see half of her face. She is right there easily accessed awake and waiting. But she’s struggling.

I wanted to add these words too which were my own truth.

She fails. She hurts. She’s anxious. She doubts. She has faults. She needs.

But what strikes me in my own life as I created this is that I can so very easily interpret it right here and there is so much meaning and I don’t intend for it, or work for it or even have to think it out. But yet I am able to easily see it in what I have created that it is flowing out of me with absolute ease..

I can tell you I am not one to easily explain myself to anyone even those closest to me and yes I didn’t recently tell anyone either even though it was such an intense battle I was facing. In fact my hardest battles have mostly been fought on my own. So it is from all this that my art expression in this painting finds its outlet.. And there’s this incredible difference between flesh and spirit and how I face the world when I live via one as opposed to the other.

So my black and white portrait despite the struggle is up nice and close, even in her rawness shes not staying small. She is incredibly upfront and vulnerable but to me that is bravery. My life too has been incredibly hidden yet I believe and can see that at least art wise, creative wise I am up front.

She is looking straight ahead. I find such strength here despite the fact I am writing raw words, hard words. Even void of colour she is still head forward, eyes opened and I think very fearless.
The painting is depicting that moment where she is remembering HIM and all that HE has become to her on her journey and how when that comes into the light faults don’t even matter in fact we can be shamelessly bold. I know I quote this alot. When I am weak HE is strong but I am going to take it even a step further because the well known verse talks about being able to boast about it and that this is exactly how best HIS help is seen in us and through us.. And it is exactly how it is in my life to especially me.

But here I think you can best see the juxtapose of my painting. The frail human next to the strong figure of Jesus who is the Christ yet they stand level and together as one. In HIS rich and vivid colours HE is full of beauty, majesty and also ever present help and is accessible to me but it is not by sight but by faith so I chose to have his eyes closed because HE is my rest and my comfort and I don’t need to see him to know HIM. I also believe that I can fully trust HIM to bring together all my loose ends and all that troubles me and it will be a great ending despite some very hard and long chapters..

I know many talk of walking and talking with HIM.. Hearing HIM and even seeing HIM.. I haven’t had that to a great extent in my life. It has been a pure faith walk.. Spiritual battle that is way beyond my strength and ability to cope and even make sense of… So I find incredible fortitude when peace fills my heart despite all that comes against me and all that falls away and all I fail at. Gives me rock solid unsinkable hope.

Changes the atmosphere around me and I can find my rhythm and express my faith in a way that paints purpose into my life and I also get the joy that comes because I share that with you. I resonate also with the red colours on his face.. There is pain in HIS face mixed with royal beauty and majesty and I resonate with the suffering HE went through coming to earth to live as a fragile human to help me find and access eternal life on earth even before I die.

This painting so lifts up my spirit because its so meaningful to my life, journey and testimony but its also honest about where I am and I who I am and I hope and pray you can see HIS strength because it is absolutely life changing especially when I have been so fragile and it is radiating in me so strong and beautifully even though people close to me only partly see me and that for the most part I have felt so black and white in this world ..

I don’t want to impress people with my talents that is not my desire at all. I want to show what GOD has done to help me through my difficulties and I know my weakness shows that up better then my strengths ever could.. HE is so real to me and so present. The inspiration behind the painting.. The creative ideas came from HIM. I had nothing I was nowhere even close to creating something like this but HE just makes that much difference and the peace that comes I mean you need no props and it didn’t come from anyone else at all so anyone can have all this as well right where you are and right now as you are. I truly was all those things I wrote. I just desire with all my heart to show what HE does for the fragile soul for the soul that struggles in this world and does not understand what is going on. But who can find hope, purpose and joy just in being who I am, and encourage you to find all these as you are and through who we are created to be… faults and all.

I was struggling but when I remembered it made all the difference..

HE is


“Meg, I give you your faults.”
“My faults!” Meg cried.
“Your faults.”
“But I’m always trying to get rid of my faults!”
“Yes,” Mrs. Which said. “However, I think you’ll find that they’ll come in handy on Camazotz.”

From the movie ‘Wrinkle in Time’

Epiphany to a broken relationship


The perfect solution would be to start afresh. With no preconceived reminders of what we used to think of each other and where the other might be coming from. No longer a competition or any jealousy. Talking to one another as if we were great lovers or long distance friends who had not seen each other in a very long time. That every word was dripping with such an intense desire to be known and heard and we were lapping it up no matter how simple or sublime.
As if we had been transported immediately to heaven and there was nothing evil from past, present or future that could steal the genuineness of these moments. We loved each other. We adored each other and there was nothing at all to hold us back from the bliss at being in each others company. Pureness of heart in each. Total attention. Total freedom. Sweet, holy, divine.


Thankfully I had awareness of the past but a protective shield on my heart to prevent me breaking down from the ugliness of it. It only made the beauty of this moment more exquisite. There you were all shiny and new. The smile on your face would surpass any I’ve seen on earth. It was genuine. Everyone that came here smiled the same yet every smile was uniquely stunning.

I stood like a statue. I guess maybe I could have run and hugged you. The kind that dramatic movies on earth capture so well in films. We have not ever had that kind of relationship before that we’d ever have done that but maybe we deeply wanted too. I knew we had no time constrictions in this place and there’s a gentle calm to every interaction. No need to rush here, it’s a forever thing. You are astonishingly beautiful. All the worldly heaviness you’d carried on earth gone. Lightness, carefree and shiny. You had eyes for me and there was no physical turning away that had dogged us on earth. I knew here you were also healed and free from physical impairments. You walked with a spring in your step. Confidence oozing but not in a way that belittled anyone else. Maybe others around were aware of this moment too. I do not know but it seemed only us present for the now.
There were no words our eyes held a knowing between us that spoke eons and our heads nodded in synchronization. We were filled with understanding that all the past had been dealt with and it could no longer separate us. We were free. Finally utterly free. Our minds, if they could be called minds in this place, were able to communicate everything with a glance. Pure love flowing continuously between us and words just simply were not necessary anymore.

We didn’t even need the thing loved ones on earth called embrace. But our arms found each other at long last and it was not fake this time it was real and if time were a thing here. For a time we did not let go.

Searching for Angels


Go somewhere completely outside of your normal routine to write today. Switch it up, try new locations, new music, new people, and new surroundings. Compare the output of your creativity with that of your usual places. Does that help? Does it hinder?

I went to the local cemetery, the old one lol because I have for a long time admired those beautiful angel statues  artistic type people take pictures of. Stone angels. It was a very hot day as I wandered around looking for angels. As always I didn’t give myself much time so I was not able to have a really good look around. Though surprisingly I did take in a lot!! There is a section for buried soldiers from the Eureka rebellion (famous in Ballarat) which I would love to go back to visit. I didn’t actually know it was here in our city like that. Learned something new from this exercise.

I have been to the newer cemetery where our baby son and my grandmother is buried but not this one. I have written a poem about my journey and what I found below along with my own photograph. I was surprised how well kept the place was. Gardeners and maintenance men walking through doing this and that. Beautiful gardens too. Smack bang in suburbia surrounded by cars driving around. But there are some lovely big trees planted. I wonder if they were planted back when many of the oldest graves were dug? I try to imagine what it would have been like in the olden days. Wagons and horses tied outside. Dust everywhere. People thronging in hats and coats or hats and everyone in black clothing or period type. Looking out at the gold fields which were part of our cities history and would have been I think surrounding Ballarat. We have two mountains that sit along the horizon and outskirts of our city. I always think as the old timers stood at the grave side they would be looking out at Mt Warrenheap and Mt Buningyoung. Some very elaborate grave stones dotted here and there. So there were rich people buried in this place perhaps they did well on the gold-fields? A lot of religious icons. I love that whole families were buried in plots together. Being the mother of a baby son who died at almost 2 months. It was heart breaking to see many little babies’ names mentioned buried in with their families. It was nice that they did that though.. Obviously infant mortality was much higher in the past.

I did sit and write after I’d finished taking photos. Near the front entrance in the shade looking across the beautiful manicured rose gardens. Some graves were so close to the street. That was hard to see. I know they are dead but to see cars whizzing so close to their final resting place just seems disrespectful.

I didn’t really have time to reflect with my writing while there. It was too hot to stay in the sun too long and uncomfortable even in the shade. But it was delightfully encouraging to be in different surroundings and I was noticing things more. Thinking of what it meant to me personally, what it meant to the people buried here, the beauty of some of the headstones and statues I did find. Lots of crosses and some of women with crosses which is interesting that it was women portrayed and not men. Jesus stood out most to me but I had to walk a fair way to find him. Kept thinking I have to walk all the way back lol and I don’t want to be late picking up my daughter from High school..

Plenty of seats dotted here and there for quiet reflection. Immediate thoughts were just scattered and random. I jotted words down in a blank page book I had with me. Definitely taking photos heightened the experience but that was not easy just using my Iphone. The glare of the sun overhead make it hard to see the small screen so I was blindly taking some shots. It wasn’t till last night I had to time to play around with them because that is something I like to do. Filters, aps and all. I hope the poem I wrote reflects more on what I was thinking and feeling. Least it is with less words. 🙂

I tend to stay in my bedroom a lot so to get out on this type of artist date was immense fun! I need to do more of them! I’d say the output is that I realize that I should get out of my house for regular artist dates and give myself time to actually do it and soak it in not hurry through. I love using my lap top to write best. Pen and paper is so scrawly so I tend not to want to use it too much. Just being out of my comfort zone and getting the stimulation for this post makes my mind leap ahead to what else I could do in the future. Good for the soul, good for body, mind and spirit.





I don’t write certain things. I don’t want to see myself saying them. Or be heard saying them. God knows though even the things I do not say. I changed my poem today. Not a good idea to write monthly cramps. Changed to outward and inward pressing. Cramps are pressure. LOL I was creative in the saying!

I had nothing in the tank today. Nothing in yesterday. I just wanted to sit and watch tv. Switch off. I felt heavy. I looked around at my creative things and they held no interest for me.

So I prayed a little. Not a lot. Not for hours. But I know it helped because I did something creative.

I did rewrite a poem again too even after I initially hit post.. including my faith. I truly believe that is where my inspiration comes from so I cannot not put it in what I do. I KNOW well what is of me and what isn’t of me. I know that anything of faith will turn some people away and those who are different of faith or don’t think I have faith will turn away too. But you know if anyone wants to persist and they don’t have much to give or feel they have much to give, or are direction-less. I can at least tell them how I do it from where I am. I already know I am not noticeable in what I do so maybe nobody will care what I write about. But I do need to say it otherwise it’s not obvious that all this hasn’t stopped me. There is something in that. Either craziness or I am aware of more than just me. People cannot say they haven’t seen me out there. I am persistent. Even if I am ignored. So either I have nothing worth saying or I have something worth telling.

I have to say huh. I tend to think that what I have written sounds the same as it always has. But at least I am saying something. So much will pass away at the end. What remains and what is priceless is what the heart does. I think heart etchings or heart produced anything is unforgettable. People remember what touches the heart. It touches you. Heart goes to heart. Oh how that keeps me going even if I cannot see it touching people. I rely a lot on the unseen.

If people really knew my weaknesses anyone would see better my strength. That is why I do it too. I want people to know the strength I tap into is very very REAL. It is very good. The rewards for me are knowing I have done it. Enjoying it. The joy that comes and the acceptance of life no matter how it is panning out. There is peace in my soul when I create and express myself. I don’t get paid for what I do. I don’t get recognized a lot. I do not have any important documents to show for what I have accomplished.

It’s just this.. Words. Writings. Soul ramblings. Things left behind that share my heart, spirit, soul and life. Anybody that sees my home life would see. Clutter. Introvert. Too much coffee. An extra loud person. Laziness and procrastination. Indecision. Lack of focus. Hoarder and the list goes on. And if that is ALL they see they will and have turned away. Ignore me. Not pay me any attention. Delete me. Un-friend me. Pass me by.

Yes I bypass a lot myself. My weaknesses in favor of His strength. It’s where I see and know God best and it gives me unbelievable hope.  If God is seen when we are weakest, there is nowhere HE can’t be seen. If you have well known faults people can’t even accept you for and yet God hasn’t abandoned you WOW what does that say about Him!! There really truly is nothing to fear. We need never fear what we are not. Our imperfections can even be vehicles for HIM to reveal himself to the world. 

 Even at the cost of what people think. I use my weaknesses. God has said his strength will be made perfect in my weakness. So I take full advantage of that and find joy. Check the bible out. It’s in there!! 2 Corinthians 12:9 

This little canvas is just a practice canvas. Testing out my new artist handmade stamp. How putting text and a stamp on a canvas would work and how best to make it stand out. What mediums to use to do so.  How gelatos worked on canvas. That  sort of thing. But when I look at it as it is. It inspires me because it’s exactly how my life is. Simple, messy, cluttered, yet colorful, stand out presence, spirit, faith, not hiding…. So when I look up from my lap top while typing this out. I can see it right in front of me.


30 days of writing


I am doing another writing course for the whole month of February. Sharing here on my blog. 30 days of writing myself alive.

DIG DEEPER: Why do you write? What comes up first? If you couldn’t write, what’s the second best thing you would attempt in order to express yourself to the fullest?

I write because it saves face.

I do not have a very good public persona. I withdrew from the world as people know it because I am deaf or close to it. Modern technology doesn’t seem to work for me and I am also not one of the rich people who can afford the bionic implants. I have really loud noises in my head as well as hearing loss and the thought of drills and such just freak me out to the point I could not mentally cope with anything drilled in my head. So I opt for writing, using my spirit in a different way. I am a spiritual person anyway so my disability just really makes it all the more reason to express myself in writing and not face to face.

It’s like there are giant signs everywhere I go pointing to writing. It is how it is for me. I would close down if I did not have some way to express myself. The hardest facet is that writing is subjective. People can choose to read or not as it is not as freely expressed as using your voice in an instantaneous way. People are busy these days so you can be rejected easily expressing your very heart and soul simply because people don’t see what your doing as essential to their and your day to day presence in this world. I am learning not to take it personally.
Person to person. Unless you are a total jerk and people won’t talk back, most can function in society and say things they want to say and there must be a certain exclusivity in that because being deaf can feel very isolating.
I can’t do normal communication. I cannot easily communicate face to face. It’s like watching someone and you cannot hear a thing they say. A television playing with no sound. If you can read lips all and good. But many people mumble, turn away, get distracted, don’t stand close enough etc. So you have to work extra hard to understand what they are saying and process that at the same time.. They may have moved on to another subject while you are still processing what they just said. You are constantly behind the mainstream of conversation and cannot keep up.

It is very tiring trying to hear people and I just kind of withdrew from that and would rather use my energy in a better way but it can be very one sided. It means you miss out on the life others live and that there are millions of different ways to think and process orally so you tend to channel yourself into writing and communicating in a whole different way but it can be and seem very selfish at the same time though it truly isn’t meant to be. It means I have to put myself out there daily in public if I want what I have to say read. It can seem exhibitionist. Instead of simply a soul trying to connect and find her place in the world.
I need to read up a lot too. It means in order not to completely fall off the side of the earth or be in a little world all on my own. I need to be constantly feeding myself with others opinions and the little snippets they do release. Believe me most everyone says very little on social media and its getting less and less because of privacy issues and people’s distrust of the Internet. There is not anyone who fills me in on daily life or what people talk about even when I am around them. I am really in the dark most of the time concerning the ins and outs of even close people in my life.

Whereas I guess most people are talking daily even to the people around them and in their daily travels. I am not at all doing this. So I have even more reason to write and shut myself away to write. You cannot sit with someone and give them attention and keep the creative juices running.. I can’t anyway.

As you can see my writing tends to be about my struggles, my world and that sort of thing. If that didn’t come out of me I think I would go totally insane. I need to say things be it to myself out loud, to another person or just to help process it. I find it hard to just think in my mind. Mull things over. Cause my thoughts have to compete with the noises in my head. Called tinnitus. Seeing the words via type on a page or screen gives them freedom and I can understand what I am feeling better.. My brain is a jumbled place with the constant noise inside it. You can feel stressed even if your body is at peace because the noises are the place your self first focuses on. Writing tends to give me another place to focus outside myself and it truly helps and I can be so busy thinking about what I am typing/writing that the noises fade into a background place where I forget about them. To listen to another person would mean the noises are competing against that person and do appear to become louder and that is extremely annoying.. On a screen or page my words have no competition at all and they are free and its truly easier for me to be released as a whole person be it quietly or crazily or gently or loud but its of my own choosing.

The second best way to express myself is visually. Though I cannot easily draw or paint exactly what I am thinking onto a page and do not seem to be talented in that area or naturally flow that way. A photograph can say it if you use the lens creatively or collage using various mediums together. I am learning this more because it can be tiring writing and it gives you a different way to see and express yourself. I love to combine writing/poetry and visual arts too. Like digitally or on paper. Like anything you need to stick at it so I am very thankful for this 30 day course again!


Ode to Socks


I’m in so many groups but I’m keeping this one up. Poetry prompts for 365 days of the year. Doing these as often as I can.  This was a fun one and yes these are our family’s odd socks in pic..

Don’t ask lol.. Prompt was about Twins where the first line and last lines were the same. Socks. Twins. Odd socks that once were twins.. My crazy mind uses it imagination. Stretches me. Keeps my brain active and creative spirit alive and kicking..

Ode to Socks

Where are thou oh sock
the mystery is making me cross..
You’ve disappeared into thin air
and left us with dross.
Where once there was a wearable
matching pair.
Now frustratingly only one sock
means a foot remains bare..
You’ve not turned up in any place
the family does look..
Not to be found high or low, in any
cranny or nook..
Nobody can remember when you
were last seen..
All we know is that you were taken
off in hast as unclean..
Between than and now a magical
force has mysteriously zipped you
One sock washed, dried and found
& the other gone astray..
You’ve been sucked away by an
unworldly unseen menace..
For all we know you could now be in
Rome or in Venice!!
Unfortunately this is not the first
time for this dirty sock thief..
The vortex that sucked you far away
has left similar trails of grief..
A whole bag of lonely socks in the
laundry quite disturbing..
If all the socks came back it be
raining socks from the laundry to
So here is my heart cry about our
strange sock loss..
Where are thou oh sock the mystery
is making me cross..



I can say it in other ways..


It’s incredible how easy it is to write the poem in the image.. getting it into that form however wasn’t so easy. 🙂  I kept making errors. I had it all ready to finish and found a spelling mistake, than I found something else etc.. I just think it looks better in image form. Colors, font, even the little icons added.. It was not so easy finding a cross icon either. I had to use various tricks to get that on my image..

I think for the longest time I kept it positive.. but you know when life is difficult you cannot just be positive and stay real. One of the apps I looked for pics to go on the image.. 99% of the pics were positive and that is wrong really. Life isn’t all good all the time. To be real you need to talk about dark things. I guess the cross image many wear and see as a faith icon and I do too.. But having faith is tough too and although we believe and speak love and positive good things we still have to honest with ourselves, others and GOD that it hurts and its hard and we cry and get angry and fail. And of course the cross was an instrument of torture and death. So I feel the cross and arrows really portray what I am saying here.

I have so much stuff inside me to tell but few to nobody to tell.. not without it coming out the wrong way or being completely misunderstood. There is just something about telling things to people who look at you like your crazy or don’t really take things you say into their heart or judge you in the telling or tell you no no no its not like that.. It is like speaking to a closed door or a brick wall.. I don’t mean they have to agree or even like it. I just mean listen with an open heart and open mind and let you freely tell it.

I don’t like burdening the one or two who do listen especially when they do not burden me the same. So when I read the prompt for today this just burst out of me. I get prompts from all over.. I love them..

So many times lately I have had written out face book posts and almost hit post and publicly shared the pain of my soul but anyone who uses social media knows not many can deal with dirty laundry.. the tough stuff.. the dramas of someone’s life. Even if it is truth or real or a major struggle.. I do not know how believers in GOD deal with the heavy stuff.. because let’s face it WE ALL HAVE IT. I guess private meltdowns?? Or perhaps they have a group they meet with and talk about things? A therapist? A spouse or parent or friend? Or they simply just never say it. I would burst I can’t do that. So this seems a less evasive way to deal with it.

Some of us don’t have someone available. My best friend is half a world away and we are in different time zones. You cannot just slot in when you need to talk.. AND I do talk daily to GOD.. because people say well GOD should be enough.. well hello.. everyone talks to someone.. and those who don’t go crazy I think.. because we are created to talk..

Deafness robs me of 95% of conversations I could have.. so yeah poetry seems a great way to express my inner soul and struggles and joys I have..

Creative Prompts


4th January 2016

Write down an achievement you feel proud of:

I am happy I created some gifts at Christmas. Inspirational cards. I gave some to my sister, cousin and brother & sister in law. I had been making them many months before.. so I am glad I was all finished by the time Christmas came around. My cousin actually took quite some time looking through her cards.. that was nice to see.. I really really enjoyed making them.. I love inspiration, matching pics with words.. and I did both sides of the cards so that there is more inspiration.. I have a glass box of smaller cards by the side of my bed.. I like the cards and maybe will give them away one day or just keep them myself. I suspect I could create them and sell them.. but not sure of copy right.. I have amassed quite a lot of magazines to find the pics.. I have not made any cards for awhile though. I have another set I can give away.. perhaps to another family member for her birthday later this month.



My creative flames are fanned by…

Face book friend Amylisa is one.. long time online friend Dustin of course.. I really do not get a lot of feedback. For the amount of stuff I put out there.. Minimal I get back. Hasn’t stopped me. But it does stall me many times. I mean the little crumbs I get can feed me for ages but imagine what I could do if I had more support!! More belief in my expressions.. SIL Lisa was interesting in her comments when I explained how I could see tiny faults with her gift. She couldn’t notice and I would be the one most likely to notice things but it didn’t mean others could. I am not wording this exactly right. But it helped.. made me see that I might be better than I think I am!! That is very positive.. Dustin sees so much of it. I can share it.. pretty much any of it with him ha ha and he has not complained once!! .

 Malcolm God rest his soul was perhaps my most vocal encourager and time has proved he is genuine.. ( I say that because if you encourage me and then turn away it shows a divided heart and I don’t know what to do with your mixed messages).

Malcolm said the most beautiful things.. and very deep, thoughtful and meaningful things. He really is still the wind beneath my wings. I often wonder if perhaps my lack of self confidence shows in what I create? And people can see that and it doesn’t resonate with them. I think actually the more honest I am the better it connects with people.. it’s just brutal honesty is costly.. few do it. And it makes you stick out like a sore thumb. People don’t tend to see your heart behind it. Judge on face value or by who they think you are..  I don’t know it’s weird. I think it all makes me try to be more genuine about things I say to others..

The people who inspire me most are…

Creative types.. Poetry writers.. Artists. Quirky people.. Colourful people.. Those who are Unafraid. You get a sense of their realness. That what they say is how they feel. I have learnt to be much less wary of differences and to embrace people of all kinds.. It makes sense if you want to say how you feel others have that right too!! Uniqueness and authenticity. Battlers and those walking their own paths have wisdom apart from the masses. They may even be outcasts but they don’t say just because its popular or likeable. They have challenged the status quo. Kind people.. People who accept you for who you are and don’t expect you to be like them.

What sets my life on fire…

Words, music, quotes, beauty, books, collecting things that I enjoy that make me happy.. I like writing, poetry, creating art journals, working with prompts… Finding treasures.. Talking about how I feel. Sharing things that excite me, sadden me, inspire me.. Blogging.. Stories.. Soul.. Spiritual people.. People who live whole-hearted lives. Faith.. Talking to GOD any time.. Embracing who I am.. I can be happy on my own.. I like expressing myself.. I love joy.. I love touching others with inspiration.. Obviously being deaf I need written words…. If I am included as I am you’ve got a friend for life!!

I will seek out my people here…

99% of the time its online.. art type groups.. spiritual groups.. I am happy with one special person in my life.. I don’t like crowds. I love reading and drawing strength from creative people.. I read their writing, look at their art, read their blogs, soak in their teachings. Share their work and offerings.. I read a quote the other day and it really expresses what I feel.. Posted below.. I know I can get lonely.. I can feel alone.. I can feel in my own little world.. but when I am in my flow.. Aware of spirit and that kind of realm. This quote says it perfectly.. God is with me so I believe in spirit I am connected to everyone no matter where I am..

“Although I am a typical loner in my daily life, my awareness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has prevented me from feelings of isolation.”
– Albert Einstein

Prompts are taken from a free journal challenge hosted by Lisa Sonora. The prompts I have chosen to blog here comprise of only some of the prompts she has offered and come from more than one day..

find details here