Category Archives: Book

A poem I wrote – Infant loss

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I am currently doing a free 6 week course at Future Learn called Literature and Mental Health via the University of Warwick. Current topic is “Speaking words we can’t find”. Asked to share – Are there any pieces of literature – old or modern, prose or poetry – that speak to you in the way that Katherine Philips’ poem speaks to Paula?

We have  been studying a poem by Katherine Phillips she wrote on the loss of a little baby boy which remarkably was written in the 1600’s.

I have also lost an infant baby boy. So this study is very very close to my heart. I was given a miracle of peace by God when I lost our baby infant back in 1997 which changed my whole life. For some strange reason I was easily able to talk about it too at the time but very few around me were available to me to listen to the extent I needed. So one day I got out my electric typewriter and decided to write about everything. I guess I just imagined I could do that all in one sitting. lol it isn’t possible of course. I eventually wrote 29 chapters.

But it is wonderful the very first thing I wrote was a poem. It was just a small piece of writing to lead into the actual main piece of writing which was the first chapter and so on. It was a miracle I wrote at all because I had three other little children to raise at the time I started and it came remarkably easy and I had never written a book before or since. I will add the link to this blog post to the university comment section to share it with others there but also because it was straight from a grieving mothers heart and I just see that it helped me to get it out, to see it in written form and others have been helped by it too. I have not edited it, it is the exact same form I wrote it. The very first thing I wrote before I typed up what is now the entire story. It doesn’t even have a title it was just the leading paragraph at the very start. To introduce the story. Again it is a miracle also this poem began it all because at that time I HAD never written poetry before either.

I have even kept it in the form first written. because as I have been learning in the course, the written form is also part of how we express our emotions etc.. It is religious in nature because my faith was exactly what was helping me through. All based on a miracle of peace from God through this terrible period when our baby son Tyler was born, became very ill when he was only a few days old and died at 8 weeks old from a heart/lung abnormality.

See in the address up top of this blog.. eternalpeacechild. It is all linked to what I experienced through this loss. My online name is peacechild4.

I have not ever published the book.. I did share the chapters on face book and with family and friends in written form and on a few websites but not as book form or even ebook form. Poem in bold so you know what is the actual poem..

 

I wrote this poem, a mother coming to terms with the death of my child.
I have seen much that I have had no control over. I have suffered the weight of feelings I can’t escape.

What I experienced alongside my child has survived.
So precious that I had to write this down.
Although nothing can take away what has happened.
I know throughout his life there was meaning.

If my son received the inner peace throughout that I have been given through my faith in Jesus Christ.
Then all that I saw, all that my child went through, that has produced my lack of fear to write, brings hope.

I have the calming reason to believe, that from my experience of peace. I am given assurance of how much more Tyler deserved it, and how a loving God would give all the more to him.

In my impression of Tyler’s story I endeavor to share how he received what I now hold onto.

Tyler’s Story never ends.
It just begun in a different place.



Found Poem

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I found a free sample offering of a Poetry course I am thinking of doing in the near future. I will add link below.. I do recommend the teacher she is amazing! Her name is Beth Morey! I have purchased her poetry book. “Night Cycles.”

Her book on amazon

Her free offering encouraging me to write a “found poem”. Insert below copied from her post.. find link to post below..

For our first assignment, let’s have some fun and create found poems. According to the Academy of American Poets, “Found poems take existing texts and refashion them, reorder them, and present them as poems. The literary equivalent of a collage, found poetry is often made from newspaper articles, street signs, graffiti, speeches, letters, or even other poems” (source).

I love cutting out pictures from magazines etc so this pic is from a fashion magazine and I found an old book and just cut out words and phrases here and there. Whatever took my fancy at first.. What first caught my eye was the phrase. ‘She wore the green dress’.. so I used that as the basis of the whole poem.. Hence the picture I found with a woman in a green dress.. Than built the poem around those words. Of course some words I had already cut out didn’t fit so it was a real challenge to find words to fit my pic and poem..

Put them altogether. It really makes you think about what you want to say, what the photo evokes in you etc.. Like writing a mini story..

Being a single woman. On my own a lot and a romantic at heart. I let my imagination run wild.

 

The Guide 

She was dreaming.

She wore the green dress.

he would guess mythical, romantic, carefree.

What an extraordinary girl, he thought.

He let the tranquility and mystery cloak him.

it entered, sat in his heart.

He held it there.

She wished to be unobserved.

He sat for a moment and watched her.

Yet now, unbidden.

Sank back to normality.

Hauled out of his daydream.

maybe one day.

Coming towards him.

eyes fixed with hunger

made him giddy beside her.

He sighed, waiting.

He could only watch, helpless.

the one guarding her.

he stood.

and looked out over to the west range

but the garden and surrounding grounds

remained empty of life.

 

 

The Guide

Introducing POETRY IS + Free Sample! – she of the wild

 

Big Beautiful Life Book

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DAY 28 – DAILY PROMPT: If you could be a book — what kind of book would you be? What genre, story, artwork? What story / stories would it narrate? Who would you most want it to be read by? 

Based on the previous exercises and questions, try to include your creative mission and vision in this prompt. 

((Take on it))

Big Beautiful Life Book.. 

In arty kind of groups I’ve been in one of the creative endeavours of one of the groups was a collective art book. They created a type of hand made book. Journal if you will. Sent to all the members who each contribute something to the book and passed it on. I think they had two circulating between members. Unfortunately I was unable to take part. I’m in Australia and the majority of members were in USA. Cost of sending to me and back obviously too high.. I felt so robbed but for those who shared a picture and spoke about it where I could see; what they added to the pages. I drank it in.. 

My book ( I want to keep it at the end) would be to send a big blank thick page book to as many creative people as I could. Than let it be returned to me filled with words, poems, photos, pictures, art work etc.. It would be one of a kind. I would truly treasure that book! It would inspire me no end. It could be read by anyone I met or visited with me. Use it as an inspirational talking point in my home or could carry it with me and share with whomever I met. 

Little piece of soul on every page! I wasn’t INTO art till the latter part of my life. I remember walking into an art gallery and I was flawed that I could sense the artists soul or spirits along with their work. It’s hard to explain but it wasn’t just a room of paintings. I was moved before even looking at them. There was something spiritual going on in that room. In the air around me. Senses came alive to it. Euphony of colours and feelings swirling around me.

I’m just drawn to and inspired and lifted up by all kinds of expression. Sense of connection and belonging and oneness I suppose. Sense of understanding.

My book would be life changing. I would hope that through its pages I got to know and connect with those people included and that any others who might also read it would feel the same. I would definitely hope that this book was a start to deeper connection and a wanting to know more about each person and their life works.

It might have to be a really really BIG book 🙂 you don’t have to be a certain person to write or take a photo or put down some colours.. Each page would be unique to the person who created and decorated it. 

Would I have a running theme? No just asking on the day book received and the day they sit down to contribute art that they just bring a part of themselves to the page. Whatever they were feeling or wanting to express at the time. I would be seeing what flowed in the collected end. Because often in creative types there can be a similarity if you will. Even in the uniqueness and quirks everyone has. Something that speaks to the spirit in all of us. Would be so many messages within the pages. Because everyone’s art speaks in different ways on different days to me as they would to each person who sees it. 

Maybe the book isn’t sent at all. 

Maybe it’s filled in as my life progresses. Maybe it’s something I need to start and continue till I die. I have to find people willing and able around me close first. I do think only certain people would want too because ‘the normal’ person may not be into even doing it at all. 

Most of the ‘artists’ who I’m closest too are online and with that overseas. 🙂 something to seriously think about anyway! 

Ha ha as I sit pondering where this prompt has led me. I’m thinking of creative people I know. Places in my city I could plan to visit. Searching for artists right here in my city! Amazing.. 
Let the blank page and the empty canvas lead on…. 

  

Mindfulness

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All of my writing today is based on a book I’m reading on Scribd called “The Artist’s Rule.. nurturing your creative soul with monastic wisdom by Christine Valters Paintner”

“Mindfulness” (Your teaching me how to live.)
Discipline of paying attention to “what is going on in the present moment,” which can give rise “to insight, awakening and love.” – Edward C. Sellner

Where do I encounter restlessness in my contemplative and creative life?

Not dwelling here enough. Feeling it’s selfish. Not seeing purpose for it. That it is an escape rather than a path to GOD and His purposes. Not seeing why or what it means..
Always seemed I’ve done this to myself rather than this actually being a calling of God.

What are the moments when you are tempted to run in the other direction instead of standing still and being fully present to the gifts and challenges of the moment?

It’s such an internal war. Solitary journey. Spiritual malady. (word came to me) I never use it.
I didn’t choose this path. I love art, expression, inspiration, writing, contemplative exercises and even my own company but I didn’t intend it for myself. The things I enjoy are suited to this place I’ve found myself. Not just because I’ve run here or tried to run from it.
The deafness, the isolation, the need to express myself even despite misunderstandings. It would be easy to be overwhelmed. Even heed others advice to do this or that.
But seeking GOD alone despite myself.
I’m still tempted to give up often.
Something greater keeps me going. Even people can’t distract me. Just makes me tunnel vision even more.
More determined. Even if I’ve no idea what it all means. Seems it’s a path I must walk. Not to be afraid of it. Speaking of it even now and here is perhaps the wisest thing.

Because like it or not this is my reality.

“Here I am God.”
“Do what you will with me.”

And go do it!!! 

 

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Revelations

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The true monastery was not dependant on the enclosure of walls. It was rather, a quality of consciousness or a state of heart that involved daily commitment to maintain an inner aloneness — that place where God and soul dwell in intimacy.
— Beverly Lanzetta

I’m working personally through an Ebook from Scribd “The Artist’s Rule” by Christine Valters Paintner..

Doing an exercise where I had to ask my inner monk, my inner artist three questions. These questions will initiate my quest through art of where I am currently in life and what questions I wished to ask God Spirit in me and therefore explore and express in this way.

Had to take three pieces of water colour paper and write these questions (after some contemplation) on the back. I was than to mix them up and turn them over.

Than without knowing which question was on the paper and in essence putting the questions aside for now. Using water colour paint and cut out pictures that I’m drawn too that resonate with me in a positive way and cover that paper as I felt at the time. Not to overly think it but let it flow freely.

I will add my 3 questions than the art that came about (unplanned) on the other side of the paper.. I was amazed how without knowing I was tuned somehow through my Spirit and God differently for each and yet how I’ve expressed myself and the ways I’ve done it do indeed speak to me about that particular question amazingly.. Unlike so many times before I will let me art speak for itself.

The whole process shows me God is involved with my creativity, spirit, what I’m sensing and feeling and expressing. I can see more and more messages speaking to me as I look at them and contemplate further..

First Question

How to bring out from the treasure trove inside?

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What is Gods path for me through inspiration, writing, encouragement, spirit, truth and yet still being in isolation?

The funny thing is this question seen here in my own handwriting and I have to share the way I’ve written the word “writing” it also looks like waiting… Strangely both words fit.. God is saying to me that the waiting is important enough to question.. 🙂

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What does my journey teach me?

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Ohh haven’t been been here so long..

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So to get myself back in the flow.. Post book that I’m reading that’s inspiring me today..

When my psyche takes a battering my creativity and soul just stops flowing..

Had personals trials and a teenage son struggling at school and with mental health. Just every day life can drain you..

I started a new type of journal this year that combines not just writing and thoughts but art as well. Started off well but the art and color dwindle away when my soul suffers. Thankfully I’ve pushed through with journaling.

I do tend to stay positive but that’s not the whole truth is it. Sometimes you have to let it rip lol and tell the dark moments too. Which is why the quote below touched me so deep today. Deep enough to move me here again.

I have a pile of books I dip into a little at a time lol. I so wish I could post my Goodreads book list here but I can’t make it show for some reason.

This is a very very timely quote below.. Creatives sometimes are not able to converse with everyone it’s hard to find people who talk openly about everything. Being almost deaf that list dwindle even more..

Oh how good it is to get a blog post out again..

“A healthy environment for imagination requires that emotions can come without restriction. This may not always be possible with other people around because not everyone can handle that kind of freedom.

When you find a place and people in which you can just allow your emotions to flow from an authentic place, then you have found treasure

Pattie Ann Hale from her book.. Find it on Amazon or buy it from her site..

Pattie Ann Hale – Fine Art

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Tree of Creativity

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We are altering old books for week 7 “Made Course”.

Tree of Creativity.

The book itself wasn’t that old lol but I’m a bit annoyed our thrift stores ( we call them op shops) most are not cheap. Looking at 4 or 5 dollars for old books. No way this one was one dollar. It had a sleeve/cover that I took off.
Amazingly the book is red which really fits with my whole purpose of creating this particular sort of art.

We were to go back to our past, our roots. Ha ha I went right back to the Tree of Life. How’s that for the oldest past roots I could find. 🙂
Just going to explain my art because I can. I’ve not found I can just do art and leave it at that. Picture supposed to be a thousand words and all that jazz.

I stuffed the tree up it wasn’t planned to look like that. But you know that’s our life isn’t its composed of our good times and bad times. And it was at the very tree of life mankind made the biggest stuff up of all time which affects mankind even now.

Gold symbolises perfection.. Holiness. Glory.. The tree in the garden was a tree of life but eating of its fruit gave knowledge of good and evil. I had to go back to the bible for that bit.
Its part of all our history.. Our roots.

The old book I’m altering is called “The Old Country” symbolising our past.. God has made everything new through Jesus blood and sacrifice on the cross but obviously the old still counts its still part of the whole..

Cross created out of a tree too.. Red book symbolises his blood which has rewritten history and all of time actually. Covers everything!

I pasted a ripped out page under the rainbow symbolising his promises.. Highlighting words I love and that stood out to me. Red of course because everything is covered by his blood and his love.. Amazing words but the red kinda hides it and you can’t really read the words.. Hopefully my pic you can still read them.

Just an amazing and deep process this whole project if that’s the right word taking old and making something new..

Rachel Haas was the teacher of this weeks lesson.. Amongst the course material were these words that really stood out to me..

“I can change the words”

We had to journal first about our creative journey and that meant delving into our past.. Life for us all doesn’t necessarily take us the paths we would have chosen. Our lives can be difficult and hard and restricting. It can make our retelling depressing or you can feel it has little to no value. But something about the changing of the words just sparked me inside. I began to see everything differently.
I’ve always learnt religious ways from babyhood. And creative arts and artists and people who know the truth seem freer than I ever did growing up it wasn’t till I became an adult I started to find the truth and live liberated.. Seems different.. Seems out of the box. The wonderful strange parallel of life and spirt and the kingdom of God. Unseen but more real than what can pass away that we see and live in presently.

Even doing this project I can see that we can take our own life and the life we’ve been given and change the words.

See my photo for instance.

I split my photo – 1 side black and white sad or not happy.. Other side colour happy but doesn’t really show it.. Gold around me shows we are saved completely and made righteous but obviously spirit and flesh struggle.. In this world but not of this world.

This is what saves you faith in the one who says I’m Life (Jesus) believe in me. He says the old passes away yet we still battle with it. Take eyes of faith and a heart focused on His Kingdom and unseen presence to bring it to our reality.
Frees you.. Realising that no matter how our flesh goes through life.. He has saved us. What HE has done for us saves us. The body is just where we live it out. HE is the word. HE is the life. Faith brings it into our reality.

When you know the truth you will be set free! That changes everything else and the way you live and even the words you write with your life.

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Let It Flow

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My writings starting to flow again… Blogged a few posts in quick succession but they really sprang from my inner desire to share on face book to people I try so hard to connect with on a deeper level but no matter what I write there’s so little feedback.. I wish I knew what it was I’m searching for. Why I have such a burning desire to share yet so often I struggle to say it or find a way to connect deeply to get it out with someone else, anyone else.

So so so often I’m blank. Which is a horrid feeling oh how I wish I could bounce ideas and thoughts about things with others… You have no idea how alone I am with my rambling thoughts… Which might be Gods way of getting me writing… I have been forcing myself most days to write three A4 pages which is really really hard to do…

An exercise suggested from the book “The Artists Way”.. That book is a story in itself. I bought it online as a kindle book and joined a face book group to do it with others… But I didn’t follow it through and dropped out.. Reading some of it and very spasmodically and just couldn’t get into it. Then a month ago I came across the paperback copy in a second hand shop for 5 dollars! Its screamed to me to pick it up again. Ok that’s a bit dramatic but my hungry heart for more couldn’t resist..

Most days I don’t go anywhere or see anyone and its really hard to write about nothing… I mean ok I have the every day goings on of raising kids… But to get that out normally… I just don’t have anyone to talk too about it.And the few who do its been a struggle to even talk to them for some reason about anything more than chit chat… I can only imagine its God helping me to get to the place I really need to be out of frustration etc… Its been a lonely road but if you follow my writings it’s been how God has gotten my full attention…

Its been a strange and weird path… Sitting in my bed writing this and I have art stuff, various books, papers and pens on my bed… I collect quote books, paper back books, art books, art supplies…etc the list goes on… And sigh I’ve been myself like a blank canvas… But I have even found those too.. Ha ha..

And with all this stuff inside my soul literally and nobody around to tell and the inability to tell it.. The collecting of stuff on the outside is really just a parody of what’s collecting on the inside.. Now just to find a use for it.

I can’t tell you though that I must have a gift for this. Or the Spirit is gifting me with it because I can think up words to use that I don’t even know and that I’ve never used ever. Maybe only hearing or reading of these in the past. These unfamiliar words appear when I’m writing and they mean exactly what I need to say.

To me thats God and its incredible.

I was told years ago by an English teacher I have a gift and could have gone on to university with it.

I’m going to keep up with it.. Writing and oh start to read more. But I’m distracted so easily. Terrible vice.

See the pic below. My oldest son who is a writer too gave me the film via dvd “Book Thief” and in it the word “Write” appears on a wall throughout the film. Seemed to be a huge sign to me..

Here is a canvas I’m working on also Pic below… Oh how good it is when the Spirit flows..

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Spiritual rumblings

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“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will really hurt me.” This is a more honest take on the old rhyme we hear in elementary school. What people say to us and what we say to ourselves holds deep and lasting impact. In his research the Japanese scientist Masaru Emoto discovered that “water exposed to the words ‘Thank you’ formed beautiful geometric crystals, no matter what the language. But water exposed to ‘You fool,’ and other degrading words resulted in obviously broken and deformed crystals.” Many healing practices and traditions throughout history use words such as love, forgiveness, and thank you to restore a person’s health. Words (spoken and thought) hold powerful energy and intentions. Emoto points out that humans are made up of 70 percent water. If words can have such an effect on a glass of water, what do you think they can do to a human being?

Excerpt From: “Spiritual Journaling” by Julie Tallard Johnson. Scribd.
This material may be protected by copyright.

Read this book on Scribd: http://www.scribd.com/doc/64128604

Shared this excerpt on face book too… A friend said its the actions of people too that cause us so much grief not just words.. My reply to them below…

I watched a DVD movie my son gave me called “Philomena” story of a women who got pregnant many years ago… And taken in by Catholic Church…. He was adopted out without her full consent I think around three years old … Followed up on her many years later trying to find him… Right at the end when she did… They uncovered horrific things and yet key figures did not see their wrong because she had “sinned” before marriage… There was nothing… No sorry or whatever yet her whole life and the life of baby who grew up never meeting suffered for all that all their lives… She was able to say right at the end… I forgive you… Incredible what she did… I will never forget that story… Why she chose to forgive and let it go… Even face to face with one of the people who was directly responsible and yet said nothing… She had faith in God… Its a supernatural thing I’m sure…
There is a place… I know it too because things have been done to me that hurt so much and yet there is a place of peace… Where those things don’t touch us… Where we can say I forgive you… I know that place of peace where death couldn’t even touch me… I mean where grief and hardships don’t reach… Where no matter what happens to you even by another person/persons even If they never say sorry or acknowledge it… That you can be totally untouched and at peace… Its unexplainable by world standards… I believe Its for every person… God knew how much the earth would fail its own children… How much we as people fail each other… How much hurt and suffering we’d go through many times not our fault.. But this place means HE has provided for us so we would/could get through it… Gives me hope for all suffering in the world… HE apparently also captures our tears in a bottle… Big bottles up there.. 🙂
I will pray for you to find this place… I’ve actually had a vision once when I was lying on my side crying… I was above the bed… And I saw a figure in white holding me… It looked like Jesus…

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The Furious Longing of God

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I have subscribed monthly to “Scribd” lol as I have a fetish to buying or collecting books.. Ebooks especially not that I could possibly read them all.. So many free ebooks these days and I still buy more… But this title grabbed me and I had to read it… Thought if I can buy a subscription it might stop me collecting books and force me to actually read this book because I’m spending money on it and if I don’t keep the subscription my time to read will run out.. It cost about the same to buy a month as to buy the ebook..

Thought I’d share here.. My thoughts…

End of first chapter… Asked a question..
When you read that phrase.. “The Furious Longing of God”
What emotions or images does it evoke?

Definitely not a stoic love. Its passionate, fiery, hot blooded. Earth moving. I think for many many years I was taught almost indoctrinated to “love God love my neighbour” sort of thing..
Seems so flat now… So 2d.. Something I had to do… Was expected of me… Boring…
No wonder it never moved me and countless others.
This furious love, longing of God is from His side..
Which is for everyone but suddenly becomes my own when I focus on Him.. I guess that’s the wonder of spiritual reality..

That He wants me.. Its personal.. Its means something now.. I want it… Realising He wants me is wow… Its life changing.. Suddenly I can see Him and His love all around… In the beauty of a sun set, in the colours of a rainbow, in the smile of a child… In the kindness of a stranger… I see him loving on me… There is a saying in the bible.. Taste and see that The Lord is good… You see Him wooing you… Drawing Him to you… Because nothing else satisfies and every longing we have that moves many to endless sources that only build dependency… When taken to Him create this amazing relationship that is going to get better into eternity.. Dependency on anything but Him causes grief and entraps never satisfied but He truly does satisfy and ohhh how freeing…
Surely goodness following me.. Gifts and good things happening when I don’t even deserve them simply because He enjoys doing so… Cup runs over furiously!

If I know He loves me that much… I cannot not see him with me… Everything around me which He created is in full view and I know anything that says different will end one day too so there is no fear when you are perfectly loved… HE cannot be hidden because He is everywhere. I even have a glow about me when I’m aware… My whole countenance changes..

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