Monthly Archives: June 2014

Be Still My Restless Heart


I’m realising I have to put this aside, still my restless heart and pray it through.
I just get a sense we could do so much more together but I can’t physically make it happen.
People look to churches. I’m going to look to the Holy Spirit. Isn’t HE in every church as well?
And every believer? Why go to a place HE’s here???
Ok I don’t sense things here as much as I want or think I should.
But “Be Still and know that I am God”.
Its not supposed to be about sense anyway is it?
Supposed to be about Spirit.
Oh yes I looked across to the picture on this months calendar.
The word “Peace” comes into view.
I’m suddenly reminded that Jesus said “Peace Be Still”.
This tells me I must be where I need to be.
That I’m not listening to mankind’s reasonings.
I’m depending on HIM.
Where could I go but to YOUR presence? That’s where my help comes from.
Suddenly I can concentrate on my breathing. I can see I don’t need to be anxious or searching or restless.

I know that I won’t get an answer from any other source. Its like HE wants it to be about HIM.
But I’m in the right place that’s helpful to know.

Be still my restless heart.
HE is here.
All is well.
I’ve not been abandoned.
God knows my heart.
HE has not forgotten me.
Rest is trust.
Stillness is faith.
Blessed assurance floods in.
I don’t have to understand.
I’m not alone.
I’m joined to every believer by HIS Spirit.
Without doing a single thing.
Even here now when I’m physically alone.
Its incredible really.
A few moments ago I was penning a message to a group of people.
Telling them of my frustration almost begging for something from them.
But when I think of HIM who is with us all wherever we are.
There is a very quiet resignation within.
That HE is in control and that any misunderstanding or rejection or silence by another is not separation at all.
For how can you remove spirit from spirit, you cannot.
For He is the life within all of us.
Its simply a misunderstanding of what our connection is through HIM.
Blessed are we who are knowing HIM and what HE has done and who has called us by name and given us eternal life. We are the body of Christ. We are HIS chosen ones… The ones HE has given all to save and raise to immortality.
Oh the shift in my spirit, my mind, my body as I prayed to the Holy Spirit to give me guidance.




Why I don’t go to a Building on Sunday – deep sharing


Maybe writing this from my heart means I lose even more respect of people and become more isolated.. But I have too.. Its how I feel. And I am not going to be afraid or terrified.

Gods Spirit brought this to mind..

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

What I’m talking about happens so often and it upsets me.. I know if you reach out to me I will try to see your heart and that you care but sometimes it doesn’t come across perhaps the way you wish it too… This is not about you but about me and how it affects me.

I don’t wish to be in church at all. Its not the people that attend churches fault but right now you are pushing me away more than draw me in. Ok you attend and you enjoy it that’s fine for you..

But right now and for quite some time its the last place I want to be.

I have told people. Various people at the church I used to attend I’m not interested in returning and asked almost begged not to be contacted again.. But it keeps coming in various ways to my attention that someone is trying to get me back…. as if I’m some prodigal daughter that needs to be there in order for the people who do attend to get some peace. It might be in a round about way but I’m still aware people are seeking me out so I need to speak out.

It does not speak of love but force and it does not speak of respecting me but its offensive and hurtful and almost feels evil. Please keep reading though because I’m hurt and I’m trying to be honest and help you understand.. Its not just one person but a variety of people over a period of time.

I have a good relationship with God outside the walls… His Spirit has not abandoned me and is the greatest comfort in the world.. I’m sorry I don’t want to attend with you please please respect that.. Since I stopped attending I have learnt many many things that have changed my life and I truly believe I needed to walk this path to learn these things..

You are welcome to ask me and I will tell you…

I don’t believe I need to be in a building one, two or more day or nights a week because I’m the temple now… The temple of the Holy Spirit… I worship Him in Spirit and Truth as He really is. I meet every single day with believers world wide online where I feel loved, prayed for and welcome… I’m happy and growing in my faith and I’m where I want to be.. Please understand that I’m at peace mostly but I wish for you to leave me in peace… Sure I will gladly share with you my journey anytime but I’m deaf so face to face or in a building with lots of people no longer works either.. Messages, text, internet, face book or here on my blog you will find me every day.. Or can contact me anytime…

Its hard to tell people sometimes how I really feel because I can easily say the wrong thing or it can be taken wrong.. Or it can seem pointed but this is how I feel and I don’t want to hurt anyone or make anyone else feel lesser for how you live or express your faith… This is just what I feel.

I’m well aware a major majority see it differently and that’s a big battle too because it continually means I’m different but I cannot believe or live it simply because the majority do.. I come to Father God through Jesus Christ the same as every church attender does. I just don’t worship Him in a building of a Sunday or any other day. I worship Him where I am every day of the week. Day and night. HE with me with always!

I realise many I know will not read this, that I will probably still get contacted and it may mean I’m even more misunderstood. But I needed to write this to remind myself and tell those who are connected to me daily my heart on this matter. Please don’t take it personally I love every single person who cares for me and my family.. I definitely have not abandoned my faith and I will respect how you live your life, and if you worship too how it happens as I hope and pray you respect me the same.

God bless anyone who reads this.


HE is with me that I know


Need to blog today..

Talk about why I think everything has gone the way it has and what the amazing result of it has been.

Like a honing in of myself to the worlds greatest source that ever has been and will ever be.

I have learned to not rely on external circumstances.
I have learned not to rely on relationships.
I have learned not to rely on what I can see, hear, touch and taste.
I have learned not to rely on the church.
I have learned not to rely on answered prayers that I know about.

Christ with me has been enough.
I don’t always sense Him probably rarely physically in any way.
But when I learn from HIM knowing HE is everywhere I see HIM more and more.
Just stubborn trust sometimes.
Sure HE uses all above but I have not been able to rely on them yet when I rely on HIM HE uses anything and everything.

It has all caused me to look to HIM alone. To believe when I don’t feel.
To seek when others aren’t available.

Truly a beautiful thing.

Its like your blind but can see.
Its like your deaf but can hear.
SPIRIT is timeless, present always and the greater reality.

It truly is another world yet I still walk in this one.

I have joy when nothing has changed around me. Its inner.
Not dependant on outer.

HE is with me that I know… I see signs now more and more and more…





I was on Pinterest this morning and came across a blog that is doing daily prompts with pics for a year and I love the idea and I’m  going to post this one today at least. Its a Saturday afternoon here for me; only one daughter home..  This prompt came easy for me because I have lots of words cut out already for Art Journalling.. I was only going to do half a page because its my diary ha ha but did the whole page instead so easily too.. Filled with words that appeal to me… Speak to my spirit and soul.

Link back to the site if anyone else interested to do this or have a look..  Already up to day 163 but I love challenges like this so I will start where they are up too.. Ideas and ways to Art Journal is so inspiring to me.

Of myself just feeling so blank lately just little direction…  Prompt is very welcome and I ran with it.. Also shared on my face book so would be great if others I know join in too!


Spiritual rumblings


“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will really hurt me.” This is a more honest take on the old rhyme we hear in elementary school. What people say to us and what we say to ourselves holds deep and lasting impact. In his research the Japanese scientist Masaru Emoto discovered that “water exposed to the words ‘Thank you’ formed beautiful geometric crystals, no matter what the language. But water exposed to ‘You fool,’ and other degrading words resulted in obviously broken and deformed crystals.” Many healing practices and traditions throughout history use words such as love, forgiveness, and thank you to restore a person’s health. Words (spoken and thought) hold powerful energy and intentions. Emoto points out that humans are made up of 70 percent water. If words can have such an effect on a glass of water, what do you think they can do to a human being?

Excerpt From: “Spiritual Journaling” by Julie Tallard Johnson. Scribd.
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Read this book on Scribd:

Shared this excerpt on face book too… A friend said its the actions of people too that cause us so much grief not just words.. My reply to them below…

I watched a DVD movie my son gave me called “Philomena” story of a women who got pregnant many years ago… And taken in by Catholic Church…. He was adopted out without her full consent I think around three years old … Followed up on her many years later trying to find him… Right at the end when she did… They uncovered horrific things and yet key figures did not see their wrong because she had “sinned” before marriage… There was nothing… No sorry or whatever yet her whole life and the life of baby who grew up never meeting suffered for all that all their lives… She was able to say right at the end… I forgive you… Incredible what she did… I will never forget that story… Why she chose to forgive and let it go… Even face to face with one of the people who was directly responsible and yet said nothing… She had faith in God… Its a supernatural thing I’m sure…
There is a place… I know it too because things have been done to me that hurt so much and yet there is a place of peace… Where those things don’t touch us… Where we can say I forgive you… I know that place of peace where death couldn’t even touch me… I mean where grief and hardships don’t reach… Where no matter what happens to you even by another person/persons even If they never say sorry or acknowledge it… That you can be totally untouched and at peace… Its unexplainable by world standards… I believe Its for every person… God knew how much the earth would fail its own children… How much we as people fail each other… How much hurt and suffering we’d go through many times not our fault.. But this place means HE has provided for us so we would/could get through it… Gives me hope for all suffering in the world… HE apparently also captures our tears in a bottle… Big bottles up there.. 🙂
I will pray for you to find this place… I’ve actually had a vision once when I was lying on my side crying… I was above the bed… And I saw a figure in white holding me… It looked like Jesus…