Tag Archives: BLOGGING

Contradiction

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Prompt – 

The Contradictions of my life include..

I had to look up the meaning of contradiction lol. I definitely love the meaning and it really does sum up the continuing story of my life.
Definitions for contradiction
Noun
opposition between two conflicting forces or ideas

One of the major contradictions has been my religion and how I live and express my faith.

If you were to scroll through my face book feed for example you might have a hard time pinning down my exact beliefs. In fact it might not show outwardly that I am much of a Jesus girl at all but anyone who truly knows me knows my heart. I have gone a different path from the outward signs and believe it or not it has not been easy. But I am getting freer.

All my life basically I have spoken, read, acted a certain way. Christian way. It is hard after 40 years to divert I can tell you. I have not thrown the baby out with the bath water at all though it may look like it. This path I have taken has unfortunately appeared to separate me from the main flock though. But like deafness which did the same this experience has changed me and helped me learn much more about God and myself than I knew and thought was possible. I know my boundaries very well but because people and distractions have been minimal Gods presence is more evident to me and I know within myself what is of me and what is not.

A living between worlds you might call it. What I always thought I knew opposed to what I am knowing and learning now because any type of survival living increases your knowledge. Truth is beautiful and it has been a huge step out of my comfort zone. Finding God via HIS Spirit with me in the here and now and that HE is always present and that I don’t need props to experience spiritual life gives me so much space but that has also meant separation from people which has been peculiar I can tell you. Still getting used to that.

The thing is it’s what you find on the edges and beyond that is so fascinating and not at all what you thought it once was. Of course it is hard, very very hard to go against the grain and live differently. The guilt oh my. The disconnection and I am deaf too so I’d honestly say it destroys you and builds you into a whole new person cause it makes for a very hard, dark, cold and lonely world when people turn their backs and nothing remains the same. You either return tail down defeated, shrivel up and die or find a whole new way to live. Spirit and Art has been my way through. I truly meet Gods Spirit in this whole process. Like a steady bubbling river always flowing and the awareness of even the smallest of details around you seem to line up and everything has deeper meaning and purpose but it appears to come at a cost you disappear off the radar. No longer can you live via external appearance and behaviour.  It has to be an inside job.

It forces you to actually think about what you believe and why you believe the way you do every single day. You are not just relying on what you are doing or what you are saying or what you have always done. You are actually thinking and in the moment every moment not just going into auto-pilot. Believe me when you are in midst the majority a lot of it is simply talking, doing and living like everyone else because that’s what you’ve been taught and you don’t realize it but every time someone affirms you who believes the same it keeps you in line. You will want to stay away from anyone outside that and that should be a warning sign because God is everywhere. We are all His children, people just do not know & realise the whole truth.

If everyone else around you is the same. It’s easy/easier to be that way especially if you only associate with similar minded people. Stop in any way doing or being like everyone else or being around people like that and suddenly you are faced with a dilemma you start to be challenged on all sides. I have been careful not to just throw everything away. I especially want to be real not fake. Such as.. if you say I am feeling fine when actually you are not.

I want what I believe to radiate out of me because it’s who I am within my heart rather than outward words or actions. Being deaf has taught me the value of looking into someone’s eyes/face, reading body language, the power of touch and just how an acknowledgment no matter how small when you can understand can change the direction of a day. I don’t want to force what I believe on someone or expect them to do what I do because its right or wrong. I especially love a quote by Rumi.

Out beyond ideas of
wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.

From Essential Rumi
by Coleman Barks

I want anyone to be truly comfortable being themselves in my presence as I believe God wants us to feel in His presence. Same as in this quote. I think of nature and how we don’t go out into nature and argue with it as to how the trees are planted, how the flowers grow or the sun is shining or not. We just enjoy it for what it is. To show our enjoyment we might take off our shoes and walk in the grass if it’s a nice day. Or we stand somewhere safe and watch the thunder storm or we look in awe at a mountain peak or even climb it. We spend hours walking along a sandy beach with water lapping at our toes. We gaze up in wonder as the stars come out at night. If only we could be in each others presence and just enjoy it the same. Just as we are without trappings, expecting someone to change or trying to find fault.

I feel religion is like a competition and I am always a loser. I know it is supposed to be ALL about God.. But do this or do that or don’t do this or that. Its all comparative. Least on my own with God I can totally be myself. I don’t have to put on airs and graces. He sees and knows all that other crazy stuff anyway and I can just enjoy HIM and HE me and its natural. I speak like myself and I can sing loud or crazy or cry or laugh or moan. I can just thank HIM or pray for people or my world. I also do not feel guilty because I failed in some way or another cause I know HE loves me and HE did it all perfect anyway so I don’t ever have to ever feel a failure so I can drop the ever present need to better myself.. In religious settings you cannot easily be yourself there are trappings and ways to do or not do things.. You can admit sin and all but you have to deny yourself and although I am not against change perse or focusing on God. I think those things will happen and should happen naturally and I think also when you know HIM in a real way and you know HIS love for you.. you just do different when you learn the truth and it goes down into all those difficult hurt places and you do not feel the need to pretend, put on a mask or perform..

Art-wise being spiritually expressive I am not forced, not stunted, I am free, not doing it because everyone else is doing it and I can enjoy it or even when I might be suffering in my soul I don’t know but you are dealing with it in a way that naturally heals and helps you through the release of it where your not being held accountable by people or clergy, shame, fear or judgment and its flowing out freely by choice not because you have too. It is pure Spirit.

I hear God say he is looking for true worshipers who will worship in spirit and truth. Authentically and with a whole heart I can say this is my aim.

It is another world really yet it is found within my skin and flesh. Kingdom of God is within. So why should I be trying so hard on the outside when the most important is all within? 

I especially want to voyage to..

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JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project that’s taken months lol but not giving up.

Day 29
ADVICE

Prompt — I especially want to voyage to..

Some people travel the world I may never get to do that. But every day I have access to me. So many things in my life including people have tried to shut me down. The person who I am. My prerogative is to live out loud and at the very least enjoy my life and let that joy be released somewhere. All the better if it helps someone else!!

Lately so many photos on my face book news-feed have been of friends I know traveling the world sharing their adventures. It is lovely and how easy it is these days to share what one is doing even on the other side of the world. I get to see places I could never afford to see but alas it does remind me of how closeted I am. How boring and poor I am lol travel wise. 🙂

I enjoy seeing the world though but it can make the four walls around me seem to be closing in mighty tight especially when you think outwardly too much about it and wish yourself away but you cannot go there in person.

When I was thinking about this prompt I mean obviously there are many places in the world I would love to see. I grew up learning about the bible and the stories in it and I actually would love to travel to the Holy land and see those places for real.. I am best friends with a Canadian on line so obviously as I have talked to him all about his life and where he lives I have grown an interest in his part of the world that would be fascinating to see in person especially cause it would mean meeting him too.

But honestly thinking too much about what I cannot do is quite self defeating.

So my mind was whirring as I contemplated this prompt and suddenly a song popped into my head. The song with lyrics “I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me..” Vivian Chow is the artist and Ron Miller the composer.
I have not been all over the world in fact I have never traveled out of Australia except to Tasmania lol which is an island state but daily I can visit and trip to ‘me’ and lack of money cannot bar me from this journey.. The imagination alone of one human being can change a world. Look at artists and authors whose imagination has brought much joy through the ages!! Dr Suess, Ronald Dahl, J. K Rowling, J. R. R. Tolkien, Frida Kahlo, Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet.. Andy Warhol.. to name a few.. So I shouldn’t be so afraid of being in my own little world.

You can never be bored if you open up your mind, use what you have at hand and introverts can really be at home with themselves and enjoy their own life much more than extroverts could.. If you can be happy on your own and find your own amusement right where you are it makes the hard times extremely bearable and you can still have a full life. Paint your world red or blue or green or multi-colored and change it every day if that’s what you wish.

Obviously art journaling, prompts, blogging etc all these are ways to explore myself and my faith and life. If I can keep doing it daily it truly helps me stay positive, happy and stops me shutting down. Cause we all know life can be hard and a daily slog and when not much changes around you, not much money etc you can pine away and lose hope.. Creativity keeps the inner world alive and kicking and imagination can take you places that are fun, challenging, deep or shallow and do not depend of others being there or not.

That song I quoted before many of the lyrics resonated with me so I added them to my art journal page.

It’s interesting as I look at the pages which I did a while ago now. That although the black figure which represents me seems boring it is surrounded by very bright colors!!!  I can see in my art I am depicting that I am not found where naturally one would think I should be.. I live on in my art and I don’t know whether other people do see that or not. I do not get a lot of responses and although I am not really very social at all I think my art is me being extremely social!!!

My art continues to go out into the world so people can find me if they really want too and I hope get to know me better this way.
The key word for this days journey is Advice and mine is ‘Live out Loud’ which just seems so appropriate and what my life has been all about as I am said to be a quiet, introverted person yet bright yellow in the background really does scream something quite different doesn’t it.

Deaf people are often muted in the world simply because we cannot communicate in the normal way so we can be easily forgotten and left out.

One important way to live fully functioning for a deaf person is through expressive sign language which I don’t think anyone can help noticing!! It’s very visual and many hearing people nowadays enjoy learning it.. A whole new path to communicate.

Art has been my path and it so beautiful and I am very thankful to God for it. Loud is  expressed in the colors that I use. Loud is speaking my truth and sharing my spirit/heart publicly often even when it appears no one is listening.

Sharing my blog which is my thoughts etc into the world via social media IS being loud. It all says something about who I am and what my message is to the world and sometimes I am amazed just what I am expressing and how easy it is to do when in the natural I feel quite tightly bound and muted. I cannot physically put myself out into the world like I wish I could but here oh wow I am as free as a bird. So where I am missing in this world.. you can still find me.. right here is where I am and what I share is what I feel and think and see. So where I cannot travel in a physical sense with words or in person or to different places because I do not have the money or availability to do so. I can travel through myself via the creative expressions I use.

This lyric from the above mentioned song say it perfectly.

Because I had to be free.

Dreams

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Day  14

I really, really, really, really want to…

Dream again.

You can get so bogged down in survival. Even seems a ridiculous word to use in every day life doesn’t it. But that is what we do daily. Go through the motions. Day in and day out, a sort of hard slog and no wonder it feels heavy and burdensome. Feel like the sky is always gray and the road is always uphill. We forget to dream. We think it’s wrong somehow. Yet every night there are dreams in our heads as we lie fitfully in our bed. They come whether we wish it or not. Yes they can be nightmares. They can seem stupid or pointless but they still come. For a long time I didn’t recall them but I am more aware of dreams I have nightly except that very soon once I wake the content of what I dreamed about fades away.

Why do we humans feel so guilty to enjoy our lives? To find a little respite here and there to help make our journey more bearable. A couple of times I really do believe God gave me gifts to help me fill in the time. Raising children you can be stuck in the home, you can get lost in daily chores and running back and forth but not really going anywhere. There were a few times I have been given access to lots of books. When I was knee deep in raising young children I lived in a remote town where there is not a lot of places to go. I used to do a weekly bible study group with other ladies. The Lady who led the group was a missionary. She had a bookstore in her home. Helped make some money to support their work but also to provide materials for local people. Often people would send her things to help their family and to help those of us that they gave their lives to minister too and at one time someone sent a huge shipment of books.

Pam set them up in a library for free borrowing. I hungrily took advantage of reading probably most of them and listening to sermons on cassette that was back when I could hear much better. I really felt blessed because it helped me survive raising children which is wonderful but can be so tiresome. Like an escape, a way to learn when you are not getting much feedback and your body is exhausted but your mind is alive and starving for more of something. Husband was at work all day and too tired most night to do much talking. And you are stuck with kids all day lol. Books helped immensely. I thanked God for those moments when the children were asleep or at school or for a snatch here and they were contented and not fighting or making a mess. I was so very blessed with babies and young children who slept all night except for times of sickness.. I think from 6 weeks old every baby slept all night.

Two years ago or thereabouts it happened again.. A friend of the family gave me 5 or 6 huge bags of books to do whatever I wanted with because she didn’t need them anymore. I did actually give some away because there was no way I could read them all. But I remember I did take a deep sigh you know when she gave them to me. I thought ohh I am in for a huge chunk of time where God knows that I will need occupying lol. And yes as my children in this stage of life are growing up I have more time. Being disabled here in Australia I do not have to work I’m on a pension and am home an awful lot, and every weekend the children go to their Fathers so I am alone on weekends. These books comfort me that God cares about me and about my having something to fill in my time. I enjoy reading so I see that God cares about us being happy and enjoying our lives and I really do not feel that He expects humans to be busy always working. That it is OK to rest and not just sludge through life. Books and stories help me dream they help my mind stay alive when sometimes I feel lonely and can just shut down. I can be comforted by the characters and getting lost in the stories. 

Yes I do not have to feel so damn guilty for filling in time that sometimes seems to swallow me up. Our society is ALL about productivity unfortunately and it shocks me these days when very very young  children are pushed out into the world and it’s all so much about stimulation and learning that I think play time, dreaming and fun must surely be things we seem to frown upon. I mean everything seems so darn controlled, regimented, something to slot in on our time tables. Well not my life lol. But even so I still feel that pull on me. That I am worthless because I DO NOT live like the majority. It’s like please do not waste your life dreaming. You need to produce something with your life, do do do.

Dreams come and go but they lift you up. Make you hopeful. Gives you beautiful thoughts and daydreams that dance in your head. Your body might age. Kids grow up. You might be alone a lot but stories can fill your heart and mind with life inducing dreams.. I don’t think your spirit ever ages. It makes life beautiful, bearable and fun once again.

Journey Day 1

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Day 1
JOURNEY
“There is only one journey. Going inside yourself.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

 

Today’s Journal Prompts:

 
Going inside myself looks like…

 
It’s become mostly a journey of one and God for me lately.. Stubborn faith but also a faith that sees through all outward circumstances. Going inside myself and journaling about life when I can express it on a page is what truly keeps me looking upward and going forward. So many times I have worked on prompts and taken similar courses to this.. I keep coming back to the “self” because to me this is where GOD is and it is where I am. Where I see Him best. In me. But also a place I have learned to find love for myself where I never knew it quite to the same extent before. Because of course I know me well and I know the parameters of myself and am well aware of all my breaking points.

Because of this I can clearly see HIS presence at work in me and around me and when ones eyes are open to it.. it changes everything. It’s in this place I am literally face to face with God and although it can be a different world to the one we all know, it helps me remain open to wondrous things. Things that are coming into better focus.  I just have to not let the seen and known distract me and they continue to do so but art journaling is a way of looking beyond the ordinary to the extra-ordinary.
Makes me ponder it all and what I reflect on is poured out onto the page. I remain hopeful to the point where I am not as easily overwhelmed with other things I struggle with daily. Art and writing do really take your eyes and mind away from everything else at that very moment.
I guess to others it might surely seem a very selfish journey but it has been one that clearly and powerfully shows me how closely and intimately GOD is involved with our world and particularly my own personal world. Maybe if my life was easier and I had so many other things to do and I was not as forced to travel it so humanly solo. I would never would have been as delighted in the discoveries and in so doing pass them along contained in my art expressions.

I realized last night as I struggled with a nightmare that you really cannot separate GOD and me. Even when it appears to others I have taken a complete detour to the life I once lived.. I do not stop talking about HIM it’s just a whole different view now. Even in my dreams I met up with family members who were struggling and I was talking about God with them. I was trying to help them even as I was fighting evil in the dream. I realize I am never forced to do spiritual art yet that is EXACTLY what my main focus is.  I know that I know that I know I am not wanting to go along old paths and use old terminology because I want to learn new things and I want to travel to the edges of what the kingdom of God is and wonderfully and amazingly the bible says it is within us. You’d think the path inward where our spirit lived would be boring and repetitious and make one stagnant and would run counter-wise to what the opinions shaped by others would be. But oh no it is anything but and I think it tends to be ground breaking at least among the people I know. And the beauty of it all is when you do meet another spirit led person you always find things in common!!! How about that!!!
IT EXACTLY fits with the right now; who I am and where I am.

Link below to find more information and to sign up to the free journey experience anyone can take with Lisa Sonara. 30 Day journal project..

Journey

Elizabeth Gilbert’s Creativity Workshop

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These are prompts from the the course in title I am currently doing. I seriously need prompts to get writing on the page.. The course is through Udemy online and it has captions for deaf. It was on sale over New Year. I probably shouldn’t have bought it because I have been short on cash but the sale was that good… Learning a lot through it. Like the extra prompts and resources available along with her video teachings.

What was the last think you really wondered about?

How people stay motivated and how they know what they want to do, where they spend their time and what direction to go next..
I go from here to there searching, drooling, wondering, awwing, wishing, wanting, ahhing.. Wishfully hungry for something more but never really knowing what so I sit empty minded or busy myself collecting beautiful and creative things. I do sit a lot. Not trying. Not enjoying. Just passing time and getting more annoyed with myself even though I have plenty of things I could be doing.
I do lap up art styles, free resources, people’s stories, free art videos, book after book both paper and ebook… I longingly look at people’s art, watch documentary style program’s of people telling their stories. I collect words, pictures, quotes, photos of inspiring things. I do courses when I can afford them. I love sharing my art. I like that people take note and it encourages them in their life too. I am loving that people are saying I am getting better at what I do.. The biggest wonder is. Ok I have done this poetry class, I have watched this art lesson, I have read this book etc. Now I wonder what I do with all I have learnt. Where should I spend my time and on what? I usually cannot think of a single thing and just sit with my wondering. But there are moments where it finds it way out of me into another place.

When was the last time you experienced creative flow?

Yesterday. I was busy for hours. I knew what I wanted to do. So different to my normal blocked and stagnant non-flow. I was actually sitting in someone else’s home they were watching a movie and I was just playing on my phone. Kinda just passing time and thinking about a person and a problem with that person and I thought what is the answer? I thought I could art journal my feelings instead. Than like a bolt of lightning hit I just wanted to get home and do it. There was a purposeful directive in my heart and like a pull on me to get to it.

I felt immensely happy when I got home and started. A bubbling up kind of joy. I didn’t really know how to express it though. Cause my main art expression outlet is collage. I just pulled out magazines, I have a stack in my bedroom ready to go. And started looking through them. Finding images, words etc that spoke to me. Or conveyed what I was feeling inside that for the most part is almost impossible to put into words. I was amazed how it came about actually. How I found words, images etc and that my mind was able to string them together and produce something.
Especially since for so much of my current life my brain is empty. Time passes like you wouldn’t believe. My mind is working and I am placing images and words here and there till I know it is done. For something that seems so easy it takes a fair amount of thought, arranging, changing things around on the page. It is incredibly spiritual for me. I can see other images and whole new pages can sorta pass through my mind. I see an image and I can imagine scenarios for it but put it aside for now because its not what I am wanting at this current time.
I actually came up with three pages in this flow. I was tired at the end lol. But I have collected images and words for years now so I have an abundant supply to work with for the next time and the time after that and the time after that etc. The thing about collage is the thought process and spiritual aspect of your work there is no end to it. It’s endless and I have not grown tired of it. Each finished page continues to speak to me no matter how many times I look at it. I have so many books full of my journalling and I can see my growth and development in putting the pages together. GOD speaks to me through this process so its very personal, very meaningful and doing my work lifts me out of the every day and it is very fulfilling.

That GOD’s Spirit is involved you cannot get better than that. I think actually though it is getting better. I am more able to put my heart and soul into it. I am more in tune with GODS Spirit and sensing HIM. I am starting to see more how my whole life and the world around me fits.. This flow isn’t just me there is a commonality with mankind around me. Spirit is not contained to time, geography or one type of people. There is a common ground if you can even label it that way in spiritual matters and you can find it in anyone who is a spiritul/soulful person. But it is not something you can easily explain and that is why it is so powerful, unique, beautiful and wonderful that the spirit can flow onto a simple blank page with cut outs, color and a glue stick. I think very very compelling. I see that spirit draws people to my pages.. And although I have called it work. It is play and joy for me and food. It is nourishing my inner woman.

Hope

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I have NOT blogged for awhile I really really need too..
I tend to shut down if I don’t.
Journal or blogging same thing.
I tend not to write with a pen because my writing is so very messy.
Depressingly messy. Artists scrawl the most beautiful messages on their art work.
It’s sad I can’t do that. Not really. I think the writing unless you want the meaning hidden. Should be
Legible.

Yesterday I spent a lot of the day creating a painting. Do not do that often.
It really pumped me up to do it.
The night before last I woke in the early morning hours after a nightmare a little before that.
I was speaking in poetry!! Weird I know but it woke me up enough to notice it. I quickly got
Out my ipad and started taking notes. I rarely can remember my dreams so I knew if I didn’t
Take notes that I would not remember it in the morning.

This art piece shared here and the poem have sprang from that. I have wanted to write poetry for ages.
I mean I have been here and there writing pieces. But it hasn’t flowed easily. But what came to me in
The night was perfect! To me it was! It fit with a beautiful hand crafted stamp I recently received
From a local artist. The words in my mind also fit with my personal situation and that they came the
Way they did and in a continuous flow was mind blowing. Especially because poets write using descriptions
To explain what they are feeling. I don’t know why but I struggled to think of my feeling in symbolic form.
Everything that I was thinking. The words. Images. Everything just all of it I can relate too!! I really
Couldn’t have said it that way naturally if I tried!!

I have been reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s newest book “Big Magic” and she speaks of trains of inspirational
Creative thought that seek us out and we are the ones that need to take hold of them when they come..
It was exactly as she had written about! I really have not had many of them. It has for a long time
been me sweating it out and not knowing what I wanted to do. Especially how to describe it. Break through
for me!!

How to do it and a direction to take. I love creativity. I love writing etc
But to actually create something with function and that beautifully and powerfully expressed my whole life
As I am currently experiencing it.
I mean WOW!!!
This is in a form that I could give away. Could sell..
Though I wince at that thought. My art has mistakes. I originally posted this first on Instagram.
Posted first with the poem digitally added. Neat and tidy.
Later I cut out each line and found a marker to outline it which has smudged.
It isn’t pretty and possibly the words are not clear. I have ruined so many markers trying to write
over paint and/or crafty substances.

The poem. The words. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with it. Miracle. Magic. I believe it is of God’s
Spirit!! Thanking Him over and over.
I so want to be authentic with my own voice. I do not want to overtly religious.
I want to speak in every day language.
When I originally told the artist Asphyxia (I will add a link to her website) I loved the cross idea. Some
Of her other characters held crosses. I wanted her to represent me. I think the cross is known to be
Associated with Christianity. Obviously people will always interpret what your meaning is in art work in
Their own way. But to me it represents my spirituality, my faith and relationship to Jesus!
It is everything I am about. You can’t take it away. It is who I am. Core of my being. Central to who I am.

I hold it up. It is what I want seen. Can’t take the spirit out of the girl. But it is so much more than
religious. I think of religions as set in their ways where I am definitely not that kind of person. I think
Religious people are set apart. Rock solid in what they believe. I like to define myself as one who stands
On the rock rather than being a rock myself. I have found that people do not accept you as easily if you are
different to the mainstream. I do identify as a believer but unique and special in my own way.

I suppose there are some that will always reject me because of the cross. There are also those who will reject
Me because I do not do what everyone else does. No matter my core beliefs.

This is me! I love love love to share it!!

Poem..

One day on the steep slope she became a poetess.

People looked for her.

Thinking she’d fallen down a deep hole.

Never looking up.

Instead they looked down.

Peering from the edges. 

Glaring into the darkness.

All they ever said was that she’d fallen.

She was still on the steep slope though.

Tenaciously holding onto her cross.

It provided strength and purpose.

Blinking in the bright sunshine.

She could still see the people. 

But they were not looking for her anymore.

She decided to sit awhile. 

Contemplating where she was.

Her view gave her inspiration.

She started engraving etchings.

On the side of the mountain.

Realizing that the journey was not in vain. 

One day someone will look up again, 

she thought.

So she stayed there. 

Kept doing what she could do.

Time became her friend.

Eventually people did look up 

again.

They recognized her. 

Read her messages.

They began to understand 

why she’d gone.

What kept her there.

She gave them hope.

Asphyxia ~ art, book & inspiration

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Why I Write..

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DIG DEEPER: Do you love writing enough to keep going even when there is no hope or you’re not showing any sign of promise? What keeps you going when inspiration and encouragement fall short?


YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love expressing myself and my thoughts and my joys and my struggles. I get excited seeing my blog posts go out to the world. I love that I can choose the pictures that go with my writing and even better if I am the photographer or it is my own art. I can write whatever I want basically. I can share my heart and soul and spirit and faith and I am free!! It powers me up.

I can see my writing evolving. I can see myself being happier despite everything else that isn’t happening.

There are things I have wanted and hoped for in my writing and life. But you know. It is depressing if you look for something that isn’t happening. When you can enjoy what is happening.

Today is an inspiring day. I am pumped actually. But there are many days I have literally sat and had nothing.

Really really hard days. I was often under the impression that it all had to be of the positive side.. Been there done that. But life can suck and you can have bad days. Sad days. Crappy days.

Only today I have sat down here on my lap top and typed out how I am feeling and will copy that into a journal ap on my ipad. Unfortunately its not as easy to type quickly on an ipad and I can’t write directly to my journal via my lap top. I still want to keep it on the ap because its easier to access so a bit of mucking around. (Ap is Day One)

I do not journal enough and I think that is one thing that has contributed to some of my difficult days. I am a person who cannot keep things inside me well. It shuts me down. Writing frees me up. 

I write about what is happening with the kids. What I did yesterday or today or last week. What I am struggling with. What I bought lately and what I love.. I write about God and my faith and how He has given me this beautiful life to enjoy. Anything basically!

I do not really have anyone I can tell all that too. I mean I have one good and very understanding online friend but I have to hold back ha ha.. I could tell him ohhh so much more.. Sometimes as a single mum you want to talk about all the little things that happen during your day. But I can journal that and my soul gets the release it needs without burdening him with all that unnecessary stuff..

It doesn’t seem to be that I need feedback just a release if I am truly honest..

What keeps me going is re-reading my journals, seeing what I have artistically created, looking through photos, instagram and pinterest, reading quotes, reading someone else’s thoughts about life, knowing I am not the only one who has bad days, being honest, prayer because I can tell God EVERYTHING!! Watching a movie, reading a book, singing…

Expressing myself good or bad helps.. I should journal more. I really should. Just getting things out of me helps like you wouldn’t believe. I am an emotional being so I cry and I laugh often. Ha ha yes my former husband says I am bi-polar but I just think I am an expressive soul and it is who I am. I think the more I accept that and let myself be who I am. The more content and at peace I am. It is how God created me after all.

Writing is the bomb. I cannot easily speak publicly. Face to face like this to anyone. Anyone at all. I think it frustrates people around me no end. Being almost deaf plays a part in that also.

My sister has been asking me lately out to coffee and probably with that to chat. Sigh I like coffee and my sister but…. If she and I could communicate more like writing to one another. Even on chat ohhh I could say soooooooo much more.. And I do try. Most times she gets frustrated and can’t cope with it and that has made it harder between us I guess we will have to work on doing a little of each so both of us are satiated. So ah that is how it has been with me. (This is just an example to give you an idea.) They say writers are people who keep to themselves. You have to do it alone though because writing takes time and unless your working with a group of writers. It is a single flow of thought that is being captured. It just fits with me this whole process. So for me it is either writing here on my blog and/or social media or privately in my art journal or journal ap!!

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“You see, in my view a writer is a writer not because she writes well and easily, because she has amazing talent, because everything she does is golden. In my view a writer is a writer because even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway.” — Junot Díaz

((TIP from Writing Yourself Alive e-course))

We don’t write to be successful. We write because it helps us come alive. Recognition may or may not come. Success is different things on different days to different people. Art that gives us a life more truthful and abundant — this is our only constant and reason we create.

  

Writing Manifesto

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Day 23 prompt of 30 Days of Writing Yourself Alive..

Write a short Writing Manifesto for yourself with 5-10 top goals you have as a writer combined with reasons you write. They can be specific or general, actionable, abstract or poetic — but they must resonate with what Writing Does for You and what you want to accomplish through it.

Think of it as a Creative Contract you make with yourself. Sign it and hang it in your office as a motivational reminder of your Creative Mission. 

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1. My writing means I am present in Spirit and written form and able to express my presence and message to the world. I need to commit myself daily to it and keep it up.

Not many people ask me my opinions and I do not see many people to tell. So writing is my way to put myself out in the world and be a part of greater humanity! I can feel shut down, excluded and isolated. Putting my writing out there means I am contributing and I am much happier and feeling alive!

2. Being creative in my writing. Trying new prompts and styles. Learning and growing and moving forward. Not being stuck in my views or in one kind of genre.

For the longest time I only did religious kind of writing and reading. To be honest it was boring and only appealed to like wise people. There is so much more to life than this. It doesn’t mean abandoning my faith and spiritual views it means embracing them in new ways that frees not boxes up.

3. Have fun. Or be totally serious. I don’t have to write the way anybody else does. Be myself. Be unafraid. Make mistakes and have a go. Just do it.

I can write anyway I wish. I don’t have to be perfect or wait for inspiration. My heart can be seen by just putting myself out there. If I am having a bad day or emotional day I can write about that. I do not have to be inspirational every time. It doesn’t always have to be positive.

4. I have something to say! Believe in myself. Trust my journey. Trust my intuition. Trust GOD in me that I don’t have to be like everyone else. I am unique. Trust the process. Trust myself that I can do what I am created to do.

I have been silenced because I was not confident. I didn’t want to make people uncomfortable. Truth is hard to tell but I can be creative in the ways I tell it. I can talk about how I feel and how things have been for me and its ok!! I can also tell the greater truth. 🙂 There is the way it appears and than there is the greater truth.. It is always good!

5. Writing is power. Don’t count stats or do anything by results. Power is in the doing and the being and the releasing. What happens after that isn’t my business. What is important is being totally and unashamedly myself and being free to express that.

Weakness is doing nothing. Being bound by fear. Not being uniquely ourselves. Bound by a code that says we have to do things a certain way or at a certain time. One word can change the world. There was a man in Sydney Australia that went around writing “Eternity” in copper plate writing I think most times just with chalk kept in his pocket. His name Arthur Stace. That was his message to the world. It impacted many many people and was strung up in lights on the Sydney Harbor bridge for the 2000 Olympics. The whole world saw it!!!

Our presence in writing even ONE word will do great things!!

  

Sharing Treasure

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This blog and in particular this post I’ve linked too is so beautiful.. I share because these are meant to be shared.. There are blockages on people who are shining… the evil one does not want people to be set free or live abundant lives.. you think its you but its not.. You think its this person or that person who is your enemy and its not.. Look to GOD alone and all these things will be added to you.. I’m so thankful to the persistent people in my life the ones who do not give up..

I try to be that kind of person. Today I have such loud noises in my ears. Its tinnitus or something like that. Like out of ten it would be 9/10. I am home alone today. My children with their father so it can be quiet and lonely. Its a beautiful day outside though and although in my part of the world its Autumn and it has been cooling down here since Summer finished today is perfect weather.

This post is so encouraging and I cannot just read and move on I have to pass it on. I had trouble commenting on this after reading from my iPad but using the lap top it worked just fine. I find it so important to comment and let people know I’ve been blessed by them. A word like that can sustain you for a long time.. People come and go and you can feel unheard and your message means nothing. But I know it means something every single time.

I like to be personal too and connect souls.. We are all linked on this earth for a reason. Everyone has purpose and everyone matters.. I hope this blesses you..

 

http://newmystic2014.blogspot.com.au/2015/02/thorns-2-27-15.html

  

Mindfulness

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All of my writing today is based on a book I’m reading on Scribd called “The Artist’s Rule.. nurturing your creative soul with monastic wisdom by Christine Valters Paintner”

“Mindfulness” (Your teaching me how to live.)
Discipline of paying attention to “what is going on in the present moment,” which can give rise “to insight, awakening and love.” – Edward C. Sellner

Where do I encounter restlessness in my contemplative and creative life?

Not dwelling here enough. Feeling it’s selfish. Not seeing purpose for it. That it is an escape rather than a path to GOD and His purposes. Not seeing why or what it means..
Always seemed I’ve done this to myself rather than this actually being a calling of God.

What are the moments when you are tempted to run in the other direction instead of standing still and being fully present to the gifts and challenges of the moment?

It’s such an internal war. Solitary journey. Spiritual malady. (word came to me) I never use it.
I didn’t choose this path. I love art, expression, inspiration, writing, contemplative exercises and even my own company but I didn’t intend it for myself. The things I enjoy are suited to this place I’ve found myself. Not just because I’ve run here or tried to run from it.
The deafness, the isolation, the need to express myself even despite misunderstandings. It would be easy to be overwhelmed. Even heed others advice to do this or that.
But seeking GOD alone despite myself.
I’m still tempted to give up often.
Something greater keeps me going. Even people can’t distract me. Just makes me tunnel vision even more.
More determined. Even if I’ve no idea what it all means. Seems it’s a path I must walk. Not to be afraid of it. Speaking of it even now and here is perhaps the wisest thing.

Because like it or not this is my reality.

“Here I am God.”
“Do what you will with me.”

And go do it!!! 

 

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