I’m sitting here on my bed propped up with pillows.
I cried earlier.. emotional. Time of month but also because I’ve had ongoing struggles with a teenage son.
At Psychiatrist yesterday. Missed a lot of school. Variety of things. Mental health but in this new year also physical as well. Almost all of us came down with stomach virus and pains. Son got that too and it has seemed to set him back.
Doing some art today. My art is so basic. Even the background ripped as I painted it. I leave it though because it symbolizes the difficulties that I’ve faced. My art is cut and paste.. simple. The message is about a scripture, or my interpretation of it.
I will post two art pieces I’ve done on this scripture that also speak about my faith, life and how I’ve dealt with it all.
Everything that happens to me draws me to the only source of peace I know.. the blue represents peace.. the purple my royalty (kingdom of GOD)… Scriptures say we are in a spiritual battle, but GOD with us. I focus alot on JESUS..
I have talked about being disabled here.. deaf. Hearing loss isolates from people. Life circumstances isolate.
My faith has been my strong hold.
Scripture.. art.. from working/reading through this book.. “The Artist’s Rule: Nurturing Your Creative Soul with Monastic Wisdom..by Christine Valters Paintner
“Now I am revealing new things to you
Things hidden and unknown to you
Created just now, this very moment.
Of these things you have heard nothing until now.
So that you cannot say, Oh yes, I knew this.”
Simply talks to me about NOW… but also intimacy and no distractions. Very close.. Personal. Whispered secrets.
New. I definitely feel love.. special.. privileged. Authoritative. Trust.. Presence..
I have to learn to let what I do expressive-wise speak for itself. Definitely no fear to put out art that is simple, ripped page ha ha.. My blog is not really frequented much either.. but despite all the reasons not to share this.. I still do..
Although I open this post with truth about struggles. My art expresses my spirit, my help my strength and what I learn in all this. This is the weird irony of spiritual life as opposed to physical life. That we walk by faith not sight.
God unseen but to those who believe HE is more real than anything you can see..
I mean a lot of people misunderstand me and I guess I can understand that being the kind of person people know and judge me as.
I say judge lightly because I mean perception and how I come across.. And I love this that God doesn’t judge by outward but by the heart of a person.. He looks deeper.. He is deep!
Physically I’m not stand out in any way.. My art reflects that.. But in every soul there is treasure. People look through trash and find treasure.. Not saying I’m trash but that on deeper inspection you can find so much more than you thought possible.. Which is what I try to show..
The fact that in good and bad I can speak to GOD 24/7. Yes I have to believe HE is there.. Have to believe despite troubles HE is there.. but that’s what all these troubles have done is to show me HE is.
Made me find HIM in a desperate kind of way. When people back away or that’s what it feels (even family) there has been no one else.. That’s where HE became centre stage..
It has not stopped the troubles but rather I have and continue to get through them.
I looked at this page and I think why not decorate it more.. dress it up.. But I can’t. It says what I want it to say. What it means to me. I am a very umm dis-organised person.. more so over the years. But in all this.. my focus has narrowed to JESUS alone as I keep saying.. I don’t know what it all means neither do I give in to fear. I just press on.. I seek HIM first.. I trust.
I also try to express it along the way…
I feel tired, its more than a physical tiredness but it makes me look to HIM.. and lean on HIM.. for dear life.. for strength… for peace.. for guidance… for HIS help and YES HIS promises to come to pass around me for whatever this all means..