Monthly Archives: January 2014

Explaining the Unexplainable

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Going to blog about my recent art journalling piece. I feel so deliriously happy. But trying to help people find it or understand it too can be practically impossible at times. I’m sure thats what pushes me onwards. My art is my soul displayed. I do still find it hard to leave it just as is without further expression. I hate to think of deeper treasures remaining untapped. God teaches me so much that I’m practically beaming and yet for the most part of every day I don’t see another soul to share it with. Thus art, writing, blogging and social media is where I find myself spilling over..

Even when it comes to normal daily conversations you hardly every touch on deeper subjects and yet there is a reservoir inside of me.. Its got to come out somewhere..

This piece is just one page of an altered book I’m working on.. First I have ever done.. its taking a book that was written or intended for another purpose and reworking it as another book altogether.. It was a Brides Book. A registry of events a Bride goes through to keep a record of gifts, persons present at events and dates etc. Very sturdy with thick pages great for painting and glueing on. I gesso underneath but probably it doesn’t even need that.. just adds a bit of texture but also good at covering writing and pics already in the book that I don’t need.
I love experimenting with the colours in the background and I’m building a nice supply of colours..

When you start getting into art. Everything can have meaning. Colours, words, quotes, why you choose certain pics and the way it blends together. There is no end to the things a picture can say and if you reflect on it amazing revelations can happen. Yes even to the artist because for me its like something happens inside me when I create. What comes out of me amazes even me.

Of course the magic of art is that what you intend it to say can mean quite a totally different thing to someone else and it can even speak in ways you never thought it could.

That its a Brides book is magical and spiritual to me.. As believers in God we are called the Bride of Christ.. Its sharing a very important passage of rite a woman can go through. Apart from having children.. marriage is one of the other major events in a woman’s life.

To me this piece symbolises the intimacy I have found in my relationship with God. Its spiritual but very real and deeply affects me in every way possible. Its beautiful, sacred, personal, freeing and its for the most part been found by being alone and truly needing God because of isolation due to life and disability. My nature has helped pave the way because I’m comfortable alone and in my own company and I tend to be a loner. But I don’t think I have simply found this because its just for me.. but because I have the time and tenacity to share it. I believe this place will benefit anyone who finds it. It will be different for everyone but as you spend time, truly rest, become vulnerable and open up it will be a place you will want to return too time and time again.

When there is no-one who understands you.. God listens and is always with you. You can say anything.. You can say the ugly. The stuff that anyone would take offence too.. You don’t feel shame here.. your accepted.. approved no matter what you say. You will leave lighter.. He sees and knows everything about you so there is no pretence needed. No need to hide yet even if you do feel unable to share everything but just “Be”. He gives you spaciousness and there are no time limits… You carry eternity within and thats a whole nother world isn’t it. It creates in you an awareness and reason for existence and you will learn things I don’t think you could explain humanly even if you tried yet we do try.. I truly believe this place is where all that comes against me that’s tried to destroy me finds the real true me fully empowered to live gloriously no matter happens on the outer.. It’s where it all starts to make sense..

Reviewing a book for a Friend

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This post is some sharing from a book I’m working on via my iPad and I took a picture of it to share here.

I’m reviewing the book for an online friend.. Absolutely incredible book currently in pdf form and I’m reading it via an Adobe reader ap which allows me to digitally add text to it.. Which is an awesome experience. I only found out I could do that about half way through the book lol.. I had been jotting down things elsewhere. The book itself is written with plenty of room to add comments and thoughts so its ideal to work through this way. So many thought provoking questions and scriptures which fit so well together and its reflectively written. I’m gaining so much from it.

I’m not doing it all the way through the same way or Robin will never get a review but reading everything and choosing what stands out most to me. Sent it free to me; so I can go back once finished and take some more time answering and recording my thoughts and feelings.. All about joy, finding and developing it in our lives including written prayers and lots of helpful stimulating questions.

It’s very obvious Robin is Spirit led as its speaking so much to me and many parts seem to be just right for my current personal life and incredibly timely. I will link to Robins website so anyone can learn more about who she is and her incredible offering to the world.. She has written other books too that have also inspired me! Such an honour to be sent a copy before its released publicly.

Robin is a very creative soul, so friendly, very talented and her book provides prompts which guide us, mentally, spiritually and physically to a bigger and fuller life.. Her writing challenges the reader and yet its so encouraging at the same time you really want to put what your learning into practice.. A huge bonus that she loves God and is a passionate artist to boot!!!!

Not sure if I should publicly share the title or if that’s right thing to do at this stage so apologies to anyone who wants more information. If anyone is interested further in this book please add comments and I can pass them along or simply contact Robin through the link provided.

Robin Norgren Studios

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What deep down, have you hoped for all your life?

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To Matter. To Belong. To be loved for who I am, to be cherished.. To feel respected especially by a man for who I am as a woman and feel like I matter to them.. A romantic dream/day dream I’ve had for a long time is to share all my love and all my heart with someone and know I was treasured, wanted and I could love them in return and we could share our lives, hearts, bodies and souls… To share myself with another self… face to face, soul to soul.. Heavenly. That who I am doesn’t drive someone away but draws us closer together.. Bliss…

I’ve always been told its not about me.. Which is soul destroying.. Instead told…Its about being a mother. Being a good Christian.. Being this or being that. But hardly ever its just about being me. But wow I am me and I always will be me till eternity! Lol so why not be about me. I don’t think you can ever be happy and full till you are fully free to be yourself.. That’s when you can start looking outward and enjoy someone else fully and so on and so on.
Doesn’t every person deserve love just because…. They exist… God created us all different so we wouldn’t be all the same. And every single soul is precious huh!! Yes SIReee… But also Jesus said He didn’t just come that we have life but life to the full so why cannot we have the things we most deeply desire?? That would make life very full wouldn’t it!!! And don’t happy people…. well it spills out of them.. Life that is.. Ha ha think about.. Isn’t love making the spilling out of the the overflow of love and new life is born from that.
So a full life comes from deep down knowing we are valuable and it takes someone else knowing it too. Life is doubled when you share it and where love is returned a family is born..

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage
Lao Tzu

When I was married and my MIL was in our families company and we travelled anywhere I would quietly take a back seat in the car giving up where I usually sat in the front to honour her as special and worthy of sitting beside her son.
I liked watching my then husband honour and treat his mother special… I wanted to do what I could to make her feel that way too.. We didn’t see her that often so it was even more important to make her feel loved and special..

I used to work sometimes in my Grandmas book store when I was younger. I am the oldest in my family and I had the special privilege as the oldest to help serve in the shop and sometimes I received gifts for my time and effort.. One thing I received that brought me great pleasure is my Uncle who also worked in the store would sometimes take me out to lunch. I felt very grown up to go out and have lunch with my Uncle.
I could order special treats like a milkshake and as it was something I didn’t do in my normal life the whole experience from choosing a table, picking what you wanted to eat, being served and not having to clean up.. I felt happy and special and very loved!

This picture by Goog Guarino really speaks to my heart today.. I am worth value just being “ME” and so are you who is reading are valuable just because you are “YOU”

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3 Gifts That Might Never Have Been

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There are many aren’t they when you start to think about it..

This is another of the questions posed from the joy dare challenge by Ann Voskamp that is too difficult to write on twitter with limited space. So I will blog the answer instead. I actually had no real idea what to write at first till I found another blog post and read the answers therein… which I will link to at the bottom.. Praise GOD for all these things… and all the good HE continually does for me that I know and that I do not yet know about..

One gift was my youngest daughter in our family Zali.. When I desired to have her.. I mean the desire was really really strong.. Other opinions about me wanting it have another baby at the time was “not a good idea”. My marriage was shaky, four little children already to look after… I had also lost a two month old baby boy, and had a miscarriage at 16 weeks. Thankfully I followed my heart and although I went against what others around me said I am so glad I did.
My Grandma I felt was the only one really happy for me and when I went to have my first Doctors appointment to confirm the pregnancy I noticed he had a photo of five children on his desk. That helped me so much to know I had done the right thing.. Zali is now 12 and has been such a blessing to me along with all our children.. Her smile is a great gift to me… Because I know GOD heard my cries and answered..

2nd gift.. I almost drowned in the Fitzroy Crossing River. I don’t know how old I was. I think in my early teens but a friend Vicki and I were paddling at the Old Crossing.. The river was in flood so we were swimming in some overflow and I was not a strong swimmer but where we were the water was not moving. Fitzroy Crossing is in the North West of Australia and experiences lots of very hot weather so getting wet in the river was a much needed respite from the heat. I remember at one moment I must have got out of the overflow and felt this amazing pull on me.. For me the next few moments seemed to go in slow motion. But I could instantly sense that the pull, current, was way too strong and I would not have the strength to go against it. I reached out my hand to Vicki who was close.. and in that instant which I felt stretched longer than it seemed… I could feel the pull was trying to take me… and yet I just happened to reach her hand and she grabbed me at that very moment.. It was so vivid that I have never forgotten it. I would have been sucked into the river and maybe down under the concert bridge which was not that far away.. I know had I not grabbed her hand at that moment I may not have been here today writing this.. Was it an angel sent by GOD that helped me right at that moment… I think yes..

3rd… I shared this on face book the other day..
Conner fell when he was little… My brother and his wife bought our kids a big metal slide.. One rung near the top was missing.. It was really tall.. I watched him get to the top and he kind of missed the rung held on and then fell upside down… Straight onto his head.. I saw the whole thing.. I expected his neck to be broken from hitting head first and neck crunch to the side.. But miraculously he suffered not even a bump… He didn’t cry he just lay for a minute in shock then got up and ran away as if nothing happened.. It was a miracle from God and I believe angels protected him. I’ve seen my other kids fall much softer and come out with big bumps and always crying… It was a miracle.. My heart was in my mouth though and was racing as I ran over to attend him.. I truly thought he would have snapped his neck.. Praise God for angels watching over us..what a gift..

http://gibsongirl247.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/taking-the-joy-dare-it-might-never-have-been/#comment-35107

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3 Startling Graces of God – 1000 gifts/joy dare challenge

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I usually write these on Twitter but only so much you can say on there..

I want to expand a bit on these graces/gifts God has given freely and without me having to do anything special to receive..
Life changing and keeps me you know believing through all my life no matter what happens..

1. Gods peace I received when our baby son was born, got sick and died at two months.. I mean our family was separated because i had the baby in a remote place… Four young children to care for, my marriage had had problems too so the peace held us all together during a very tough time.. I was watching RPA a medical programme on Australian TV last night.. one lady gave birth via cesarian section and the baby was small so it was dramatic.. I was bawling.. seeing it all just brought back losing my own baby… So even though its been 16 years.. I’m changed for life.. you never forget losing a baby.. and all the emotion that goes with it.. I want to hold him again.. normally.. not be separated.. etc.. and as tears poured down my face and my body shuddered remembering I realise that I still went through it and feel it..
Yet by the grace of GOD.. the incredible thing through the time in 1997 was that I was miraculously spared the normal grief and shock and upturn that a mother would go through at that time and for a long time after.. I was so peaceful at the time.. I hardly grieved… I just didn’t feel the grief and seeing that documentary last night.. I just continue to praise GOD because I KNOW what great peace HE gave me which is unexplainable and I will never stop talking about it because thats how great it was.. I just see that for some reason GOD spared me and gave me peace and it has changed my life about death, loss and hard hard things.. because I know HE is there with me.. and HIS grace is sufficient.. and HIS peace passes understanding.. I still feel hurts yes but remembering HIS peace.. comforts my heart always..

2. Through my divorce I was helped and I know it was GOD and it was through rainbows and peace.. One day while I was driving with the kids I saw double rainbows in front of us and this is really weird but they traveled along with us for awhile to the side in the vegetation and surrounding area and the reflection travelled along with us before they disappeared.. The kids at the time saw them too.. A sign to me GOD going before and to keep going…
Then they turned up again one rainbow on the day I went to start proceedings.. and another rainbow in the sky on the final day I was in court when the Judge ruled the divorce was acceptable or whatever they do… I don’t know all the legal jargon.. We had had up an up and down marriage for a long time but I prayed and believed for healing and better days just about all the way through our 18 year long marriage.. So It was a massive struggle to let go because no matter how hard it was and did get at the end I was determined my faith was going to outlast so I did pray and believe and keep going and divorce went against everything I believed about marriage and being faithful and sticking it out. I literally wrestled for a couple of day in prayer when I started thinking of divorce (I was deeply unhappy, struggling and failing being separated for a year and there was no peace) but I had to trust GOD and HE showed me a scripture that gave me peace again and I let go.. Started divorce proceeding and that was a few years ago now. But so much changed then.. Things got much better in the long run and God helped me through those tough times of dealing with all that.. Peace and a better relationship with my ex husband is one of them..

3. You might have read two blog posts ago that I have had my own personal struggles in latter times.. I’m laid back too much sometimes for my own good. But one of the greatest graces that keeps me going is knowing I’m loved and accepted by God and completely forgiven for all my stuff ups and screw ups.. All of them… To believe and know that God is with you always and will never leave… Wow… To know your righteous.. Perfect because of what Jesus did…. That’s freedom to live with confidence and security all your days… God doesn’t give up on me and never will… He loves me as if I was perfect and doesn’t see my sins.. My shortfalls even though I still have some and still fail… I can face each day with hope and his help and that I’m forgiven… Great is his faithfulness and He knows my heart inside when nobody understands me… I tell Him everything and He comforts me even when I don’t see a way through and when my hopes and dreams seem far away and impossible.. God also gives me great joy too a sign He is with me… Contentment another that no matter what He is with me and I can trust Him..

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Test run of my ebook

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Tyler’s Story – His Pain Our Peace

Above link via drop box is a test run to see how it looks – only the first chapter… Tyler’s story was written years ago but I’m attempting to put it all on ebook in pdf form.. Created with an iPad ap… Not really intending to make money just share the story so I guess it doesn’t have to perfect but I want it readable..

God gave me incredible out of this world peace through the birth, life and death of our infant son.. This is only one of 29 chapters of the story.. Its all finished just have to format it into ebook form and upload on the internet in one place. Its been online but not easy to read or find.

The text might be too big therefore it would come out too long a document so hope there is some way to bookmark it…

So hot here tonight.. In the midst of a heat wave and even late night my bedroom is hot and stuffy.. Too tired to format anymore..

I Need a Life Change

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Its Sunday… still in pjs…. This is going to be blunt lol and I think people will be surprised.. but this is me and its time to be completely honest and change things.. maybe sharing it honestly will help lol or scare people away..

I am doing my “2014 Create your Amazing Year life edition work book and planner” by Leonnie Dawson. I am in her academy for a year since September I think.

Doing the page that asks… Darlingheart… (and I love that) Darlingheart, what do you most want to experience 2014 as?

I could have just put the title of this blog post.. I NEED A LIFE CHANGE..

These are answers to the question above.. things I want to experience 2014 as.. Same as in photo image…

To be varied..
Im really boring.. I stay in my room too much… I don’t work because I am severely hearing impaired and I get a pension. Plus my ex husband pays child support so I get enough to live.. Also the kids and I share a house with my parents and our expenses are low… I mean I don’t have to work.. but I definitely don’t take advantage of this or live a full life I waste it.. 😦 over the years of my life.. deteriorating hearing.. marriage probs and finally over years till the divorce and beyond I just stopped a lot of things and got lazy which makes me boring..

Make plans…
I never or rarely plan.. Enough said…

Do different things..
Well that kind of goes with the varied theme above.. but I know I could do things differently and change things and that might help… I tend to do the same things the same way and eat the same foods lol… not a great person for change…

Be daring….
ha ha yes I guess sharing publicly is being daring.. so there I am doing this.. πŸ™‚ but taking some risks.. and trying new things might bring some pizazz into my life..

Stop the fricken waiting..
yes I tend to put things off.. wait for things to happen instead of make them happen.. I have dreams you know that haven’t died.. but I do nothing to help be in the right place for them to happen.. Like meeting a guy.. they don’t just knock on the family house door and ask to date you.. or meet you.. I wish..
I need to do things or be places or at least meet people to find a soul mate… Ha ha.. not just day dream… I have waited a long long time for love.. the kind of love I have dreamed about.. but he is not going to just zap into my little house is he…. I need to go meet him or at least be out there, putting myself in placees where he might run into me…

Stick at things…
I procrastinate.. I also put things off.. and I do a little of this.. and a little of that.. and then get frustrated because I have unfinished projects and mess and things mounting up I need to attend… a growing number of books that I start to read and move on to another book.. ohhhh… I feel so much better having accomplished something.. I even have books on motivation and de-cluttering and changing your life but start to read and follow and don’t finish of course..

Better organised….
on my bed beside me I have books, art supplies, diaries, papers, etc.. though my room is a lot cleaner than it can be sometimes… I have been working on that some lately.. more is required and I have to keep at it..

Busier..
well lately as its school holidays.. summer break.. I get up late.. go to bed late.. yes I think you can see how things would flow on from that.. or not flow on from that..

Bear fruit
.. is a christian concept where we think of results as per life and how your living and what is being produced.. I know because of how I am living.. I am not getting the the results I would like or have the possibility of producing..

Stop wasting time..
thats pretty obvious isn’t it. Hours can pass by and nothing to show for it.. The more aware of this I am.. the more I hate it.. but that thing I don’t want to do I end up doing..

Enjoy it.
You can just go through life and live.. or you can go through life and enjoy living.. Big difference isn’t there… In my own way I enjoy it.. but to savour the people around me better.. the experiences and every day life… It takes thought, time and application.. Set your heart and mind on that.. Also spiritually to enjoy GOD more too.. and thats something I definitely want to do more of…

Fuller year…
Fits with so much already said above.. My mother can pack so much more into a suitcase or box by her creativity and wisdom.. With more thought and wisdom and yes that word that I have hated but see the life changes it can bring.. Planning…. we can have a fuller year..

Keep moving through it with purpose…
Have you seen the soapies/drama’s where the actor or actress looks off into space for a brief moment which I have not yet ever seen another person do like that lol.. thats exactly what I do in real life but in a sharon way.. I just switch off and thats where my problems start.. when I do that.. I lose momentum and find myself distracted.. Then I move off into never never land and don’t return.. I don’t mean the never never land thats fun and frolicsome.. I mean the never never land that sucks you dry and you come back emptier and more zombie like.. To be moving.. keep going means I might commit myself and get something done and when I do have time to create, read, write, or whatever that actually might be enjoyed and find myself blessed for it at the end.

Even writing this above is good for me.. Because I am thinking about myself and life as I write and Im getting ideas on how or what to do different…. also I am writing and not wasting time.. Every time I do write its keeping my mind at work and motivating me… I will finish it so I can post.. Knowing others will see it means I want to do things differently because then I have some updates to post at a later date or just if someone says something that encourages me it does help.. Something about airing publicly that makes you realise you now have less secrets and more people know and you want to (eek) better yourself because they now know.. πŸ™‚ and its a bit embarrassing…

Many years ago when I told the deepest darkest struggles to a trusted friend… How I was struggling with lots of little kids, and a messy house, failure at doing what I should and all the problems that were going on around that time..
She said.. “But you can do better”…. wow.. I spiralled.. for a long time after that and although there have been positive changes since and much hard times too.. I still struggle with many things you can see above.. I can be a lazy and unmotivated shit.. 😦

She had it altogether.. Still has… I read a recent family christmas letter.. and the family.. still married and thriving.. kids having own families… Great jobs and many life “wow” moments..

I know I can do better.. and its not the low blow as it was back then to ponder it.. But its to do it.. keep at it.. its one thing to write it down.. know it.. but another thing altogether to get off your butt and do it.. Now to start somewhere… and invoke an amazing 2014!

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Happy New Year 8/1/2014

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My first documentation of seeking GOD for healing.. it will be my own.. I feel faith has been placed in my heart.. that its time to start believing and acting on what I believe.. And I want to record it.. Actually this will be the very start of something I believe I have prayed for – for a long long time..

1st healing.. my own.. I have been grinding my teeth.. I have also noticed a chipped front tooth.. I did take a iPhone photo.. but its not great.. I have one tooth that part of it has broken off.. one that looks like the filling has worn down.. and also my teeth are not straight.. My jaws tend to ache through the day.. and I find myself clenching my teeth often through the day.

I have personally seen diabetes symptoms gone from myself. I was diagnosed with mild lupus many years ago (have had dermatitis, achy joints, hair falling out, depression and general feeling ill all in the past) with little to no symptoms now. I prayed over my daughters feet for a couple of weeks twice a day and warts on both feet cleared up and went away completely. Also my daughter had a weird tooth that was a spare and seemed to hover over two other teeth.. sort of wedged in/over the top and it looked like it would have to be removed. I prayed over that and it fell out on its own. Recent check of her teeth apart from being cleaned by dentist (perfect teeth no problems found).
The warts disappearing from her feet was actually the most amazing because both my daughter and I witnessed that healing through concentrated prayer and she saw the whole thing happen whereas I was the only one who could see her weird tooth..

It is a bumper year this year; my word for this year is “Jubilee” and the signs I’m seeing are pointing to the same. Its time to believe for a harvest of healing, especially salvation, deliverance plus restoration of families and marriages!

Im not going to write out special prayers or even say special prayers or fast.. it will be twice daily application of concentrating on the above issues with my mouth, teeth, jaw and against TMJ (google that if interested to know more) and seeking GOD and believing for a healthy mouth, good teeth and no jaw or teeth or grinding problems. Even that my teeth are healthy and straight and no abnormalities. I have not been diagnosed with TMJ professionally but the symptoms similar and as a child was referred to an orthodontist for braces but never got them fitted. I will write about anything that happens and that I notice and in the coming days document it. All of the healing mentioned above has not been instant but I am not ruling that out because GOD can do anything..

As to why now?

Teeth are important… I believe in healing this will be something I will share publicly.. I have faith for it and I have seen healing happen when I applied myself to seeking GOD about it. I use the word apply – dictionary meaning (put into service) because it doesn’t just seem to happen on its own but I have studied extensively the bible and read many books by people who work in the healing ministry and have knowledge that healing has been paid for already by Jesus and belongs to us and is for us today so I am simply going to believe I receive it for myself for the aforesaid issues and see what happens!! I am not going to discuss why I believe in healing or go into lengthy writing about what exactly I believe but simply share what happens to myself.

I have taken a very rough type of photo of my teeth which looks gross lol but I feel it must be added because as I return to add another photo of my same teeth in the future and it looks different I want to clearly document that there has been a change and by this photo being posted here and dated and witnessed then it can be clearly seen that I am indeed honest and not hiding anything.. I want to show proof!!

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