I haven’t blogged personally for a little while and yesterday I really enjoyed a course that I’m doing at Brave Girl University called ‘Soul Restoration’ and it was up to the topic of boundaries. Many years ago someone I knew suggested that I read a book about boundaries but I didn’t really look into it. They thought it be good for me because of the struggles that I had at the time.
I realized today during the course that I wasn’t able to think about boundaries in my life back than because I wasn’t feeling good about myself and didn’t see anything worth protecting.
But today while I was reading the captions on the videos and thinking of what Melody was saying I realized that I do value myself now and this truly appears as the next step to getting my trust back to venture out into the world.
To feeling that I will not be destroyed or struggle excessively in the process.
I didn’t value myself so I let whomever come into my soul house and disrespect me and now I have tools to change that and to help myself when I face disrespect and people who do things/say things that don’t honour my value or trigger me in not so nice a way.
I can distance myself from that person and not let that person affect me to my detriment because I trusted them into my sacred space. I no longer have to allow their behaviour to destroy me because I took it to heart and let it churn me up inside..
It’s so helpful and timely, especially because this class was talking about people that come in and disrespect you like narcissists and I’ve dealt with these kinds of people before and learning how to cope with them has been a major problem area and one I’ve struggled with repeatedly.
I unfortunately play along with thier games. I dance the dance. I feel I have to be nice even though the person is in no way valuing me.
This course is exactly what I need at this point!!
I feel confidence building that I now have tools to help me make wiser choices and it’s all extremely encouraging because it’s like God saying to me hey I see what you’ve gone through here is some help!!
Even though I’ve kind of felt alone with this, a couple of people know but mostly I’m alone with this. The information in my path today it’s giving me much needed encouragement that I’m not going crazy. That this is a real thing in my life and God doesn’t want me to keep being defeated & anxious by it. HE cares about me and I see it as HIS hand upon me. HE has helped me learn my value, the truth of HIS presence & HIS unending love and I’m so thankful that through my faith HE always re-enforces my worth despite my imperfections.
I did some art journal pages on my feelings yesterday after going through the class material and I felt hope welling up inside for moving forward and not being so stuck by past experiences.
Leaving this long lonely stretch of life behind..
I feel for a long time that I have had to mostly shut the world out you know cuz it’s been so hard. I’ve dealt with some really difficult people over a long period and I have not been able to cope well with that and heal at the same time. I’ve not known the next step so I retreat because I always feel I have to be on the defence instead of the offence.
What these people said to me and how these people treated me has lived continually on in my head and heart and I am no longer giving it permission to stay inside me anymore.
And wonderfully this teaching isn’t about other people changing because that may not happen any time soon or at all. It’s about me making decisions to keep my heart & soul safe. Not giving anything that hurts me or anyone unsafe room in my life and finding a different way to live that honours my truth & value in the world.
I don’t have to just take it inside myself anymore I can shut the door. I can say NO MORE because I don’t like the way that I’m being treated and I can step away from it and I can put some distance between myself and that person.
With a bit of distance I can let them be themselves and not be taking anything they say on board and I feel so empowered. It feels like I’m no longer a victim. It feels like I’m strong and and I can keep my peace, and not react to what might happen next if people still do the same stuff to me..
I’m filled instead by the truth about myself that I’m worth protecting and it doesn’t have to be challenged every time someone undervalues me, that it is about me because I’ve had that said to me. I’ve heard it said that it’s not about me but no it is about me and I can say I’m valuable and I don’t like this. If I don’t like how I’m treated I don’t have to just put up with it and oh my gosh I feel much more confident to go out there and find people who do care about me.
I can say well hey that’s what you think, but I know the truth about myself.. This boundary teaching was absolutely 100% on point and exactly what I need.. I am saying thank you, thank you God so much, so much!
I can choose what comes into my soul house I do have to take it on board.
I thank God for this and Melody Ross!!