Author Archives: eternalpeacechild

About eternalpeacechild

I'm a 46 year old single mother of 5 children, 3 currently live with me.. I am an expressive soul, love GOD, love life and enjoy blogging, creating art journals and social media. I find my world opens up & expands online because I'm hearing impaired so I cannot communicate with others in the natural as I would like too.

#metoo

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If I compared my story to others I wouldn’t share it at all. It doesn’t seem bad enough. It was just one moment on a night many years ago. But like other deep issues I have shared openly about in the past. Being honest and authentic is powerful and freeing and can help others as well as help me..

Too many times I have missed the boat. I have waited too long to say something and the moment has passed by. I am doing so now because others are too. It did happen and it was scary. I was lucky it was not far worse and that I woke up and could get away and that it never happened again. I felt vulnerable after wards. I often think of my own daughters and how I want to protect them maybe if they read this it will help them think about who they are with and what can happen. I hope they know they can always tell me anything. I will share with them who it was because I believe you think it cannot happen to you. But it can and it can be a shock that it can be someone one knows.

There is a time to share and a time to be silent. I think this is the time to share. Especially when many others are sharing openly too. Who knows what God can do through us sharing our stories. Who might be helped and that we might somehow open eyes to prevent things like this happening again if that is possible.

I had to search for the meaning of sexual assault because if I didn’t know I would think it was only rape.

But it also means attacks such as rape or attempted rape, as well as any unwanted sexual contact or threats. Usually a sexual assault occurs when someone touches any part of another person’s body in a sexual way, even through clothes, without that person’s consent.” ~ From a google search.

I was 18 or 19. It is very hard for me to share this because of what actually happened and who did it. I am afraid and I don’t think it helps anyone to name this person here. I am not going to say much at all actually. But I was drinking one night with some other people and went to bed alone not far away from where the other people I was with slept.
I was living in a caravan and I am pretty sure I would have locked my door but I cannot be 100%. I do not know how drunk I was. But I was sleeping soundly so soundly I didn’t hear anything until I was woken. I woke up to find someone in bed with me and they were touching my body in very sexual ways. At first after the intital shock wore off and I guess I must have been still groggy because I didn’t freak out though I am sure my heart was racing.

I at first thought it was my boyfriend at the time; he was sleeping somewhere else close by.
I think because I was so alarmed I was too frightened to speak, so instead cause it was still dark. I used my hand to feel if it was him. Tried to recognize his body and what he felt like in the dark. My hand felt along the body up to this persons throat and I remember feeling a chain around their neck. Now my boyfriend did not wear jewelery?!? So I immediately knew it was not him. Because of the people I was with before I went to bed were not far away and this person was one of them. I recognized who it was and I got out of that bed as quickly I could and fled. I was bawling when I got to what I considered a safe place and woke up my boyfriend. I don’t remember much else. My cries woke up the other people and I had no desire to return to my caravan till the next day.

Nothing like that has ever happened again. The person who was responsible I do not know when they left the caravan and what happened to them after wards. I actually don’t think I ever saw them much again if ever. Apart from the people present I told no one else perhaps one or two others years later on. I couldn’t sleep well for a long time. Even though this person was not around I would check and recheck that I locked the door. I would sleep facing towards the door (as if that would protect me) and for a long time I couldn’t sleep easily without fearing someone would come into my caravan again.

I don’t think it was any more than that person just touching my body under my clothes and being in my bed with me and of course the shock of waking up to find this person in my bed. But I was either sleeping soundly or drunk and don’t remember anything more. I don’t recall any evidence that my body had been raped thank God.. But it is still eerie and scary that I did not hear anything (I am deaf now but back than at that age my hearing was perfect)and that I did not feel the bed move or feel the person climb into bed with me. It was a caravan double bed and I slept on the side closest to the door. There was not much room around the sides of the bed and I think the other side was attached to the wall? But I cannot remember. He was on the other side of the bed and like me had been drinking earlier and was not a small sized person. That gives me a very weird feeling but I know I did nothing to cause it. It was something that happened to me. I know other stuff since.. But I can’t say it because of what it relates too. Yes perhaps sharing this people I know will add things up or guess but if so please speak privately I just feel this is all I want to say right now. I am unfortunately fairly transparent though I am trying not to be here not to protect this person but because it is my story and that is all it is meant to be. I am not trying to make trouble for anyone but just share what happened to me.

It is something one would consider very hush hush.. And it was a long time ago I am 47 now.. I wish I could say more. But I really don’t feel I can.

I am so glad people are speaking up about sexual assault. I just hope awareness and bravery change things for everyone.

I want to thank Cristy for sharing her story today on face book. Often these days I have little motivation. Little to no direction. Though when I saw the #metoo surfacing around social platforms I thought should I share my story too? I have been thinking about it and her sharing opened the door for me to share today. To share anything these days is a miracle for me. So much has shut me down. To find something/anything these days to connect me to others is so precious beyond words. It is powerful beyond sharing what has happened. It is knowing you are not alone with what you face in this world and others bravery invites you to do the same.  I just feel empowered like I haven’t for quite some time and therefore I do not completely disappear or shut down but I have a reason and opportunity to speak up too.

To share like this when I feel so little going on in my creative life and my physical life is more like a stunted plant. It is incredibly encouraging and gives me hope for everything else. I am thanking God for HE is what keeps me going. I see all things work together for good. HE uses pain. HE uses things in our past. HE uses our brokenness.. HE uses people in our path. HE uses our gifts such as my writing and desire to share openly. So even though so much in my life doesn’t make a lot of sense. I can trust HIM to use this too.

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Buried Treasure

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I am so thankful that I won a place a while back in a course by an online artist friend called Jen Morris. Called ‘Journalling Into the Deep”.. I’ve been plodding through this course at a snails pace.. Just knowing how blessed I am to have been selected to win this 9 week course has helped me keep at it.. so very grateful.. 

To better explain I’ve been facing a life crushing lack of motivation in recent months and nothing much has sparked my soul to create so this has been a real God send..

My writing and art journal page below are my thoughts on one of the excercises.. Dealing with looking forward and using visualisation to see what my life might be like in 5 years if I didn’t use my hearts desires and dreams and left them as buried treasure.. 

** Really surprised with this one.. I don’t like my writing but I share it and let loose anyway.. I got a real inner sense of how much difference I do make.. 

I’m a total introvert.. hardly see a soul week in week out.. stay at home single mother so I’m a homebody most always.. online is where I love to be.. so I can find happiness as I am.. 

I love sharing my art journals too on Instagram/face book and I have a blog also but haven’t blogged in ages.. I think I might share this though!! Here I am!! 

I don’t get a lot of response to my sharing so there is nothing physical, as in signs that my getting less than I am, would make much difference in the world.. 

Yet as I visualised my life and leaving my treasures buried and not pressing on with the desires of my heart and the things I love to do.. I did get a real sense of it being a darker place.. a real sense of quite a negative impact not only for me but it really felt like it would impact others as well.. quite severely.. Considering my life and apparent hiddenness from the world it encourages me that my art does more than just keep me occupied..  

A quote I’ve loved in the past came to my mind.. from the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”..

Clarence the Angel: ‘Strange isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives.. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?

Find out more about Jen Morris and what she offers at her web site –  Jen Morris Creative  

My Life

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A month of paying attention August Break 2017

I Crave

I crave Art Supplies to Art Journal & create special occasion cards!!! These are some of my newest.. Copics which are expensive so a few every now and again (can refill them),  clear stamps I bought bulk through a local face book group so decided to stamp them all in a note book so I can easily see what I have.. Planner girl stamps by Angie Blom bought at Unity Stamps shipped from USA cause I got extra money around Tax time.. So thankful.. World Stamp from Riot Art on sale.. 

Stamps are forever they are my absolute favourite.. 



Vintage

I think my kids probably think I’m vintage now ha ha.. they remind me I’m nearly 50.. half a century..  

I really wish these were the ones handed down to me from my Grandma.. but alas I was given some when she passed away and as a younger woman didn’t value them.. 😦

I gave them away.. I bought these locally in recent years because they remind me of countless cups of tea with home made scones I had with Grandma and they are beautiful. 

Grandma had a tiny little kitchen but still managed to create scrumptious home cooked meals which were always served with a cup of tea in a dainty little cup & saucer.. 

Here is my Grandma Jones holding our youngest daughter Zali (who is now 16)  whom thankfully she got to meet & hold before she went to heaven. 




Confessions 

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A month of paying attention August Break 2017

One Wish

That I could speak truthfully about everything without fear, without guilt, without shame.. Being fully myself without censoring & I’m getting there slowly.. 

Journal page created as part of a course I’m doing called [Journaling Into the Deep] by Jen Morris Creative..  clearing emotional clutter.. 



Love Notes

From my children.. whom are my life, my breath, my heart. Precious oh so precious.. So very thankful to God I am a mother.. ❤

Lavender

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A month of paying attention.. August Break 2017 

My mother regularly grows Lavender in our garden.  I’ve always loved the smell of it. My youngest daughter bought me this heating pillow for Mother’s Day & it’s filled with it and oh my it smells so good especially when it is heated the smell is just so powerful.. 

I get terrible monthly cramps and the warmth & smell help calm and comfort me at theses times, it was a very thoughtful and useful gift.. 

Postcards

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A month of paying attention.. August Break 2017 

Postcards, family photos, invites, relatives & friends pics, magnets, niece & nephews art work, petrol vouchers.. odds and ends..The refrigerator is a great place to keep these special things.. where you see them & are reminded of them every day.. to be honest I’m not great at organisation.. So yes some things could be taken down. This is my life though.. 

As two of my children & I share a house with my parents. There are two refrigerators in our kitchen.. 

I have to laugh at my mum’s photos, you kind of expect the people to be the same when you see them again next just like in the pictures; those I don’t see often but children grow up and we all age.. ❤️

Month of Paying Attention

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Glass 

I fussed over this because I did not know what I could photograph that was glass and make it interesting.. than late yesterday afternoon I had to run my daughters’ friend home and passed our local lake. 

The Glass House of course.. famous for housing Begonia’s; we even have a festival for them around March.. Sorry the pic is a bit dark.. our last month of winter but Spring soon.. Had to wait till the wind blew the Australian Flag enough so it showed!! 



My Eyes

I don’t like close ups.. my eyes are hazel green.. more hazel than green.. I was really fatigued so yeah EVERY line and EVERY year of my age 47 shows on my face 😩


Favourite Novel

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August Break 2017 – A Month of Paying attention. 

Most of the books I read of late have been art type books.. the how to kind.. I love love books but I do not pick them up often enough.. I haven’t valued them enough 😦 

I looked for my favourite childhood book to add here and I could kick myself because I can’t find it. It was so well read with dog eared pages..   In all the hard times I’ve had I haven’t valued myself and neither all the things I love.. 

Twilight I have read this quite a few times.. loved the movies too.. fiction you can imagine yourself into the story and let it carry your young girls heart.. especially being a single, even if middle aged, woman.. even though the characters are based on young love.. The way Edward loved Bella.. protected her.. supernatural romantic fierce and to the end kind of love..  it’s why I enjoy it.. The way the family stuck together and embraced his choice even welcoming Bella, though she was different.. swoon.. swoon.. swoon 😍❤️️

A month of paying attention

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Away for a few days so playing catch up. Posting pictures every day of August.. this is for the 3rd of August to today the 5th of August. See earlier posts for link with more information.. 

Roses are not in season/bloom in our part of the world. 

Roses
Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? 


Where I live 

Winter starkness.. Two children & I house share with my parents; Uncle lives in a camper van on the property too.. I’m a single mother on a disability pension.. So it means my family have more money to spend.. overheads are much cheaper.. We live at the back of this house which is a big house.. sharing kitchen & laundry.. my parents live at the front.. 

Bicycle 

Visiting oldest son with youngest daughter who lives in Melbourne for a few days so this was taken today on our little break away.. Lots of city people ride bicycles & I couldn’t help getting a bit of street art in too because this suburb of Fitzroy is well known for it. 

Gold

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A month of paying attention during August via Susannah Conway. 

August Break 2017 – links to other blogs taking part. 

Today’s word is ‘Gold’ and what better golden beauty than bright yellow daffodils stretching up towards our winter sun.. They remind me Spring is coming & warmer weather.. I had to capture the clouds too because they were wispy & feather like.