It is like coming full cycle. When you create a piece of art and literally see it healing you as you create it.
Right place. Right time. Neither looking up or down. Neither being afraid of emotions or controlled by them or shut down because you cannot express them or nobody sees them. They are running unchecked, oh so free and it is the most beautiful thing in my world up till this moment.
Those tears do not symbolize sadness oh no but I have cried rivers so they are my truth. Part of my story.
They represent the healing art expression is to me. Art has given me my voice back. My power back. I have come to a place where I can be fully myself and it is a huge contentment plus.
I am not in need of anything or anyone. I love that for a deaf person I am mostly expressing the eyes and face atm and in this art piece the head/face is where it is at. Which speaks of intimacy and eyes represent windows to my soul which when expressing my emotions has kept me alive.. Art expression is powerful when I am feeling invisible, rejected, shame, powerless and I am alone & unsupported hurting more than anyone could ever know.
Which strangles the life in me when it is all shut up inside and I cannot communicate. I notice though I am not having to look straight ahead for anyone’s validation here. I am looking to what I have within me and expressing that right where I am as I am. I see incredible strength in my art today. I see bravery and I’m proud of myself that because I trusted in Gods Spirit & His Kingdom within.. I never gave up and I found a way through the madness.
I am looking to my art brush, to Holy Spirit.. to do what humanly has been impossible for me to do in my own power.
I have so enjoyed this 61 days of creating an index card daily.
Link here to what this challenge is all about. HERE..
I am on day 38 I think. I maybe a little behind the rest. But you know I took my time with this. If you only knew me personally you would know I am not a ‘take my time person’ with anything. And I mean that with sincerity. Not because I am a lay-back relaxed soul. But I do things as easily and quickly as I can. Can’t be bothered cooking or taking the time to prepare meals. The easier the better. I do not spend countless hours house cleaning or applying make up, maintaining my nails and doing my hair eek.. That is quite something for a woman to say these things.
But this art today. I took my time and it felt really good. Using my art supplies is good. It is just good all round. Because I was not being distracted but putting my heart and soul into it. I just do not always care for things as I could they have felt meaningless. A long time ago when I was struggling harder with life. I just dropped so many things to survive and which sucked energy that I needed to concentrate to staying head above water.
As time went on. I didn’t really get my heart back to much of what I dropped.. Some here and there. It is why I faded from so many radars.
So it pleases me that I can see my heart beating with meaning again. I have not blogged in ages either. But today I wanted to say more about ALL that is going on in myself which for the most part stays with me and ohh yes one online friend lol who gets a lot of it shared with them.
Art expression truly has helped me release the need to explain myself. And I have just kept up practicing drawing and painting and improving myself. I had no direction for so long oh dear. So very very long. So to see myself creating daily is cleansing to my soul and immensely purposeful.
I concentrate on what is within me to come out through my art rather than long lengthy explanations which I cannot be bothered with anyway. I mean the people around me have dwindled away in droves so I have had lots of time to hone my skills lol not that I always do. But God opened up a way for me to bring the inward out. I have mostly been alone in it. But you have to be don’t you. I can’t really concentrate on hearing as I am creating being deaf. I cannot listen to music even or have the tv on. Because I cannot catch enough of the programe by snippets of here and there. This is something hearing people take for granted. You can turn your head away and still hear. I have to be literally concentrating 100% and reading text or subtitles or your lips and I still miss so much. So its nice to just not have to try for hours while I create. Actually I lose all senses to the outside world. I think only about what I am creating.. so much peace in this..
So instead I hone in on what I am creating.. Full attention you know. These little index cards are simple and there is no end to what you could create with them. I enjoy following the tags on Instagram to see others interpretations of daily prompts. Day 38’s was palette.
I have challenged myself with the prompts but also I just so love that my spirit can so easily these days just hear a prompt and off my mind goes to bring forth different ideas in all directions. I have had more people noticing my art in this challenge then ever before. I can see the value of daily art and also what concentrated effort and joy brings forth. Immense joy to do these. Obviously the ones I pour more time into I find the most joy from.
People stopping to notice on social media and family members saying things to me when they see me. Wow!!!
I just want my art to be my heart blazing outwardly and being seen and my peace and faith and joy to be evident.. Yes even when the emotions are falling thick and fast I am not afraid anymore.. For so long I have lived a very tiny part of what’s inside of me on the outside but now the dam has broken and I am releasing what I think is my most soulful art to date.
Thank YOU Thank YOU LORD for art expression and how motivated I am in art these days I know I have had oh dear maybe years of sitting and shutting down and instead of flow reduced to dripping tap which mostly only annoys people.
I am also going to add a poem I woke up in middle of the night a few days ago to write. But I have had to change the ending today. Because putting my heart out into the world is not all that I need. I need connection too.. Connection has been my word of 2018. There is nothing like feedback, support, a word or more from people around you to give your artist heart even stronger wings then ever before. It can only get better from here…
To rise. .
To be present.
To be seen.
To be heard.
To show my heart.
To bridge the gap.
Between you and me.
So instead of nothing.
There is something.
What I need.
Is to know.
I am out in the world.
I am available.
It is enough.
But also it isn’t.
Not when I’m alone.
I look for you.
I wait for you.
I miss you.
I don’t want to be alone.
I need you.
I want to acknowledge your heart.
But I can’t communicate with you.
Will you meet me?
Where I can understand you too.
See my art.
It is where our hearts can meet as one.
Bridge the gap.
Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!