Tag Archives: Soul

Touched By An Angel

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Just a lovely moment I wanted to share..

The Spirit is moving!! God does use angels to touch our hearts!! Connecting us in a myriad of incredible ways even across the world.. providing comfort, inspiration and strength.

I love Instagram it’s where I get so much inspiration.. meet with countless creative souls and also share my own photos & art.

Today I found myself at the Instagram account of Roma Downey. She posted a photo of her close friend Della Reese who recently passed.. It’s of a keepsake printed for family and friends as they came together to celebrate her life..

I’ve loved and admired both these women because of the tv series “Touched by an Angel”. Anyway I left a comment on the post saying something like “You will see her again one day.. but I know it’s hard to wait ❤️️.”

Not long after she liked my comment..

ATM there is over 3,000 comments and I don’t know how many were there when I posted but to even try to respond to so many is amazing..

Anyway what was most amazing is that I felt that exact moment in my heart.. I literally felt something touching my spirit when I saw a message pop up on my phone that Roma liked it..

I stood there a moment hand to my heart and experienced a real connection which is hard to explain but there’s an awareness of a connection with Roma’s spirit at that exact moment.. Heaven moving inside you l really don’t know how to explain it.. but it feels exquisite..

Once my feet touched the floor again I had to immediately go back and share that because something tangible was happening.. Roma is grieving.. it’s hard to say goodbye to someone we love no matter how many lovely memories and times we share.. you just miss their presence..

I just hoped that sharing that small moment might do the same and comfort her heart.. of course not even knowing if she’d see it..

Spirit transcends our grief, time barriers and also distance in some amazing way.. Amazingly she did see it!!

Snap shot of what I shared and Roma’s response below.. 😍 I realise re-reading it I spelt Della’s name wrong 😩.. somehow though Spirit & Angels work though our imperfections too.. we really do need to see the heart sometimes because flesh so easily err’s..

Also a digital art piece I did because of all this.. Using a photo of my own angel statue from my art desk.. It’s like a pictorial black out poetry piece except I’ve blocked out pieces of the photo using words from items in my desk as the poem.. and added a few images to it as well.. Poem is not the right word though but I’m trying to explain how I did it.

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Untitled

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I can’t think of a suitable title. So ‘Untitled’ is perfect. There are no words for how I am feeling today.
I am vulnerable and weak. Apart from a very late night pickup of teenagers at an out of town party.. Running on little sleep. I have been fasting food since Friday night or rather that was the last time I ate.
Prayer and fasting. For a very close friend. My best friend. The reasons are private but this friend has been more loyal than anyone else I know. The scripture says there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. And this friend is all that. Today I could break it but I don’t want too at least not yet. The scripture “when I weak, HE is strong”… is resonating inside me right now. I feel that power too. My stomach is growling and loudly but I feel this surge and I know it’s GOD in me and that is just a little too good to want it to end. And I NEED that. My friend needs that. Our world needs that. And I can use it.. I can use the emotion the spiritual elation. That hunger for food mirrors the emptiness of my life and the crazy life of lack that dogs me. The areas that crave connection to the point I have thought at times of not existing at all in this world. Because it has felt too much to bare. Too impossibly hard to yearn for physical connection I have missed out on and fall so short with. I know even though I am a loner, a self confessed introvert I still need soul connections. I need someone else but close and deep not shallow. Yes even I need not to be alone or not feel alone.

It reminds me of a movie I watched called ‘New Moon’ when Bella misses Edward. He suddenly removes himself from her life and she is desperate for him. Absolutely lost and desolate without his presence. But she finds out when she is in danger or testing her human limits that he appears to her and she goes out seeking similar so she can see him again.

Once before in my life I relied on religion and it was everything. Form, rules, obedience and routine to ritually act out what the bible says and what others who believed were doing too, what I believed Christianity was and what was expected of me. I would attend with my family and I was desperate when I had my own family for us to all be in the building together but my than husband was not as passionate the same as me and more often than not was not with me and it felt empty and I started to feel alone even in a crowd. We didn’t share it in life or religion the same.. Often I just went religiously with my children for a long long time desperate and hungry but you just say hello I am fine instead of tell it like it is. It was hard with 5 little children to do it without help and sometimes I was so busy with the children going in and out of the service for different needs I wasn’t gaining anything at all. I have attended a church since I was an infant in my parents arms up til maybe 4 years ago. Maybe its longer :/

The point in sharing this is. When I stopped going, when I lost that huge part of my life. My desire for God was still very much there I just wasn’t able to rely on those things anymore. I had to have GOD 24/7 not just sundays and with fanfare. I had to have HIM with me always and I knew HE was there because HE said HE was and I believed HIM. I just felt the trappings were distracting me and depressing me. Cause while I sat there all I could think of was all that I was missing and it sucked.
Due to traumas I have gone through I just couldn’t fit in a service with people’s backs to me. Unable to hear what was going on (deaf) and feeling so disconnected. It felt very fake and I couldn’t do it any longer. I was also failing miserably at keeping the show going. My performance level was zip. So much mental energy at keeping my family together that had now separated. And just found myself tossing out everything that drained me and kept only the most important things close to my heart. That was in every sense of the word. Physical, mental, people etc… If it harmed me, I lost interest, it went or eventually I weeded it out. Many people weeded themselves out lol without my help. 🙂 Perhaps it was God or it was just my way to cope. I don’t know.

Spiritually though my story feels like it was just been beginning. When you are not relying on one way anymore you adapt and do things differently. You flow into a new way, a different way and Gods Spirit became my comfort, joy, peace and strength. My everything. Art became so very important too like it was my hands on and my physical way to be a part of the process so that I wasn’t just sitting numbly I was flowing and active.

Creativity in expressing myself and how my spirit was moving and flowing. It became a main way to communicate though because a majority of people in the world do not see art/spirit the way I do I lost even more contact with people. I guess the more I slipped away from outwardly living the more important it became to me and the more people lost contact with me too. I don’t blame them for not getting me anymore. I just missed what I could have with them. What I wanted with them.. Deep soul. Getting each other and not just here and there but always having it. I don’t mean I needed to be in their faces or they in mine. But there are people you don’t see but when you do see them you just pick up again where you left off. You aren’t stressed in any way by time that has passed or anything one might call as lack. You just enjoy the here and now. Why on earth can’t I find those people???

On-line was easiest it still is. People who are heart people or spiritual people get me most. And strangely even with little contact you have depth and connectivity that is amazingly satisfying but it is a different realm. Many still do not recognize it but if you are aware or even start to be aware your eyes are opened to something pretty amazing.

I guess that is why today that weakness from no food is so powerful. Because I am diverting myself away from regular patterns and relying on being full with food and that physical energy. I am not eating and I am not thinking about food, not concentrating on my physical needs. I am tapping into my spirit/soul realm and despite the growling stomach and the need to get up and feed my body.. I am aware of a force within myself that is strong and fired up and its the me I am most in touch with and perhaps 95% do not know. God with me. In me. Helping me.. Me and HIM as one yet separate…
I mean honestly that is miraculous. It is so loud and clear to me that all is not lost. HE has not left me like so many humans have. HE is beautifully present and ridiculously crystal clear when I am not physically strong or not caught up in the ‘Do this.. Be that’… just wow.

I am better able to be aware of things normally that are quiet or even absent in myself. Like even as I am typing this my clarity of events and feelings are coming together in ways which are beyond anything I have realized before. I have read about how if you can keep on this path, push yourself out of comfort zones, push through doubts, blank pages, writers block, life block, gremlins of the art world/or one might call them demons or doubts about yourself even.. Just Being…
That tell you everything you are not and repeat to you all your failures and that paralyze you from growth and improvement and just enjoying life. You reach a place where you are literally tapping into sacred ground and into the highest power.. I suppose people might flinch and say ‘New Age’ which is a no no in Christian circles but only if you throw out the baby with the bath water. It is all God, Jesus, Holy Spirit to me yet in me. HE is the one I credit but this is the miracle that the kingdom of heaven is within. So I get to be the container of the most spiritual proportions in my own unique quality. 100% me flavored lol. The fragile vessel that HE says shows HIM up best. That there I like.. I like very very much.

You wanna see GOD. Just look inside me. ❤

Confessions 

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A month of paying attention August Break 2017

One Wish

That I could speak truthfully about everything without fear, without guilt, without shame.. Being fully myself without censoring & I’m getting there slowly.. 

Journal page created as part of a course I’m doing called [Journaling Into the Deep] by Jen Morris Creative..  clearing emotional clutter.. 



Love Notes

From my children.. whom are my life, my breath, my heart. Precious oh so precious.. So very thankful to God I am a mother.. ❤

Soul Smashing

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Day 21 Soul Smashing.. 30 day Journal Project. Obviously I have not done this in 30 continuous days lol.

“It’s hard to go. It’s scary and lonely… and half the time you’ll be wondering why the hell you’re in Cincinnati or Austin or North Dakota or Mongolia or wherever your melodious little finger-plucking heinie takes you.
There will be boondoggles and discombobulated days, freaked-out nights and metaphorical flat tires.
But it will be soul-smashingly beautiful..
It will open up your life.”

— Cheryl Strayed

Prompt..

It has opened up my life…

Oh absolutely. I mean it gives me a story to tell unlike anyone else’s stories. I am just going to share this little moment I had recently.

I have a heap of books on the go. Don’t look at my Good Reads account and my personal list of books I’ve added there.. lol I have SO MANY books on it that I have started reading and stopped and picked up something else. Oh my. My latest addition is ‘The Artist’s Way’ because a reference to it keeps showing up over and over and I am taking it as a sign. 🙂
In this book it suggests doing morning pages. 3 pages of writing anything at all just to get it on the page and out of you. Apparently this is supposed to help unclog our creative flow. Even if all you can say is ‘I cannot write today I have nothing to say.’ over and over. Getting yourself into a writing ritual and it isn’t meant to be pondered and it’s just for your own eyes.
I have done Morning pages for two days now.

I found myself writing about the difficulties I have had with other people who have gossiped about me and how it has possibly ruined my reputation or clouded people’s opinions of me. I will not quote myself here because it’s personal and I have never learned to write in such a way people cannot see right through me. I am not about ruining anyone else either. Of course I am not 100% about what things these tongues are saying about me. It is just that a lot of people have been indifferent towards me for quite some time and if I put two and two together I suspect that this is what has happened. I have had fall outs with a few people and I have spoken about such here on my blog and on social media. Never to out or gossip about people but to cope with it, survive it. Anyway I was sharing about this today in my Morning Pages and something else completely unrelated came into my path almost immediately after.

It has amazed me and indeed smashes my soul and is perfect for this prompt for Day 21 of 30 days.

I randomly picked up a book of Sonnets by William Shakespeare and was flicking through it. The thought bouncing around inside my head was that possibly reading one sonnet a day could help my creative inspiration or even just that I could see if the book was worth keeping. I have a very bad habit of collecting books and art supplies and ‘gulp’ not always using them. I have been slowly weeding out one thing daily and today I wanted to see if this one was worth keeping for reading, cutting up, or getting rid of. Yes I do cut up good books but most of them I pick up second hand at thrift stores so although it is still strange to cut up books I feel more justified doing so with old/used books.

At first glance I thought why am I bothering with such writing. Old style poetry/sonnets? Kept browsing looking for pics to cut out and keep and I was almost going to just ditch it when I found a sonnet with crow pics that caught my eye. I love crows. I see them all the time when I walk and I don’t know they seem to watch over me almost. Keep me company because they are simply always there.. I identify with them. They are seen as a bad omen by some yet I see great goodness in them. Birds created by God and HE takes care of them. Many scriptures about God caring for birds.

So I gave the sonnet No.70 my undivided attention. I can thank the recent Mental health and literature University course I’ve done for teaching me the value and strength of writing like this. To look deeper into it. Not expecting every word to make sense but to read out loud or ponder it and stay with it’s words and meanings and identify with the heart of the poet/author. I even went on-line to see if I could find the actual poets meaning of it. Lo and behold it echoed much the same as my feelings and thoughts I had written in my Morning pages, of course not in so eloquent of words but woah!!!

Just like that a bridge appears in my life. A bridge that connects me here in the future to the past, via my own frustrations and struggles and links me to what William Shakespeare for his own reasons wrote so very long ago. It is at this point I’m blown away with the unique timing of it’s appearing. The similarity spanning ages and my soul just sighs.

I can’t help acknowledging God immediately. I just sit and let the moment sink in. I just see so clearly as I study the words in the sonnet that the similarities found show something much deeper and far more reaching is at work. I think my jumbled and mis-matched life just makes it that much more of a miracle that this sort of connection happens. It kind of says to me something greater is working in and through us all which does link past, present and future.

I AM going to cut this sonnet out and use it in an art journal page. How mysterious that a sonnet penned so very long ago connects with me in 2017 and so beautifully describes to me similar feelings. It encourages me that all is not lost. Using Crows as well none the less.
Strengthening me that such things said about oneself shall not be to one’s defect! One’s worth shown to be greater simply because tongues have indeed risen against.

Such moments of connection do indeed happen so often in my creative life that I swoon over them and it is why I naturally want to be arty. Heart is overjoyed and my whole outlook is lighter. I feel a huge overriding sense of a past and present oneness of Spirit and at least at this moment can see it all melds together. That no matter what happens and how strange it might seem all peoples’ throughout time have experienced such. Identifying a similarity, a common thread and it comforts me. I am helped by these words in this sonnet which I will copy a pic from the book here below.. It is extraordinary.

I think to myself. For something as powerful as a connection like this to happen in a small tiny random moment in my life. How much more is happening out there to all of us that maybe we are not yet aware of but it IS still out there working beautifully and hopefully my sharing might make someone else notice soul smashing moments too.  Gives one incredible fortitude to think of the similarity of Spirit connecting us all.

 

When it comes to dirt roads… 

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JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project
Day 12
DIRT
“Of all the paths you take in life,
make sure a few of them are dirt.”
— John Muir

Today’s Journal Prompt:
When it comes to dirt roads…I am off the beaten track. There is the direction the majority takes and there is me. It has not been choice for the most part but rather that I just don’t need to fit into the mainstream anymore. The funny thing is we are told to go out into the world. Internet is a great world bringer together and a perfect going out all over the world vehicle. And yet majority live from the position and conduct of where they are and how they are rather than the spirit within themselves being the transporter into the world via self.

 
I see myself as one who has shot off the main stream into a smaller off shoot stream but the same current did carry me here. It happened to me rather than by me. I just went with the flow even though it is different to others. I do not have the fortitude to go back upstream neither the desire either. I go with it. There is no turning back for me. Force beyond myself that propels me forward and I have no idea where I am going I just know I am not alone even though it feels it. Spiritual sense of greater connection and purpose.
When I think of the word ‘dirt’ I think of earthy, I think of natural basic core. I think of dirt as perhaps bumpy, different and unforced perhaps a little rough and very spontaneous. I think of slowing down to enjoy the journey and being in the moment wherever you are. I think of adventure. I think of bare necessities. I think of getting lost but being found.

 

I am at a place in my life where I am out of my comfort zone. Not living from a throng of people around to influence me or support me or validate me. Not too many distractions. It is rather by the moment existence. Look up. Look within. When things around me line up I am glad it gives me intuitive vision to keep trudging on. This inner compass doesn’t say what will happen or how or what is next. It just appears from time to time and you feel things are right. Hard to explain. Relying on peace to guide me. If there is no peace I want nothing to do with it. If there is peace I can cope with just about anything at all and get through it no matter what it is.

 
As I was praying today this scripture has become a base for my prayers.

Ephesians 1:8 ‘the eyes of your heart being enlightened, in order for you to know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.’

As I said earlier it feels very much this ‘path’ is my calling. Yet I do not understand it and it can be very strange and much like being in unknown territory. It seems selfish. It seems in denial of all that most believe and are being. It seems almost defiant. IT IS a different track to most. A lot of believers talk about being holy, clean and pure. But this artistic, different, expressive, whole-hearted inner path is a breaking ground existence which can get rather messy. Would be considered very much a ‘dirt’ path. Self is frowned upon yet this is exactly where GODS Spirit takes up residence?!?! Being in midst of a larger congregation seems to be the in thing. So being on a solo type path is rather a no no. Yet it’s exactly here I have learnt the most.

 
Yet I am not alone. Never alone. Spiritually speaking we are all in the one vine yes? He being the unifying, eternal force that connects the whole of us into one so can one ever say we are alone when we are in the vine? Yet faith travelers tend to identify one another only by living a certain way. Being the church is seen as people coming together and God dwells in the midst. Yet in Spirit and truth how I live even in my artistic endeavors the Spirit is in the midst of ME and I function from that place where He and I dwell. I am not really different at all. Just my perception of it is different. I am from the same earth, the same dirt that our first ever ancestor Adam was formed from. The same Spirit breathed into him that exists in every human being and also in me. This dirt is my flesh home for His Spirit but in my size and shaped form. Beginning and ending in me but when I do things it’s flowing from me. I have the very same life force that Adam had and I believe and am seeing this is exactly where my beaten path is eking out from. The path is being lived out from inside of me. So therefore where I put my every foot, which creatively is my words, my expressions, my feelings, my hopes, my values, my life force however it comes forth. This is my path as wild and as back to the basics of ‘dirt’ it may appear. Everything I do even from my ‘core dirt soul’ is the kingdom life force living within and expressed through me.

 

Amazing how the messages come to me

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— Wrote in my diary — today 24th January 2017

Looking through the hashtag on Instagram #myfearlessyear2014 by artist Beth Morey. 

Feeding my soul. I think this is my problem. I’ve been starving. A starving soul. Wondering why I can’t function.  I need to eat first. 

(Bizare) next thing I see.

Quote from pic below

 “The main thing is to stop struggling and nourish yourself.” 


I’m so thankful. Gods Spirit with me wherever I go. Always speaking.. 

Two more quotes I found while there that I love.. 

Stop being relevant. Just be you. 

I’m not interested in spirituality that cannot encompass my humanness. 

Soul questions and answers

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Three soul questions I asked myself. Written on three pieces of paper. Turned over and shuffled. Than I used colours on those papers. Not knowing what question was on which paper. Than chose collage pieces.. Words and pictures on each as to how I was currently feeling. What images drew me at the moment. I assembled each one and turned over. This is my thoughts on each.. Amazing experience to do. Found through the book “The Artist’s Rule” Christine Valters Paintner..
What does God/HE want me to learn in the midst of where I am currently, how I am currently?



Gold centre.. I have learnt my value in Him. God doesn’t make junk. I’ve found that out through HIM alone and being so alone because of disability and circumstances. The gold was in the middle.. But all around the gold was black.. Hard pressed on all sides. Some yellow in the black because I’ve learnt things.. Important things in hard times. When you blend the colours with water. Gelatos. Gold pretty much stayed pure in the midst of the black. So even though the darkness has tried to shut me down. It’s only made me more intense faith wise and also helped me find my core strength. I look up. It’s not about anything else but HIM really.. Although the person I used to represent myself in this is a child. I am central in my story. I do relate to being childlike. That’s ok. And even though I’m often alone and seems like it’s just about me. It’s actually all about HIM. That’s how HE does HIS thing. It’s an honour. I realise it’s an honour. My Spirit is HOLY. Because of HIM. Love. I know I’m loved. And it definitely doesn’t mean I’m perfected in this whole experience on the outside yet.. In fact my imperfections I must embrace as part of it. Artist. Is just simply telling it in my own way. Look up.. Use it all. Focus on HIM. On love. On Spirit. On limitless spirit. As I am.. Where I am. Opportunities endless.
What is my Spirit desiring at the moment? What is on my heart?



Colour. I want to see beauty I look for it. Open to it all. Variety. Expression that bypasses words. I need to be creative to live this life. . I want to be more honest. Seek truth. Transparency. Of the heart. Freedom. Imagination. Even though I feel majorly shut down in many ways. I still have hope. It’s amazing that the pictures of me I found were large. It’s as if God is saying. It’s ok. How things are and how they seem. Supposed to be that way. It’s how HE uses me. Emotions play a huge part as does the heart. Spiritual longing creates stronger desires. It’s like the more I learn the more I want to learn. More I feel hard pressed. Brings forth beauty. Spills out. Makes me seek HIM more. From my great need I produce life and art and bring forth from that. In simple ways but powerful ways. Desiring freedom. Revealing soul. Going within. Using my spirit and expression. To communicate freely. 
How can I use rejection to work for me and not against me?


I drew a heart but not central. Colours that radiated out from that. It looks now as if it’s a flower. Heart are seeds and the paper and gelatos made a pattern that further made it look like a flower. Like petals around it. What was done on the cross central. There’s freedom there. Forgiveness and restoration. Hope. Peace. Love. All that I could want found there and flows from there. A burning heart within the result. Despite the things done to me and my heart. I need to share and that hasn’t stopped. Seeds only fall when a flower dies. But more flowers come from it. I need peace.. Central to who I am. I will always choose peace over everything else. It’s how I live through the hard times. The assaults on my soul.. I can’t bottle it. I have to tell it. Or write it or share it. It’s who I am at the core. Yellow seems good and holy. And what doesn’t destroy us will shine and bring forth beauty. But even if our very hearts wither and die the seeds within will always do their thing! How artists speak from beyond the grave!

Letting myself bloom and my spirit shine and my passion break free. Being myself despite it all. See that hard things are not me. But rather what has happened to me. Makes me bring forth what is always and already inside. It’s the vehicle for bringing forth what makes me bloom and bring forth my harvest. Even if I was completely destroyed from it. You crush a flower the perfume escapes.

Love Break Through..

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Feeling so much love for myself.. It hasn’t been reliant on others though its always nice to be loved by others. I think all my life it’s been an outward experience of love you know the kind that puts self last and gives because it’s the right thing to do. I love you.. You love me. Without making everyone that has ever said they loved me feel bad. It seemed a surface kind of love. I have been giving that kind too..

The kind you expect from others and if you don’t get it you feel bleh the kind that is obligated and perhaps even conditional and the kind that only loves those whom you want to love and not everyone gets it.. You withold it!?! I have heard love your neighbor kind of thing and deny yourself and that’s what I think has left me empty.. Never ever looking at myself with eyes of love so the emptiness inside its been soul sucking. I think not knowing I was worthy of love or felt loved I have not been able to love others. Period. I know God is love right. Heard it all my life but when it comes to being alone, when friends turn away, when bad things happen to you. That love I learned falls ohh so short and where is it if we are all supposed to be loving. Where is it???? The cries go unheard. The fingers point and say do this and do that. You get the backs of people instead of their fronts. You come up empty and depleted and although many question God at this point and that is totally understandable. I don’t know why but I dug my heels in and believed HE loved me and was with me. He told me that. Phew I am glad I was stubborn in that. Found Him big way lol. Not at all like I was told and taught by people and even very religious and deeply spiritual people or seemed so. No no. Forced. Reliant on what I did or didn’t do. On doing what everybody else did..

To be loved when I feel I am failing and not have anything expected of me.. Yummy. To be loved when I am enjoying my life. Yahoo.. To enjoy life in the way I choose. FREEDOM!!! To love even if it doesn’t come back and never ever have to hold it back ever. Ohh its heavenly.

Not expecting it from anyone, or craving it but knowing it deep within in a way that feels real and warm and freeing. It’s always been about doing this and not doing that. Instead of just enjoying life. Weird isn’t it. It has felt selfish for so long. I bet there are some or many who may read this and think I have totally lost the plot. But finally I am starting to allow it inside me and again that isn’t reliant on anyone else or what they think. That I am worthy of love too. I mean almost all my life I did things a certain way and didn’t do a whole lot of things too. It’s amazing to be free.. It’s exquisite to become fully me. To find what I like and what brings me joy. It is good.. I truly believe that God wants to see us this way!! All of us!!

I have started a beautiful art course by Kelly Rae Roberts called “Hello Soul Hello Mantra Mixed Media Painting Ecourse”. And its so fun. I have mostly just watched the videos and read through the material. I have most of the art supplies needed which is a relief. A few things I need to get and have to wait till pay day. I have completed some of the practice backgrounds.
I bought a package deal from Kelly Rae Roberts which was only offered for about 48 hours. Ten year anniversary deal. Oh wow it feels the whole thing is in my hands at the absolute perfect time. Everything is perfect. From speaking from soul which is so me. To just letting go and doing it without thinking and without needing it to be perfect and I need that.. It is personal, fun and delightfully freeing. I am so excited, pumped and ready to flow…

I do need to finish off my recent 30 day writing course lol so this post is another part of getting to the end of that. While I gather the last few things I need to really jump into the art course. The prompt being to write freely describing myself inside and outside, to a complete stranger. Celebrating myself honestly and unbiased. Oh the joy of living from my soul. Thank YOU LORD!!!!!!

Daily Prompt…. Day 26..

She stands back, shy. Quiet but to those who know her she is loud. Hair that is straight at the top and curls/waves underneath. Red hair because she dyes it but it can have a mind of its own. Slips away from conversations before you know it. Rarely seen in public. Home body. Loves coffee a bit too much. She may say nothing but smile. Her heart is shared openly and daily where it flows best and up till now many have not appeared to see it but that is changing. Happy with her own company. On line she lives mostly. Loves to do art and read and write. Collects things like art stuff, books and knick knacks and her room is her kingdom. A lot of her favorite things in there!! Loves birds, rainbows and sun streaming from clouds. She days dreams and can live whole afternoons in her imagination. A messy. Not overly confident but getting more so in her own way. Loves deep talks but rarely gets them so if she does talk to someone it can just pour out. Likes familiarity. Likes walking and singing. Loyal to a few. Creative spirit and deep faith but she believes in GOD with her where she is and doesn’t need props. Loves to share her truth and heart expressions. Childlike and loves simple things. Because she is introverted can appear selfish. Believes in love, light, but being honest about struggles and darkness. She will laugh too loud, but love to hard. Loves her children and kindred spirits. Romantic at heart. Awkward. Quirky. She can be very lazy and lay back. Loves inspiration. Lives mostly in the moment.. Rarely plans, wastes time without realizing it being easily distracted. A free Spirit.. Talks to God and loves His presence both in spirit and truth. Enjoys Him as He enjoys her. Not the religious way but through faith and she sees Him everywhere. Might be in a bird outside her window or a rainbow in the sky or in a smile from a stranger or in someone pausing to ask about her day or art. He is sunlight and warmth and kindness to her. Joy is her desire however it comes and always loves to experience deep soul, relies on his grace and in His out of this world peace… He is her everything. Ling life abundant her deepest desire and to share that with the world her calling.

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Fighting broken..

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Sitting on her arse again.
If she got up. You’d see a bum print on her bed.
Pillows half pushed through the narrow gap between mattress and bed head.
That is where she sits and writes.
All her electrical devices surrounding her. Often on charge because she’s an Internet junkie.
Books and art implements covering the opposite side of her queen size bed for one.
Pens, papers, scissors.. You name it.. it’s there.
She needs to be surrounded by it to get anything out of the inside of her.
It won’t come out on its own.
Pity that isn’t really helping too much. Because she will buy more and more and more.
But she is writing more often now.
Head often in her hands.
Why am I writing again?
The stats say nobody much reads?

If only she could write in such a way people noticed but no matter how deep she dug and how painful or beautiful her truth it didn’t mean it would be seen. Yet it never stopped her.
Truth be told she was getting stuff out here and there.. That much was needed.
She’d go crazy if she didn’t. Crazier than she already was.
BUT…. A huge but in more ways than one. It doesn’t seem to help anyone else but her. Does it?

Ipad has overheated. The fan is cooling that down as she uses the lap top this time. She swaps between one and the other.
The left side of her writing ap is crowded by links to recent writings. She doesn’t even know how to keep her lap top writing ap tidy. Messiness she is well known for. Her hand writing is ineligible. Least you can read this typing. Her writing is literally her heart leaking out in her words.

She fights on though. Saying something somewhere. Even though she is not a good communicator. Actually she sucks at it. She will shy away from face to face. She sweats, anxiously and awkwardly stumbles through conversations. Getting away from them as quickly as she can.

Just to get out of her anything at all is a miracle. Procrastination could be her middle name.
She wants to make a difference. She hopes she can. But confidence is not her strong point. Perhaps the lack of it scares people away. She doesn’t write for that reason. To make people notice. She writes because inside she burns. Burns to tell it. Tell what exactly she does not know but she burns still. She already knows she isn’t good at explaining things. Heaven alone only knows some of it. But she knows not everyone tells it and she does so that to her is something. It is a strong point a something point. Not fancy she knows that too. She prays that between the lines something more is seen. So she trusts that unknown and lets it take her where it will. That unseen. And she keeps fighting on. She is a soul. She has words. She writes not based on who she and how she is but on what is deep inside her and what she has to give. That strength that fights on and keeps coming out the more she uses it. That types on and doesn’t let outer stop the inner. Despite the lack of audience. She fights on. Despite often times having nothing inside to write from. A feeling of nothingness that brings forth something.

There is the miracle right there. So she keeps on keeping on.

She is smiling. The sun shines in her window. The words have been written. Another writing to file away and another one to share. A burden seems lifted. Effort recorded. Even as her methods remain the same and/or get worse.

Than as she checks her mobile.. A message.

She opens it up. Words on a tiny screen say “beautybeyondbones liked your post”… her smile grows wider.. That’s all she needs to keep on fighting..

Steel enters her soul. Her brokenness is her gift to the world and she does the only thing she knows to do. She shares her very soul through it.

 

brokenwing

Little Streams

Standard

(To create the digital image that fitted my poem – combination of pictures I used Diana ap.. A third picture miraculously appeared in my iPad ap. So astounded me! Worth mentioning here! Added it below so out of all my pictures that could have appeared that one turned up!!! So I decided to combine the three pics together. Ha ha the LORD wanted in and it wonderfully is what this poem is about anyway!)

Little Streams

Don’t be afraid to let go the broken pieces.
Cupped so tightly in your hands.
The pieces that you’ve gathered from near and far.
They pierce your hands even as you hold them.
Mingled with your blood and tears.
They’ve been trampled on and flung to the ends of the earth.
Nobody treasures them but you.
Let them go into the little stream.
I know your in a desert but see it.
Even here it still flows.
I know you’ve lost your way.
Can’t find your tribe.
The people who understand you.
Who embrace and love every part.
They are waiting too.
To join with you.
But first you must find that you are exactly where you need to be.
You are found.
Now let them safely go..
Each jagged piece matters.
Place them in the little stream because it always flows from where you are to where you need to be.
Just need to realize that you can find the little stream right where you are.
It will carry all that is misunderstood and all that is broken towards the purest crystal sea.
HE is there.
To collect and mend your broken pieces and welcome you home.
This little stream and every other all flow towards HIM.
Flowing to a place so beautiful you can finally show your full face and all that you are without shame.
Where there is no more hiding.
No need to escape.
No more being lost.
No more misunderstanding.
No more rejection.
No more abuse.
No more poverty.
No more injustice.
No more hatred.
No more evil.
Where your soul has yearned to be.
Where you are completely free.
Love lives there.
For the stream will carry all that has brought pain in your life to this healing place.
Your heart will be at peace as you fully release your earthly bondage.
Even while you are still kneeling there.
Wherever you are.
Whoever you are.
Unearthly strength will flood your whole being and instantly change everything.

By SMP ~ Peacechild4