Tag Archives: truth

Day 13 : Challenge

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Ways I live my life bravely..

I am writing this at a time, day, moment in my life where recent events have come to a head and I need to get it out of me. I don’t know if that could be considered a bravery but perhaps it is when I publicize it? I just cannot function and I know I will and do shut down if I do not do something more with it. I do not want to internalize it. Take the pain within and mull it over or continue to store it inside me. Bravery is facing it or getting it out and especially being honest about it. I want to get over it not keep reliving it and I certainly do want to learn how to cope better and how if anything I can stop it happening.

I do not have many at this stage I can talk about this with personally so yeah tough titties to those who would see me and think — grin and bare it or take it only to God. Cause that ain’t going to happen sorry I already take it to God and I still need to speak of it.

It is brave to speak the truth even if nobody wants to hear it or believe me. It doesn’t make it less true. It just destroys me if I say nothing and I am wiser than that. I won’t stay quietly suffering just because people cannot deal with me speaking about it.

I wish I could just solve it and get over it. I really do wish it. But sometimes when another person is involved and they keep doing the same things to me which hurts me. I cannot just say “I forgive you” and then let them keep doing it to me.. That is insanity. I deal with it and this is my way to do that.

I cannot just let someone treat me wrong because they do not think they are. That they use excuses to justify it or even gloss over it as if the problem is all me. Well hey if I am the problem then taking myself out of the equation is wise isn’t it. Lol yet they expect me to just stand their bleeding and get on with it and just forget it about it because it is in past. I will not especially if the past continues to be right now.

My blood and wounds may be invisible to you. My blood may run freely and still be invisible to you but this is not about you is it. You don’t need to read this. You don’t need to even consider this. I am not doing this to make you understand me or help you in any way. Heck no. I am doing this to survive.

Bravery even if it appears stupidity to you or anyone else is in-sequential. What is important is this is needed for me and I do it for me not you regardless of what you think or how it looks. I think that is strength and bravery right there. Though yes I do it publicly because for so long keeping quiet has made my life harder.

I have been hurt by how someone treats me. Someone that is close in relation to me. Someone who seems not to even know what they are doing even when I tell them and they do not seem to value at all how I feel about it. So all the speaking to them does nothing. At an impasse. This is my way to deal with it so it does not keep me down. I rise through the speaking. I do separate myself as much as I can from it. That brings its own problems but I will not just take blows upon myself because the other person doesn’t understand what it does to me. Maybe they do not understand my separation from them either but at least in the separating myself I am not being landed with blow after blow. That is far worse. Yes a quandary appears. I suppose everyone who only hears the other side would see me as stand offish. Rude. Uncaring. Bitchy. Cruel or even making the other person’s life harder. Again I do not do such to offend, place burdens on them but rather to protect myself from more harm. Often it is done out of sheer survival not to hurt but to help.

This is it then the need to explain myself as well but also because I need to say it somewhere. It helps immensely to validate that it is happening because believe me staying quiet is denial to me and not speaking about it eats me up inside. I am silently destroyed.

I sigh as I write. Why do I do this? Tell my side? To show that I am suffering? Does it matter in the long run? I need to do it. I need to say it somewhere so why not here? That I struggle with a relationship. It is said and I feel heard even as I type the words. I am not afraid to say it. I am not afraid to be honest about it. I do not think I am running the other person down when I talk about how it affects me. That is not my intention. I just thank God for the gift of sharing this way of writing. Of getting it out of me and that it matters to me even if it matters not to another soul.

Truth Matters

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Creating art via journalling/digital ap and sharing it. Also I’ve decided to write a poem about my art!! 

I’m really encouraged to post this today. Haven’t blogged in ages. A few days ago I said a difficult thing to a family member. It’s hard for me to say how I feel believe it or not. I was more worried about how she’d feel than actually being true to myself and how I was feeling. But the greatest sign that I was right was straight afterwards I was creatively inspired and it was easy. For quite some time I’ve been blank again.. Uninspired and unmotivated.. So it really has shown me the way through!! 

 It was like my heart channel was opened again. I easily completed two art pieces!! This is the third! Plus a poem!! 

The thing that surprised me also was spiritually I felt the art was more powerfully expressing in a deeper way than ever before.. This is the most exciting thing. Because you know it’s felt such a fruitless, long, lonely path. Just existing really. But to see such depth of meaning from flat, boring, blank, what seems lifeless months.. Shows me all is not lost.. I have been learning in this vacuum of what feels no mans land. 

It is absolutely true you see Gods Spirit with you most acutely in your weakest state. You know your lack well. You know all that isn’t happening.. HE is that oomph from your empty vessel.. Gives you unbelievable hope!! 

Isn’t this the reason for poetry and painting? To express what we cannot say in common language?

“Sketchbooks Lisa Sonara”

I think it’s the reason also we fall so short.. So that the rising is so much more beautiful in its unfolding.

Sometimes you can’t express yourself the way everyone else does so you choose to find another way. You might not even do things the way everyone else does or do things everyone else thinks you should do. 

Sometimes to say how you feel is not socially acceptable. It makes you look pathetic and weak instead of brave. Sometimes things happen to you and the world around you doesn’t listen or are not open to hear you.. Writing and art is my way to express what I’m feeling and I love love love doing it!! It’s a freedom that I truly don’t use enough.. 

Screaming silently.

Noiseless suffering. 

Feels like drowning.  

Beneath deep waters. 

Emotions unexpressed. 

Keep me submerged.

I must throw off restraint. 

Look fear in the eye. 

Allow truth to surface. 

Buoyant spirit to arise.

Falseness give up its deathly grip. 

Slipping away into dark abyss.  

Alive with spirit wings. 

Breaking through. 

Where naked soul is welcome. 

Where honesty is desirable.

Where fear is no more. 

Unshackled in the wind. 

Soaring in the ebb and flow.

Emphatically free.

SMP – Peacechild4

Little Streams

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(To create the digital image that fitted my poem – combination of pictures I used Diana ap.. A third picture miraculously appeared in my iPad ap. So astounded me! Worth mentioning here! Added it below so out of all my pictures that could have appeared that one turned up!!! So I decided to combine the three pics together. Ha ha the LORD wanted in and it wonderfully is what this poem is about anyway!)

Little Streams

Don’t be afraid to let go the broken pieces.
Cupped so tightly in your hands.
The pieces that you’ve gathered from near and far.
They pierce your hands even as you hold them.
Mingled with your blood and tears.
They’ve been trampled on and flung to the ends of the earth.
Nobody treasures them but you.
Let them go into the little stream.
I know your in a desert but see it.
Even here it still flows.
I know you’ve lost your way.
Can’t find your tribe.
The people who understand you.
Who embrace and love every part.
They are waiting too.
To join with you.
But first you must find that you are exactly where you need to be.
You are found.
Now let them safely go..
Each jagged piece matters.
Place them in the little stream because it always flows from where you are to where you need to be.
Just need to realize that you can find the little stream right where you are.
It will carry all that is misunderstood and all that is broken towards the purest crystal sea.
HE is there.
To collect and mend your broken pieces and welcome you home.
This little stream and every other all flow towards HIM.
Flowing to a place so beautiful you can finally show your full face and all that you are without shame.
Where there is no more hiding.
No need to escape.
No more being lost.
No more misunderstanding.
No more rejection.
No more abuse.
No more poverty.
No more injustice.
No more hatred.
No more evil.
Where your soul has yearned to be.
Where you are completely free.
Love lives there.
For the stream will carry all that has brought pain in your life to this healing place.
Your heart will be at peace as you fully release your earthly bondage.
Even while you are still kneeling there.
Wherever you are.
Whoever you are.
Unearthly strength will flood your whole being and instantly change everything.

By SMP ~ Peacechild4

  

  

Letter to 21 year old self

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~Day 27~

Dear Sharon,

Happy 21st!!

I think back to that day and it was just your sister and yourself celebrating together.
Justin was up north. Your parents and brother were up north. I don’t remember why anyone else wasn’t there.
I am sure there were reasons and you had your reasons. I think the genuine few who might have attended were either sick or couldn’t come.
You were in your 6th month of pregnancy with your first born. I remember as you both sat there and enjoyed a very quiet meal. There was another bigger party going on in the same establishment.
You both noticed all the people together and the difference between you and them.

You were kind of a loner even back than too. Accept yourself Sharon.. You can be happy alone or with people. Either way you are ok.

Sharon you do have so much to look forward too.

I am your future self. I have only one chance to contact you.

So I am sending this to you on this momentous occasion. I have chosen this day for a reason.
To help you through everything that is to come.
To help you face the good times and the difficult times ahead. Yes there will be difficult times.
I won’t tell you what they are because things can and may change after you read this but I will tell you ways to help yourself get through your life as I know it.

You are brave Sharon. Never forget that.

Keep being yourself and let others be themselves too. You see this is the key. Don’t expect people to change but just love them anyway and most of all love yourself. God will be a major force in your life. I know right now your not aware of him the same. People have looked down on you because your married young and were pregnant out of wedlock. But you will have a beautiful family. Souls that bless Justin and yourself mightily… Just navigate the days ahead a little differently.

Stick close to the people who support you and show you love and acceptance in a way you can feel.
Justin is a good man but give him room. Let him be who he is. He isn’t your father so don’t expect him to be.
Don’t put expectations on people they will fail you.. Just love them and give them room to live the way they believe. Don’t just do your life like everyone else does. It is ok to be different. Please do not force your faith on anyone else as I know it has been done to you. I know that is what you have been taught. But it will cause major problems in your future. Embrace who you are but let people embrace who they are. Force does nothing but anger, repress and hurt people. I know it has shaped your life in ways you won’t realize which has been the reason you have abandoned your faith at this point. But true faith is freedom. It is the most beautiful thing on earth.

You see the people around you haven’t known the whole truth. They will misjudge you. Don’t live by what they say or how they treat you if they don’t accept you always. Understanding can be fickle because nobody walks in another persons shoes. Love doesn’t ever stop it draws out the best in people and loves them even at their worst and it may mean letting someone be free from what you hoped they might be.. It always believes and hopes and trusts.

Develop your creative side and when things get hard do not stop feeling or expressing yourself. This will save you a lot of pain. You are a creative loving expressive individual. Seek for people who are the same. When someone doesn’t get you or is hard to be around. Give them space don’t pressure them. Love them. I know I say that a lot but love isn’t force, or expectations. Love is patient and accepting of each other with all our flaws and strengths and it celebrates life in all its forms.. Find your own interpretation of the truth. Do not just accept what you have been taught. Let people also be who they are. Maybe doing this will change your life and whole direction!

Find your own way through. It’s ok to laugh and cry but everyone is not the same. Some are not emotional creatures like you.

Do not look to people for validation. This one will save you a lot of grief. You are loved by GOD always just as you are.. He doesn’t judge you like people do. He isn’t people.. HE made the people and yes they are like Him some ways.. But he is love and beauty and he will tell you this Himself when you most need it. He is with you always. He will never leave.. People will come and go in your life. He sees your heart and your deepest dreams and desires even when you forget them. He knows why you do what you do. You can rest in Him. He is good.. Remember that. People will say its about what you do. No.. Its about what He has done and especially for all of us through his Son and He has forever given us freedom to do and be. Seek Him and you will find. Even if you don’t seek Him He will always seek you.

You will make mistakes. They will never define you! Move on. You are forgiven. His grace is enough!!

There is not only one way to live life but only one source of life!

Enjoy your children.. You will have more.. Love them. It will go fast. Very fast. Let things go that you cant do and treasure every second with them. Hard times will pass. Your children will grow up and be good people and have their own views and they will make mistakes too. Teach them love and kindness and that they are valuable. It doesn’t matter what isn’t done but what matters is that they know God and you love them and accept them. Do what you can and be at peace. You are precious never forget that. No matter how people treat you. Remember you are unique and that is your power. You have much to give. Just by being yourself.

I really hope by sharing these simple things that you will be spared much pain and abandonment. Yes when you live differently to the majority people who shun you. People will misunderstand you but it doesn’t mean you are wrong.

There will be times when you feel very very alone and isolated. You are not ever alone. God is with you. If you keep telling him everything He will give you help through it and comfort you in ways this world could never help you. I truly see that these times are shaping you to help others because you can speak in a way that others cannot. These times are teaching you what real love is. Because love Himself is with you and in you and you have all you need. The rest is just added blessings.. You are enough!!

I expected things and was devastated when they didn’t happen. I tried to be someone I am not and felt lost. I always felt I did not measure up. I could never reach ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ was). Do not measure who you are against anyone else.. Be YOU in all your fullest measure!! You will have good and bad days. Be honest about it if even if no one else is. You will draw people to you with your open heart but not everyone has good intentions. Beware. Go by your gut. Go where you are accepted and tolerated and where you can be yourself.

Life is precious. Soul is deep. Spirit is always life and peace. Joy is present even in sadness. He is peace.. He is life.. He is hope. He is joy. He is not judgment. He is not rules. He is everywhere.
Your whole life you have been in a building learning things that are not Him. He is not confined in a building. He is not people. He made the people. He made the world. He made you. He made the little life stirring inside you. He made Justin. He made your sister. He made your friends. Life is beauty. Life is free. Life is not the bad stuff.. That is consequences of people not valuing and knowing the preciousness of life and not knowing the real HIM. Life is not just rules either but respect and kindness go a long long way and valuing everyone no matter who they are.

Even when you face pain. There is a way through. Look to HIM. He can give you peace like you wouldn’t believe. He meets you anyplace. He is everywhere. He is love. Oh my. It is not by humanity you will understand this. But by Spirit. That which stirs within. If you can see the world. People. Yourself by Spirit. It will change everything.

I love you Sharon. You inspire many in the future and by being free and enjoying your life. You will inspire many many more. People need you even if they don’t realize it.. Just like you need them!!

God bless and keep you. May His face shine on you and give you peace.. See you at the end.. Ha ha.

  

Liar Liar Pants On Fire

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Liar Liar Pants on Fire

You destroy my world.

 Shut your trap!

You don’t fool me.

I see you for what you are.

How you come daily.

Taunting that all is doomed.

How it should be done this way or that.

Through people who think they know better.

Ingested..

Slowly it entices death.

Causing sleepless nights.

Worry and fret.

Hatred of self.

Your standard unreachable.

Isolates and separates.

Always straining towards.

Never reaching.

Forever discontent.

Happiness fleeting.

Relentless but why listen?

Nothing new to say.

Pick, pick, pick.

All distortions.

You infect.

I see you in people’s eyes.

Hear you in their biting remarks. 

I know it is you.

Casting doubt.

Pondering the worst.

Pitting one against another.

Who are you to destroy?

No need to bow to you any longer.

Truth brings freedom.

There is a choice!

Does not bind up.

Will not cut down.

Builds up.

Exquisite love.

Accepts with delight.

Welcoming.

Invites growth.

Awakens creativity.

Those who speak it unearth beauty.

Smiles pass one to another.

Eyes windows to the soul.

Not daggers.

Healing balm.

Life abundant!

I reject your lies in every word, shape and form.

However they come.

Embracing only Truth.. 

Breathing it in and exhaling it out!

Saving my world forever.

  

Arise Beautiful One

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Assignment given from Heart Recycle 101 writing course I am doing.

There is power in the body but most of us have a weak link. This could be an old injury from years back, a specific muscle that takes all our tension, or anything that continually takes on pain or inflammation when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or overworked. Talk to that area of the body. Recognize that is calls to you. What do you want to say to it? Are you angry for the physical pain? Or do you want to speak from that place of healing? Anything goes.

Arise Beautiful One

I stand face to face with myself.
Speaking gently to my Spirit.
I know you have been hurt deeply.
Thinking daily that you have failed.
Every day living lies.
That you are not enough.
But it is time to let the truth arise.
To bring forth the life already within.
You are not beneath anyone.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
You are not less.
You are beautifully created in HIS image.
You are unique.
HE has set you free.
HE has done enough.
There’s nothing to accomplish.
Anything you do is simply a gift of the life within.
HE loves you as much as anyone else.
HE wasn’t born to die and be raised so that you felt shame.
HE did it all so you could be at peace!
Don’t be afraid anymore.
There are no limitations.
Nothing to prove.
The world was created for you.
Go forth living fully who you are.
You are glorious.
You are not a victim.
You are HIS beloved

  

Tree of Creativity

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We are altering old books for week 7 “Made Course”.

Tree of Creativity.

The book itself wasn’t that old lol but I’m a bit annoyed our thrift stores ( we call them op shops) most are not cheap. Looking at 4 or 5 dollars for old books. No way this one was one dollar. It had a sleeve/cover that I took off.
Amazingly the book is red which really fits with my whole purpose of creating this particular sort of art.

We were to go back to our past, our roots. Ha ha I went right back to the Tree of Life. How’s that for the oldest past roots I could find. 🙂
Just going to explain my art because I can. I’ve not found I can just do art and leave it at that. Picture supposed to be a thousand words and all that jazz.

I stuffed the tree up it wasn’t planned to look like that. But you know that’s our life isn’t its composed of our good times and bad times. And it was at the very tree of life mankind made the biggest stuff up of all time which affects mankind even now.

Gold symbolises perfection.. Holiness. Glory.. The tree in the garden was a tree of life but eating of its fruit gave knowledge of good and evil. I had to go back to the bible for that bit.
Its part of all our history.. Our roots.

The old book I’m altering is called “The Old Country” symbolising our past.. God has made everything new through Jesus blood and sacrifice on the cross but obviously the old still counts its still part of the whole..

Cross created out of a tree too.. Red book symbolises his blood which has rewritten history and all of time actually. Covers everything!

I pasted a ripped out page under the rainbow symbolising his promises.. Highlighting words I love and that stood out to me. Red of course because everything is covered by his blood and his love.. Amazing words but the red kinda hides it and you can’t really read the words.. Hopefully my pic you can still read them.

Just an amazing and deep process this whole project if that’s the right word taking old and making something new..

Rachel Haas was the teacher of this weeks lesson.. Amongst the course material were these words that really stood out to me..

“I can change the words”

We had to journal first about our creative journey and that meant delving into our past.. Life for us all doesn’t necessarily take us the paths we would have chosen. Our lives can be difficult and hard and restricting. It can make our retelling depressing or you can feel it has little to no value. But something about the changing of the words just sparked me inside. I began to see everything differently.
I’ve always learnt religious ways from babyhood. And creative arts and artists and people who know the truth seem freer than I ever did growing up it wasn’t till I became an adult I started to find the truth and live liberated.. Seems different.. Seems out of the box. The wonderful strange parallel of life and spirt and the kingdom of God. Unseen but more real than what can pass away that we see and live in presently.

Even doing this project I can see that we can take our own life and the life we’ve been given and change the words.

See my photo for instance.

I split my photo – 1 side black and white sad or not happy.. Other side colour happy but doesn’t really show it.. Gold around me shows we are saved completely and made righteous but obviously spirit and flesh struggle.. In this world but not of this world.

This is what saves you faith in the one who says I’m Life (Jesus) believe in me. He says the old passes away yet we still battle with it. Take eyes of faith and a heart focused on His Kingdom and unseen presence to bring it to our reality.
Frees you.. Realising that no matter how our flesh goes through life.. He has saved us. What HE has done for us saves us. The body is just where we live it out. HE is the word. HE is the life. Faith brings it into our reality.

When you know the truth you will be set free! That changes everything else and the way you live and even the words you write with your life.

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