Monthly Archives: July 2013

I Want Your Sex ~


This blog post.. is a need and desire and want.. my heart cry.. My rant.. my sharing my heart.. my being honest..
I added the song.. via you tube.. “I want your sex” to simply explain that even though I am believer in GOD.. I am human and have needs and wants.. and that song actually inspired this writing.. I know Christians have all sorts of moral codes and ways to temper down.. the inbuilt sex drive… all of us have.. but underneath it all we are all the same.. and GOD does help us.. lol.. to cope.. but we are still human.. We need to be raw and honest and open with each other about our struggles, wants and needs.. and yes its not all about sex… lol.. but Im a woman hear me roar.. 🙂 the song title and lyrics just echo a need in me to be honest.. transparent.. and yes I do want sex again..

I am divorced, 43 and finding single life difficult.. I miss being with a man. The intimacy.. the heart sharing.. sex lol.. but just mostly sharing my life with someone.. not being alone..

Its been too long.. I separated from my husband in 2009.. Divorced 2 years.. we had problems communicating.. up/down relationship but had a good sex life..

I had no idea women my age still had a high libido.. sigh.. Of course I want more than sex.. but I am still human.. and because as a believer in GOD.. I link sex with marriage.. well without a husband.. its difficult.. and because I don’t see much hope that it will happen any time soon.. I do have my struggles with that..

I want love.. intimacy.. to talk about anything.. romance.. someone to love back.. to enjoy life with.. to hold and make love too.. to be by my side.. to laugh and cry with.. to be myself with.. to be all that they need and desire too.. I know its not just about me.. but I am talking from my heart here.. so I don’t mean it to be one sided..

My heart has desired a close, happy relationship for a very long time.. It has been my heart cry for many many years.. It is difficult to go through a marriage break up.. divorce and then have to face single life at 43 when I was married 18 years.. I have been with my ex since teen years..

I have, thank the LORD developed a very close relationship with GOD.. JESUS through all this.. learned to cry out to HIM.. and I now keep a written diary on my iPad.. where I can pour out my heart.. say anything I feel and its created a strong desire for GOD and pouring out my heart to HIM that I never have had with another human soul.. I can see benefits to my struggles..

I literally have prayed for a happy marriage for almost half my life.. so its a difficult thing to have hope for the future.. to wait.. ohhh how I hate that word.. to want and to face seeing happy couples and families all united together.. It makes the urges seem harder to bear.. the hurt magnified.. and yes in writing this.. we face the fact that somehow our longings are wrong.. lustful.. or sinful.. to talk about it.. to write it down.. no no no..

So I will be honest in this writing.. That there are things I want and dream of.. but I also look to GOD and trust in HIM.. I have to believe that HE can bring good out of this.. and I truly cannot imagine what that might be.. I say this because I hung on to my faith for restoration a long time.. praying.. crying.. hoping.. dreaming for my marriage to be restored but it wasn’t.. so it is humanly hard to put my faith in anything.. or anyone.. except simply give this all to GOD like a big bundle.. and say.. This is my hopes and dreams.. I cannot make it work.. LORD I give this all to YOU.. and I just ask that YOU who know me.. and know my heart and needs.. bring forth the good future.. and hope you have promised in YOUR word.. for me amen..

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Being disabled.. almost deaf.. and sharing a house with my parents and kids.. I feel like finding love is rather a long stretch.. almost impossible.. so it makes the longing almost unbearable at times.. I need continually to look to GOD who I still stubbornly believe.. I know some might give up.. I have strong faith.. but its in GOD.. not myself.. not my future.. or on any outcome.. I have faith in GOD..

Look HE has wonderfully taken me through.. all the yukky stuff.. we lost a baby boy too.. and HE has my tears in heaven.. Rivers of them..

Psalm 56:8
You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle
Are they not in Your book? (NASB)

This is my life verse now.. I really do find love, strength, grace, comfort, contentment, intimacy, joy in the LORD… HE is more than any human could be.. there for me 24/7 but HE knows my hearts desires more than anyone..

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4


Kiss of Heaven


Trembling with mussed up hair..
Mercy me.. here she is with pjs on..
Not fit to be seen..
HE steps out and holds out his hand..
What can I see?
Behind him a dance floor.. we would be alone..
Im scared.. look at me?
Am I fit to dance with?
Yet all my troubles behind seem to fade away..
HIS eyes burn away with love..
I suddenly feel naked..
Completely transparent before HIM..
The way HE looks at me..
HE is a king.. but its only me HE sees..
I begin to feel precious..
I am smiling..
In an instant I take HIS hand…
And we dance.. I am not naked anymore..
I feel sheathed in luxurious robes.
They feel perfectly fitted to me..
Everything is as it should be..
I am trembling..
But at peace…
HE is dancing with me.. and we move effortlessly..
I feel at home..
Is this forever after?
I am so taken up in bliss..
HE bends down and gives me a kiss..
Have we stopped?
Than I suddenly realise I am alone.. in my pjs..
But I am tingling and alive from top to toe..
I know I will never be the same again..
I turn around smiling back to my world..
Adjusting my invisible crown..


Inside Out Living



Writing on a passage that jumped out at me as I read “Seven Spirits Burning” by John Crowder and also a day top turner quote.. called “Seize the Day”..

I want to think about these things in relation to my life.. and how I have been looking at it..

Ponder.. think.. as online friend Dustin often says.. think outside of the box.. but its true.. we are made new creations.. and yet we continue to live the same old way.. and of course nothing changes and we wonder why heaven stays separately and away from us.

The quote is.. “Change your thoughts and you change your world ~ Norman Vincent Peale”

I see that as speaking directly to me.. Ohh how the signs are all around us.. GOD is in everything.. so to start seeing HIM in everything.. Not the bad.. but in positive good ways of course..

These are what I was reading.. in short form..

*** Old Covenant highlighted sin.. looked for future breakthrough..

*** New Covenant points to the righteousness of Christ.. looked backwards to the reality of what Christ has once and for all accomplished..

For me personally I would often define my life as waiting.. waiting for breakthroughs.. asking for things.. wanting things to change.. sigh.. Feeling the effects of my sinful world and being ever aware of my short falls.. oh how many of them that I have..

But in light of these revelations… maybe my thinking has to change.. but how can I get out of this waiting..

How can I simply believe that all has come to me because JESUS already made it all happen.. when I just don’t see it???? That I am ‘gulp’ now made “righteous”..

Can I live whole.. perfect.. when my world seems anything but.. well maybe I don’t have too.. but I just simply have to believe it that it is done.. change the way I think about it.. and maybe then my world will change around me..

I need to define my life differently.. forever onwards.. Checked on the word in a dictionary ~ Purpose ~ With a purpose that an anticipated outcome is intended that guides my planned actions..

Also I am listening to the song.. Butterfly.. by Mariah Carey… I think there is something in the life of the butterfly that resounds in this pattern of course for her she is created new and just lives it.. 🙂 I guess the butterfly does not think at all about her previous life as a caterpillar.. Because nothing for us outwardly changes.. we have to begin by renewing our thinking.. Inside to the Outside..


Even Though I Don’t See I Believe


Long endless battles.. sicknesses that stubbornly stay… seemingly unanswered prayers.. cries of the heart.. lack of seeing lots of miracles.. or mass healing’s or having revivals break out.. or being placed where your heart desires..

Yet JESUS says “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

I am amazed as I travel along.. to see who are the ones who stubbornly stay the course of faith.. I know many who have had amazing prayers answered.. whose lives greatly improve as you watch the years go by and indeed many great souls have helped me along the path.. There are those who see miracles and attend healing services where jewels appear.. and people leap for joy freed from pain and suffering..

But amazingly its the ones who continue to stay where they are, where little appears to change.. unseen struggles and they seem to see far less of the glorious.. that incredibly keep trudging ever onwards like good christian soldiers..
They are what constantly amaze me.. the human spirit is GOD like.. for it can live on even when the body.. surroundings around it are anything but nice and may in fact be impossibly hard.. In fact it can shine and blaze away but the crazy thing is.. few seem to see it.. including the very same ones.. ohhh how I see it.. in my weakness this crazy crazy strength.. this unbelievable desire to keep believing no matter what.. You know its not from within you..

I feel its for us to open eyes and put this on display.. make people look at this phenomenon and marvel at all the more because its the biggest miracle there is.. That is how willing and virtually indestructible the spirit is.. even when the body is weak the spirit is shining its just we need to see it… Tap its power.. and live from that realm.. I can tell you once you start seeing this.. you will see GOD.. everywhere..

For me its the little things.. the things maybe no one else knows or find interesting or helpful.. that give me incredible indestructible hope..

Just now chatting to a friend.. but reading a kindle book on my iPad between messages.. he says the exact same word in chat I just read in my ebook. Incredible.. in that small moment a cosmic meeting of our two worlds.. and blink its gone.. to him.. it just passed by.. but to me I feel its weight.. And even moreso after I explained to him and he went on to talk about something else.. LOL.. It made me feel ohhh… ummm… my world stopped there for a few seconds.. wait on.. He was talking about his visions etc.. lol.. for me it was just one little word.. but my world was set on fire..

So it bore this writing now because eek the conversation kinda died.. that one little word.. gave me hope.. that there is something greater going on.. That my friend did not see the significance made me think of it even more… when others don’t see what we see it doesn’t make it less real and I don’t know.. A fierce determination takes hold that we are going to believe even more…

GOD does show HIMSELF in the unseen you can find that there is nowhere HE is not. Incredible.. something powerful happens.. we just take hold of it.. no matter how small and believe.. and somehow in others not seeing we can still get the blessing anyway and run with it.. and its so powerful because its like a little spark that can set a forrest on fire.. No wonder the devil tries to hard to stop GOD.. but look he might stop a lot of things in our lives but he is nothing against a GOD who is everywhere and a stubborn faith that refuses to believe no matter what.. Ha ha.. when the enemy comes in like a flood.. the Spirit of the LORD just reveals HIMSELF… no flood. no evil.. no great calamity can stand against the LORD.. in HIS glory..

The sun always shines even when it rains.. its there shining.. it never stops.. the light is always shining.. so GOD is here always.. even when it doesn’t seem it.. HE is here.. so if we cannot see HIM or feel HIM or see HIS hand.. YES YES YES we can still believe and should more and more because JESUS says we are blessed even more if we do.. and I testify we do actually start to see the unseen when we refuse to bow to circumstances.. give up our faith no matter what.. because its not our faith that is the answer.. Its because our faith is in all that is HIM!!!

I cannot explain it but I will try.. but those who do this too will understand.. our belief…even tiny minute faith… does indeed open a door of blessing to untold treasures.. We start to see HIM everywhere.. its in the unseen we start to truly see and then we always get the blessing..


I Am Greatly Blessed & Favoured ( You are too )


And I will make of you a great nation and I will bless you (with abundant increase of favours) and make your name famous and distinguished and you will be a blessing ( dispensing good to others). Genesis 12:2

Quote below from book I am currently reading “Seven Spirits Burning” by John Crowder.
‘He loves to make us famous for our bliss!’

I have been telling everyone lately.. about the good things that have been happening to me and my family..
The scriptures talk about blessings.. increase.. favour.. good and abundance.. Right back in Genesis first book of the bible it has always been Gods intention to bless us!!

This is true for our family.. GOD is always good.. It is a message I will never get tired of telling.

This is just a little list of the ways GOD has been good to my family.. through friends and family and unknown persons..

* I got a $500 dollar gift card from Coles..
* Received hundreds of dollars of groceries and household items… My car being fixed many times and paid for or done without cost – various items on my car included.. like tyres.. windscreen wiper… etc… or things done to it..
*Every month for a long time at a church I used to attend.. when I was going through separation and divorce.. I got gift cards.. and also amounts of money via different people to my face.. most anonymous.. gift boxes/baskets.. cash.. some of the money gifts were hundreds of dollars..
*My family and I give a free printer still in its original box.. brand new..
*Clothing sometimes bags and bags of it.. our baby sons funeral was almost completely paid for..
*Free accommodation including all utilities and food.. wow what a job that was.. on top also a wage as well..
*While Married.. my husbands eBay account went off for a long, long time.. literally buying items and reselling them at a triple of the cost.. He was known as the eBay King..
*Medications… all manner of furniture.. school education costs paid for.. government payments (that truly I am thankful for as I know in other countries without it I would be on the streets).. child support..
*Books.. help with house cleaning.. for a long time my mother would come once a week and do my housework..
*Help with shifting house.. coffees for free.. meals..
* When our baby son was sick.. I hardly paid a cent towards medical costs or air flights.. think like first $50..
* Our family got free electricity for the first 7 weeks of being in our current house.. because the company made a mistake.. they have also made mistakes on other bills too.. and we have got the benefits of that..
*My parents built a house with the kids and I in mind (three of my 5 kids ) and we pay much lower rent and utility bills and live in a brand new beautiful house.. sharing with my parents..

Wow writing it out all like this is incredible over the years.. to see how GOD has blessed us.. I mean if I kept thinking about it there would be many more things to add these are just the ones off the top of my head. I truly know and believe ALL this is GOD.. I am definitely not a hugely religious person.. meaning I actually don’t attend a church every week.. My ears don’t hear at all hardly so I cannot hear enough to attend.. But GOD is anywhere and church is us.. the people.. but I’m just saying I don’t work either because of my disability.. Yet all my needs and more are met.. my cup truly overflows..

I just don’t want anyone to see my life and think.. ohhh its because of her.. and no I can put your mind at ease its not.. these things are GOD and yes I am lol fanatical about HIM.. but its a belief in HIM through thick and thin.. and yes I love him.. but I am very human.. Adding to this.. faith is a gift too.. strong enduring faith that won’t give up even when you see no human reason to keep believing.. I also was personally given a supernatural gift of peace which is not a physical thing but oh my it helped through the loss of our baby son and I think the reason I still keep going today and writing like this.. all gifts from GOD but they changed my life.. and the reason I call myself peacechild4 online and yes.. the site.. I am eternalpeacechild..

The picture I added with this post.. says.. The Father wants to give you the very Kingdom itself..

What is the Kingdom?
Romans 14:17
For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit..

Nothing about being perfect.. or doing all the right things.. its through the Holy Spirit the Kingdom of GOD is ours..

Righteousness is right standing with GOD.. its our perfection because JESUS paid for our sins and shortfalls with being perfect for us.. and JESUS lived by GODS perfect laws while in a human body.. being born and dying and raised to life again .. so that we could enter the Kingdom and partake of all that GOD is and has..
Nothing to do with us.. but all to do with what JESUS has already done for us.. All Paid.. our bills are all paid and now we get to enjoy the benefits..

All of this belongs to anyone who believe in HIM and our spirit is made Holy through JESUS and what HE has done .. thats it.. ours through JESUS.. what I have shared above.. is a little trickle of the abundance GOD has for us because I believe in HIM and have faith in what HE says.. life everlasting.. heaven on earth.. now… the more I believe the greater it seems to appear…

See scriptures below..

Psalm 103:1-5

103 Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

3 Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

4 Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

5 Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle’s.


Hakuna Matata


How can it be that something can be over so quickly..
No sin consciousness simply blitzes it, no trace left.
But, but, but…
Nothing.. Nada. Zip..
Dealt with..
Don’t know inside how it happened..
But in my knowing I know its done..
Just like that..
What thing? Lol…
What thing was bothering me?
Nothing to bring to memory..
That is righteousness paid for by Jesus blood.. Ours through Jesus..
This song came to me this morning.. Hakuna Matata – no worries for the rest of your day.. Problem free philosophy..
Thank You Jesus..
I only have a God consciousness now..
What bothered me yesterday..
No longer does..

Romans 8:1
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,


Seriously About to Implode…..



What to do LORD..
This is my post today.. I just refused to ask a question I would seriously like the answer too.. but I don’t think the person I was going to ask would honestly know.. I must desist from looking to a person who has limited knowledge..

But look to YOU who has all knowledge and power.. and from what I am learning I too have this same fullness.. the more people turn against me without realising.. the more I want to be believed.. Now I so understand how YOU must feel when so few believe you..

Yet I know its still about YOU and I know stubbornly that YOU are with me so why am I worried about what people do or think..
I can hardly describe what is happening to me… so how can others understand it.. I must be patient and continue to look to YOU.

Believe fully in YOUR purposes coming to fullness in every way..

My favourite scripture is Matthew 6:33.. But seek first HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness and all these things will be added to you.. it seems a continued looking to YOU.. rather than anywhere else or to anyone else..

Who can I go to but YOU.. I am glad I know YOU so well.. this is the first place I come now.. there is no one else.. What have you planned for me to separate me to YOURSELF like this..

This anointing.. or experience is overwhelming.. I cannot explain it.. pure.. joy.. bubbling over inside.. colours exploding in a rainbow of fireworks all inside.. I am becoming more and more imbued… Even that word just came to me.. and I don’t use THAT word at all.. but yet it means exactly what I am writing..
Singing and so happy.. so loud my daughter is complaining a couple of rooms away.. LOL

Truly there must be a reason for it.. because I’m truly a fricken sunbeam.. 🌞

How can you contain the maker of the universe inside you.. IMPOSSIBLE..