Category Archives: Uncategorized

The gift that is not just a gift..


Personal sharing..

The gift that is not just a gift..

Given through someone else when I’ve made it quite clear, as rationally and as kindly as I can not to do it..

They take no notice.. so I do what I’ve said I would do..

This below (3rd image) was sent to them in September last year because this has happened before.. I resent it last night.. there was no reason for sending me this recent gift except creating drama cause they knew my feelings.. my boundary..

Replied to me.. how could I throw kindness back in their face..

I’m now blamed.. they become the victim?

So seems it was more about them then ever about me..

I have walked the room.. prayed.. cried.. awake for hours.. thought about going public and changed my mind again and again..

I know they want me to react.. but by staying silent I continue to be the victim and often without support.. because of how it always happens.. how it looks..

The people around me don’t really believe me so I’m not feeling confident or safe to talk about this.. and the few who do know.. sigh.. I just want it over.. I don’t want to burden people anymore.. But I can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.. it’s been years.. so much damage and I’m not the only one.. maybe the only one who will say something..

If I stay passive.. I shut down I struggle even more.. I need to tell my truth.. Speaking up gives me my power back and helps me.. standing up.. resisting it.. is me being brave.. writing it here on my blog.. gets it out of the inside of me at the very least..

For me since I received it.. symptoms- – Brain fog.. Anxiety.. Trouble sleeping with bad dreams.. feel controlled.. feel manipulation.. feel powerless.. feel bad that it affects me like it does.. how can I be honest when speaking up makes me look bad and this person look good.. but the truth is still the truth.. I seesaw back and forth..

I’ve been told.. don’t worry.. let it go..

But unless I stand up.. I’m controlled again.. it keeps happening.. losing my voice.. NO!!!

Below except in brackets – found here..

** Be aware of relationship dynamics. You can usually feel when someone is manipulating you. You will often feel stressed, guilty, pressured, frustrated or even angry, but may not understand why you are feeling these emotions. This is a red flag to evaluate the interactions you are having with the other person.

(Boundaries crossed and they continue to do so.. )

Decide to continue or leave. Finally, you need to determine your next action. Will you give the manipulator the option to use a better interaction approach or will you move on and leave the situation. You may also have to make the decision to continue the relationship or end the relationship. You are the only one who can determine the answers and you will need to base this on how the person accepts your feedback and responds to your boundaries. If the person is in your family or a coworker it may be difficult to cut off the relationship. In this case, you may have to just keep your distance and have a plan for managing your interactions with that person.

The intricacies of human interaction and communication are deep and complex. We can use our brain power and relationship skills for good and for ill will. Unfortunately, there are people who use them to manipulate to get what they want. However, as an influencer it’s critical that you understand manipulation tactics and not only stand against them for yourself, but also do so for the good or others.

((This is just one thing.. happened for years in many different ways.. I make my stand because of how it affects me personally.. how it’s affected me family wise, how it affects relationships around me.. Many losing out here.. peoples opinions based on false appearances and how staying silent is really destroying us all..

It’s worked to try to shut me down but my voice, my sharing keeps me moving me forward.. There has to be more than this!!!

Extremely personal and affects my every day life.. There’s always the danger of what I write being used against me.. but it also might help those who care to know more.. to understand why I do what I’ve done.. Maybe I can bring about greater, deeper healing because I’m not being a door mat.. not sweeping it under the carpet..

I have to take a hard stand not one I would freely choose cause I’m a peace child.. There are loved ones I really truly miss.. Not an easy decision.. No pay offs.. My life has got harder the more honest I’ve been.. I’ve been more misunderstood..

God reminds me..

Matthew 10:34

Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword..

A sword in the internal sense signifies the truth of faith combating, and also the vastation of truth; and in the opposite sense falsity combating, and the punishment of falsity. ))

Despite the cost to myself, my faith and daily life.. I stand for truth..

Favourite Novel


August Break 2017 – A Month of Paying attention. 

Most of the books I read of late have been art type books.. the how to kind.. I love love books but I do not pick them up often enough.. I haven’t valued them enough 😦 

I looked for my favourite childhood book to add here and I could kick myself because I can’t find it. It was so well read with dog eared pages..   In all the hard times I’ve had I haven’t valued myself and neither all the things I love.. 

Twilight I have read this quite a few times.. loved the movies too.. fiction you can imagine yourself into the story and let it carry your young girls heart.. especially being a single, even if middle aged, woman.. even though the characters are based on young love.. The way Edward loved Bella.. protected her.. supernatural romantic fierce and to the end kind of love..  it’s why I enjoy it.. The way the family stuck together and embraced his choice even welcoming Bella, though she was different.. swoon.. swoon.. swoon 😍❤️️



Day  14

I really, really, really, really want to…

Dream again.

You can get so bogged down in survival. Even seems a ridiculous word to use in every day life doesn’t it. But that is what we do daily. Go through the motions. Day in and day out, a sort of hard slog and no wonder it feels heavy and burdensome. Feel like the sky is always gray and the road is always uphill. We forget to dream. We think it’s wrong somehow. Yet every night there are dreams in our heads as we lie fitfully in our bed. They come whether we wish it or not. Yes they can be nightmares. They can seem stupid or pointless but they still come. For a long time I didn’t recall them but I am more aware of dreams I have nightly except that very soon once I wake the content of what I dreamed about fades away.

Why do we humans feel so guilty to enjoy our lives? To find a little respite here and there to help make our journey more bearable. A couple of times I really do believe God gave me gifts to help me fill in the time. Raising children you can be stuck in the home, you can get lost in daily chores and running back and forth but not really going anywhere. There were a few times I have been given access to lots of books. When I was knee deep in raising young children I lived in a remote town where there is not a lot of places to go. I used to do a weekly bible study group with other ladies. The Lady who led the group was a missionary. She had a bookstore in her home. Helped make some money to support their work but also to provide materials for local people. Often people would send her things to help their family and to help those of us that they gave their lives to minister too and at one time someone sent a huge shipment of books.

Pam set them up in a library for free borrowing. I hungrily took advantage of reading probably most of them and listening to sermons on cassette that was back when I could hear much better. I really felt blessed because it helped me survive raising children which is wonderful but can be so tiresome. Like an escape, a way to learn when you are not getting much feedback and your body is exhausted but your mind is alive and starving for more of something. Husband was at work all day and too tired most night to do much talking. And you are stuck with kids all day lol. Books helped immensely. I thanked God for those moments when the children were asleep or at school or for a snatch here and they were contented and not fighting or making a mess. I was so very blessed with babies and young children who slept all night except for times of sickness.. I think from 6 weeks old every baby slept all night.

Two years ago or thereabouts it happened again.. A friend of the family gave me 5 or 6 huge bags of books to do whatever I wanted with because she didn’t need them anymore. I did actually give some away because there was no way I could read them all. But I remember I did take a deep sigh you know when she gave them to me. I thought ohh I am in for a huge chunk of time where God knows that I will need occupying lol. And yes as my children in this stage of life are growing up I have more time. Being disabled here in Australia I do not have to work I’m on a pension and am home an awful lot, and every weekend the children go to their Fathers so I am alone on weekends. These books comfort me that God cares about me and about my having something to fill in my time. I enjoy reading so I see that God cares about us being happy and enjoying our lives and I really do not feel that He expects humans to be busy always working. That it is OK to rest and not just sludge through life. Books and stories help me dream they help my mind stay alive when sometimes I feel lonely and can just shut down. I can be comforted by the characters and getting lost in the stories. 

Yes I do not have to feel so damn guilty for filling in time that sometimes seems to swallow me up. Our society is ALL about productivity unfortunately and it shocks me these days when very very young  children are pushed out into the world and it’s all so much about stimulation and learning that I think play time, dreaming and fun must surely be things we seem to frown upon. I mean everything seems so darn controlled, regimented, something to slot in on our time tables. Well not my life lol. But even so I still feel that pull on me. That I am worthless because I DO NOT live like the majority. It’s like please do not waste your life dreaming. You need to produce something with your life, do do do.

Dreams come and go but they lift you up. Make you hopeful. Gives you beautiful thoughts and daydreams that dance in your head. Your body might age. Kids grow up. You might be alone a lot but stories can fill your heart and mind with life inducing dreams.. I don’t think your spirit ever ages. It makes life beautiful, bearable and fun once again.

Dreaming On Paper


So long since I blogged eek.. 

Doing an art course led by Lisa Sonara called “Dreaming on Paper.” Got my creative juices flowing. Producing art every day.. Literally something coming from nothing.. Physically not much going on. Raising children. Living day to day. My creative life is where I pour most of myself these days. Very spiritual practice and where my heart and soul finds immense satisfaction, release and fullest life.. God meets me on these pages.. It’s beautiful beyond compare and brings hope to the ordinary and dull places. I feel a call to be here.. It’s where the magic happens.. For want of a better way to explain it.. 

Todays my journal page says.. 

This is my holy ground. Where the answer always resounds with a Yes & Amen. Where truth lives. Where freedom abounds. Isn’t fake! Being transparent. 

I do apologise because when I’m here I’m missing elsewhere. Eternal life goes on forever though. We will have our time together. I’m just using pages, colour, words, spirit, expression like this because right here there is literally nothing stopping me going any direction not even my thoughts are hemmed in. Everything is boundless. 

I often wonder.. Will others see it? Can others see it? If you knew my life you’d be amazed by what I express. Cause I’m hidden away and reclusive. Don’t go anywhere much. See anyone much. Rarely have plans or dreams. That’s why this course dreaming on paper is so amazingly freeing to me.  Opens up my inner world where nothing can stop me. I just go here because it’s where I’m most animated. The best of me resides here.. 

I feel free. I feel light hearted. I don’t feel disabled, poor, lonely, broken hearted as if I have no reason to live.. I see power in my weakness.. Joy bubbles up.. I don’t know what it means.. I just share it. God is here too.. I don’t need to go anywhere for the kingdom is within!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Spiritual Art..


I have not blogged/written in so long. Mostly I have been art journaling or creating digital type images. I just signed up again for a digital art course. The creator was offering her art courses ‘pay what you can afford’ so I snagged a course. Art supplies are very expensive and most of whom I learn from are overseas artists. And they often use supplies I cannot easily find here or if I do they are exorbitant in price. It is most depressing I can tell. So I thought I would try digital art and see if I can produce more with ipad, aps and with the material they teach me. Thus flowing much easier. See how we go.

It is winter here so great weather for indoors activities ha ha though I am an indoor type of girl all year round.. Art Journaling glue and paste is still a big favorite. I have stacks of magazines in my bedroom!! Often pages and words spread across my bed.

I don’t have to put much thought into what I create. I just go through and pick words that speak to me and pictures that appeal to me. Than I just kind of put the pages together and its actually really easy. I think that is how Spirit flows. Its a knowledge inside you that is already there through GOD, your gifts, talents and stamped with your own personal flavour..  We just really have to believe in ourselves and be brave, learn what we can learn and go do it. Doing it is the most important thing.. 

I still can so easily just sit. I am not a great mover and shaker of the world in my physical self.
Of myself I don’t focus easy, rather sit and vegetate and not do much. I really have struggled with zero motivation for quite some time.. 😦 

This is quite strange and a deviation. But in my head last night as I slept I heard these words. “The flesh counts for nothing.”

Mine definitely doesn’t. I don’t work for a human boss. I don’t cook. I don’t socialize much. I don’t have any educational degrees or future plans of grandeur. I am not careful with the little money I do have.  Most days I do not have any plans at all.
I don’t stand out in any way physically and not many notice me. Persistence is my only super power I feel but persist at what?? 

Yet these words have obviously comforted me today because here I am writing again!! My Spirit is what will live on for eternity. My Spirit is what I will live from when I die in this flesh body. My Spirit is strong and has far more impact than my flesh because it keeps going. Ha ha you’re reading this.. I absolutely love love love doing art and sharing it. Or posting this blog and hitting publish. Or adding photos to Instagram. Sharing inspiration on face book. Yes I am love social media pretty strange isn’t it for an introverted girl. There is a freedom here that face to face I do not have. And I am not awkward here it flows.. Easily and this excites me no end. I will fist pump and thank God over and over  ha ha when I hit send. 

I can be happily creating or expressing or sharing for hours and hours and not a soul will see me except doing the family business of caring for the kids etc. They are with their dad atm. Art to my hearts content. I can share my faith. And people of all kinds seem to appreciate it. I don’t get a lot of feedback but that has not stopped me because I love doing it period.

I don’t even go to church. I cannot hear to take part I am almost deaf. Also I see things differently from main stream. The warm body is the temple of the Spirit. Rather than a building. Nothing wrong with bodies gathering though. My people gather online ❤️.. 

My dad preached today and brought me in his written notes.. Sermon notes.. Bless his heart.. And the very first scripture.. Add pic in.. 

YES YES YES.. I cannot stop doing this.. No maters the responses I get.. Just like that scripture says. Talk about the LORD.. Express the messages in my heart I believe HE has taught me. But personally not religiously.. Not thees and thous. There is a religious way of talking and going about life that I have broken away from. Not the source but the expression of it. I want to be authentic, real and not pigeon holed. You have to think about it.. It’s challenging but it’s also intimate and real life. Leaving room for interpretation. Gods Spirit is the greatest counsellor & teacher!! Not cliche’s and not impersonal. I want people to think, see that spirit life isn’t dead and uninteresting. It’s a full life and freeing and unlimited ways to express faith. 

Ok I walk different to mainstream but I think all the time on my own with GOD has changed me in a way that I see HIM and feel HIM and know HIM differently. I just want to experience HIM personally and intimately.. YOU cannot be alone with anyone for a long period of time one on one and not know them differently. 

Spirit fire burning in my bones. People have turned away because of the way I express my faith and that has given me a louder voice and sparked more persistence. Kept me praying!! 

I think because they read with their heads and not view with their hearts.

 But I am telling you there is great great freedom and great great love and out of this world knowledge. For those who will see the heart, see the SPIRIT and live from the SPIRIT and not operate in fear, from flesh or stay within boxes.. Joy and passion will be running over within.. living as they are led and the SPIRIT will speak from most anything and from anyplace and the message goes straight to the heart..

Creative Health..



What helps you create from a healthy place? What kind of body, mind and soul fuel builds you up and makes you feel more abundant, resourceful, equanimous and infinite?
Make a list. Keep tweaking as you go.

Not being afraid to listen to loud music via headphones and sing. (deaf)
Creating collages.
Writing and keeping a diary.
Being inspired with things around me.
Movies, books, Internet.
Reading regularly.
Taking notes like writing down fav quotes and keeping them.
Art Journalling.
Spiritual contemplation.
Someone noticing me and being interested in what I do.
Noticing others.
Living from the heart.
Holy Spirit.
Being myself.
Awareness of this moment as precious.
Keeping up with artistic people’s daily jottings and sharing.
Walking daily does help.

Write a healthy soul, mind and body prescription for yourself that includes Writing + Other healthy practices that make your writing better: Food, Sleep, Exercise, Nature…
You are a full package. If you were your own holistic doctor, what kind of medicine would you prescribe yourself to make you come alive?

Pushing myself is good for me. Even if its reading a book I normally wouldn’t. Making a change in the things I do daily. Setting even one small goal for myself to keep up and ticking the box at the end of each day. Apart from the normal every day. Sticking to anything is a game changer for me.

I have a nature that sits down. It would just sit down without any effort at all easily. I call it a lay back nature. I have to motivate myself every single day. The less I do the less I do the next day. To stay healthy I need to remember to drink water in between coffee and tea. I need to make myself walk as often as I can. It is wonderful when you do that regularly enough that when you don’t do it you feel like a big fat cow.

Yes I need to daily make myself be creative too.. Which is strange because I love it. I can be sitting on my bed with inspiration all around and yeah not do it. So even though I might seem to do it regularly I still have to motivate myself to do it. Push myself. I feel tired now. It is only just after twelve midday. I do admit I stay up later than I should. I overslept today first time in ages but it is a sign I need more sleep.

I need to make myself do house work and rare is it that I keep on top of it. I can’t remember the last time I was on top of it. Probably when someone was coming to visit (rare) so I wanted to have the house tidy for them. My greatest personal bug bare is just keeping my diary. I know I love doing it. But I can struggle to get anything on the page. I think I am afraid that it has to be interesting. That it can’t just be what I think and feel. I really really want to work on the expression part. I feel I am scraping the surface and there is so much I do not say. I mean I need to be honest with myself. I need to not be afraid to say dark things. Sometimes I am so positive that its hard to say it as it really is. I can’t even find the words. I need to work on just saying it and not having to share it. I share publicly so often that I am censoring without thinking. I need to be ok with writing raw in my own private way at home. THAT JUST MAY BE LIFE CHANGING.

That is the crux I think. If you regularly do it its much easier and I think the channel is open for a whole lot more of life. The longer you go without doing it the harder it is to get real and get it out of you. I am so thankful when I look back and read about my life and children and can remember what we did and when but I see that what I have not done is open up my heart which is where I live from most and you cannot live whole if you don’t live from all of your heart. I have diaries with long gaps in them. Pages and pages of nothing. That’s depressing.

I also really really enjoy reading so its another struggle to keep picking up my books but when I do I am thankful. My tank is fuller.

Of course the most important is prayer. Daily prayer to God. Being the kind of person I am I need HIM. Oh how I need divine help. I do believe most anything I do that is productive is because of HIS grace. I have wanted to stop too many times to count. I do not do anything in particular to pep myself up except coffee. Of course this could also be a problem too. Relying on GOD and not doing things with the strength and brain HE has given me. Dear God send me a husband sort of thing and not leaving the house. Umm well I know God does miracles but I can’t meet people if I do not meet people!!??

Ok yes I do hoard art things, book and supplies. They help fill in time and give me inspiration but they also surround me with more clutter and that can drain you and steal your life. You are so busy dealing with it every day. Lost in it. I am easily distracted so yes being surrounded by books, magazines, art supplies you can see how I would get off track very easily. Need balance.

I do need to get rid of things and not day dream away into an imaginary world. It is not easy being very deaf and today I have extremely loud noises in my ears which if I thought about it could be depressing. You have to forget about it and not think about it. I think switching myself off has been a go to thing. Escape thing. Perhaps good medicine for me is just facing things that need to be done. I always feel better having done something that has needed doing. It does lift your spirits and make you feel productive.

It is not easy being a loner though I like being on my own. I have to force myself to do social things and outside of the house things. Like everything else in my life. I have to work on that more than normal people who probably gravitate that way without thinking.

I am like everyone else when you eat, sleep and drink healthier and do regular exercise the mind works better. The spirit is lighter and I think mentally you are more able to cope with whatever life deals you. As a spiritual person my faith gives me wings that is for sure. But as the bible says my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. I do have weak flesh. Flesh that would sit and turn off easily. Flesh that loses its focus. Flesh that gives up and shuts down. Flesh that does not think of things without prompts.

Good medicine for me is daily focus on GOD.. Being thankful. Not being afraid to be myself, being real, no matter how different or similar or simple or extravagant that makes me look.. Attending to my soul/spirit/creativity. Getting off my butt to walk and do things around the house that need doing. Every day lose clutter. Use it or lose it. Keep doing that daily. Making plans and sticking to them even if its just making small steps/changes. Getting enough sleep. Focusing outward on others more. Making that a goal in life. A new goal. Being confident. Realizing that I make mistakes but so does everyone else. Being free.. Eating healthy to give myself the most energy and boost that I can and that will also be a good role model and help to my children too… ❤





Creative Alchemy


Compare the person you are before you write to the person you are after creative alchemy takes place. Focus on details: how you feel physically, mentally, emotionally — before & after. Compare the pain of doing it to the pain of not doing it.

Before — A little tense. A huge hot coffee by my side. I usually do not have a flow till it starts. But I have a desire to get what is in me out. I usually have a good idea of what I want to write. I feel a little heavy in soul. I have a need to do something more. I usually have a huge sense of need to express myself. Need to release. Want to write. I have to be alone. Tv off. Social media off. I often pray because in myself I do not feel that I can say anything worth hearing I need Gods help and direction. I get restless. I have a need to keep going till it is done which is so unlike anything else I do. I do not care so much about the other things in life around me that need doing. Might be dishes that are stacked waiting to be washed. Clothing in the washing machine waiting to be hung out. Bed unmade. I am not in a hurry to do much of all that.
I am aware this is my thing. It is something I can do. It keeps me alive and sane and focused. I am not writing for an audience but I am hoping it is read. That is serves its purpose but I do not write and create for rewards. I basically just have to do it. I do very much enjoy it and it inspires me and I think to myself if I live the life I live and frustration about heavy things I can’t change lifts when I creatively let go. It just might be a help to someone else too to see me keep on keeping on the way I do.

I have a closeted life, I am introverted and deaf and I have faced hard loss in my life. It is like letting a dove in a cage out to be freed. Except the dove is me.


After —  I often praise GOD and thank Him I DID something and I got something of my heart and soul out there in the big wide world web because which is where pretty well all my writing and creativity end up. I have seen in my life small inconsequential things that appear to have had little meaning at the time become life altering later on when one looks back or finds out just what it amounted too.

So I release my writing to GOD and let it go. As it is. Simple. Just doing the work no matter what others think or what is the trend others follow. And than let what happens to it and what it means in the wider sense be whatever it will be. Just the container the words and expressions flow through. Be they worth nothing to anyone or something to someone. That is not my concern.

Via my blog or on social media. For all the that sits undone in my house I can feel a real sense of release that something is done and finished and accomplished. Spiritual is to me way more important than physical. To me it is my soul work. It is my calling and my gift to the world. It is what I think I am in this world for. I don’t put a lot of weight on the normal things everyone else sees as important. This soul work is what will remain when I am no more and Internet is so readily accessible world wide your going beyond the little borders of your own little skin suit in the world. Letting your light shine.

I am very grateful for finishing a blog post and hitting publish. There is an overriding sense to check it again. Often in a re-reading I find little mistakes I overlooked. Formatting might have stuffed up and I am not happy with it if the writing is all scrunched up. I like breaks in my writing its easier to read and digest that way. It is a rather silent joy. A little fist pump in the air that only God and I know about it. I do feel much lighter. Maybe a little apprehension putting it out in public and wondering what people will think. For the most I never really do know. So that only lasts a little while. I know if I die without acknowledgment of mankind for my creative life I did what I wanted to do. Said what I wanted to say and enjoyed it and I am free and at peace and joy fills my heart and soul.



DIG DEEPER: Recall a mental image attached to an event or encounter or special or painful moment that has deeply impacted you. What is the sensory information transmitted by this image?

What does it look/feel/taste/smell/sound like?


I feel it acutely when I write a response from my heart and soul and there is no recognition.

If I was standing in front of you and saying these things. You would look at me, perhaps nod your head or answer in some way or acknowledge that I had spoken or answer back with a reflection of your own. But this silence especially when I can see you are on-line. It screams something. Perhaps it is not who you are or your not noticing or your busy or your mentally acknowledging it and that seems enough to you. It doesn’t say nothing I am sorry to say. It says that what I say means nothing. Ok I need to be patient instant technology doesn’t mean instant recognition. But I have waited and than still nothing.

But if you are posting other things did that mean you didn’t notice or think it mattered that I commented? Or you didn’t post it to be noticed? Why do you post if you don’t want a comment?

It says I am not worth noticing and my time was wasted. I realize on-line you can look quickly and move on to something else. We all do that. But did you feel it in your heart? Did it make you smile? Did it upset you? Did it make you nod your head and notice it? I want to know!!! Am I silly to want to know?

I chide myself. Should I bother. Does this annoy them? Did I say too much? Do they care? Am I being overly sensitive? Am I looking to get a response? Should it be that people post without replying? Is that a thing? Is it me? It is you? What is it?

I need social. I need response. I need interaction. Internet is real life for me. I cannot do face to face being deaf. Ahh so it is different for me. But still surely non deaf people want to be responded too also? Do they?

Unfortunately it happens to me again and again and again. Almost to the point I think why am I bothering. I am sensitive that is plain to see. But I am also trying to care for people. Get to know them. Share their lives and also share mine. A simple OK in response often I need more information than that. Especially if I have asked questions, shared meaningful feelings or taken the time to respond. I am here you are here. It could be different couldn’t it?

I am interested in the people I contact. I want to know more. I do respect people. Even a short answer does suffice most times. It is nice to see someone acknowledge you I hope it is the same back. Even nicer if you don’t see many people in your life.

The image I see is my heart beating and nothing. Alone. Nothing. Blood pumping life and nothing. Yes I feel. Yes I express myself. Yes I need to be seen. Yes it hurts when people are there but not. Yes I am awkward and I fail too. I know that. I just need to vent. Because it takes time to tell. It can make you stand out like a sore thumb and a drama queen. It can be awkward to say how you feel and than nothing.

I have commented about not being seen and nothing. THAT is double nothing and double rejection.

Deep. Deep. Deep. I feel it. On-line I feel it. Social media I feel it. It is still rejection because it hurts even if the person didn’t mean it. So the moral to this story is. If you and I can just realize that wherever we are in life with people in any capacity. It still all means something. Inside our bodies of flesh is spirit. A person sits behind the keyboard. They are real. Their words are real. Their heart is real. Their presence is real.

Try to appreciate and acknowledge that presence and I know we all can fail but it can make a difference and deepen our lives if we connect even by spirit. Even one word can mean so much more than nothing. If someone is giving you time and attention and its not in an uncaring way especially if they are brave publicly. Let them know they matter cause its damn hard to be brave!! ~

Ode to Socks


I’m in so many groups but I’m keeping this one up. Poetry prompts for 365 days of the year. Doing these as often as I can.  This was a fun one and yes these are our family’s odd socks in pic..

Don’t ask lol.. Prompt was about Twins where the first line and last lines were the same. Socks. Twins. Odd socks that once were twins.. My crazy mind uses it imagination. Stretches me. Keeps my brain active and creative spirit alive and kicking..

Ode to Socks

Where are thou oh sock
the mystery is making me cross..
You’ve disappeared into thin air
and left us with dross.
Where once there was a wearable
matching pair.
Now frustratingly only one sock
means a foot remains bare..
You’ve not turned up in any place
the family does look..
Not to be found high or low, in any
cranny or nook..
Nobody can remember when you
were last seen..
All we know is that you were taken
off in hast as unclean..
Between than and now a magical
force has mysteriously zipped you
One sock washed, dried and found
& the other gone astray..
You’ve been sucked away by an
unworldly unseen menace..
For all we know you could now be in
Rome or in Venice!!
Unfortunately this is not the first
time for this dirty sock thief..
The vortex that sucked you far away
has left similar trails of grief..
A whole bag of lonely socks in the
laundry quite disturbing..
If all the socks came back it be
raining socks from the laundry to
So here is my heart cry about our
strange sock loss..
Where are thou oh sock the mystery
is making me cross..



Unraveling the year behind



((HIM or words all in capitals (always stands for GOD, Jesus, Holy Spirit) I capitalize it. Its an honor thing.. Acknowledgement of HIM.. ))

My word for 2015 was a string of words.. Your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

This is how my word helped to guide me through the last 12 months.

Everything I once knew as Gods Kingdom fades away. It all seems to point back to me. To what is held inside this fragile container. Kingdom of God within. Outer crowded in. Outer world/relationships things I once relied on crumbled away, falling short.
I found HE really loves me.  Loves all of us. No one excluded. When your eyes are opened even a little more. See HIM in everything. Yet it doesn’t hem you in. And most definitely not controlling. Most appears hidden and that is so it can be deliciously found and enjoyed. HE wants it to be an adventure. Where even the bad parts are working for good. Like Dorothy and the ruby slippers. You have everything you need with you. You just didn’t know it. Although its been a dry year. Takes your eyes off flesh living to Spirit. Spirit is abundance. Freedom. Creativity. Abounding love, peace and joy.Its connection.. It’s greater. Spirit is everywhere. Even people who aren’t aware you can see “Spirit” alive in them. It is more than life. It’s operating whether you realize it or not. Holiest of Holy is in us. Beautiful. The new has come!! All done for us.. just need to discover it!! I don’t have to be religious!

GOD really has a plan to save us all!!!! Here and now..  Jesus made that possible!!

What did I embrace in 2015?

Creativity. HIM sometimes there was minuscule going on with me.

What did you let go of in 2015?

Let go of being around certain people, let go of what people would think, (battle).. Let go of thinking of why certain things happened like they did..

What changed for you in 2015?

(Great sadness, rejection and low feelings) seemed to have moved past it. Amazingly without Drs, medication, people or things really changing. HIS power evident in my weakness. Not to be afraid of weakness and emotions.. Mind you I was very reclusive in 2015..

What did you discover about yourself in 2015?

Spirit is stronger. God isn’t about judgement. No fear in love. You can slip and slide into areas you never thought you would. God stays by your side. Moves you on without it destroying you or consuming you. Hope for everyone.

What were you most grateful for in 2015?

HIS strength. HIS unchanging love. Creativity and expression. Children. Justin’s kindness (former husband). Dustin’s friendship through thick and thin. (online overseas friend). SIL Lisa support and understanding. She told me things that helped.. Journalling. Recent Torquay beach holiday with almost all my children.. Oldest daughter finishing uni..

What did fear hold you back in 2015?

When I looked at all I fall short at. When I look at the way people have treated me. When I struggled to understand why things happened the way they did. When people continued to not know my heart and judge me according to who they think I am rather than who I actually am.
When I stopped expressing myself I shut down.. Fear of what people think..

When did you practice bravery in 2015?

Not completely losing it. Facing difficult people again. Speaking out at times. Letting things go. Finding peace in storms. Fighting battles no-one knew about even though they were present. When I haven’t been believed about what is happening to me.

What surprised you in 2015?

Good things happening to me even when I did nothing to deserve them.

What made you smile in 2015?

My children. Humor wherever it springs from. Sharing on face book. When somebody sees my heart. Children anywhere. Finding treasures at op shops/ thrift stores. Putting myself out there when not many noticed or responded simply because I loved doing it.. Continuing to do it..

What conclusions did you reach in 2015?

For all that didn’t happen. All the trials. I can smile and be at peace. Know GOD is with me. Know hope. Believe that somehow it is all working together for good.

These questions I found and signed up for through this site.. you can get a  FREE 5-day email class to help you figure out your word for the coming year.

Find Your Word for 2016