Monthly Archives: May 2013

I could complain but…

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I am going to shout instead… Ha ha.. and laugh..

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Just so you know my life is not cookies and cream.. I have a head ache.. woman’s complaint that is minor but enough to make the day unpleasant if you focus on it.. Zali 12 home unwell… no money in my bank…. a teenage son that has been struggling for a while…. nothing major but enough altogether that you could get down about it.. But I sit here and talk to GOD and claim HIS promises.. oh my that is so good.. There is strength in that.. how is that you say??

Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.. Isaiah 40:31

I quoted that to my teenage son on the way to High School.. he was more like.. shut up mum.. but hey I said it loud a few times who knows that it won’t stick in his brain like a song lyric that plays over and over.. GOD is with him at school.. I know that comforts me.. Im not sure he is isn’t being bullied there.. he denies it.. but his whole behaviour has changed lately..

I sit here and throw all my cares on GOD.. I literally pour it out… everything.. and place my hope in GOD.. I don’t have a husband here to throw his arms around me.. or a shoulder to lean or cry on.. or someone to listen to my blabbing..
But GOD is there.. and I love that..

That scripture above also talks about even youths growing weary.. yes my teenage son is having trouble sleeping.. so he is snoozing on the way to school.. sigh.. As a single mother.. we do it all or it certainly feels like it.

Up early to take oldest daughter to Paramedic placement.. buy groceries.. look after sick kids.. do the banking.. school runs.. pay the bills.. do the housework.. lend money and plead for it back.. find lost items that we seem to be responsible for even if we didn’t lose them.. You cop the abuse too when there isn’t the right kind of food in the cupboard.. Or you don’t feel like running to the store to go shopping.. your constantly reminding people about things.. your thinking ahead when others don’t..

All this of course goes to GOD.. and I pray everywhere.. in the car.. on the couch in the lounge.. God forbid on the toilet.. ha ha..

If I complain its to GOD.. and HE hears it all.. and then I can leave it with him.. my strength does return.. because I can go ahead and trust GOD with all that I don’t have the faintest idea about how to handle knowing that even if I stuff up HE can deal with it.. I truly see all that stuff in HIS hands..

I look at HIS realm as mine.. HIM with me.. HIM going before.. HIM helping no matter what it appears is happening.. There is power in claiming promises over your household and family and just resting in that.. No weapon formed against us will come to anything!!!!! One of many but one I claimed today!

I guess its the getting up again.. the smile.. the peace.. the hope that never dies.. That I can keep coming back again, that gives you the oomph to keep on keeping on.. Its not looking at the symptoms its looking at the Saviour with determination in ones heart..

Praying with a bold heard.. courageous that GOD is with you.. and seeing yourself soaring with HIM over the storms..

Even if you feel like this – In HIS presence!

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Old Is Linked to New

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Currently working on going through an old journal/blog site. At brave net called “The Healing Place”. Post below is copied from there. Worth re-telling!
Linked the old to this new.. Also copying bits and pieces into neglected old book style diaries. I have kept diaries for years but when I come online well I tend to put stuff here instead of writing it down. I cannot just delete I need to painstakingly read through everything! Ha ha my face book friends will get an influx of quotes over the time it takes to do this!

Can I just share a really sweet story..

In this moment below.. I just so felt that the timing was miraculous.. I just felt so overwhelmed.. Love for my daughter.. love for God and how when YOU know HIM HE is in everything.. love for the sweetnes of this moment… wow..

I have an amazing story to share that happened to me yesterday morning.
I was sitting in bed reading the book “The Shack” by WM. Paul Young and my daughter Zali had crawled into bed with me and was snuggling beside me with her head resting on my pillow!!

I was up to page 167 and was trying hard to keep reading because the book is so engrossing. I only got it for Christmas and I can hardly put it down.

This is what I was reading.

“Waterfalls!” Mack exclaimed, laughing to himself.
“She just cannot get enough of waterfalls!”
Now Mack focused on her, trying to memorize again every detail of her expression and hair and hands. As he did so, Missy’s face erupted in a huge smile, dimples standing out. In slow motion, with great exaggeration, he could see her mouth the words, “It is ok, I…” and now she signed the words, “…love you.”

At the very moment as I was reading those very few words, Zali leaned over and signed with her hands, pointing first to her eye (I), then made a heart with hands (love), and then pointed at me with her finger and said YOU!

WOW!!

It floored me… absolutely floored me.. the timing.. and wow that the book was about a little girl doing the very same thing to her parent.. her daddy.. I can only think and smile that it was a special God ordained moment just for us..

HALLEUJAH.. Praise the LORD… GOD be praised.. HIS NAME BE MAGNIFIED..

Isn’t it so that in these moments.. they are so holy yet they are so simple and normal.. but anything but.. You truly feel God.. so loved.. God is love..Loved by my daughter.. loved that God gave me my daughter.. loved that God somehow brought it all together.. YES I know HE did.. Every good gift comes down from the FATHER of lights.. that is in HIS WORD!! Halleujah.. Oh how HE wants us to know HIM.. and how much HE loves us..

I’m accepted cause You were condemned!

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Had discussions with a family member that keeps me thinking.. It hurt me worse to walk away because that’s not who I am. But what can you do when somebody refuses to listen or even respect you for your differences. I disagreed back and forth for too long..

A sense of rejection is felt because they are not looking at my heart & soul..
Not accepting me.
It brings to my heart this picture I posted long ago on face book.

Of Christ rejected –

John 1:11 says “He came to his own, and his own received him not”

That verse came to my mind as I shed a few tears over it.

Love this scripture ❤

Ephesians 1:6
“To the praise of the glory of his grace, where in he hath made us accepted in the beloved.”

This picture has often comforted me.. of a rejected “CHRIST” created by Amy Mc Cutcheon..
Brings to memory the song lyrics written by Chris Tomlin..
You are my King..
“I’m forgiven because you were forsaken
I’m accepted, You were condemned
I’m alive and well
Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again”

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Prayer, coffee and chocolate..

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Prayer is on my heart today as I sit here sipping coffee and trying not to eat ALL the chocolate at once..

Just imagine if we prayed for all our encounters on the internet.. each person we are connected too.. wow.. we’d all be covered 24/7.. and more than covered we’d be soaked..
There is the bible verse “pray always” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (well and truly covered if we all prayed for each other)

I like this quote too about prayer..

“We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.” ~ Oswald Chambers

Praying for me is more like talking to GOD about everything.. my trials.. my struggles.. my hurts.. but its also focusing on HIM.. HIS strength.. HIS presence.. HIS perfection which through faith is mine.. What a trade huh!! This is what HE says..

I want to speak to HIM about my kids.. my loved ones.. my dreams.. my friends..

I remember growing up and realizing my Grandma was praying for me.. when I was struggling in my youth.. I was helped knowing she would always lift me to GOD as my parents did and still do. Its really nice to know people pray for me and my family..

I found out with the death of our baby son Tyler prayer doesn’t mean things will all work out the way you want.. but GOD draws our heart/thoughts/spirit to HIM in such a way.. that we are filled with peace.. We can literally go through fire… knowing HIS comfort..

Prayer/talking to HIM.. helps me know I am not alone.. Its not hard to talk to GOD.. and believe me when you start to do it daily.. its kinda addictive.. 🙂 I find it easier when I focus on the fact HE says HE is with me.. Of course its an invisible presence.. but when you believe this… HE shatters your fears.. and shows HIMSELF to you that even if not one person will believe you.. its a rock solid in you.. I mean you’d take a bullet because YOU know HE is real. Of course again.. there are dry times.. you feel too damn guilty to be in HIS presence.. life is hard and prayer seems futile.. Your busy doing other things..

Of course.. that’s why GOD has said keep praying… HE knows we need HIM… HE also isn’t concerned so much that we are constantly talking to HIM as that HE loves us and wants our company.. HE has the answers to everything that troubles us.. like having a counselor with us 24/7… In HIS presence is joy, peace, strength, power and possibilities.. Our recharge station if you like.. so there is very much a great reason to be aware… talking and lifting things to HIM.. as well as learning about HIM as we draw near to HIM in with heart & soul..

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I like this pic of this woman praying.. she’s smiling.. Often I pray out loud.. love sitting in the sun while I pray and also can pray anywhere and everywhere..

From The Heart

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One reason I turned to art was a friend said to me “I cannot see your heart!”

I use face book a lot, every day. I used to visit a christian forum every day too but I haven’t for a long time.. The forum was where my friend was.
We had a kind of short close online friendship. I mean we “went out” but never met. Doesn’t that sound dumb.. But to explain on the forums each person had an avatar and also chose a little word beside it to describe their current mood.. Mine simply swapped from “happy” to “in love” and so did his for a little while.. We chatted.. declared love.. lol… and thats about the extent of it..

Chatted via a messenger chat service every day. What a struggle that was. At the time I didn’t have a very reliable internet connection. But I was going through a lot of personal problems as was he. I was desperate for human connection. James was bottoming out and so was I.. So as much as possible (he was in USA and I in Australia).. We connected as often as we could..
We declared love you know online which seems silly now but at the time it helped.. It was “james this” and “james that” I was emotionally needy and as much as one can online.. he filled that spot..

Anyway one of the things that I remember from the relationship we shared. Was he mentioned that he couldn’t see my heart which floored me because I was putting stuff out there every day that I felt was showing the world what was important to me.. He also wanted me to talk via phone and bugged me a lot to do that. But I couldn’t as my hearing is bad and I didn’t even try. That may have been a killer to what eventually brought our short lived friendship to an end.. He needed more than just online chat.. I can understand that. I have gotten used to my own company but others need/crave others much more than I do.. And maybe if we had talked more, heard each others voices… I don’t know but he wanted more than I could give.

I loved and still do.. encouraging others… through quotes, inspirational pictures etc… sharing them freely on face book and on the forums. I wish I was better at chatting with people my hearing hasn’t helped but its not just in real life I also didn’t seem to be able to fit with forums either… There were threads there where people simply talked back and forth about everything and for some reason I couldn’t fit in there either.. I really love people but I don’t know why I just seem to lack in that department. I can write messages to people back and forth easily enough one on one.. But I love to deeply express myself and I have not really found too many that wanted to do that and keep doing that often enough.. At least without meeting in person.. Most everyone I have gotten really good friends with have lived overseas… That kind of kills the meeting face to face. And really up to this point I had bad Internet connection so I could not do the Skype thing.

So where I fail at expressing myself in this medium of chatting, talking to people.. I share things that inspire/ say what I feel as a way to put myself out there. So when James said he couldn’t see my heart and thats what I MOST want people to see.. I began to think about how I was relating to people.. I think after that.. I tried to connect with others more.. but a series of relationships I made online failed one after the other as well. It didn’t help.

As I adjusted to no longer being married and that I was failing in relationships.. and life began to isolate me or I became isolated the need to express myself in ways that I wanted got fewer and fewer.. Online is a different world. Especially face book I mean I am a person to be open and say what is on my heart when I get a chance.. I am deep sharer and face book is not deep sharing.. People are basically private and well its public. Most of it.. And I have had my troubles posting things from my heart.. It seems so hard to say what you want to say, either there is no one to listen, no one wants to listen, you say the wrong things etc… I guess everyone is out there with their own opinions and so it can be easy to not say anything at all.
I am bad for not pushing myself. I think who would want to talk to me and I fail to initiate things so I probably miss so many opportunities.

But I simply would burst or shrivel up and die if I couldn’t express myself… but I can see that pictures and quotes are not me they are simply reflectors but not the “real raw me”. Art can say so much without saying anything and of course I don’t have to worry about who is there or not.. Art journalling is one way I have progressed… Writing another.. And free hand drawing the most dramatic of all. With colours, the content, single words, thoughts etc..
I mean its really brave when you think of all the art that is out there.. so many many better at it.. But the one thing is.. no matter how good you are perceived. Its your work.. Its your soul.. Its your thoughts.. Its your expression.. Its your choices.. I don’t get a lot of responses and I say that not because I’m doing it for responses but because the very essence of art is being seen… expressed to be seen.. What would even be the point of saying this here if it wasn’t to be read.. Or Art created if it wasn’t to be seen or conversation to be had if there wasn’t to be heard… but as I have said before.. I am finally saying what I want to say and there is some responses now so for that I am grateful..

Im saying it boldly because you have to be to put it out in public. I’m not waiting till I get perfect. I am doing it from the very first efforts.. I will find my own beat of the drum. I am learning as I do it. As I see what comes of it.. What people say. For me its a whole new direction.. And re my faith.. I use it as a medium to share my faith.. To express what GOD has done in my life, how HE has helped me to have peace, joy, hope. I think HE put the desires in me to express them. I think sometimes nobody has been around to talk too so I had to do this. 🙂 I wouldn’t be doing this if I was out there living a busy social life would I!!

Another reason I do this.. Art, writing, expression is because I shut down for many years. I wish I could say it just came easily but it doesn’t. I have to make it happen. I often have nothing going on to draw from. There is a scripture in the bible about “stirring up the gifts” I have to do that.
Any good that comes out of me is what God has put in me. And I have to write or do art or express in order for that to flow.. And that’s not just so I can appear with some inspirational uplifting goodie to encourage the world. It’s also to help me learn, grow and develop those gifts in me.

This quote explains.. I still use them because they help..
“If your’e going to be a writer, the first essential is just to write. Do not wait for an idea. Start writing something and the ideas will come. You have to turn the faucet on before the water starts to flow.” ~ Louis L’ Amour

Its my heart though that desires to be seen.. otherwise why express outwardly at all.. I think all of us have that innate desire to be seen, heard and appreciated. GOD uses all the above.. things that happen to us.. our situations.. the things people say.. the way we come across or not come across.. through all these mediums HE can work it and I believe HE has a purpose for everything.

I Don’t Know Why GOD is so good to me??

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I think I am put on earth to show GOD’s goodness through my weakness.. HE keeps flooring me with good things and I truly don’t deserve it so the best I can do is share it and emphasise how undeserving I am so HIS presence shines all the more..

HE said in the bible.. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me..
2 Corinthians 12:9

I wouldn’t exactly say boasting.. because I am not proud.. but thats how it comes across in the bible what is said.. how it is said.. My kids and I received a money gift yesterday… $110 dollars.. its very humbling.. to be the recipient of kindness like that.. but the person who gave it… they said it was from GOD.. because of GOD they gave..

Just last week the kids and I got a big box of special treats.. my sister and her kids too.. a christian family friend this time..
There were chocolates, house hold items, food, a beautiful tea cup, and also skin care products too.. It just overwhelms me really.. This lady said GOD put my sister and I in her mind and she hadn’t done a gift box for a long time..

I sat there last night.. I just froze up it doesn’t seem fair that I receive these things.. I don’t work through the week. On a pension because I am severely hearing impaired. I get paid child support too.. I have enough money to live comfortably and yet don’t have to work.. Its scary to think if I was in another country I would be on the streets.

I don’t attend church even. I gave up because of my hearing. I don’t cook, garden, sew… sigh.. I don’t do much at all except raise kids.. share my faith.. be a friend. That’s about the scope of my life… I don’t socialise much either.

Yet GOD chooses to bless me and I could tell you of many times in the past.. I have been given anonymous gifts of money and gift cards.. time after time after time.

I do pray.. I do encourage.. I do chat with friends online who need a friend.
But I hardly could say I am busy all the time.. definitely not a great mover and shaker in this world.. I am shy, not outgoing at all and freeze up often in company cause I don’t have the gift of the gab..

The things in the photo are blessings I got today in a local thrift store.. I love these shops.. the things people give away. This store which is local is the cheapest I think in our city.. I got all this for under 10 dollars.. I count these as blessings too that the LORD gives to me.. the candle is soy and smells divine.. Frangipani.. I must light it and see how fragrant it is some candles the smell they give.. truly amazing..

May God bless anyone who reads this.. HE said that if I lift HIM up HE will draw people to HIMSELF.. I like that.. 🙂

Extraordinary inside ordinary

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What astounds me is that I’m learning the most amazing stuff but I’m the least likely person to do anything with it.
Why me lol I cannot even express it so people understand.
I’m not educated or particularly talented.
Nobody really pays attention to me either lol
And the people closest to me well they can’t seem to see it no matter how I glow lol and sometimes I’m so deliriously happy because of all God is revealing. I know it’s not me but how do you explain that!
Some have said its like I’m bipolar sigh.. I have gone through periods of depression and through my marriage breaking down.. I cried most nights. But I’m much happier now.. I have learnt things that help me focus on good.. and it works. Also when you know God is with you… I mean He is the source of joy and He said in his presence is joy everlasting. Well when you start focusing on that you do in fact find that joy and you start to lose the sorrow. Being aware of Him… you just start to live differently.

Heavenly things are un-explainable. People are very closed minded. Skeptic and doubt everything. I face book a lot and the more out there (different to the norm) my beliefs expressed have become the less people like it or respond. Seems to good to be truth I guess.. but didn’t God say.. Taste and see that The Lord is good.. well He is!!!

Heck if my writing moves even one soul there’s a miracle right there.. I dropped out of High School and didn’t complete Year 11. I was told by my English teacher I had the potential to go to University. But still I have not worked on my talents excepting what writing I do personally.

Here is a big clanger that I think turns a lot off ~ I don’t attend a church! This is controversial but I stopped going because mostly my hearing made it impossible to sit and enjoy any service no matter how good it was. It was most depressing to only understand what words might be shown on the overhead screen. And I don’t know but I would go there faithfully with my kids every week and did all through the years of raising kids.. babies and all. Most people noticed me when I stopped attending.. I felt alone there.. and would find a table to sit at and with my hearing I struggled to express myself.. I could never think of what to say. And I looked for people to talk too and there were a few. But I don’t know it felt impersonal to me.

But God is with me always and no matter where I am… HE is here… I know Him better out of church then I ever did know Him in the building or taught there.. I talk to Him like a friend.. I mean not having a husband you need an outlet every day to express all the little things that crop up every day in a household. Also I’m an emotional creature, I need to unload. I need to talk. Yes through the years my life dramatically changed. Marriage problems, raising kids, my then husband was distant with his own problems and I learnt to go to God. I did shut down a lot. Just starting to open up again. Heal. Doesn’t that take awhile. But as I spend time with God, read, study, pray, contemplate. So much has opened up to me. I don’t work because my hearing is so bad so I have a lot of time to read, meditate and search/learn. Just God and me many many days.

Now I just need to find a way through Him to let out of me what He has been showing me.. And if He can use a shut away woman, isolated in many ways, but who knows His presence, peace and joy despite all else. I believe we will all be helped.

Which direction does one want to venture with their new blog?

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* Well I got a back ground/ theme going I can tick that box!!!

* You can see a little info about me even!!

* Kind of psychedelic color theme goes with peace child doesn’t it. I like that!!

I guess I’m getting a little more confident here!! Maybe I can explain why I use the name peace child and eternal added to that.. Might make a nice start..

God and me are one!! Cannot take GOD out of the girl or the girl out of GOD.. So rather than think hippy.. think inner peace.. We are told to come to GOD as a child and that is how we see HIS kingdom so there is the “child” and that’s how I come.. And I should add.. I like to write HIS name in CAPS.. It might be a shouting thing out in the world of internet use.. but to me its reverence and hey I get mighty glad some day and do in fact make some noise using HIS name..

Peace to me became my thing, my word, my life.  When in 1997 my then husband and I lost a baby boy. I am now divorced but back then I was married. I might post about this more later on. But through that period when our infant son was born, got sick and died. I received a miracle. Not our son living on earth, but rather I received a great out of this world peace. Which has changed my whole life and how I see things. So much so that I can smile when others are crying. So peace has become my “word” if you like. There really is so much more to this. I have talked to many many parents who have lost children and babies’ and all I can say is.. very few if any got peace. I don’t understand it myself but I thank GOD for it.. and I suppose it motivates me more to seek GOD, tell about HIM and find what I know is much more than  many might find.

Also in reference to “child” I am child like. In faith, in explaining myself, in the way I live. So it fits. I usually call myself peacechild4 but that name on here was taken.

Eternal though means never ending. Of the Spirit which I focus on much more than the flesh. I live by my Spirit and faith in GOD.  I love that GOD looks at the heart. I hope I do too with the people I come across.. And also that I live from the heart more than my head.

I added the picture above because online is my world. I am hearing impaired so normal communication is zip really so its more natural for me to gravitate here.  Oh man I love this. In person I stand back. I cannot get involved. It sucks. Being surrounded by people I cannot communicate with its fruitless.  I cannot rely on spoken words, listening to others. My world is text, online, to a screen be what ever mode that is. Written communication, spirit, having to rely on senses on what is unseen is my life. It flows here.. It just does..

 

NEW BEGINNINGS

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Yay my very first post!!!
I’ve wanted to write and keep a blog for quite some time now. But with only having an iPhone and no comp it meant typing too many words – cramped fingers and sore eyes from the smaller screen. So I’ve held back from pursuing a blog or daily writing. Yes I know you can use paper and pen but I unfortunately have very scratchy, messy writing so I just don’t do that too much. If of course you intend to share your writing online (and I like to do that) what is the point of re-writing anyway.

Just double effort!!

Yesterday I bought an iPad which I’m still learning how to use. Its much easier to type with so I signed up for this word press blog today to get the ball rolling! Definitely keen so here I am!
It may well take a bit to get going but they say if you seriously want to write you need to do so every day and keep at it. Not worried about who might be interested to read it, that’s not why I am doing this. I love to express myself, don’t see a lot of people through my week and love writing so this is a good way to get things out of me! And maybe amuse anyone who joins along with me if that so happens. I have no set ideas on what to write just to be me.. get a flow going and see what happens!!

I also want to start reading interesting blogs too!! I stopped reading and I have had to make myself pick up a book. Actually set apart time to get read. I used to only read deep spiritual study type books. I read those for many years.. I lost the enjoyment of simply getting lost in a story. How boring was I!!

One thing I am hoping with this venture is that with time, continued sharing and writing I will be able to unlock the blockages inside. Oh how I have hated that without continued stimulation over the years that sometimes I feel so blank, bland and uninteresting. Along with a recent interest in art, art journalling and creative type pursuits which is helping I believe this can only help me even more. The only thing I fear is that maybe because of the life I live I will not have anything to write about but I haven’t done too badly for my first post so here’s hoping there’s years of stored up creative writing inside!!

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