Category Archives: Art Journalling

What does my inner child need to know.

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“Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” Carl Jung

Something a face book friend Avalon Indigo Moonsong posted yesterday on her face book got me headed in the direction of attending my inner child.

She posted… “Many of us are traumatized children who still desperately want to be seen and heard — forcefully living in the bodies of adulthood.” by Feliciana Cacciapuoti-Mathew .. along with more thoughts which I also very much liked!

I have already shared here on my blog previously two parts of a series I’ve taken part in called “Into the Shadow” by Tracy Algar so the post from Avalon really reminded me of part three which I had still yet to do and it just seemed so right to think about it. Part 3 called ‘Inner child’ fits exactly. So I did an art piece (see below) based on what my inner child needs to know. Link to part 3 which will open another page to the site. Here.

The main image in my art is traced from a photo on the Internet via an ipad ap “Art Rage”. I was looking for a photo of an adult looking into a child’s face/eyes at the child’s eye level showing a real intimate connection between the two. This image seemed just right and resonated with me. I just traced it on my ipad and then printed my drawing. Colored it in with oil pastels using normal computer paper and then used ink spray and a dauber with black ink along with some acrylic paint through stencils for the background.

I want this art to express my thoughts on why the quotes and also on what Tracy has shared on her website resonate with me.  Plus also what it represents to me currently in my life.

I wanted the image to show my inner child face to face with anyone who values me and my need to feel and express my emotions and share my truth and passions as I am.  I have often craved strong encouragement to keep going in my life simply because I feel so vulnerable and weird to keep sharing and expressing myself as I do and I have felt so alone in this journey because few around me have been the same or recognized this heart cry in me.  So I have always tended to stick to myself and go inwardly instead ( except when I am sharing) and I’ve created worlds where I could be as fully me as possible. Many times I’m alone in even these worlds. Or I just shut down in a way and I guess my inner child feels neglected and why bother.

I have not always felt understood, accepted or valued as I am either in childhood or adulthood and I have often felt extreme loneliness.. Explained well by the very first quote I shared here in this post. I found that quote at the beginning of part three of “Into the Shadow”.

I am reminded at this point of the scripture “Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands.” 2 Timothy 1:6 I know that might seem like a weird verse to think of at this time. But the stirring up by another’s hands seems similar to what my inner child needs..

And that is that this endless tiredness of soul because I am putting my heart out in the world unseen which leads me to always be searching and desiring and longing for attention and nurturing and when I seem not to be its hard to keep doing it the same

I see that this need to be valued does actually have a reason behind it. That I am actually much less a person because of this lonely struggle and of course I am not going to feel oh goody lets go do it some more…

To be reminded that although I am a unique person in doing this I am not weird or need feel so awkward..  I can feel brave and precious and that it is OK to be supported to bring forth my fullness of inner being as well as blossom in my adult outer being too.

I need encouragement. We all do. But we each also need to know that we are loved and important as we are and how we are.

Therefore I see that when I struggle to be affirmed by another person it’s not cause I am weak or selfish or it’s a bad thing to be different to others and even the bible agrees that I need it.. We all do.. 🙂 ❤

Therefore I must not lose heart but awaken to the fact that I can be the one to stir it up in myself and recognize the importance of what I do and why I do it.  I can focus on what brings me alive and stir up my art expression to empower my inner child.. My creative spirit.

Confession. It has taken hours and hours to write this and as I am writing my whole thought pattern and flow has changed. I am seeing myself more clearly through my whole life and how I have been and why. I usually work at putting my blog out on the same day. But this time I told myself it is ok to go to bed and sleep on it. That this was an important exercise. That it is OK to be a work in progress and take my time with it. I was being helped even as I left it to work on it more today. Less of a desperation to get it out of the inside of me. 

So I am seeing through this exercise that this adult figure in my art expression is a representation of any person who will meet me where I need to be met.. Anyone who is moved to meet me on a level where I am at. Even if that is via my adult self encouraging what is needed for my inner child to thrive. I do not need to wait for others!

That there is a life changing epiphany.

Soul expression is never selfish but vital to my daily life and daily life force so I should nuture it and treasure it at all costs.

My Inner child therefore seems to represent my creative Spirit and that’s why it is so crucial to my whole being to pay attention to my inner child. Maybe my inner child has always needed art expression and that’s why I have become such a loner because I did not realize what I so desperately needed.

My inner child needs to know it is OK to be myself. That is OK to live expressively and share it. That through sharing my emotions I feel accepted on the level where I currently am. Eye to eye or face to face is so vitally important to a deaf person too who has lost the ability to use one of their five major senses but it does not have to be through only speaking and listening and it does not need to be physical. I can be met in a way whenever I and another person touch souls through my art or words or in a working and understanding relationship. For me especially through online friends have I found this to be a vital link to not feeling alone.

How important it is to be able to communicate where I feel heard and seen. That I am worthy of someone adjusting themselves to my height or mindset or wavelength by reading or viewing or acknowledging me where I am at..

How often have I been depressed because I cannot communicate with others like they can at the same level they are and even feel expected to function as they do. I do not have to try to communicate like you. It is OK to communicate in my own way that works for me.

Yes I do communicate differently and I do so love deep heart sharing. I am built to express myself for I am an emotional soul but I prefer one on one or even prefer on-line where I communicate easily as it is much more personal to me.

Connection happens for me whenever someone pays attention to what I say on social media, sends texts because I cannot use a normal phone or just cares for me in a way where I am free to do the same back. My inner child needs to know that others share my world and want too just as I share their world and want too. That my heart/art expression is valued. Not that it has to be praised for being good.. no no…  just that I be acknowledged for its how I speak, move and it is my presence and way to live in this world.

If nobody says what I need to hear or communicates in a way that I can understand. I can and should say it to myself. ❤ ❤

It is OK to be me. It is OK to live by my Spirit. It is OK to communicate in ways that I love and that work for me. I am enough as I am. It is OK to love sharing my faith and art via my spirit, express myself through art and my own words on my blog and via social media or any way that I do. It is OK to enjoy the way I want to do it and how I do it.

I am OK.. 🙂

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Crowd of Witnesses

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I woke up early this morning with a headache and I think even half asleep I am so used to just starting to commune with God in prayer in my mind for healing. I find myself rebuking sickness even half asleep. I think also a bit of pain now and again God uses to get my mind on HIM and this was one of those times. He had a message to share with me. As I am praying I am waking up. Having a drink of water. Toilet stop. Talking to God about things that have been on my mind the previous day gone. Heck my mind can go all over. :/ I am sure others understand this. Unfortunately at times it can be rather annoying because it means I wake up too much and its not so easy to go back to sleep. In this instance I am glad I woke up more than I needed..

Not all my thoughts tend to be happy though. At times there can be rather an onslaught of reminders of ALL the ways I have failed since childhood. Groan groan groan. I wish I could write exactly how my thoughts led to this art piece today and why as soon as my youngest had been taken to school and I was home again I got to creating it straight away. I do not actually know the lead up. I do know that as I sat on the toilet with my phone lol. Yes I do that. I started to type in the words and thoughts that were coming up in my notes ap so later when I got back to sleep I could remember them.

Quite often I can have the most amazing dreams but wake up and quickly forget them 😦

The words I wrote down were ‘Crowd of Witnesses’ ‘Support’ ‘Comforting’ Helps’ Not alone’

I have personally often felt alone in my sharing. There are a few faithful yes. But the majority of what I create, share and express I have felt generally alone with it. So often I read just how important support is to an artist, athlete, person etc when they are working on a goal or career or life purpose. Crowds cheer on their football team or line the marathon course to encourage the athletes, fans buy the paintings of an artist & faithfully attend the concerts of their favorite music bands. Family attends recitals, practice sessions etc etc.. it goes on..

It seems imperative to me just how important it is for anyone who wants to go places in life that they feel supported and cheered on. A reoccurring suggestion often put to me seems to be that my art should be mostly for myself or even just for God and me. Rather then looking for outward recognition and being disappointed by lack of interest .

Now if anyone really knows me I tend to stand back. I tend to stay hidden and do not excerpt myself. I am not known for outward confidence at all.

So putting my art/heart out into the world has been quite a huge step out of my comfort zone personally yet those around me do not seem to recognize this the same which can drive me batty. YET even still I do not do it for feed back or even to be seen. I do it cause I cannot communicate like everyone else being deaf. It is how I express myself plus since I was young sharing with my whole heart has just been my thing AND I love it.

An Artist has to be bold even if they are not doing it to make money. Because its only natural to share art with anyone else. How many little children’s art work come home from school, kindergarten, child care etc and are proudly displayed where everyone can see it. What on earth happens though as we grow up?

I do not know why people think art or art expression in whatever form it takes has to be only for the person who created it. I think it is natural to share it but for some reason many equate that with some kind of ‘look at me persona’..?!?

Anyway lol I might have deviated off track with some of that but I still very much feel I have to explain myself and why I do what I do. This sense in my mind early this morning of a ‘crowd of witnesses’ around me actually brought a wave of sweetest comfort to my soul. I do not know at this point whether I still had the headache or not. Pain tends to be forgotten when you receive spiritual epiphanies.

But I felt very motivated to try to capture that sense in some way artistically and felt a little excited that I had a way forward for the coming day. Oh how many days I have sitting without any motivation.. EXACT reason I’m fuelled by doing this.. the realisation that this surge of motivation is from GOD.. I truly believe HE wants me to do this!!! ❤😍🕊🌈

I am loving oil pastels atm so that is the tool of choice to do this with.

Lol they are supposed to be buildings.. like houses.. but they look more like tombstones :/ perhaps they symbolize buried dreams, dead ends, end of living my life the way everyone else does or the way everyone else thinks I should? End of relationships? Who knows..

They do speak to me of the coldness of the world/people I often experience.. the darkness of being alone and isolated and rejected.

Feeling unsupported in what makes my heart come alive and feel passionate with purpose. I have also found religion cold, comfortless, not easily able to relate to it anymore.. not really fitting in with the aliveness of my spirit. Boxed in..

The figures around me are not ghosts lol but rather the crowd of witnesses Gods Spirit was encouraging me with this morning. Spirit is not like a human voice. It is rather a knowing in you. Deeper than worded prayer yet appears in some ways like knowing ideas that I could never have thought about in my head, yes scriptures made alive with words or images.. that fit with my life and situation.. like a praying in the spirit if you use a heavenly language of tongues.

I think sometimes my spiritual language is like intuition. Art helps me access it. Colours and images and symbols too.

Moon represents my current life..

I actually saw the moon while walking my dog yesterday. Full moon last night.

Night times especially late at night and middle of night I pray best .. Sometimes with tears rolling down my cheeks. I know GOD better in darkness and from being alone both physically and isolation from deafness and social dysfunction. Introversion has its perks though. I have more time to dedicate to art and expressing myself. I got invited to a craft group just the other day. But my heart was not in that. Some of this life I have chosen, most not.

But I do know that I have time to fully concentrate on what I love to do. The downfall I guess is that when I need people or the way I need people my spirit living has some wave length problems to reach others hearts but I really have to trust God with that because there are some heart connections I’ve made that are stronger than any face to face or blood relationships. Most live by the world around them and face to face.

Thankfully the crowd of witnesses around me depicted in my art mean that I am not alone no matter how it feels!! Encouraging. I believe once people die they are spiritually alive but somewhere else. I do believe they are around us or watching. They are purified and aren’t physically limited anymore and with that I believe come the spiritual knowledge that perhaps I am living with some of that too but yet I am still in my flesh body on earth?

They know our hearts unlike people in the flesh around us may not know or appear to know and understand us. I tried to express that closeness and support of the wittnesses by adding some pink to every witness depicted in my art piece around the central figure that represents me.

It is a spiritual thing obviously and although GODs word encourages us to live by faith and not by sight.. The spiritual living I have since discovered when I shifted from physical worship to spiritual worship in truth is very very different like day to night or night to day .

I am encouraged and inspired to draw from their strength. Encouraged by their presence. I do not have to rely on human connections that have for so long not seen or known or connected with me in ways I needed or desire.

God is helping me keep up the good work I have been fitted to do. And I am not hiding my light under a bushel.. or whatever the modern word is for that. Basket? Cover? Under wraps? Definitely not hiding socially just expressing myself through another medium!!

We are supposed to let our lights so shine. My light just so happens to be my simplistic/symbolic art and many words 😁.

Shared via social media in the here and now.🕊

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..

 

What do I need to feel safe to come back?

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Following on from the last post I made here.

This writing and art piece are my work inspired by “Into the Shadows”  part two I will link to it.

Here.

Going to work at trying to say less here lol. Didn’t work 😆

Inspired by a scripture John 14:23 and the latter half mostly.  We will come to him and make our abode in him.. Obviously referring to me as ‘her’ not him.. I am a believer in God. But I kind of ditched everything I once knew to focus mainly on the SPIRIT because of all the difficulties I have gone through with life and also losing my ability to hear like everyone else.

Holy SPIRIT is my counsellor. Heart thing. From where I live from. Kingdom of heaven within reality. To get more of a sense of what I mean you’d probably have to go back and read more of my writing.

For me in this art piece. Having focused on my Shadow Self as I read what was asked of those following.

I immediately (without having even putting oil pastel to paper) knew this expression is what I wanted to express! I love, love, love the oil pastel kind of represents the HOLY SPIRIT too. In the bible there are many references to SPIRIT as oil!! That thought just came to me as I was writing and it is not why I have purposely chosen oil pastels.. When you are led by your Spirit it is absolutely incredible how all things work together and you just flow and know.

Here are my thoughts.

Naked flesh. I want to be vulnerable and transparent. Dark and grey background. Difficulties I face in the world. Many grey areas in our world even the religious world. Things are not crystal clear. The fact being we have so many fractions of religion and belief systems and non belief systems. Issues can divide human kind so easily and they do. How many bible interpretations are there and different beliefs about it.

Neck. Communication. My story/voice has struggled to be brought forth and therefore be acknowledged.

Hard.. so hard to communicate and I am not like everyone else. I even struggle to be the same as the majority of deaf.

Blue sadness. Struggles. Frustrations. Broken relationships that cut me off from being myself and its hard to do relationships because of what I have lived through. Feeling of being strangled. Choked. Alone. Isolated. The way I have been treated by people who should know me and stick up for me who have turned away and made me feel like my life force isn’t valuable. I find it hard to breathe life and be all that I am and can be. The mistreatment is like hands to my neck strangling the life out of me.

Black crosses criss-cross my throat to express all this but I think looking at the rest of my art this is not dominating my life and I do not need or wish to focus on this part of my life rather just acknowledge it.

Heart surrounded by my emotions. My need to express myself is huge.. Shows how central and important my heart/emotions etc are to my life force. I do not focus outwardly much at all these days. That shows clearly here.

Broken heart still evident though isn’t it wonderful to know and realise GODs SPIRIT still meets us in broken imperfect human hearts!! And so beautifully desires to make a ‘Home’ in us.. within us.. WOW!!

What I need to come fully or more fully into the light is…

To keep my focus on what is occurring within.  That sweetest of meeting places where HIS strength combines with my humanness therefore changing everything!!

For out of the heart flows the issues of life.

Royal purple flow at the bottom which I still feel is so much smaller than it could be but thankfully it is coming.. is flowing..

But I notice that again isn’t the greatest of importance to me.. Isn’t what I need mostly or as it seems is my real true focus.

Right here I can take a load off.. sigh and take heart. For I recognise in myself immense growth. Because I am not wanting to be ‘famous or perfect’ in my art expression or even wait till I’m perfect.. Not just doing it for others either which is surprising.. Rather my art expression is the vehicle to seeing what IS my truest reality and then I share it.

I think recognising the importance of daily art expression and indeed realising it is a great gift to me from GOD. I can glory in being fully myself and realising that all the while inside my heart that although it has been broken by life is ever present and healing is occurring.

There is a HUGE powerful force at work within me. THIS is where I need to focus on to fully come back!!!! If only in my outer life like in my art piece I can see it as HUGE as this. That little flow might just start to flood and saturate the wider world around me!!!

This is my art piece in a large nut shell lol. I am learning even as I write this and contemplate my art.

It is truly amazing though that my art expression is not showing me what still has to happen. It is not showing me things I still need to do.

IT IS showing me what is HAPPENING ALREADY

I just have to be aware. ❤️🌷🕊

Shadow Self

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What keeps me going is what the world calls coincidence but I call GOD moments.

Today an extremely personal art piece because of one of these so called GOD moments. Perhaps the most personal piece I have ever done. I want to be completely free and I’m always moving towards that.

Free in every way possible and being honest, brutally honest seems to be the only way to be free and to rise above things that keep me bound or make me believe I am bound.

This link is to a free offering called.. Into the Shadow part 1. Where you can find information on the why.. It is a free course offered this month of April 2018 by Tracy Algar. I am in a face book group she runs and this course is being shared there.

It’s where I found myself earlier today simply having a look at the art others had posted and found it encouraging. I then decided to grab some magazines here at home and do some collage art unrelated but inspired by what I had been looking at.

So as I began looking for things to cut out I randomly found an article on the very same thing I had just been reading in her course!!!! Coincidence or what!?! Call it what you will. But I take these things as neon arrows that this has relevance for me.

I decided to have a go at my own ‘Shadow’ piece but chose instead oil pastels to create it.

Often I am feeling a plethora of feelings but not always knowing how to articulate them or even what direction to go for in prayer to God to help me with it. Art is a way to sort through and express my heart at the deepest level.

When I look at this piece below what am I thinking? I feel much more honest than I’ve ever been before. I seem to focus on faces more than any other thing and have for awhile now. Obviously being a deaf person my eyesight is a major thing and I need to be close to others to understand them. Faces to me are about intimacy and particularly so being a loner of sorts, a single parent and often am on my own now that the children are growing up. My art seems to be focused more often than not on a solitary figure because that’s where I’m at.

Face to face thing is imperative. I need to be in anyone’s face to communicate in any way but also I think I am frustrated and angry that it’s hard to communicate and such a struggle all the time to find a willing face to communicate with at the same level.. Face to face communication is actually rare for me these days so there is more of an urgency to be in your face if that makes sense.

My heart another huge factor in my life. If its not a heart thing I am not really interested in it or lose interest in it quickly. I am drawn very much to truth and people who speak from the heart no matter how different they might be from me.

Emotions are precious and beautiful to me and I am a ‘feelings’ person so my art is going to reflect that. But I do feel more a loner for it too because most people I am associated with do not share intimately or like I do so I feel alone because I need too and everyone else around me does not. So I do tend to hold it in when I’m with anyone which is not good for me or I freak someone out when it seems to pours out without end in sight..

With few to share it with or who I feel wish to be hear it and not many around that are likewise yeah I get stuck with it and it can keep me blocked or it’s simply easier to dwell in my own little world to cope with it..

But also unfortunately my heart has been damaged by life, feeling isolated.. by people who don’t try to get me but also I consider it to be mostly damaged by being my vulnerable self in a way that is an absolutely necessity for me and yet for the most part is speaking to thin air and that feels plain weird.. I am acutely aware of this void around me.. It is my hardest battle and it IS NOT FOR ATTENTION I talk about it but I consider it necessary for SURVIVAL. I have had to fight for a place like a little bird squawks loudly if it wants to thrive. Only my squawking is done with my art now lol and there are days I don’t do it.

Being quiet and in any way half hearted or not true to myself I feel crippled and that has severed me from even myself and keeps me from wanting to be in the company of most anyone. I truly do not see any real reason to exert myself in the world or with anyone if I can’t relate or be relative to anyone else. Art just for myself no thank you. Please don’t suggest that cause it’s strange just like talking to oneself all the time is strange. I can’t communicate with another person like you can. If you don’t get that you never will get me.

I disconnect from the world to survive this and I find my own way through. It’s why I write so much here.. pour myself into it for hours.. It’s probably a couple of months worth of conversations you’ve enjoyed every day but I’ve missed out on..

The severed head is really a savage way to speak my rawest truth that I’ve felt decapitated by feeling unless I do it your way I’m wrong.. Suffering disconnection when others around me have not realised I need them to value me and accept me as I am how I am. That being who I am is not an evil thing. The evil thing is not facing the world in a way where I’m free to be me.

My emotions are who I am. I cannot survive if I do not express them. Yes I realise even doing this that I need to stop shrinking because of what people think or how they function. But I should hardly apologise for needing people. I just need them differently to you..

We all.. human and creature need each other but we all have different ways to need each other. I need to speak honestly and I also need to know I’m seen & heard sometimes even if I’m not understood. I realise though that I have to stop feeling wrong for doing so period.

It’s a very dark world if I am expected to live without sharing from my heart. I did not draw in my ears because I can’t hear and I do not focus on what I cannot do.

My eyes are actually closed in this for that is how I appear to the world who will not see my heart and that can be people who should know me better but don’t go beyond the surface. I will look different to them. But they will not be focusing on the truth of me at all.

My reality is that my eyes are wide open and I have nothing to hide. I thought of the scripture the eyes are the window to the soul and it may not be very clear in this art but the whites in my art first started as flesh than I coloured them with yellow. The whites of my eyes are now yellow in this piece. I feel people think I am ill instead of seeing me as a living, feeling, breathing spiritual person. But I am actually lit from within because of HIM and Spirit is where I live majorly from (where HE is). I believe that if majority see only my flesh they miss out on me almost completely so to them I’m disconnected or broken.

Yes I need to see myself differently. I will say that even though my heart has been broken it will never extinguish my Spirit thankfully so I have surrounded my heart with yellow to symbolise that.

My cheek shows a rosy colour! Pink is my emotions. My mouth is upturned to more a smile than frown. My eyes are open. My tears help me release emotions don’t ever be afraid of them. I’m looking straight ahead. I am focused. I live from my heart and spirit. My brokenness does not stop me. HE is with me. HE is life, hope, health & strength in my weakness.

It is with complete fearlessness that I share my most vulnerable self with you. People around me have failed me as I know that I have failed others when I am only a shadow of myself. I will remain hidden to anyone who does not see my heart because that is my truest self.

I am not begging or hiding here or ashamed. It is with boldness and vulnerability I reveal my shadow self and raw naked soul with it. Spirit is my realm and where my Spirit is.

I am.

Any arguments. HE created me take it up with HIM.. 😊❤️🕊

Encounter Art With Father God

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Working through a book called “Art Sozo.. Painting with God.. by Gail Spooner”.

This is what I would consider ‘Christian Art’ but yet strangely when I worked with that concept in my mind I didn’t feel it was any more connectful with God than say my normal art. There is this thing in my head or heart searching, searching, searching and believing you know that I have do ‘Christian Art’ a certain way or approach it differently but in the process of today’s exercise it seemed no more holy than my normal art. This is surprising. Obviously of course I am specifically looking for God to speak to me about what my art means though in this piece.

Looking at what I did and journaling about it as in relation to what God has revealed to me. I wonderfully see similarities to what I’m already aware of which is a lovely concept  to settle over me. That just doing specific art isn’t any more or less about God than my normal art. HE is always involved!! ❤ ❤

Encouraged to keep it simple and that it is all about what the colours represent to me personally and what I am painting symbolises, letting it simply flow onto the page only stopping to think about it after I do my art piece.. Supposed to be limited colours. I chose more than two.. I also used a small paint brush. They encouraged a sponge or even a cotton swab. I preferred a paint brush but kept it easy and it was not about being artistically perfect which is not my thing anyway.

I realise as I consider this piece that overall I need to focus more on the whole truth. I tend to often only hone in on my own personal experience and view everything from this perspective.

I used purple but lightened it from the darker shade of purple in my paint set. Yellow. Grey. Blue. Well it was going to be Pink which is a colour I am flowing in a lot lately. Red/white mix looks more red than pink.. I do see that this has significance. As obviously red is a strong biblical kind of religious colour associated with the blood of Jesus. I like that even though my colour used is more pink than red the fact that it is not as pink as I have been using means that I am still learning in my general art process to express myself less towards “religion” and more towards a personal and honest to earth faith. I can see growth obviously but also know there is more to come!!! That is exciting. Losing my religion but gaining a spiritual knowledge and depth that is far above what I have been taught by mere men and women.. 😀

I see that God chose to give us HIS Spirit but the wonder of it is.. we house HIM in these very human and often clumsy flesh bodies. When I say clumsy anything human compared to a perfect GOD is very much a vulnerable & fragile container.

I don’t think of humans as being black anymore. The sinner thing.

Question : I was answering or seeking answers in my painting process about lies I’ve believed about my identity. Grey came to mind. Flesh can be a grey area. What I’ve grown up being taught as opposed to what so many believe differently as opposed to what is actual truth. Obviously I think of myself as lower level even though God says we are now seated in heavenly places with Christ. I have felt and often feel separate/separated from everyone else. Hearing loss, rejection, struggles with religion/control/judgements/difficult relationships & other stuff has isolated me which is why I painted a blue bubble around the figure that represents myself.

I felt more tense as I began this piece as I have when doing my normal art. Purple represents that my background has changed. I do know/believe I am Gods child. I do know/believe God isn’t judging me personally but judgement fell on Christ. HE values me. Sees me differently. He’s everything. He’s everywhere. I am not worried about my actions or where I stand from that point of view.

I know the lie is ‘performance’  ladder to heaven. Jesus became human HE fulfilled all the demands so I used the colour grey in between the rungs of the ladder to heaven to symbolise this.

Still see myself too low. Surprisingly the people I need to forgive or I rather prefer to say. ‘Who I need to view differently and not be swayed by or want to stay away from’ are represented by the group of others in the painting.

I have felt they are responsible for my feeling and being separate and I do see their actions have caused me harm to the point I want to be anywhere but close to them as in turn they have not wanted to be close to me. I need to let go off the lies that ‘I am less’,  ‘not enough’ and that ‘I am not included’. Amazingly it was quite easy in my art even though ‘they’ and ‘I’ have been seen and felt as separated to paint us on the same level.. Beautiful and strangely freeing also to bind us together with the pink/red/white mix of colour. I am beyond thrilled that all of us are on the same level and when I saw this in my art I realise that I have to stop with the separation thing I too often claim as my truth which is a massive lie.. And introversion is really only another name for Spiritual.

Then there is this prevailing attitude that there are all different levels to where men, women and children belong.. You feel it. You experience it and sadly even Christians believe it but it is a lie from the pit of hell. I think it is one of the underlying core lies we have all been fed and the results of it mean our earth and human kind experiences so much separation and misunderstanding which is evil. We need a revelation of what is the real truth which I am seeing and loving in my painting!! Yet I know that even I am not yet experiencing the fullness of this but if I can just keep this in my daily vision and live this truth it is going to change my reality and maybe even more than that.

HE has made us one and that is where I have to restructure my thinking.  Can’t be rejected/separate from that. HIS glory/grace/truth/gifts are for all. Regardless of where we see ourselves/each other or feel we are in relation to each other.. One and the same!!

Love how the purple showed the colour yellow with a tint of grey in the heavenly rays coming down on us all.. which was not intentional.

JESUS Son of GOD by becoming human flesh and living in perfect obedience while confined in a human body.. embodied the answer to all that God could ever possibly require of mankind (did so on our behalf) and is the reason for all this heavenly glory earth and all who live on earth will ever receive. The truth is..it is not by our doing. But by HIM!!!

Light

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Isaiah 9:2
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.

I love the light shining from clouds. Sun rays breaking through. They amazingly encourage me no end.
Heaven piercing through to earth. I took this photo while I was walking my dog one day and I love everything about it. It was like a spotlight, so direct this particular ray breaking through. My Iphone seemed to capture the remaining daylight as much more dark then it actually was but it works to highlight the sunbeam of light even more.

I have noticed these much more in my latter life and there was a period of time when I saw rays of light every single day I walked no matter what time I walked outside and I have seen them many more times and most of the time I have to take a photo. God has encouraged me through them because this latter part of my life has been hardest. I need HIM more than I ever have before. I have felt very much like a person walking in darkness as the leading scripture I shared says and it was exactly as if a light had dawned just for me and it gives immense hope.

My circumstances may not have changed too much but I have changed inside. I have hope within where it felt hopeless before and just seeing this strengthens my spirit.

God is that light to me. It felt very much that HE was shining it just for me at that moment. Right place right time. Exact message I needed to help me keep going.

This word is part of a series of words that together with other people I met with in December last year via a face book group and daily we were supposed to art journal about them.  For Advent LOL but I am slowly still plodding through. Hardly any time of late to do art and before that not very much motivation or desire. So I am persisting through even though I do not really know why. I think perhaps they are helping me just keep going and knowing that I didn’t give up is good for me to make myself do it.

I know remembering this photo and tying it in with the word encourages me again today. That is the power of God and scripture too.. One verse.. Sometimes just one word is all it takes to speak to me. Time or apparent circumstances seem not to disempower spiritual matters. Light is God to me whether it is for Advent, past, present or future. Spirit always packs a punch though it can come differently and in any form which is why it’s so wonderful at helping you see the divine in the every day.

Spirit is strong. Spirit is current. Spirit is good. I love that I can tie in photography, art, words, timing, God, Spirit, faith, scripture, art supplies, my art journal, personal sharing in putting this together AND share it on social media too.. ❤️️❤️

Hero

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A 21 Secret workshop by Veronica Funk “Heroes”.. I’ve chosen a friend I’ve known online for many years.. originally met her at Christian Forums.. She is American I’m Australian.. I am going to transcript the writing I’ve shared.. below.. which is her own words taken from the forum..

Amylisa’s deep love for her Lord.. Yeshua she calls Him.. has so inspired me.. she’s very spiritual.. compassionate.. caring.. loyal and the way she encourages others including myself when she faces her own hardships is inspirational. In latter years she has been a huge supporter of my creative life.. I wouldn’t be the person/artist I am without her.. I hope Amylisa you are blessed by knowing how much I look up to you and value your presence, support and your faith and especially your friendship..

— On Friday night as I was resting and trying to go to sleep, suddenly Yeshua gave me a new awareness of eternity.

I could feel the truth that we walk here on this earth… but also we are in eternity right now.

We are with Him right now. Our feet walk on earth and in the eternal place right now.

It was like I could “see” in my spirit eternity stretched out before me. As Amy Mc Cutcheon shared Yeshua has told her, “The veil is so thin between us!” He really is with us, and within us. I feel that a lot lately..

His presence NEVER leaves us, ever, not for one moment.

This reality is very comforting and encouraging as we face trials and waiting here.

Amylisa Ceramicoli —

Prepare

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My thoughts.. Malachi 3:1

Many of the best photos I’ve taken of my family are when it’s spur of the moment.. especially when they aren’t expecting it.. When it’s just me caught up in capturing small moments anytime and anyway I can..

Posing and planning doesn’t really work best for me unless that’s what I have in mind. My kids are older and they don’t want many photos anymore and they can get really annoyed at my efforts.. So natural photos caught unawares are the best because I don’t have to plan them.. They are spontaneous.. but I do have to be ready to capture them though..

I’m so glad in life God has already done the preparing before me as I am personally very disorganised. Even when I’m aware I’m often unaware and just don’t think of things.. I get distracted so easily and I often miss the best timing because I’m so scatter brained..

Thinking about Advent and all I can think of is how unprepared I am..

I don’t often easily see God in my ordinary every day scatter brain life till the moment has passed..

Like these footprints that appear clearly to stretch out before my daughter in this photo. They definitely didn’t stand out to me beforehand till I used a photo ap and played around with it..

Now they appear almost like magic to me as a distinct trail going before us!!!

At the time the photo was taken my daughter was not seeing that trail and neither was I.. Yet we both seemed to be following it without realising..

It’s moments like this I see God best when I’m not trying.. I actually have been thinking about this word ‘Prepare’ for days and struggled to come up with anything!! Yet wasn’t till I stopped trying and just relaxed into it that the ideas started to open to me.. I did a search online for either Greek or Hebrew meaning of the word prepare in that verse lol.. Blew my mind because it actually means something different than you think.. that’s another topic altogether 🙂

Topics like this I float away on easily.. sometimes I confess I don’t come back..

Reminds me how I need not to worry about myself so much. It all still works out in the end just later than everyone else.

Like this photo because in some miraculous way I can still be in the right moment and if I work with it inspiration comes flowing with it too!

Gives one incredible hope doesn’t it!!!

For now and always.. that God is with us not just when we think about HIM or are aware but always.. AND even scatterbrains.. Miracle right here 😍..

God knows we all can get distracted this time of year and some of us worse than others.. God also knows we can so easily fail to notice HIM as we could.. yet HE has already gone before us and it’s in simple awareness we awaken to HIS presence.

Jesus says HE is the way, the truth and the life and despite everything else going on or not going on. HE has already prepared the way ahead of each of us.. The wonder is HE is the way and despite ourselves and where we might be in life or how we are.. If we will just acknowledge HIM even though we may not see or feel HIM with us.

HE leads us..

Expectation

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I am doing an Advent 2017 challenge via face book. Run by Mary Brack. I will add the link here. People are still joining in so come find out what’s it’s all about and join with us.

Advent 2017

The word I am up too lol is ‘Expectation’ and I laugh when I say it because I am already a day or two behind because this was for the 5th of December but that is American time not Australian.

Reading scriptures Isaiah 64:1-4 and Lamentations 3:24-26

I did a journal page and the words in italics below just flowed out of me as I thought about it so I will leave it as I wrote it on the page. Random thoughts just in case anyone is interested and can’t read it directly from the page.. the word ‘Quiet’ stands out in the scriptures I read..

It is good to wait quietly for the LORD to save. Lamentations 3:26

I am really not a quiet person. I speak loud, apparently snore loud, sing too loud lol and live loud because I cannot hear to do anything quietly or to gauge what is the norm. I slam doors, slam kitchen cupboards.. Even wash dishes loud.. I have been told..
But in a group of people I tend to be invisible and quiet because I cannot hear to join in. And I don’t know what is being talked about so I cannot really add anything to any conversation going on plus I am shy.. I am really too quiet apart from my own little deaf inner soul.. I hope ha ha I am loud in some way bravely putting this into the world.. it’s my hope..

But I do still feel quiet in my art cause it is so simple and doesn’t really stand out and wow people :).. I say that because I want to be a light in darkness..

And though I put it out in the world via social media and internet and art is my way to communicate. Not too much feedback so it is rather a lonely quiet stubborn journey.

So as in life and art I am apparently quietly doing my thing.. I think this is why the word quietness in this scripture really just reaches out and comforts my soul which longs to be a much louder part of the world but isn’t at least not in the way I wish.

To be a part of the world we are all living in but circumstances tend to shush me and I do wonder why and is it all for something so yes you do need to keep believing, keep trusting and just expecting that YES it is for some good.

All of my life combined has made me feel I am in the background for so many years.. But that God said it is good to quietly wait for revelation/salvation it just encourages me to ‘shine on’ as I am.. Loudly or quietly whatever the case may be.

I guess this IS supposed to be Advent.. Religious flavoured leading up to remembering the birth of Jesus into the world. I just tend to tie it in with my own life as I am right now.. But like the world waits for all the things God has promised to come to pass and really that can be a struggle when the world and our private life groans with stress of life and different trials.. We all wait and carry expectations for our faith, life in general, our dreams, for our family, Christmas coming soon, the new year of 2018, our future hopes and for our world all of which is yet to come to pass..

The word quietness jumped out at me. Resonates with my soul, my experience of life, faith and emotions. Parallel world I live in. Introverted, deaf, doing my own thing. Yet God calls it good. I’m so thankful HE knows. In a world full of noise, people have to stand out but many do not.
They fight to be seen, acknowledged, accepted.
Do thier thing quietly. I think of all the people who ‘could’ have seen the angelic hosts announcing the birth of Christ, it was the shepherds. Quietely tending flocks of sheep. Quietness doesn’t describe the hustle and bustle of Christmas crowds. Loudness booming everywhere.
The cries of the needy, lost to the world buying more they don’t need.
We all wait though expecting more.
The answer to what life means may just come quietly.

Emerge

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I have been very fortunate/blessed in the last couple of days. I recently got a new car Subaru Liberty well it feels new to me and a big step up from my old car that died and I started an on-line workshop I won called “21 Secrets Tell Your Story”..
Today though I am hesitant. I completed the first artists’ contribution I suppose you’d called it. And I just feel so underwhelmed by what I produced. Not that it isn’t what I was inspired to create or that I wasn’t enjoying the content and that my heart wasn’t in it. That’s not it. It’s because I feel I should do so much better. I have been doing art expression a long time and I still feel so simplistic in the way I do things.

But you know I don’t have to share this with anyone but I am choosing to do so. I want to feel uncomfortable and pushed out of my comfort zone. I want to be unafraid. I want to shoulder through. I was not as playful as was suggested. I think I tried too hard and thought too much and that was not what the lesson was about. It is not what the teacher Carissa was saying.

I had extra challenges with the videos because there are no captions. But I have an Iphone ap that captures most of what she said although it takes extra time to go through the material. I enjoyed the journaling that I did as part of this workshop which surprised me because although I try to write some every day more often than not I don’t. I think journaling and writing is my strongest creative gift. Visual not so much but I still do it because I enjoy it.

The image of the two troubled figures with their backs to each other with the little child like souls inside reaching out. Is an image my brother sent to me awhile back. He said it reminded him of me. I hardly see or speak to my brother so we do not have a close relationship but you know he has said a few things personally that shows he understands me and has done many kind things for my family. That through the years it’s clear there’s a deeper bond that goes beyond the physical.

My life rests on such as this. If I didn’t think there was more to life than the every day or outward appearance of things I don’t think I could survive. It is why I do not excerpt my physical presence in this world as much as I could. I feel and believe that there is a greater reason we exist, live, move and function in this world. The inner life is deeper, more connective, more intimate and more powerful than anything in the physical realm and if we are aware that spirit lives on and surpasses all that fades, the broken parts we can’t fix or the struggles that appear without meaning. It can change the way we approach and view everything else.

I think this is where my greatest power lies. My Spirit within is my truest life force and my highest self. So this image though I drew it myself and it has smudged some. Is the basis of this whole piece of art. I feel very much like that troubled caged figure with my back to others for a majority of life but it does not represent who I truly am and what I believe is really happening..

The smaller bright yellow child represents my spirit which desires true intimacy and where the most important connection happens and it is where I choose to focus on more than any outward appearance and it’s how I want to be seen and known in this world. I will add another photo of the image that might show up more clearly. It is an important piece of art to me which represents my life. It is symbolic. Spirit strong. Flesh weak.

I am not much concerned with my physical presence so I know I probably come across opposite to who I actually am because I do not have a very strong social presence face to face. I used the skin color as the base of the page to show that I have drifted to the background because of this. It also says that I lived a majority of my past life physically being less than honest about who I was and I did not know the power of my soul or the spiritual realm.

God is love tis the banner over me. A huge force in my life and my strength in weakness and through whom I choose to focus which gives me a greater reason to live.

HE is the core power in my world and truly gives me wings. As I was doing this piece too. This bible verse came to mind. I love when that happens. ‘My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26 I am a faith girl too which again resides with what we are charged to do as we live as a new creation.. to not walk by sight but walk and live by faith!!

My Spirit is my highest existence and is exactly the reason why I do not give up. My Spirit is where I experience peace and freedom and why I share my life story no matter how simple or different to others it appears. My Spirit infused by HIS Spirit and with this comes lightness and the buoyancy to keep going. Words and color and images and sharing my faith give me the greatest joy. Relying on the power of SPIRIT to transcend my humanness through the freedom of creative arts and social media.