Tag Archives: Jesus

What it all means personally.

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Happy Easter..

I have not blogged in simply ages. I have been concentrating on art expression in visual ways and paint on paper or canvas ways. Today because it is considered one of the highest important holy days in the Christian calendar and as I did not attend a physical building I think it might be a perfect day to write and connect hopefully with others. When I say connect I mean others can read and respond or just read or ignore completely which probably happens more then not. 🙂 But it is my way to share this moment, on this day, on this occasion just in a different way then others share it. Except I am not confined to a physical location and specific time. When I post words and thoughts and any corresponding pictures it stays there and can continue to speak. That kind of tickles my fancy.. A bit thrilling cause it becomes timeless in its own way.

Just an easier place to connect for me and it is more meaningful too. Where I am not just sitting and vegetating in an environment where I am not feeling connected to others.

I cannot hear or enjoy any music, nor really join in singing or worshipping that way nor hear a good sermon or even bow in prayer and join with others cause I have no way to know what is being shared around me. Because I cannot hear it and I get distracted and I cannot enjoy it. I am not really drawn that way any longer.

I am here.. God is here and I am at peace and I can wholly immerse myself in what I am writing and flowing with here. I enjoy it.

I am so very thankful to HIM for what Easter means and I can talk about my recent painting that I didn’t get to share more about. HE continually is placing religious art and art supplies in my way and its so personal and HE is saying to me.. enjoy this journey and please express it and gladfully share it. I am here with you. So close. I have given you this way to express yourself and connect with others don’t be afraid to soak it in and you do not need to be this or that or go here and there and you do not need anyone else’s approval or to do anything different to what is on your heart and how I am leading you.. I feel so precious. So favoured and because I am online I can also share it which makes it a way to communicate too.

But it is different to the majority and it means not looking to traditional methods and it means every day reflection and inspiration not just on certain days. Every day is holy and divine but I am free to experience it in normal and every day life and also a way that is incredibly life affirming and life giving to me personally.

Religious type art expression again can set you apart and there will be only certain people who will respond to it and sometimes no one but it does sort of encourage people who are not religious to respond and take notice simply because its in art form and there is freedom there. All people can appreciate freedom well I hope they can. True freedom is what our LORD came to bring to the world in any case.

2 Corinthinans 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

My art of Jesus on the cross.. was inspired by a $1 dollar purchase of a beautiful prayer book. I did intend at first to cut it up for collage and art journaling and it was cheap but I may not of course because I find it hard to cut up beautiful things. So much gorgeous art in this beautiful book as well as prayers and writings. You see when I find these things it truly is as if HE puts them in my path. Well within my budget and yes I will admit to collecting many beautiful things and also things that inspire me and I enjoy being surrounded by them…

I do not want to be so ‘religious’ as such though this would be considered religious art.. I want my art to be personal, from my core and spiritual but also approachable. To be completely honest to who I am and what I believe but also not make it so that it isn’t disrespectful to GOD and HIS presence and glory. HE is holy and grand in the grandest sense but HE is not to me a central focus where I feel I need to be like everyone else.. not that I do not need people or too belong. Just that through HIM I believe and see that I am joined to everyone else and I guess that fixed gaze does tend to keep me not drawn to different ways of living or needing to be like everyone else. Through HIM I live and find my whole being revitalised and totally at peace.

My whole reason to exist, like HE is the sun and I am simply one of the planets among a whole solar system of other planets and we are all rotating and going through our existence revolving around HIM and although each is its own separate existence we are all one because of HIM who is at the centre of all life.

Seeking HIM first and HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness (not my own) and then all these things are added to me .. my rendition of Matthew 6:33

I thought first about painting on a canvas or something blank that you could do something else with or display at a later date. But my art journal is where I am daily. It has many things in it that are all personal to me. I have not set out to make a living from my art money wise or to display it other then online. I just felt led to create it at a personal level. I had already pre-painted the background. It felt right to paint it in here. Alongside a cut up collage of a city scene in winter .. It says.. here is where I seek and find GOD in my every day life right where I am, as I am.

So I put myself in the painting looking up at HIM like I do in my personal life. Being Easter HE is on the cross and inspired by that book I just found recently so it all fits in together. I did hesitate to paint something like this because the image I am basing my painting on is so perfectly painted. By artist Rogier van der Weyden (1400 -64) Christ on the cross..

This is where I have to lose all fear. Just have a go. Let go. let GOD. I remember the other day walking around the house after painting the initial painting. I love to pray walking around lol and also I can pray doing most anything.

I was saying to God.. how minuscule what I create is.. How I live. How I appear and present myself in this world. All so miniscule. Immediately after that prayer was said my youngest son came up and offered to me a plate of my favourite snacks. It was so beautiful. Like a reward straight after and I thanked God and was at peace. I mean I tie everything in you know. So I just do my thing. I find my joy in it and good things happen to me along the way!!

This is my intention always. ***

2 Corinthians 4:7 New Living Translation
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

and for a different slant from English Standard Version
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

So I can be unafraid even amongst the curled up pages of my art journal. My cluttered room. My introverted ways. By simple paintings.. to show you this absolute greatness of GOD that chooses to show HIMSELF through me.. ***

HE was vulnerable on the cross. At the mercy of me as an artist lol but also in life at the mercy of soldiers who didn’t care for human dignity or human suffering the cross was punishment and extremely cruel. I mean I realise they didn’t believe it was GOD right. But they would have heard the stories and maybe even witnessed miracles I do not know. I know the bible says on that day remarkable things happened. I mean this man was well known and he had followers and loved ones surrounding him. HE had stirred up a lot of people including the religious people of that day. HE was hated and HE was loved deeply.

To paint his body. HIS manly body. HIS human body. HE was probably stripped naked on that cross.. No decency here right. But I covered his maleness. I just wanted that to represent how I wish to depict truth but also not disrespect GOD or others in the process. I do not do what I do for shock value or even to disrespect others way of life. I see that modesty and honour is important. But I did start out being quite crude with my painting. I mean his arms are not right because HE was a carpenter HE would have been strong but to me the whole closeness of SPIRIT is hard because there is no touch.. there is no physical presence and I find that hard. It is lonely and I miss physical presence but faith isn’t seeing so you have to learn to trust and when you let go of the need for the physical closeness that strength and support brings.. you must find form and fortitude in weakness. So as I persisted on through my painting HIS face, heart, chest and lower body it became easier to form and paint. It was beautiful painting HIS body.. It felt freeing and I could identify with HIM as thoroughly human through this painting.. HIS suffering is beautiful to me because I have suffered and HE has become real to me in my suffering. So I am comforted.. I find hope and beauty in HIS suffering so that is how HIS thorns transformed to what appears a floral wreath.. though I did not mean that at all. I find my strength and momentum to live because HE is close to the broken hearted and HE himself was broken for me. Though HE is on the cross I believe and know HE has already overcome death, suffering and all evil and so will I.

By HIS wounds I am healed. At Easter and every day forward and back and for all eternity. I find life and not just life but abundant life.

 

 

 

 

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She Remembered

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I read those words in a novel I am currently reading and they stood out and motivated me to create this art and make a perfect heading.

Absolute struggle for me personally of late and this time I have told nobody except God alone. I don’t think I have ever done that before. Especially considering the intensity of it. I had a night of disturbed sleep and very dramatic dreams and I was struggling with what it all personally meant to me. Alone with it but I went straight to GOD and it was enough!! Peace came.. An absolute complete turn around in me.

The girl or woman figure in the painting is in black and white. No colour in her world. She craves it but you cannot change things sometimes no matter how hard you want it changed. I knew immediately that she was going to be in black and white and you were only going to see half of her face. She is right there easily accessed awake and waiting. But she’s struggling.

I wanted to add these words too which were my own truth.

She fails. She hurts. She’s anxious. She doubts. She has faults. She needs.

But what strikes me in my own life as I created this is that I can so very easily interpret it right here and there is so much meaning and I don’t intend for it, or work for it or even have to think it out. But yet I am able to easily see it in what I have created that it is flowing out of me with absolute ease..

I can tell you I am not one to easily explain myself to anyone even those closest to me and yes I didn’t recently tell anyone either even though it was such an intense battle I was facing. In fact my hardest battles have mostly been fought on my own. So it is from all this that my art expression in this painting finds its outlet.. And there’s this incredible difference between flesh and spirit and how I face the world when I live via one as opposed to the other.

So my black and white portrait despite the struggle is up nice and close, even in her rawness shes not staying small. She is incredibly upfront and vulnerable but to me that is bravery. My life too has been incredibly hidden yet I believe and can see that at least art wise, creative wise I am up front.

She is looking straight ahead. I find such strength here despite the fact I am writing raw words, hard words. Even void of colour she is still head forward, eyes opened and I think very fearless.
The painting is depicting that moment where she is remembering HIM and all that HE has become to her on her journey and how when that comes into the light faults don’t even matter in fact we can be shamelessly bold. I know I quote this alot. When I am weak HE is strong but I am going to take it even a step further because the well known verse talks about being able to boast about it and that this is exactly how best HIS help is seen in us and through us.. And it is exactly how it is in my life to especially me.

But here I think you can best see the juxtapose of my painting. The frail human next to the strong figure of Jesus who is the Christ yet they stand level and together as one. In HIS rich and vivid colours HE is full of beauty, majesty and also ever present help and is accessible to me but it is not by sight but by faith so I chose to have his eyes closed because HE is my rest and my comfort and I don’t need to see him to know HIM. I also believe that I can fully trust HIM to bring together all my loose ends and all that troubles me and it will be a great ending despite some very hard and long chapters..

I know many talk of walking and talking with HIM.. Hearing HIM and even seeing HIM.. I haven’t had that to a great extent in my life. It has been a pure faith walk.. Spiritual battle that is way beyond my strength and ability to cope and even make sense of… So I find incredible fortitude when peace fills my heart despite all that comes against me and all that falls away and all I fail at. Gives me rock solid unsinkable hope.

Changes the atmosphere around me and I can find my rhythm and express my faith in a way that paints purpose into my life and I also get the joy that comes because I share that with you. I resonate also with the red colours on his face.. There is pain in HIS face mixed with royal beauty and majesty and I resonate with the suffering HE went through coming to earth to live as a fragile human to help me find and access eternal life on earth even before I die.

This painting so lifts up my spirit because its so meaningful to my life, journey and testimony but its also honest about where I am and I who I am and I hope and pray you can see HIS strength because it is absolutely life changing especially when I have been so fragile and it is radiating in me so strong and beautifully even though people close to me only partly see me and that for the most part I have felt so black and white in this world ..

I don’t want to impress people with my talents that is not my desire at all. I want to show what GOD has done to help me through my difficulties and I know my weakness shows that up better then my strengths ever could.. HE is so real to me and so present. The inspiration behind the painting.. The creative ideas came from HIM. I had nothing I was nowhere even close to creating something like this but HE just makes that much difference and the peace that comes I mean you need no props and it didn’t come from anyone else at all so anyone can have all this as well right where you are and right now as you are. I truly was all those things I wrote. I just desire with all my heart to show what HE does for the fragile soul for the soul that struggles in this world and does not understand what is going on. But who can find hope, purpose and joy just in being who I am, and encourage you to find all these as you are and through who we are created to be… faults and all.

I was struggling but when I remembered it made all the difference..

HE is
I AM
LOVE
PEACE
TRUTH
LIFE

****

“Meg, I give you your faults.”
“My faults!” Meg cried.
“Your faults.”
“But I’m always trying to get rid of my faults!”
“Yes,” Mrs. Which said. “However, I think you’ll find that they’ll come in handy on Camazotz.”

From the movie ‘Wrinkle in Time’

Expectation

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I am doing an Advent 2017 challenge via face book. Run by Mary Brack. I will add the link here. People are still joining in so come find out what’s it’s all about and join with us.

Advent 2017

The word I am up too lol is ‘Expectation’ and I laugh when I say it because I am already a day or two behind because this was for the 5th of December but that is American time not Australian.

Reading scriptures Isaiah 64:1-4 and Lamentations 3:24-26

I did a journal page and the words in italics below just flowed out of me as I thought about it so I will leave it as I wrote it on the page. Random thoughts just in case anyone is interested and can’t read it directly from the page.. the word ‘Quiet’ stands out in the scriptures I read..

It is good to wait quietly for the LORD to save. Lamentations 3:26

I am really not a quiet person. I speak loud, apparently snore loud, sing too loud lol and live loud because I cannot hear to do anything quietly or to gauge what is the norm. I slam doors, slam kitchen cupboards.. Even wash dishes loud.. I have been told..
But in a group of people I tend to be invisible and quiet because I cannot hear to join in. And I don’t know what is being talked about so I cannot really add anything to any conversation going on plus I am shy.. I am really too quiet apart from my own little deaf inner soul.. I hope ha ha I am loud in some way bravely putting this into the world.. it’s my hope..

But I do still feel quiet in my art cause it is so simple and doesn’t really stand out and wow people :).. I say that because I want to be a light in darkness..

And though I put it out in the world via social media and internet and art is my way to communicate. Not too much feedback so it is rather a lonely quiet stubborn journey.

So as in life and art I am apparently quietly doing my thing.. I think this is why the word quietness in this scripture really just reaches out and comforts my soul which longs to be a much louder part of the world but isn’t at least not in the way I wish.

To be a part of the world we are all living in but circumstances tend to shush me and I do wonder why and is it all for something so yes you do need to keep believing, keep trusting and just expecting that YES it is for some good.

All of my life combined has made me feel I am in the background for so many years.. But that God said it is good to quietly wait for revelation/salvation it just encourages me to ‘shine on’ as I am.. Loudly or quietly whatever the case may be.

I guess this IS supposed to be Advent.. Religious flavoured leading up to remembering the birth of Jesus into the world. I just tend to tie it in with my own life as I am right now.. But like the world waits for all the things God has promised to come to pass and really that can be a struggle when the world and our private life groans with stress of life and different trials.. We all wait and carry expectations for our faith, life in general, our dreams, for our family, Christmas coming soon, the new year of 2018, our future hopes and for our world all of which is yet to come to pass..

The word quietness jumped out at me. Resonates with my soul, my experience of life, faith and emotions. Parallel world I live in. Introverted, deaf, doing my own thing. Yet God calls it good. I’m so thankful HE knows. In a world full of noise, people have to stand out but many do not.
They fight to be seen, acknowledged, accepted.
Do thier thing quietly. I think of all the people who ‘could’ have seen the angelic hosts announcing the birth of Christ, it was the shepherds. Quietely tending flocks of sheep. Quietness doesn’t describe the hustle and bustle of Christmas crowds. Loudness booming everywhere.
The cries of the needy, lost to the world buying more they don’t need.
We all wait though expecting more.
The answer to what life means may just come quietly.

Searching for Angels

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DAY 24 – DAILY PROMPT:
Go somewhere completely outside of your normal routine to write today. Switch it up, try new locations, new music, new people, and new surroundings. Compare the output of your creativity with that of your usual places. Does that help? Does it hinder?

I went to the local cemetery, the old one lol because I have for a long time admired those beautiful angel statues  artistic type people take pictures of. Stone angels. It was a very hot day as I wandered around looking for angels. As always I didn’t give myself much time so I was not able to have a really good look around. Though surprisingly I did take in a lot!! There is a section for buried soldiers from the Eureka rebellion (famous in Ballarat) which I would love to go back to visit. I didn’t actually know it was here in our city like that. Learned something new from this exercise.

I have been to the newer cemetery where our baby son and my grandmother is buried but not this one. I have written a poem about my journey and what I found below along with my own photograph. I was surprised how well kept the place was. Gardeners and maintenance men walking through doing this and that. Beautiful gardens too. Smack bang in suburbia surrounded by cars driving around. But there are some lovely big trees planted. I wonder if they were planted back when many of the oldest graves were dug? I try to imagine what it would have been like in the olden days. Wagons and horses tied outside. Dust everywhere. People thronging in hats and coats or hats and everyone in black clothing or period type. Looking out at the gold fields which were part of our cities history and would have been I think surrounding Ballarat. We have two mountains that sit along the horizon and outskirts of our city. I always think as the old timers stood at the grave side they would be looking out at Mt Warrenheap and Mt Buningyoung. Some very elaborate grave stones dotted here and there. So there were rich people buried in this place perhaps they did well on the gold-fields? A lot of religious icons. I love that whole families were buried in plots together. Being the mother of a baby son who died at almost 2 months. It was heart breaking to see many little babies’ names mentioned buried in with their families. It was nice that they did that though.. Obviously infant mortality was much higher in the past.

I did sit and write after I’d finished taking photos. Near the front entrance in the shade looking across the beautiful manicured rose gardens. Some graves were so close to the street. That was hard to see. I know they are dead but to see cars whizzing so close to their final resting place just seems disrespectful.

I didn’t really have time to reflect with my writing while there. It was too hot to stay in the sun too long and uncomfortable even in the shade. But it was delightfully encouraging to be in different surroundings and I was noticing things more. Thinking of what it meant to me personally, what it meant to the people buried here, the beauty of some of the headstones and statues I did find. Lots of crosses and some of women with crosses which is interesting that it was women portrayed and not men. Jesus stood out most to me but I had to walk a fair way to find him. Kept thinking I have to walk all the way back lol and I don’t want to be late picking up my daughter from High school..

Plenty of seats dotted here and there for quiet reflection. Immediate thoughts were just scattered and random. I jotted words down in a blank page book I had with me. Definitely taking photos heightened the experience but that was not easy just using my Iphone. The glare of the sun overhead make it hard to see the small screen so I was blindly taking some shots. It wasn’t till last night I had to time to play around with them because that is something I like to do. Filters, aps and all. I hope the poem I wrote reflects more on what I was thinking and feeling. Least it is with less words. 🙂

I tend to stay in my bedroom a lot so to get out on this type of artist date was immense fun! I need to do more of them! I’d say the output is that I realize that I should get out of my house for regular artist dates and give myself time to actually do it and soak it in not hurry through. I love using my lap top to write best. Pen and paper is so scrawly so I tend not to want to use it too much. Just being out of my comfort zone and getting the stimulation for this post makes my mind leap ahead to what else I could do in the future. Good for the soul, good for body, mind and spirit.

 

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Pride Verses Shame.

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This one surprised me.

I have made it my focus not to be ‘religious’ cause that has been a great stumbling block to me. I want freedom of spirit more than anything else.

40+ years of being a certain way, being like everyone else; until you do different: you have no idea how much in a box you are.

So when things come out of me of their own free will when I have thrown off the restraints and what has been my past.. what I write speaks to me too.

WRITING PROMPT Write a two column list. On the left, write 5-10 regrets. On the right, write 5-10 things you’re proud of accomplishing. Take note of the similarities in all of your regrets, all of the differences in your accomplishments. Write about why we are more diverse in our pride than we are in our shame.

 
1. Regret that I have not written every day.
2. Regret that I get afraid to write the truth.
3. Regret that I let others opinions shut me down.
4. Regret that I cannot always see that this is my calling.
5. Regret that I cannot always see that I am enough no matter how others have treated me.
6. I regret I bought into the lie my rising up puts others down.
7. I regret I bought into the lie that life isn’t about me. It is about me and everyone else too. 🙂
8. I regret thinking for one moment I can’t make a difference.

 
1. I am proud that I persist and have not given up.
2. I am proud that I have not stopped shining my light..
3. I am proud that I can express myself uniquely and say it fearlessly.
4. I am proud that I can be fully myself without fear.
5. I am proud that my failures do not define me.
6. I am proud GOD is with me and loves me and stands with me always and that He has given me freedom!!
7. I am proud that I have a voice and I have something to say and I keep saying it.
8. I am proud that my rising up gives others inspiration that they can too!

 
We are diverse in our pride because it’s who we are created to be!! We are formed from HIS perfect image.. Creator of our big beautiful planet also created us.. With all its different and exotic lands but yet similarities in the very cells that make up our  DNA the very fabric of life itself. We each one are highly prized and important and so precious many just have not known it.

Our differences and our unique talents make life interesting and exquisite.. In the way we say things and in the way we do things. Who wants to be the same!! The beauty is in being different! We can all hold our heads up because we are created individually and we all compliment one another. Humanity has believed the lie we all have faults though (see it in the way we treat ourselves, our fellow man, planet and creatures) and yet to know the fullest truth that the spirit within us all unites us and brings freedom to become our fullest selves.. That anything we fail at right now will not ultimately keep us down. We can accept each other because we know all of us are free and equal in worth. Free to embrace each other without fear. We need to emphasize the strengths and not focus on anything else because the time is coming when all of us will know the truth and our world as we know it will be righted. All people and creatures will be appreciated and all seen and known as precious. I am thankful as a believer in Jesus Christ that I know the truth and one day we will all experience heaven on earth. This knowledge will always be a basis in everything I write about and why I enjoy expressing spirit and creatively the way I do and how I hold out hope when things do not appear to be good or make sense or when I am imprisoned by disability of flesh. ❤

 

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Little Streams

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(To create the digital image that fitted my poem – combination of pictures I used Diana ap.. A third picture miraculously appeared in my iPad ap. So astounded me! Worth mentioning here! Added it below so out of all my pictures that could have appeared that one turned up!!! So I decided to combine the three pics together. Ha ha the LORD wanted in and it wonderfully is what this poem is about anyway!)

Little Streams

Don’t be afraid to let go the broken pieces.
Cupped so tightly in your hands.
The pieces that you’ve gathered from near and far.
They pierce your hands even as you hold them.
Mingled with your blood and tears.
They’ve been trampled on and flung to the ends of the earth.
Nobody treasures them but you.
Let them go into the little stream.
I know your in a desert but see it.
Even here it still flows.
I know you’ve lost your way.
Can’t find your tribe.
The people who understand you.
Who embrace and love every part.
They are waiting too.
To join with you.
But first you must find that you are exactly where you need to be.
You are found.
Now let them safely go..
Each jagged piece matters.
Place them in the little stream because it always flows from where you are to where you need to be.
Just need to realize that you can find the little stream right where you are.
It will carry all that is misunderstood and all that is broken towards the purest crystal sea.
HE is there.
To collect and mend your broken pieces and welcome you home.
This little stream and every other all flow towards HIM.
Flowing to a place so beautiful you can finally show your full face and all that you are without shame.
Where there is no more hiding.
No need to escape.
No more being lost.
No more misunderstanding.
No more rejection.
No more abuse.
No more poverty.
No more injustice.
No more hatred.
No more evil.
Where your soul has yearned to be.
Where you are completely free.
Love lives there.
For the stream will carry all that has brought pain in your life to this healing place.
Your heart will be at peace as you fully release your earthly bondage.
Even while you are still kneeling there.
Wherever you are.
Whoever you are.
Unearthly strength will flood your whole being and instantly change everything.

By SMP ~ Peacechild4

  

  

Arise Beautiful One

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Assignment given from Heart Recycle 101 writing course I am doing.

There is power in the body but most of us have a weak link. This could be an old injury from years back, a specific muscle that takes all our tension, or anything that continually takes on pain or inflammation when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, or overworked. Talk to that area of the body. Recognize that is calls to you. What do you want to say to it? Are you angry for the physical pain? Or do you want to speak from that place of healing? Anything goes.

Arise Beautiful One

I stand face to face with myself.
Speaking gently to my Spirit.
I know you have been hurt deeply.
Thinking daily that you have failed.
Every day living lies.
That you are not enough.
But it is time to let the truth arise.
To bring forth the life already within.
You are not beneath anyone.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
You are not less.
You are beautifully created in HIS image.
You are unique.
HE has set you free.
HE has done enough.
There’s nothing to accomplish.
Anything you do is simply a gift of the life within.
HE loves you as much as anyone else.
HE wasn’t born to die and be raised so that you felt shame.
HE did it all so you could be at peace!
Don’t be afraid anymore.
There are no limitations.
Nothing to prove.
The world was created for you.
Go forth living fully who you are.
You are glorious.
You are not a victim.
You are HIS beloved

  

Heart Recycle 101 writing exercise 

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 My take on this.. 
Dark side of late has been emitting to me great tales of woe.
Which is so easy to take on board.

I think if I consider these they seem to multiply and the darker it gets.

Woe to me because I’m always so alone..

Woe to me because nobody wants to be with me.

Woe to me nobody notices what I do or cares that I do it.

Woe to me there is always someone worse off so I don’t have a right to be woeful at all.

Woe to me I could do more, be more and try more.

Woe to me they do not like the way I say things or the things I say.

Woe to me what is it I do again? 

Woe to me I rub people up the wrong way and they even tell me and I keep on doing it! 

I mean seriously what is wrong with me?

The biggest darkest demon of all is called Comparison.

He’s huge because he is very good at pointing out all that I don’t do and all that everyone else does. I shrink in his presence. He also raises his head in people when they judge me. I feel so small besides them. So inadequate. Why even try?

He loves to shine the spotlight on the totally active people in my world who just shine and everybody is singing their praises.. Everybody loves them.. And than there is me hidden and ashamed. The very fact of it appears I’m inactive but that’s not true. I just can’t compare. I don’t want to be compared because it always means I’m less.

Finds great humour in making me so very aware of these adored people and their every accomplishment and every supportive person in their circle and how they are so rewarded for their efforts. That they are highly spoken of and of course people want to be around them.  Even more it appears I don’t meet certain standards and who would even consider me in light of what they do daily.  
And than there is me at the bottom of the pile with my one friend who I annoy too much and I don’t deserve anything good because I don’t do near enough to earn it.
I can’t help but clearly see how lacklustre my puny little life is.

With few on my cheer team it makes his points appear oh so right and oh so justified.

————-

To the demons who remind me daily how it is,

Although you know me well and I haven’t lived up my end of life as well as I could have, should have and definitely fall short. Yes I agree with you on so many things. 

But…

I have hope.. His name is Jesus. Defeater of demons. 

Defender of the fallen. He is light and when light comes darkness always goes no matter how dark it is and how much of it there is. It goes. Darkness cannot overcome light. Ever. 

My darkness and failures evaporate and I’m drawn upwards. 

I win! I’m not longer hidden! We all share the light!

He said what you have meant for my harm He will use for my good and it will help others. He also said when I’m weak He is strong. I’m going to uphold His promises as my standard always and especially whenever you come against me. I believe He tells the truth and thankfully He also said it trumps even my shortfalls. He said that He has already done enough for mankind which balances it all out and secures the end and I trust Him. 

The truth of the matter is I’m freed from any restraint and always encouraged and I am given wings. I can rise above and not shrink beneath.

Yes ok ok I give you lots of fodder and ammo to use against me but even your best shot is quenched by faith in Him.. Yeah even the smallest of faith is more than enough to destroy your firriest arrow. You see in Him all of us are one. So the things all the others do that appeared humanly seen its all different when the unseen comes into play and the whole true picture emerges. We all have our place and purpose. In Him we find life and have movement and become fully who we as individuals but together. We’ve all been given gifts (even me) and He promises that he would bring all life to the fullest completion. Meaning no matter what happens it all works out for the best so guess what no matter what you say or show me of others. I get to enjoy the journey too and I am part of this and no matter how it appears I’m included and all of us are loved and as important as any other.

Same beginning and same end and eternity means but wait there is more!

Case against me is closed. He already won.

Through Him who upholds the very thread of life itself. I win you lose! All of this works together for good.. So yeah your best and my worst and my best and your worst only serves His purpose now. 

I’ve already read the end of the book. 🙂

Shepherd 

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Sharing another post on my “Pilgramage of Resurrection: A Journey through the Easter Season” with Abbey of the Arts..”

I’ve been using what supplies I have at hand which is always good.. So many times you think you need to buy more or have specific supplies or do this or do that.. Its powerful when you are restricted but yet that’s when the Spirit flows and creativity is evident because it comes to you and I believe it flows through you for a greater purpose! 

I know how to do it and what I want to say!! 

This is what “Shepherd” means to me personally and it’s my own expression of that.. All the elements, colours and symbols mean something!!
So enjoying this process.. Ha ha but my bed is covered in art supplies..

Shepherd – dictionary says “person who protects, guides, or watches over a person.. Names the Shepherd as Jesus Christ.. ” the heart below has little crosses all over it which probably won’t come up.. Symbolic.. 

A heart that knows what Jesus has done for me and that through my life / art / expression that’s where I live from.. 

Picture is inspired by the song Sandi Patti sings called “Shepherd of my heart”.. 

My journey with Jesus also comes to mind and I’ve reflected on the scripture Proverbs 3:5-6

Straight path but I certainly cannot see that path any further ahead than where I currently am.. It is for me “a matter of Trust” and moving through it.. 

Art being something artists do and than share it with the world also is who I am.. I have to share it.. That’s who I’ve always been.. 

  

Touchstone

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From my sick bed can you tell but my ex has the kids so I can rest today .. 🙂 there’s a freedom that comes from being real. 

I have never heard of this word before now.. I didn’t know the meaning. I had to google it.. 

I found this meaning in urban dictionary. And oh wow!

Floored me.

“Touchstone – urban dictionary 

Person of importance. Significant other. Your constant, the person who completes you and makes you whole. A true friend without critisms and judgements, who loves you unconditionally.”

I’m a single mother and life circumstances have meant I’m alone a lot.. So this meaning of “Touchstone” is incredibly significant.. 

HE is my touchstone.. I can’t do this life without HIM. It’s HE that gives everything value. I have plenty of things around me that are meaningful but when I’m struggling and alone I don’t find comfort anywhere else. HE is with me and hands on my chest over my heart signifies what HIS Spirit and life within (which originates and ends in HIM) means.. 💗