Category Archives: Sharing

My weakness

Standard

My Weakness

I have not faired well in time of lock-down. You know the staying at home while the pandemic circulates the globe. When I say faired well I have been extremely lazy. I am not a highly motivated person even a moderately motivated person. I am at the lower end of any kind of scale on every level. I would think perhaps only the art wise scale I might be a little higher.

Art wise I have done some digital work and I am seeing improvement there and thankfully I am keeping that up.

I want to write and journal and thrill people with my writing skills it’s my favourite thing to do. Its just I have not found that easy.

I keep a diary the old book style and I am sad to say there are very few entries in that for 2020 😦 and that disappoints me. When I say thrill I find writing easier to flow with when I want to share things. Like my hearing loss/deafness there seems also a disability that hampers me in my communication skills in connecting with others via my writing and it is extremely disheartening.

Obviously in lock down you cannot see people. Well in my normal life I do not see people. But sadly even currently on-line and I am there every day.

Connections are not flowing here either. The one person online I do chat with. Its been probably our lowest period of chatting ever. The less you say… the less you do say. And it possibly is a miracle I can even write this right now. I think since my last blog post.. 25th April this will be the longest I have expressed myself except for long hours of digital painting but I don’t know painting just doesn’t say enough. But at least its something..

When nothing flows. No desire to speak or write even though I am still a feeling expressive soul you are really just existing.

I want too.. I mean I am aware of it. Just so easy to switch on Netflix or any other platform and watch it. I am so grateful for that though. Netflix, Stan, 7Plus which is Australian all have deaf captions and I enjoy watching people communicate and understand everything they are saying. It is almost like being around people and I do enjoy it. Soak in it. Enjoy the stories, get lost in it. Makes me feel part of something again. Something more then just myself. And it is an ease and there is no struggle to understand and I do not have to work at it or pursue people and wait for replies. Quite a few I text and message just do not answer. I think hearing people just do not put the same emphasis on how important answering texts and messages is to someone who cannot communicate in many other ways. I want to get frustrated with them.. But I fear they will stop altogether.

This magnetic poetry took ages. Just to write it first. And I wrote it first on my notes ap on my iphone. I wanted to get down how I am feeling as honestly as I can be it however it comes I cannot be picky. Its good for me to be honest somewhere. Its like I am breaking out of that big heavy prison that stifles my expressive soul. Then I had to condense it down to fit into a poem plus make it possible to display with as many words of my magnetic poetry sets as I can find. I have a spare few sheets of magnetic white paper that I can write a few words on that I do not have. You have no idea how much effort goes into getting this sort of thing out there. It really is a sludge match these days. It is probably why I am so lazy because it really is so much work. Not to even mention when expressions are expressed that connection is hoped for too but so often that is impossibly hard to come by. Lol but I push on.. Push out.. I do it mostly because I enjoy it. I feel accomplished when I share things. It helps my daily life immensely. Despite my influx of digital art. Writing is my preferred medium.

So this is my soul expressed here.. Imperfect. I am not sure if others would admire imperfect sharing but it is what it is and I am brave just putting writing art out at all. Always my hope is.. That HIS presence/spirit/strength which is the LORD with me always is shown.. It is not religious at all in the words I’ve chosen. I am not religious though.. As in outwardly.. BUT IT IS HIS strength that I will speak about here because though miniscule as my faith might be I still have faith. I truly believe HE is with me and there is some greater reason for it all. And that ANYTHING good in me.. HE is the source of it. I do recognize a contentment in myself.. A sense of being held. A peace.. I have not felt anxious. I have not given up. I do not cry often as I used too. I can sleep ok. I am not worried about anything really. I am not feeling hopeless. Many things I can still be thankful for.

Just as the title above says.. I am weak and not physically well put together, and I have little output…

****

I do not have ducks. I do not have a row. I have squirrels, and they’re at a rave.

****
2 Corinthians 12:9 Amplified Bible (AMP)
9 but He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.

Hearts Content

Standard

Writing about my art expression is one thing that makes me feel very happy.
I created it without too much thought just whatever moved me today. Images I chose resonated with me and how I put it together sort of just flowed from intuition and I love that I can see so much deeper meaning in it.

I have been concentrating my last few art journal pages on using a piece of Christian art every time in my lay out. Each art lay out has been compromised of double pages. I build my lay out around the Christian art piece I’ve chosen.
First one was based on some writing off a stained glass window that I liked. 2nd one had an angel in it and this one has Jesus Christ and He is larger then life in this one. 🙂

The little human figure represents me.. As I was doing my pages I found it really hard to make the human that represents me to stand out.. It tended to be completely blending in and dull compared to the rest of the pages. But that is exactly how I myself feel in this world.. Small, hard to see and I definitely do not stand out in any way.. So I love the way these pages resonate my life, my feelings about my life, my heart, my spirit and basically how I see my world.

On one side I based it on a church or temple.. Christ on that side is central he’s seen that way in life and art and worshiped physically in the church building. His figure is large and luminous as the church exists to be all about Him and its where (we) His people gather to honor Him.. And HE is everything to me personally and He is what life and faith flow from. He is what I focus on. And then I placed myself on the other side of the page sitting on a rock. Christ is said to be a rock of our salvation.. Sitting cross legged as I often do.. On my butt.. Right where I am. Is where I believe He is. I don’t feel my life is based on anything physical that I do or contribute. I rest a lot. I sit a lot. I try to be honest about myself. My inactivity as well as my creativity.

The image that represents me. Cross legged sitting in the spiritual world showing that I am relying on God more then myself or my own physical efforts. Outside the temple/church physical building if you will. Because I have not attended for many years. But I put Jesus Christ as reaching out to me. So close. Seeing me. I am aware of Him by faith not sight or performance. And I do see him perse in my little world (her eyes are closed as she sits on her rock) but I am aware of Him by faith. I need to trust that He is there with me and focus on the Kingdom within in order to live as I do. Spirit which includes us all and is everywhere not contained and although I grew up and it is because of the “church/temple” contained within walls and ‘Chritianity’ that I learnt about Him. I am content to worship Him in Spirit and Truth and that may appear to be sitting apart and differently to the majority but I do believe the church is all of us where we are worshiping Him. For me this just means its more personal.

The darker parts.. The grey.. The rocks piled around me. Showing that it has been hard and the rocks also represent the frustrations I have had with different people and how they see and treat me and that has become like a wall around me.. Made it difficult.. Not particularly pretty or have I concentrated on making it beautiful. But rather it’s that knowledge of Christ with me always and that He knows my heart and sees me that makes all the difference and gives me strength to turn towards Him at all times. Awareness of Him that brings the growth, life and beauty to my world and even when that beauty is crushed and its difficult and impossible He’s given me a way to share my faith that blooms beyond even what I could imagine. I am looking to HIM and living with awareness of Him. Beauty is still there and I bloom and flower throughout adversity because of faith that is always empowered solely by His Spirit..

Therefore my heart can be content.. because of the content..

****

See My Heart

Standard

((Warning long post.. it’s in depth sharing about poem..))

I was amazed how quickly this magnetic poem appeared. The image behind it is from a magazine I think it was a surfing one not sure..

I tear out and cut out images all the time and use them and store them. So if anyone recognizes it and the photographer let me know so I can credit them.

As soon as I saw it the image resonated with my heart. I had it on my wall for a little while then tucked it away with plans to do something in the future but didn’t know quite what at the time.

I don’t know if I have been stalling or putting off or there is a right time and today was that time. But I have known for quite a while I want to share my heart with my sister. She has been trying to connect in small ways but my heart has not known how to reply. I know I know just do it eh.. I only wish it was that simple. Art has been my bridge to the world so it makes sense today that I could easily write a poem and then share it here on my blog because this is where my heart can be more freely seen. I am comfortable writing and expressing myself this way. Face to Face definitely not.

At the moment of writing I do not intend to post it directly to my sister or share on my face book where she can see it or anyone else for that matter. Maybe after I finish and draft it up pray first before I decide what to do with it and whom sees it. My blog doesn’t get much attention but if one wanted to know my heart it is available 24/7. Even if I post a link to it on face book it doesn’t mean it will be seen but if I pray I can trust God it is seen by anyone that needs to see it. I think sometimes I just needed to share for the sake of sharing. Where no one is forced to read it only by choice would they read it so I can be free to share as much or as little as I wish.

Update.. I told my sister about this poem and writing and said that I wish to share with her. No reply for 9 days. So it appears my sister is not interested. I’m glad I approached her first.. I have peace to share here now.

It is sort of an indirect way but a comfortable way also its a necessity to express how I am feeling and I function better in every area of life when I can do this. Never intended as a direct message to anyone rather it is an expression of my heart about something that has been on my heart but in no other way have I been able to deal with it or move forward.. It is my way to face it I suppose.

I cannot sit down with a counselor or anyone much because of deafness.. I cannot deaf sign either so I cannot invite an interpreter to help in a counseling session or conversation. So I cannot really communicate well enough to get the full benefit of getting things out safely that way. It has to be where I can flow and also a safe place to do so. I used to be able to share easily but the flow dried up over the years when difficulties kept coming at me and I lost contact with so many people even though I have been active on social media. Art has been a salvation of sorts but you have to keep at it and there has been many days when I could not even be bothered doing that and it was mere survival art and creativity to keep myself active rather then my soul story working for me on a page to propel me forward or connect.

In case you think this is better said directly then written. I have tried many many times in the past to say how I feel. Our family like my parents and siblings we just don’t do private sharing amongst ourselves well I have not experienced it much its chit chat but for me never as deep as I need it to be. I do not know if that stems from our religious beliefs or that is just how we have always been. I know in Christian circles it seems to be a lack of faith or even that we have unforgiveness in our heart if we dare to speak of past things or ongoing struggles with people etc.. Between God and us or them only??? Of course deafness doesn’t help either.

Last year when I broke down one of the things I did was write things on a piece of paper.. Things I needed healing over and people I needed to forgive etc.. I did that then burnt it. I do believe I forgave people and I was surprised what came out of the inside of me.. BUT.. It appears to me that there is something more needed here.. I realise even if others can’t or do not wish it I need to connect and be open hearted and in some way have something come back to me I mean how can anyone build on intimacy or grow in a relationship where there is no give and take.. I feel even if nobody replies I am at least making an effort to keep speaking even if it stays one sided.

To speak or share with others or just being human that way I do not know but I have not found my place with even my own close loved ones and believe me I have been on my knees and crying praying much about it. I do know I am not perfect nor have followed the path of religion the same as many I know even my own close loved ones but it doesn’t mean I do not have faith or I do not wish to be interested in their personal lives..

I just express my faith and soul differently thats all.. But before God HE knows my heart on this I have been led by HIS Spirit and sense that GOD is leading and it may not be how everyone else would do it. Or think I should.. But before GOD I do find peace and strength and hope and help and support and HIS hearing me I worship in Spirit and truth rather then in a physical capacity so I suppose I do understand why people have lost touch.. I do find my joy here.. Deep sharing though does take a toll even when it is how you are created. Nothing was meant to be just for only one.. I felt exhausted after writing this & it’s been sitting since end of last month..

In Spirit I feel God and I can do impossible things.. I know God’s power in my weak state.. I believe God is with me and it gives me hope.. When you lose contact with everyone else though and how they worship and communicate and do it differently, it can feel a lonely road you travel.. But you know that the very reason you are surviving it and continuing to look up is because HE is empowering you otherwise you’d have collapsed a long time ago.

I do not know but heart sharing has always been my way forward and when I didn’t find an environment where I felt able or safe or not weeird in my doing so.. I kept things to myself or shared them online and started telling GOD everything.. I stepped backwards from all I once knew. My sister herself said I closed my heart but if I did it was not for lack of trying and I can honestly say before GOD my heart many many times was an open book and I was painfully honest to my own detriment publicly. Sharing openly online my heart was an open book perhaps that is why so many stepped back physically too because I was kind of bleeding and doing things differently and it was raw and radical at times.

I just got frustrated that it seemed to be I got to point that people didn’t want to hear it, couldn’t think of what to say back or I was failing to say things the right way.. I seriously don’t know why and I found less and less people to talk too and then meanwhile my hearing deteriorated? I mean I was truly in a world on my own.. The less you talk like others the harder it is to say it normally and the more you flouder when you do try.. impossible much.

Like a tap that has had no flow sometimes you need to turn it on and let the crap flush before a good steady stream comes flowing out of it once again. I feel exactly the same except its going to be murky and messy till I can find that flow again. I felt judged and unsafe and extremely awkward so it comes in spits and starts and well its not pretty like that or beautifully expressed and it is definitely not perfect.. as if it ever could be.. It’s not my truth either if I cannot be free to be myself and especially if I am not believed or I feel judged.. I clam up. I give up. I start to internalize it.

I know it is part of how I am created that I struggle with only daily chit chat and going on as if everything is rainbows and unicorns.. I cannot easily do it so if I desire deeper and healthy sharing and lets face it just sharing because that is who I am.. I flail to even be civil when someone is pushing on me but not really speaking anything I can relate too..

I hate that because I do not want to be mean and unkind and seem disinterested but if you have to talk about anything other then what’s in your heart it to me feels very fake.

Because in order to be me the tap needs running to flow again and if people won’t wait for it to clear well you never really get anywhere and I get that people do not want to be around a half hearted person or a full on person that is conversing in a different way then what they are used too..

My wish is that in my art my whole heart is seen and that I find connection this way and there may be some understanding.. Art has been extremely helpful in all of this a true and vital God send way to express what I can’t the normal ways..

And I do not think forgiveness just means period end of chapter either. Burn the book. Even resurrected Jesus has scars from what HE went through on behalf of mankind. It is normal to close the chapter yes and move forward to the next. But every chapter is a part of the whole story even if you burn that book or never reread it. Those things still happened and even if you forgive you never forget. Everything we go through is part of what brought us to this place in our life and made us who we are today.

I know I can find peace for extremely hard things this has been my salvation too. BUT I cannot find peace with anyone else if there is not a baseline of truth and I do not know why I sense this has not been the case with my sister and I maybe the only one that believes that in my heart because outwardly it can look so different and its not that I do not want peace or am struggling against making it.

My former husband fell out of love with me and told me this and although hard to hear I respected him very much for that. I could survive that. We have peace. This with my sister has been very different and in the most part unspeakable.

So I wrote this poem using a small magnetic kit that has very limited words etc.. I mean it’s not the usual kits I use where I have built up an extensive selection of words. It was a kit I bought at Spotlight that is smaller then my other magnetic poetry sets and has very basic type words..

But that it has fewer words was a challenge to say what I felt with limitations through this set I love love love that it came quite easily and it really says something to me that I have learned and grown through all this to express myself even through challenges and limitations.. I think that really says that the timing is right to write this and it all fits..

I have had to make incredibly hard choices to get to this place. I have felt alone. Unsupported. Unable to say easily how I feel and make connections that keep me socially relevant and given me the confidence to work through it. I feel I have been gagged a long long time at least in ways that I needed to feel believed and supported to heal and find my place in the world again especially amongst my own family.

At this point I have not felt heard by those who could have supported me and cared for my heart. If I had had that I do not believe this would have been such a long and lonely journey and I wouldn’t have so much to say. But in saying all this I know in the Kingdom of God nothing is wasted. No experience is beyond Gods capacity to use it for good.

Right after I finished writing that poem I noticed this little message displayed in my bedroom.. Image added below the poem which says..

This I believe that truth will set free. (Created by artist Mandy Steward)

And I know seeing this straight after I finished it that GOD is with me in this and although I so wish I could just go ahead like normal and say nothing more about the past.. just say hi how are you etc..

Ohh how I wish that were the case.. That I wasn’t the one to be messy, putting my heart out there AGAIN.. And I was this neat, normal little person who does things like everyone else and doesn’t stand out or make waves or think it was all about me when I never have but that the circumstances have made me cry out loudly and keep crying out to be heard..

Alas I can only be myself.. do as my heart is fitted to do and that is share my truth.. He knows.. I believe despite everything that I have done the best I knew to do under the circumstances and I am so glad I found a way forward which I believe HE has empowered me to do when I felt like there was no way forward. My deepest hope is I am met on this journey and there is peace on all sides and it is meaningful and beneficial for all concerned.

—-

IMMANUEL

Standard

– IMMANUEL- means ‘God with us’.. This is digital art and it’s not based on my own imagination I found an image on Pinterest. My art is inspired by an image by Ryan Lone/Getty Images. I just drew a likeness in my own interpretation..

God with me has saved my life.. extremely meaningful and personal this word..

This picture could have been a drawing of a kitchen sink! Because that’s where I was washing dishes in the past when I heard in my Spirit the words..

….I will be with you always…

Along with a few other words that I have clung too ever since.. I have never forgotten hearing them. These Words are life to me.

They were given to me when I was still married & living in the family home with our 5 children..

Probably no more then a few months later.. My 18 year marriage dissolved, oldest son moved out, we decided to sell up the house etc

Everything changed.. Very difficult time for me speaking personally.

So those words coming when they did helped me know God was always with me. I believed God and they went deep within me like an anchor in a wild sea and held me steadfast.. they reminded me continually I was not alone and that God was looking out for me and HE did.. HE still does.. Something happens when you stubbornly believe..

I didn’t get angry.. I never blamed God.. I needed HIM too much nobody else could walk through with me 24/7 like HE has.. Peace became my assurance that I could trust the light in the darkness. I was comforted many many nights when tears were my constant food.

Even though it’s tens years later.. I can still find incredible strength in this promise.. and I think the peace that comes with it is even more wonderful.. Because it has not been easy.. I currently house share with my parents and I have no worldly status or career or title.. I am low income.. almost deaf now.. hearing has declined in ten years. I am still single.. only two children left at home.. More reclusive.. not particularly do I stand out in any way.

But that peace shows up HIS presence even more when I have this inner hope shining within that all the hardships have never been able to dim. I know HIM best through long dark nights. That’s when the stars shine brightest..

So the divine presence depicted here in the night sky is really HIM with me even though darkness has been more a friend to me then the light. I overcome through it all because of HIM with me.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

*****

The Word

Standard

This is an art prompt based on Advent. Found through Instagram. First days prompt was ‘Word’

I wasn’t even going to do anything but then I saw a facebook friends photo. Which was the inspiration for my art.

I sat up took notice and this is what I commented to her photo.

*** It caught my eye today as Advent starts.. there’s a lady on Instagram who is doing a month of art prompts..first one is ‘word’.. mind if I do some art using your photo.. maybe just draw it.. I don’t of course understand why you posted it.. or if there’s some local controversy.. but that’s been mankind in general over anything everyone has their own opinions.. **

My friends Leigh’s response..

“Sharon Peart help yourself x

There’s a guy in town posts words on his fence , all different ones . I like this one for the same reason you like it 🙌🏻 he calls his are the word so make of that what you will 💗”

Photo taken in a town in Southwestern England.

It took me ages to draw and it’s not quite the same and yes has imperfections..

But I see that spiritual matters have a synchronisation about them.. I can’t help taking notice.. I do believe such things the timing and all have a deeper meaning and they fascinate me. I did want to give up as I drew cause I don’t feel my art has much purpose behind it being just for me.. I think to myself why am I spending so much time on this.. Personally though I’m always blessed when I do art expression. It connects me to express how I’m feeling.. makes me think.. makes me happy.. I sense Gods presence and it brings me joy and I love sharing it.

Maybe the man that displays these words didn’t intend them for Advent or maybe he did. How amazing is it that they had the power to move me across the other side of the world.

I like that even though they are just words they can mean different things to different people and they really stand out in an ordinary street setting.. which resonates with me personally as I hold Gods Spirit.. HIS glory within me in a very ordinary flesh body and I love sharing my faith too..

I believe God is the Word.. I believe HE is who he says.. and I’ve been helped personally by believing..

But the wonder of my believing is I can live in this current world and find GOD everywhere.. see HIM right here in this street across the other side of the world.. these words linked me to my friend, they especially make me think of God and they encouraged me to create this art.. They help me see His presence and his love for us in the everyday world and it’s comforting..

It’s the meaning we attribute to the word or is it the appearance of HIS presence filtered down in a form we can relate too?!? Every child born is created in HIS image..

May your spiritual eyes be opened this time of year like never before to see the wonder, love and be comforted right where you are and as you are.

John 1:14

The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

****

It wrote itself

Standard

I’m reading a book called ‘Poem Crazy: Freeing Your Life With Words by Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge. Was encouraged to read some poems by e. e. cummimgs and then let a poem write itself. I did so and based mine from the start in my own words of course from one of his poems…

His poem started off..

You are tired,

(I think)

Of the always puzzle of living and doing;

And so am I….

Then it just kind of developed from that point.. influenced by said poem but also now I’m letting it flow onwards using my life, and feelings etc to write my own poem or at least let the poem write itself..

Here is my try below.. it’s not a love poem perse.. e.e cummings poem is a love poem.. Mine is more about the most important relationship of my life (apart from children & family).

One that has kept me going more then any other in these latter years … because with declining hearing, being single again in middle age.. isolation from hardships in life and being an introvert. Lol great combination eh.. I’ve desperately needed social contact and someone to talk too daily. But also someone who I can talk faith too who is open to that as well someone who lets me share what I need and what is important to me. I know it’s been similar back to them and also helped them in their life.. definitely not one sided!

It’s meant for myself I didn’t just completely lose contact with the human world and give up altogether..

I am extremely thankful to God for this relationship..

– – –

I am tired,
(I know)
Of always perceiving what life could be.
In the here and now.
And so are you.
I don’t want to be alone.
It would make such a difference not to be.
We have bonded because of this.
(You know)
We have shared understanding.
Even across the ocean.
A real connection.
Both have struggles.
Different points of view.
Yet still there is something to be said every day.
Burdens shared.
Means we both return. 
To what has stood through testing.
A meaningful relationship is possible.
What does it mean for the physical loneliness?
Could there be something more?
This spiritual frequency.
Me to you.. 
You to me.
Is strong.
This continual seeking the other out. 
To be grateful.
That I am.
You are too.
It’s just I’m thinking.
One and one still makes one.
Maybe that is the clue.
Can’t go back to what was past. 
Or meet what is not present.
But we can make a new connection for the future.
One where distance is erased. 
You and me?
Or someone else?
No matter whom.
But just think….
To have the same closeness.
(What we both know)
Imagine that face to face!
One and one could also mean.
No longer one but two!!

– – –

What it all means personally.

Standard

Happy Easter..

I have not blogged in simply ages. I have been concentrating on art expression in visual ways and paint on paper or canvas ways. Today because it is considered one of the highest important holy days in the Christian calendar and as I did not attend a physical building I think it might be a perfect day to write and connect hopefully with others. When I say connect I mean others can read and respond or just read or ignore completely which probably happens more then not. 🙂 But it is my way to share this moment, on this day, on this occasion just in a different way then others share it. Except I am not confined to a physical location and specific time. When I post words and thoughts and any corresponding pictures it stays there and can continue to speak. That kind of tickles my fancy.. A bit thrilling cause it becomes timeless in its own way.

Just an easier place to connect for me and it is more meaningful too. Where I am not just sitting and vegetating in an environment where I am not feeling connected to others.

I cannot hear or enjoy any music, nor really join in singing or worshipping that way nor hear a good sermon or even bow in prayer and join with others cause I have no way to know what is being shared around me. Because I cannot hear it and I get distracted and I cannot enjoy it. I am not really drawn that way any longer.

I am here.. God is here and I am at peace and I can wholly immerse myself in what I am writing and flowing with here. I enjoy it.

I am so very thankful to HIM for what Easter means and I can talk about my recent painting that I didn’t get to share more about. HE continually is placing religious art and art supplies in my way and its so personal and HE is saying to me.. enjoy this journey and please express it and gladfully share it. I am here with you. So close. I have given you this way to express yourself and connect with others don’t be afraid to soak it in and you do not need to be this or that or go here and there and you do not need anyone else’s approval or to do anything different to what is on your heart and how I am leading you.. I feel so precious. So favoured and because I am online I can also share it which makes it a way to communicate too.

But it is different to the majority and it means not looking to traditional methods and it means every day reflection and inspiration not just on certain days. Every day is holy and divine but I am free to experience it in normal and every day life and also a way that is incredibly life affirming and life giving to me personally.

Religious type art expression again can set you apart and there will be only certain people who will respond to it and sometimes no one but it does sort of encourage people who are not religious to respond and take notice simply because its in art form and there is freedom there. All people can appreciate freedom well I hope they can. True freedom is what our LORD came to bring to the world in any case.

2 Corinthinans 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

My art of Jesus on the cross.. was inspired by a $1 dollar purchase of a beautiful prayer book. I did intend at first to cut it up for collage and art journaling and it was cheap but I may not of course because I find it hard to cut up beautiful things. So much gorgeous art in this beautiful book as well as prayers and writings. You see when I find these things it truly is as if HE puts them in my path. Well within my budget and yes I will admit to collecting many beautiful things and also things that inspire me and I enjoy being surrounded by them…

I do not want to be so ‘religious’ as such though this would be considered religious art.. I want my art to be personal, from my core and spiritual but also approachable. To be completely honest to who I am and what I believe but also not make it so that it isn’t disrespectful to GOD and HIS presence and glory. HE is holy and grand in the grandest sense but HE is not to me a central focus where I feel I need to be like everyone else.. not that I do not need people or too belong. Just that through HIM I believe and see that I am joined to everyone else and I guess that fixed gaze does tend to keep me not drawn to different ways of living or needing to be like everyone else. Through HIM I live and find my whole being revitalised and totally at peace.

My whole reason to exist, like HE is the sun and I am simply one of the planets among a whole solar system of other planets and we are all rotating and going through our existence revolving around HIM and although each is its own separate existence we are all one because of HIM who is at the centre of all life.

Seeking HIM first and HIS kingdom and HIS righteousness (not my own) and then all these things are added to me .. my rendition of Matthew 6:33

I thought first about painting on a canvas or something blank that you could do something else with or display at a later date. But my art journal is where I am daily. It has many things in it that are all personal to me. I have not set out to make a living from my art money wise or to display it other then online. I just felt led to create it at a personal level. I had already pre-painted the background. It felt right to paint it in here. Alongside a cut up collage of a city scene in winter .. It says.. here is where I seek and find GOD in my every day life right where I am, as I am.

So I put myself in the painting looking up at HIM like I do in my personal life. Being Easter HE is on the cross and inspired by that book I just found recently so it all fits in together. I did hesitate to paint something like this because the image I am basing my painting on is so perfectly painted. By artist Rogier van der Weyden (1400 -64) Christ on the cross..

This is where I have to lose all fear. Just have a go. Let go. let GOD. I remember the other day walking around the house after painting the initial painting. I love to pray walking around lol and also I can pray doing most anything.

I was saying to God.. how minuscule what I create is.. How I live. How I appear and present myself in this world. All so miniscule. Immediately after that prayer was said my youngest son came up and offered to me a plate of my favourite snacks. It was so beautiful. Like a reward straight after and I thanked God and was at peace. I mean I tie everything in you know. So I just do my thing. I find my joy in it and good things happen to me along the way!!

This is my intention always. ***

2 Corinthians 4:7 New Living Translation
We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

and for a different slant from English Standard Version
But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

So I can be unafraid even amongst the curled up pages of my art journal. My cluttered room. My introverted ways. By simple paintings.. to show you this absolute greatness of GOD that chooses to show HIMSELF through me.. ***

HE was vulnerable on the cross. At the mercy of me as an artist lol but also in life at the mercy of soldiers who didn’t care for human dignity or human suffering the cross was punishment and extremely cruel. I mean I realise they didn’t believe it was GOD right. But they would have heard the stories and maybe even witnessed miracles I do not know. I know the bible says on that day remarkable things happened. I mean this man was well known and he had followers and loved ones surrounding him. HE had stirred up a lot of people including the religious people of that day. HE was hated and HE was loved deeply.

To paint his body. HIS manly body. HIS human body. HE was probably stripped naked on that cross.. No decency here right. But I covered his maleness. I just wanted that to represent how I wish to depict truth but also not disrespect GOD or others in the process. I do not do what I do for shock value or even to disrespect others way of life. I see that modesty and honour is important. But I did start out being quite crude with my painting. I mean his arms are not right because HE was a carpenter HE would have been strong but to me the whole closeness of SPIRIT is hard because there is no touch.. there is no physical presence and I find that hard. It is lonely and I miss physical presence but faith isn’t seeing so you have to learn to trust and when you let go of the need for the physical closeness that strength and support brings.. you must find form and fortitude in weakness. So as I persisted on through my painting HIS face, heart, chest and lower body it became easier to form and paint. It was beautiful painting HIS body.. It felt freeing and I could identify with HIM as thoroughly human through this painting.. HIS suffering is beautiful to me because I have suffered and HE has become real to me in my suffering. So I am comforted.. I find hope and beauty in HIS suffering so that is how HIS thorns transformed to what appears a floral wreath.. though I did not mean that at all. I find my strength and momentum to live because HE is close to the broken hearted and HE himself was broken for me. Though HE is on the cross I believe and know HE has already overcome death, suffering and all evil and so will I.

By HIS wounds I am healed. At Easter and every day forward and back and for all eternity. I find life and not just life but abundant life.

 

 

 

 

She Remembered

Standard

I read those words in a novel I am currently reading and they stood out and motivated me to create this art and make a perfect heading.

Absolute struggle for me personally of late and this time I have told nobody except God alone. I don’t think I have ever done that before. Especially considering the intensity of it. I had a night of disturbed sleep and very dramatic dreams and I was struggling with what it all personally meant to me. Alone with it but I went straight to GOD and it was enough!! Peace came.. An absolute complete turn around in me.

The girl or woman figure in the painting is in black and white. No colour in her world. She craves it but you cannot change things sometimes no matter how hard you want it changed. I knew immediately that she was going to be in black and white and you were only going to see half of her face. She is right there easily accessed awake and waiting. But she’s struggling.

I wanted to add these words too which were my own truth.

She fails. She hurts. She’s anxious. She doubts. She has faults. She needs.

But what strikes me in my own life as I created this is that I can so very easily interpret it right here and there is so much meaning and I don’t intend for it, or work for it or even have to think it out. But yet I am able to easily see it in what I have created that it is flowing out of me with absolute ease..

I can tell you I am not one to easily explain myself to anyone even those closest to me and yes I didn’t recently tell anyone either even though it was such an intense battle I was facing. In fact my hardest battles have mostly been fought on my own. So it is from all this that my art expression in this painting finds its outlet.. And there’s this incredible difference between flesh and spirit and how I face the world when I live via one as opposed to the other.

So my black and white portrait despite the struggle is up nice and close, even in her rawness shes not staying small. She is incredibly upfront and vulnerable but to me that is bravery. My life too has been incredibly hidden yet I believe and can see that at least art wise, creative wise I am up front.

She is looking straight ahead. I find such strength here despite the fact I am writing raw words, hard words. Even void of colour she is still head forward, eyes opened and I think very fearless.
The painting is depicting that moment where she is remembering HIM and all that HE has become to her on her journey and how when that comes into the light faults don’t even matter in fact we can be shamelessly bold. I know I quote this alot. When I am weak HE is strong but I am going to take it even a step further because the well known verse talks about being able to boast about it and that this is exactly how best HIS help is seen in us and through us.. And it is exactly how it is in my life to especially me.

But here I think you can best see the juxtapose of my painting. The frail human next to the strong figure of Jesus who is the Christ yet they stand level and together as one. In HIS rich and vivid colours HE is full of beauty, majesty and also ever present help and is accessible to me but it is not by sight but by faith so I chose to have his eyes closed because HE is my rest and my comfort and I don’t need to see him to know HIM. I also believe that I can fully trust HIM to bring together all my loose ends and all that troubles me and it will be a great ending despite some very hard and long chapters..

I know many talk of walking and talking with HIM.. Hearing HIM and even seeing HIM.. I haven’t had that to a great extent in my life. It has been a pure faith walk.. Spiritual battle that is way beyond my strength and ability to cope and even make sense of… So I find incredible fortitude when peace fills my heart despite all that comes against me and all that falls away and all I fail at. Gives me rock solid unsinkable hope.

Changes the atmosphere around me and I can find my rhythm and express my faith in a way that paints purpose into my life and I also get the joy that comes because I share that with you. I resonate also with the red colours on his face.. There is pain in HIS face mixed with royal beauty and majesty and I resonate with the suffering HE went through coming to earth to live as a fragile human to help me find and access eternal life on earth even before I die.

This painting so lifts up my spirit because its so meaningful to my life, journey and testimony but its also honest about where I am and I who I am and I hope and pray you can see HIS strength because it is absolutely life changing especially when I have been so fragile and it is radiating in me so strong and beautifully even though people close to me only partly see me and that for the most part I have felt so black and white in this world ..

I don’t want to impress people with my talents that is not my desire at all. I want to show what GOD has done to help me through my difficulties and I know my weakness shows that up better then my strengths ever could.. HE is so real to me and so present. The inspiration behind the painting.. The creative ideas came from HIM. I had nothing I was nowhere even close to creating something like this but HE just makes that much difference and the peace that comes I mean you need no props and it didn’t come from anyone else at all so anyone can have all this as well right where you are and right now as you are. I truly was all those things I wrote. I just desire with all my heart to show what HE does for the fragile soul for the soul that struggles in this world and does not understand what is going on. But who can find hope, purpose and joy just in being who I am, and encourage you to find all these as you are and through who we are created to be… faults and all.

I was struggling but when I remembered it made all the difference..

HE is
I AM
LOVE
PEACE
TRUTH
LIFE

****

“Meg, I give you your faults.”
“My faults!” Meg cried.
“Your faults.”
“But I’m always trying to get rid of my faults!”
“Yes,” Mrs. Which said. “However, I think you’ll find that they’ll come in handy on Camazotz.”

From the movie ‘Wrinkle in Time’

A Great Deal Of Trust

Standard

What amazes me with my art is how it transforms my world completely. I go from a standing position where there is nothing happening and no direction. To ideas and inspiration flying about in my head. Love it. Has literally saved my life!

This art was my adaptation to a piece of art from Womankind Magazine artwork by Aida Novoa and Carlos Egan. It is similar but adapted to my own life and meanings.

Calling it ‘Art of Letting Go’.

Another weekend without kids around and I had time to myself but no energy or motivation. Zilch of anything really. I was watching Dvds of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, drinking coffee and playing with my phone. Hours were just falling away with nothing to show for it.

Finally I decided to look through some magazines with the idea to at least do a collage to get things going and at least find some words or images that I could personally share to express how I was feeling. I tend to shut down if I do not express myself daily. And so when I flicked through the pages of said magazine I found the picture. It resonated with me and I decided to use it as an inspiration for how I am feeling and it just became so much more.

Because immediately as I started drawing and thought about it whilst drawing.. I perked up. I made the figure in it to represent myself. It is amazing how ideas started flowing. I do not know what the artist intended with their piece but it to me it symbolizes my creative and spiritual life.

I have for awhile used the color pink to represent my creative life. The paint mingled with the black ink from the pen I outlined with and smudged it. So much meaning even in that. The stripes show how my heart has been caged and that I have not been free to be who I am. So the pink colors look darker. I am facing away with my face hidden because I have felt very invisible though I do also acknowledge that this has made me stand out which isn’t completely a bad thing. The wind has caused my hair to cover my face. Small and seemingly insignificant. Hands behind my back because I have felt alone and judged. But I do note I am in the picture at least. 🙂

I wanted to make the sky an aqua color as it represents my spirit which is vast, free and always expanding when it is the driving force in my life and I consider my best life to be the one lived through my spirit so the flesh life difficulties I do face in this realm are useful because without my trials I would not have found this other life. Otherwise my life is barren and lack lustre and I feel alone and uninspired so I used colors to represent that.

The birds/spirits flying and busy are Gods Spirit and angels at work in my life and they are large, active, pure and beautiful and give me buoyancy and purpose so that is what I need to concentrate on and it is what my art and creative expression are most wonderfully useful for. I didn’t concentrate on form because it is mostly by faith they are active in my life so even though I do not see their face or shape I am very aware of their presence. I think also that I become like that too.. In my invisibility I can do more and be more.

At the time I was thinking about the Spiritual atmosphere in my life which is where my majority of focus has to be if I am to live large and free in this life I’m given to live. Gods Spirit appeared to cheer my heart as I worked on my painting and reminded me of these scriptures about the way the Spirit works.

John 3:8
The wind blows wherever it wants. Just as you can hear the wind but can’t tell where it comes from or where it is going, so you can’t explain how people are born of the Spirit.”

John 6:63

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you — they are full of the Spirit and life.

John 14:26
The Holy Ghost shall teach you all things,

I mean that last one is EXACTLY what was happening in this creative exercise. And it doesn’t happen quite the same anywhere else..

My life does baffle me in the flesh lol because the majority do not live like I do and it is quite the thing to live off the grid. It appears to be about fitting in with everyone else and if you go by how it appears I am very different. If I think too much on that I stop and things seem drab and I lose my flow and get quite despondent. I give myself over to fear. The fear that there is nothing meaningful to my contributions to life.

It is very satisfying seeing this art because it is different to what I usually do. It has intense meaning in what it represents rather than attention to detail because even though I want to add words or journaling on the painting it is enough as is.. And it is sending a message even as it is – stand alone and that is what I have to trust God with.

I am not used to doing art that speaks without word ha ha I say that as I write many words in this blog post but I think to further understand the impact my art has on me it is worth sharing what is propelling me as I create it. There is a fear in me that my art won’t be seen and understood but that is again where I need to trust God.. That for all my smallness of my flesh life and most people I know only see that solitary woman and wonder that I haven’t lost the plot altogether. The Spirit of God does what HE wishes with my gifts and talents & therefore even with my life and because it so empowers me I am always encouraged to share it.

Indeed I think what if I completely gave myself over to my spiritual life and what would happen if I did?? What would I create then? What messages would the Holy Spirit have to speak to me and ultimately through me. It does make me think.

Vulnerability

Standard

Day 8# Create a piece of art outdoors limiting yourself to just 15 minutes.

What did you enjoy most/least about today’s challenge? 

I could write a book on this one lol and that is because I feel so many things and am often alone with it. Feeling a lot right now but that’s normal for me so I am so glad I am able to do this right now. Honestly my art might be simple but it has mega layers of meaning to me.

I went to check out others art first and what others had done with this prompt lol which probably isn’t very wise. In the Thriving artists group I am in where others are joined together and I am doing this art challenge with there are a lot of very highly talented people.. 😮

My immediate thoughts were mine is not going to be THAT good. Lol and honestly speaking without being afraid to say it. It is what it is. It’s just simple water color probably the same as a child would do and yeah I have been doing art for awhile.

BUT this is what I love about just doing art. Simple can reveal so much and THAT is what I enjoy what it all means to me. Everything has deeper meaning.. it’s being able look beyond the immediate and more deeply see it..

This is drawn in our backyard directly outside my bedroom. It is winter here and quite windy outside. It was cold even for the 15 minutes it took and the wind was blowing straight across my paper and making the paper dance and the daffodils in the garden dance which I do so love.

Beforehand I was doing my sitting thing. It’s been a habit of mine. To sit.. sit.. sit..

But I saw an image on Instagram which I will share by Sark which made me almost immediately want to get up and go do this prompt!!!

It motivated me.

I just did it.

And I chose to paint outside my bedroom because that is where I spend a lot of my time. This is really weird too but just before I went outside to paint my bestie made this comment… “kinda still in ur comfort zone”. Woah!!!

So that made me want to do it even more.

But my determination was driven even further because my friend knows me better then most everyone else.. because he texts via messenger with me every day.. I just felt no no no he couldn’t be more wrong. More to it then meets his eye..

Timely that he’d say that though about my comfort zone when it was going to be my soul focus.. except the difference being that was I on the outside looking in.. My art was just taking a different perspective of it lol.. I hope just like me you can see there is much more to “this moment” ” this sharing”.. “this timing”… Cause all this stuff totally flabbergasts me..

That blue screen is a sun blind. I am thankful for it. It gives me privacy. Otherwise my parents whom I house share with and who do frequent the yard would look straight in at me. Sometimes my mother is gardening right outside my window!!
I house share so I value my privacy all the more. We share the kitchen.. our lounge is in the same room. So even my lounge is not private. So my room is where I go and spend a lot of time. I am more a loner.. can be happy doing my own thing. A lot of my art, writing, art expression is done from my room. My comfort zone I guess you could say. So sitting outside of it today in the cold sorta had some huge meaning. I wasn’t thinking about my room at all as I did my water color.

I was thinking just on the 15 minutes and getting color down and as much as I could paint of it in such a short time. I would prefer to go in and define it with like a black pen. To make it look better. But I have not done that. I did the time allotted and this is the result.

I can see through the blind to the outside from my room but you cannot see back through it from the outside. It is supposed to be for summer to protect from the heat but it is a privacy thing for me as I want my inside blind open and to see out but nobody else to see in. Kindly and thankfully my parents are happy to leave it down for me. I rent the back house from them. Two children and I live here sharing kitchen and laundry and as I pay normal rent my parents let me park my car in the garage.

The reason I entitled this ‘Vulnerability’ is that its just a very simple and not particularly great capture. Rough with a few colors. The blind takes up most of the page actually. So it is funny that something that I did and am sharing publicly is a majority of a blind/covering to a place I retreat too that I guess is what my friend sees. That I stay in and he is right in this fact a huge amount of time in that comfort zone.

So why do I disagree with him?? And why did I say he couldn’t be more wrong?

Because I feel vulnerable sharing something amongst a group of very talented people that is just so very basic and in Christian circles there are obvious gifts and talents and even out in the world from a very small age you can see people who have are gifted and I am not one of those people and I am ok with it. It is only really in the last 6 months people have commented on my art sharing and I will agree with them I am improving in ways. I have been openly and publicly sharing for a long time though. I know art is subjective and obviously good art who can not be moved by it. My vulnerability to keep sharing despite how I am is my strongest point I feel. I am not good at most anything really, definitely stay to myself and that is not wrong to say or putting myself down. I do not put my heart into much these days. But in these I do even if it’s simple and it doesn’t stand out and that is what I see is being vulnerable but also that I do it regardless of results. I saw other artists in the challenge say that they took a little more time and tweaking of this challenge so I feel brave that I did not add to it or take extra time. I was rough I know but I wanted to do it and do it as I am without fear and without judging it or changing it or tweaking it and without fear of sharing it.

Speaking about sharing a house with my parents at 48 is vulnerable. Speaking about staying in my room alot.. Is vulnerable. Putting out art that is child like as an adult when I do a lot of art already is vulnerable because it isn’t easy to show raw and rough. I think very much I am putting myself out of where it is not comfortable. This is what I did in 15 minutes.. Full stop..

Another reason I see it as vulnerable is that for me art is about sharing with the wider world cause I need connection. I am built to share and as a deaf loner.. people are not around me much (staying in my room doesn’t help that lol) and even as a loner I need people and look I know majority of people cannot fit to my needs and I cannot expect people to fit to mine but I still need people. So it is vulnerable to be out in the world with my simple water color art challenge and my need to write as much as I do on a blog hardly anyone reads and yes it is vulnerable to do this knowing what the stats usually say. Does it all have to mean something to someone else to mean something to me. NO otherwise I would have stopped and given up a long time ago.. it’s just lovely and incredibly meaningful when I can share it and it does mean something to even one other person. And sorry friend but THIS to me IS very much me being out of my comfort zone but you are right in that I use my comfort zone and that is where I am majority of the time.

I guess for me it is where GOD has been most beautifully with me despite me. I mean I can very easily have a lot of time to know my own self and I know where my own borders fall.. even despite the losing touch with much of the outside world. In my comfort zone I can that much MORE understand GODs presence in this place. Cause peace comes.. Joy comes. A sense of being held comes. Finding satisfaction with my art expression even in simplicity.. And yet I am on my own.. I do not sense this with people and yet I have longed for intimacy with people.. As I sat outside in the cold trying to convey and pretty poorly the outside of my room in a very short time. It kind of echoes why I am not moved to be anywhere else. Because GOD is everything and enough and I sense HIM right where I am and it can make me happy without results even and without anyone else needed.. And I let that take me wherever it will be it on this blog, via social media, on chat, on a blank page and/or through mixed media etc.

Talking about it right now and sharing my art is most definitely NOT my heart staying in my comfort zone even if my physical self retreats here!!!! My heart roams all over the world via internet lol ❤ ❤

What did the LORD show you through today’s challenge?

Miracles can still happen in comfort zones and to child like souls even if its only for me but I LOVE that I can share what I feel and experience and anyone could read it. Inspiration will always come when I am unafraid and do it anyway no matter the results. Art expression always blesses me. When I do it even simple. When I am weak. When I am vulnerable I know GOD is in this with me and I share it and keep sharing it and even if I do not see results or experience more than the personal joy of sharing.. GODs glory will be seen simply because HE is involved. And in two instances through every day occurrences even in my comfort zone I have seen HIM clearly.. Even when I am doing things that don’t make sense to other people.. HE is saying YES to the middle age, 48 year old deaf single mother still sharing a house with her parents, doesn’t come out of her bedroom much. That HE speaks with me and to me in ways right were I am and as I am… I am given strength to keep going. I can fearlessly be me so HE is seen because in my weakness HE is more clearly seen as my strength. HE is my help and I love that HE does all this in midst clutter, imperfection, where I enjoy it.. my heart can do things in my own way and personal style.. even when I am buying more art supplies that I could ever use.. It is more a matter of faith and trust to rely on HIM for the why, wherefores’ and meanings when you know it is out there in the world despite my weaknesses, faults and lacks..