Monthly Archives: September 2013

But We Have Each Other…

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Its a very moving experience to scrap book.. to create a memory book about someone.. I have been creating a scrap book for my mother since last year.
I didn’t touch it for a long time. Shifting house and just not picking it up again. I don’t know why. Working on it again these last few months.
I share a house with my parents so I have had to be careful creating it when she is not around. I think I have kept a good secret. Probably wonders though why I have taken a few more pictures in the last little bit and not shown them to her afterwards πŸ™‚

This blog post is about one of the pages I decided to create only just last night. I only have 3 pages till its finished so closer to the end now than ever before but this one is totally different to any others. Planning stages yet but I have already written a poem which I will share here below..

It is my Mother’s 63rd Birthday today. But I still have work to do on it. My parents have recently gone on a well needed holiday and my mother is happy to receive her gift when she returns so I have had a little more time to work on the last few pages.

With all the creative learning and expressing I have been doing I am finding new ideas spring into my head that I have never contemplated before.. Its exciting and wow amazing.

This page will be about my mothers childhood. I have not done the album/book from beginning to end of her life.. more randomly as I am going through. This is a page about the early years and I have had such an experience doing this that I must write it down already.

There are no photos of my mother before high school that I have seen or am aware of. That’s huge. None of my mother, her siblings and parents together. The only other photo I am aware of and have seen is one or two of her father, my grandfather and he was on his own.

Immediately I have had to recall memories and things that my mother has shared with me over the years. I started searching online for pictures of families and children in the 1950’s.. That is the year Mum was born and the time period I am writing about.. My poem is about the early years and my own interpretation of what it was like for my mother and her siblings. Of course I don’t know many details. So I have to imagine and go off what I know and of course my own perceptions of what I have been told..
My parents raised me together, I had a good and happy childhood, they told me they struggled with money and there were financial difficulties but I was never aware of it as a child. They both bought their first house when I was very young and the only one born at the time so I know they were better off then many. So again what things my mother told me were told to a happy, secure child who didn’t know the struggles she did.. Perhaps it was worse for my mother, perhaps it was better. This is just my interpretation.

Its hard even to write this. There are things I wish I could say but would not. Things that might help others understand and fill in the gaps better. But I’m not so sure it is my place to say things about the dynamics of the family. None of my mother’s siblings are connected to me on face book where I will share this blog post but I have cousins that may see this and read this and you are more than welcome to share this with your parents.. I don’t know what my cousins know or even my own siblings of my mother’s story. Nobody but my mother has talked about her past with me. My Nana has since passed away.. Her name was Dorothy and she was not like me at all. She was a private person and held many things inside even to the grave.. Perhaps my sister and I have talked a little over the years. Maybe through this post things will be said to me I didn’t know. I hope though one day more of the truth will come out because even though this was in the past.. Its our family and wether we like it or not its important and precious and its our history. We bear the blood of our grandparents and their parents.. I think family traits pass down wether we like it or not and affect us as children, grandchild and yes great grandchild and so on. But unfortunately many families take things to the grave.

So from my poem and even what little I share here you are going to have to imagine too.

They were poor, not 3rd world country poor, but as far as I can gather it was six children and one mother for a majority of the time and in Australia there were no benefits for single mums that there are today. My Grandfather died when my mother was around 11 years old. From what I have been told of the early years he came and went and was not there all the time or even some of the time.

No relatives ever visited so that says something major right there. No photos and lots of kids so you don’t have to think very hard to imagine how difficult life might have been. Not sure when my Nana was able to work, how old the children would have been if she left home to work and how she supported them? I know sometimes the oldest daughter looked after the others. That was not easy on her or them but what else could a big family do?

I have looked for images about families for the lay out. I wish I could paint or draw a family shot but I don’t feel confident enough to do so and I don’t feel I could do it justice. So I will find pics that symbolise to me this beautiful family..

All of the pics I felt with any colour did not reflect how I felt that this family would have experienced life. Colour Tv’s only came into Australia in 1967.. but I feel they would not even have had Tv or maybe even running water and electricity in the early days. I don’t know its just guesses. I found the black and white images I came across evoked the most resonating imagery.

What I picture is ~ Kids doing chores because Nana couldn’t possibly do all the menial labours of raising kids and keeping a home without their help.. I mean no mod cons back then. I can see boys in overalls.. with patches. I can see kids playing in fields and collecting special treasures.. I can see chickens and a dog.. Chopping wood for boys. Cooking over a wood stove.. I can see sometimes there would not be enough food.. I can see Shirley who was the oldest daughter with a child on her hip, she is older than my mother.. I can see my Nana confiding in Shirley perhaps when she wasn’t old enough for the weight of it simply because she’d need a listening ear to tell about her every day life. I can see that she grew up way too fast. I know as a single mother myself. You do tend to talk more personally with the older ones at times because they are there..

I see that Nana would have been tired.. very tired at the end of the day and I don’t see her smiling if a picture was taken. No parent wants their kids to struggle and I don’t think her life was easy but she was proud of her children. I see hardship on their faces but I know they were not poor in spirit because Nana had a backbone..
All of my mothers family are survivors and my Nana wasn’t a weak lady at all.. She did the best she could without the support of family around her for whatever reasons.

I see tough love and care in her working hard to take care of them. I see the kids respecting her because they always have. I see that Nana might have been strict because if she didn’t they would run wild.
I see children sharing beds.. I see them trailing along worn paths to school along country roads.. perhaps there were days there was no lunch to take.. I see that each child would have had their own unique things that they hid away. When your in a big family you need to hide your treasures.. and the less you have the more special your own things are. I see them fighting but I imagine the four boys would have stuck up for each other. In all schools the poorer kids get looked down on.. it happens unfortunately. It would have made the boys toughen up and I imagine fights and difficult moments but as I considered all these things.. I couldn’t help the thought that they had each other. I mean how precious would your siblings have been when they were just about all you had.

Perhaps this is the first ever written account of these early years.. So it feels even more important for me to do this. I rarely see any of my mothers family. One uncle close by I see the most, one of Mum’s younger brothers.
I have learned a lot about the closeness of siblings by watching the bond between my mother and her brother Harry. My mother gave him a home for quite some time.. so I enjoyed getting to know him better. My mother was so loving I sometimes cried. I imagined back that the bonds they formed in those difficult early years gave them deeper love in honouring one another now. My mother would lay her life down for her family and she does and has in many ways. I saw my mother tenderly love and treasure her brother through very difficult times in his life which I think helped turn his heart to GOD and help him know he is precious.. I truly believe the early years must have deeply impacted all 6 of the siblings and shape who they are today and would have impacted us too no doubt. Its a healing place for me personally giving me more understanding how my mother is and how she raised me… I hope these memories might also be a healing place for others too and a time to think about and learn about our family history..

But We Have Each Other~

The nights are long…
The baby whimpers.
The night air is cold…
Our tummies can growl loud.
But we have each other…
We snuggle under threadbare blankets.
Little bodies share a bed top to toe or two or three in a row…
Sometimes Mother has to work away from home.
Oldest sister in charge…
But we have each other.
Long walks to school…
We all do chores when old enough.
Our clothes can have patches…
Father comes and goes and doesn’t stay.
But we have each other…
We fight, yell, and play tag.
Make up our own games…
No relatives visit us.
But we have each other…
Mother does her best.
She gets tired and we try to stay out of her way…
We have our own precious treasures.
Few gifts like other families when its birthday or christmas…
But we have each other.
Six children…
Four brothers, two sisters.
Our Mother who loves us…
We often move from place to place.
Life isn’t easy and we are not rich in worldly goods…
But we have each other.

By Sharon Peart

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My Message To The World Today

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I created my art journal messages today, expressions of my soul/spirit because of the freedom, peace and joy I am experiencing..

Also I created them to speak to soul/spirits around me whose messages are of struggle, sadness, hopelessness and fatigue.. We all have a message we are speaking to the world.. We might think it is kept to ourselves but how you live, the expression on your face, your every day flow, your manner and presence.. All portray your message..

I was singing, dancing, shouting lol while creating.. getting lost in the moments.. It was personal and uniquely me.. my beautiful truth but also glorifying knowledge that releases messages that can help anyone who would embrace them..

You see our message might be about our trials, our hardships, our frustrations or even our earthly reality.. What flows is our choice but will change if it comes from inside our spiritual man/woman or child.. This spirit we all have.. its free.. only contained in our flesh bodies.. It can be buffeted around and repressed by how our flesh sees & knows of the world.. It can also be set fully free too.. Spirit cannot stay contained when it is realised.. its bigger than our outward body and its created to be glorious.. It lives forever.. We have been set free by JESUS on the cross and because HE rose again and showed us on earth death is not the end.. HE was born and died and rose again in flesh so that we were set free to experience eternity and all that GOD is and created us to be… That we could find freedom.. JESUS called himself the truth.. the way, truth and life.. HE came to teach us about eternal life.. not just when we go to heaven.. but now.. today..

Its what reality we focus on that dictates how we live and the message we proclaim and how our life flows.. the Spirit in us.. perfected.. free.. even holy because HE totally redeemed humanity. Through HIS flesh and fully GOD living in mere flesh we can be fully SPIRIT living in mere flesh.. Its a different mind set that causes us to flow from within in greater measure.. it brings great peace because suddenly the difficulties we face are not barriers in fact they have no power over us anymore.. the Spirit gushes forth it cannot be contained.. Its just living different.. Everything changes.. Everything..

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I’m Finally Creating My First E Book!

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This is a life changing announcement.. biggest thing I consider I’ve done personally in a very long time..

Since I started at “Leonie Dawson’s Amazing Biz & Life Academy” one week ago I see many positive changes already in my life.. and this is huge for me.. I believe this happened because I have come to a place where I am confident, supported in my journey, surrounded by other incredibly talented women and given helps and encouragement to go full steam ahead.. I will become all that GOD has for me..

This book I started writing in 1997 when I was in hospital with our 4th child a baby son who was ill and away from home and unfortunately at 2 months old he died but because through my faith and trust in GOD and a miracle from heaven.. I was given out of this world peace and came through the experience very differently to any other parents I have ever met who have lost a child. I couldn’t keep this story to myself.. so I kept on writing for a whole 29 chapters and it took a few years to finally get it finished.. I did it all on my own from memories.. info from friends and family.. and from my own diaries..

Then I just printed out copies of chapters as many as I had at the time (paper & via email) and passed to family and close friends..

I have never had the money to publish it.. or so I thought.. and I did put it online for free reading for family and friends.. but the website eventually stopped working where I had it hosted and also I put some on Tumblr of recent and face book but its kinda disjointed and not easy to read or find..

So this publishing it in an Ebook form is brilliant because it will be all in one place and easily accessible. I have never wanted to profit from this book and having it in physical book form has not been high on my priority list.. But as I myself in this current stage of life read a lot of ebooks through Kindle and Ibooks and I have only just a few days ago found a way to create the book myself.. I will forge ahead and create it..

At this stage just to get it into this form at all is what I consider a miracle.. What happens beyond this point is anyone’s guess.. Most ebooks I read are only a few dollars anyway so perhaps I could end up selling it?? It will take me awhile of course to put the whole thing into a single book..

There are possibilities now which is awesome.. It is the kind of book that has inspired family, friends and the people who have read it already.. so I don’t know with a bigger audience how far it could go and that it might in fact prove helpful.. I’m so proud of myself to do this.. In one day already I have the first chapter in a PDF readable form! I’ve started looking for interested persons to read this already and see if its suitable and very quickly two close friends through face books have copies!

Being my first book I’m a novice, the present layout came about by just looking at other ebooks. I would prefer to get feedback on it now in early stages so I can edit as I copy it otherwise if I go ahead and finish it and its not suitable well it would be huge to re-edit it all over again.. I don’t want perfect just basic and easy to read..

I will include a pic of it via my Kindle & Ipad.. so so so so so happy!!

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She Has Transpired

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My heart expression (art pic below) not even finished and it begs me that there is a voice to be heard and something to be said. I have always had this annoying habit of sharing.. if it moves me I cannot not share it.. sometimes even half way through.. I have to hit send or interrupt the moment cause its too good to skip over.. I just know its so good.. why? It’s like my life is about recognising and passing that along.. Can’t help myself.. bad habits.. weakness..

I cried as I carefully cut out the cellophane me.. even the lines that signify me.. some of them disappeared because of the cutting.. Felt a very very vulnerable experience in expressing “invisible me” that it meant so much more than what was actually occurring. This truly is as clear a message as I can give about how I have felt about myself.. How I have felt around other people.. though amazingly and so ironically is that I’ve often been called “transparent” which has amazing opposite meanings like this..

“so sheer as to let light pass through”

“easily seen through”

“open, frank, candid, recognised or detected; manifest, obvious….”

So even as I write that word… and think about “invisible me” I realise that being transparent also means I’m different and in such a way that light passes through.. How amazing that God is light and I actually enjoy sharing about HIM! Showing HIS light is part of my purpose in more ways than one!

If people have said this and this is indeed how I am.. maybe the two are connected and this is how the spiritual unseen side is indeed manifesting. How God is seen!

God has surely said this about Himself.. My power is perfected in weakness 2 Corinthians 12:9

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
– New American Standard Version (1995) 2 Corinthians 4:7

Its “me” for sure.. and this art piece even as “is” exposes a raw nerve in me because I am revealing myself as honestly and openly as I can; how it really is (simply) and yet I question myself.. Why put this out there? Why? Why do I feel the need to share it.. why cannot it be enough to just create it and keep it to myself, hide it away in a drawer or box or inside my house somewhere and feel I am happy with what I created so far and move on.. why must I also do more with it?

Why, why, why do I want to put myself out there.. again and again and again..

Matthew 5:14-16
New International Version (NIV)
14 β€œYou are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

See even though I feel invisible and vulnerable.. putting an invisible person out there AGAIN and an unfinished piece at that is damn stupid isn’t it.. but still my heart says.. do it.. do it.. do it.. say it.. say it.. say it. I just have to for some reason and the above verses say that is exactly what light is for! To shine and not hide and as Im transparent I seem to be fitted to do this.

Notice the little bright painted star in my chest where my heart is supposed to be.. a friend once said they cannot see my heart because I used to just post inspiring things, encouraging things on christian forums and through the internet instead of investing myself or my person. He felt something was missing.. He was right it was me.. I have felt I have nothing of my own to contribute so this created a vacuum inside therefore I had nothing of myself to give.

But at the time I thought I was putting my heart out there and as I have said before I have gotten less and less response to this so I have felt totally and utterly invisible even though I was out there every day..
I copied quotes and I communicated through what others said and used others pictures, beliefs, expressions to express myself and of course he felt and rightly so that everything I was doing was not from my heart at all.. Which it wasn’t in a way. No wonder I have not felt I had a voice..

But nevertheless it has been the way of my heart and yes I guess I too can understand why others stopped seeing me.. Maybe the star also signifies that although I have felt invisible I want to become the “star” of my life again..

Ha ha GOD has a sense of humour.. This came to me.

“shine like stars in the dark world” Philippians 2:15

Even when the words completely dry in me, I can create visually and recognise what I’m feeling and talk about that.. πŸ™‚

I have been plugged in today to the song “Without You” by Mariah Carey because it came to my mind.. and yes here I am in my room again.. because when I listen to these types of songs I have to sing along and my kids give me that look.. here she goes again.. and they roll their eyes.. and I am almost forced to my room to bellow.. lol and as I get caught up in the lyrics and its just belted out its better for all.. I sing and contemplate while looking at others art and their heart messages call to me giving me added permission to do this.. So I listen over and over and over and I ponder what my heart feels then just start to flow through all this.. Its incredible what comes out as I process it.. things I didn’t even know were there.. but I just start seeing.. and feeling and sensing and when it starts to flow all the pieces come together..

As I was cutting out my figure for the art piece and being careful because cellophane rips so easily yes I was teary because souls are fragile but worth the effort to defiantly reveal because there is so much more to them than meets the eye.. all the while the lyrics were saying something about this.. I cannot live without you Mariah crooned… and yes without a heart and soul feeling and expressing from our innermost being we too become just a type of empty shell.. Not really alive without being fully ourselves (Cannot live if living is without You..)

I have been thinking about the many artists that inspire me lately.. and so many many struggle with being fully themselves and this often includes their relationship with GOD and a little sadness creeps in my heart.. because I too cannot bare to live a half life and I certainly couldn’t live without a greater meaning to my invisibility…
The whole existence of an unseen God gives my very heart and spirit wings, words and purpose. But why am I being sad because of this truth? Even if people cannot see HIM either.. HE is still there too and so much more than meets the eye as we ourselves also are.. I totally understand HIS invisibility and how much bigger HE is because of my own lacks. Its because of them I see HIM and find myself fully!

I have learnt to appreciate HIM in ways others may not so I guess all the more reason to give out this hope. I stubbornly believed in HIM even unseen and its because of recognising my lacks I found form, feelings, help, comfort, strength, possibilities its why I share this very thing right now. HE has come into view and HE is what brings me into focus in this medium and through these words..

I am simply letting my vulnerability reveal HIM as HE says will happen and finding there is purpose for my struggles and HIS strength is revealed in my weakness and although a weak person has nothing to offer the world and the world has nothing to offer a weak person.. If I were even a highly sought artist or writer I would have something to give and offer but unseen and un-noticed people have nothing to give or offer.. Yet there is something here isn’t there!

Trying to live without HIM is like wrestling with yourself and we live in ourselves.. but yet we wrestle on and on and on.. and wonder why we get so tired and when you realise there is no reason for strength ( that’s GOD) no reason for words (that’s GOD).. no reason to keep going (that’s GOD) .. you cannot just see HIM invisible anymore.. And there you have it.. The reason I am here.

The words “Without YOU” are indeed about me today… Oh how many times have I heard said to me “It’s not about You…” though I secretly smiled to myself when I heard that because they got it so right.. Today I could answer them clearly… “Yes I do know that”.. because it never has been about me..

But today and onwards is different. Suddenly I see that the world needs me too.. and maybe that is why I keep putting myself out there.. because I cannot hide and don’t want too.. I cannot not be me and every human struggle shouts loud.. yes yes yes I do matter and I want to be seen… and I would burst if I didn’t because the spirit/river has to flow.. I think inside everyone of us.. especially the imperfect unfinished art (us) cannot hide anymore and fear starts to lose its hold. The walls begin to crumble… You realise the river/spirit was always going to burst through anyway.. Ohh you know the cutout you (what we all perceive) is not just one dimensional and because you cannot give up its saying nothing is going to define you anymore as we are so much more than even the things we did in the past.. or even yesterday…. Yes we are going to be vulnerable right now, thats what people are.. and we are going to show ourselves no matter what.. Thats what people do.. and yes there might be a process and another layer or 50 more to come or go.. it might be unfinished cause this is what we feel or see today.. but its happening and its now.. We cannot deny it anymore.. We have transpired..

transpire verb –
to occur; happen; take place.
to emit or give off waste matter, watery vapor, etc., through the surface, as of the body or of leaves.
to escape, as moisture or odor, through or as if through pores.
to be revealed or become known.

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Connecting to God through Art

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My joy to share my creative journey here..

Today is the first day of “The Creative Goddess Course”. See last post on source..

Blogging my art and expressions here as I go along..

My style.. My take.. My thoughts.. My way.. Beautiful course materials which give great freedom..

My prayer as I begin..

Dear Almighty God, Jesus & Holy Spirit..
I thank You that You are with me now.
To be with me on my journey of Divine Creation.
Please guide me to see, feel, express and experience the unity I have in You of wholeness and oneness.
Thank You for my spirit, mind and body as we create together, unified trinity which is now (4) including me yet each is unique in our own right but yet one! A great mystery!
Help me share the highest truth with vivid visions.
Being brave, wild and courageous and a deep dreamer.
May I know and become more aware of Your glory revealed in and through me in my own unique way as we partake of this sacred act of creation.. Amen

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New Path…

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Wow.. just like that a new path appears.. I have just decided to make a leap/step of faith and sign up for a year of new possibilities..

More to come so keep watching this space.. ha ha.. blog..
I’ve been tossing up between two e courses that have come to my attention.. one was a christian creative group “Made course” started on September 1st that I know one beautiful soul Anna who is taking part in.. another which is the one I decided on is..
The “Amazing Biz and Life Academy” by Leonie Dawson..
Goes for twelve months (that is how long I am signed up for) and is choc full of e-courses on having an amazing life and business.. now its a more personal reason I would be doing this but who knows what might unfold.. I have followed Leonie via her blog, and email list, through Twitter, via a “Create your Incredible Year workbook and planner” on my Kindle that I have been working through..
I might be about half way through that.. but I have seen changes in my life because of it.. positive changes when I stick with it..
Unfortunately I am a procrastinator.. and as I am home.. (not working) due to being on a pension as I am severely hearing impaired I need motivation.. But there has been something on the inside of me prodding me… I need to decide on a course of action then go full steam ahead.. and keep going..
I need focus.. I need something to work towards.. Something to help me move forward.. New Ideas.. New Venture… To Branch out.. to find a way through my life that can lead to something more.. Possibilities.. Now is the time..
I did struggle with.. it should be “Christian” but I intend to take JESUS with me.. lol.. HE is coming along but I feel as with my life.. I already have HIM with me.. I already fellowship with other believers.. this is a path that could blaze away to a whole new life that I will flow into.. I don’t have to be afraid.. HE comes with me..
I can see even today as I signed up.. there is a fire blazing in me.. and a joy bubbling over.. and a confidence rising up inside.. I’m here too writing this blog.. which is always a good sign!!
I’m excited.. Anticipation is spilling over.. I can see ideas forming already and I have not even really even begun yet.. The thing is.. GOD is with me.. and its because I’m so aware of HIM.. fear has taken a back seat.. actually its not even being considered.. I somehow know this is going to be a very huge year ahead for me.

Leonie Dawson – Amazing Biz & Amazing Life

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Being Weak is Being Strong

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I need to write.. I need to express myself.. I cannot not.. I think I would lay down and die if I couldn’t.
Obviously I was born to do this very thing.. because there is right now nobody available to hear it..
So I write instead..

I have been reading an ebook.. I mentioned last blog post.. by Mandy Stewart… Spiritual Wanderings.. Link below..

And its stirring my soul inside.. in some nice and some not so nice ways.. I need it.. ohhh I need it.. and I can vouch yes for so many things she is saying..

I walked the dog yesterday and was talking to GOD about it.. it takes a lot to be vulnerable… to be transparent.. to be honest.. to be open in public.. a book is a very public way but the wonderful thing is.. you can be private with it.. just you and the reader.. intimate.. even though you will never know just how many people will share your innermost thoughts, struggles and joys..

I mentioned to GOD how its stirring things inside that I would have to share and publicly and that its messy and honest and out there.. I would much rather be strong, positive and uplifting.. I would rather skip over the messy, naked bones part.. But there must be a greater reason this book came my way.. these inner urges are compelling me and yes I believe my stories are waiting to be told..

LORD but.. what will they think.. am I not supposed to be strong.. and heavenly.. but HE reminded me that HIS strength is best shown in weakness.. Right.. that resounded in me loud and long.. but LORD there is so much there.. lol.. ha ha.. it feels cavernous.. deep and dark sometimes.. it may be totally different to what I’ve ever written and expressed before.. But I know something is needed.. an airing.. a healing.. a telling.. an honesty..

What if they still won’t listen.. why am I saying that??

I was just confronted today about things I am saying.. how I cannot expect things from outer.. from people even that they will listen.. that I have all I need inside.. but yet something is missing.. the inside needs to come out.. spirit flows.. it doesn’t pool.. it cannot pool.. but it has.. for a long long long time.. it doesn’t mean I am weird or screwed in the head.. or unspiritual or not grace minded.. It means GOD is digging out the treasure inside for some reason.. but there is some dirt there too.. that has to be dug out.. I am not aware from what place this writing is coming.. But I will let it flow.. because I like flowing.. I have had too many stuck days.. blank days.. lost days.. sad days.. but this is freeing.. its real.. its me.. and its heavenly..

“What did I just say”… that this is heavenly.. how can that be?? Yes it is because I am smiling and expressing and that makes me sigh and feel useful.. yes because I am unafraid.. yes because I am being free.. There is no fear in love.. Love is with me.. HE is in me.. and HE is opening my very soul and showing the world through my weakness HIS amazing strength..

Spiritual Wanderings

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