Category Archives: Digital art

In Peace Will I Lay Down And Sleep

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In peace I will lay down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Ps 4:8

This digital art work makes me feel really good. I showed the kids last night and they knew it was a representative of myself. Well they said it was me.. But I am not that skinny lol and I use creative license.. I sleep under the covers most times but I am making myself vulnerable here so you see the whole of me as I am.

I want to keep my art expression real as I want my whole life to be. I spend a lot of time in my bedroom and on this bed. Sitting or sleeping.

The main reason for this art piece is not just a kind of selfie I want to share an experience of the divine while sleeping\resting on this bed. I want to be vulnerable in the telling because that is who I am. I want to show myself as I am, where I am and how I am but also I do pray that in the vulnerability you see something more then just me.

The other night I was lying in my bed much like this with my things on the bed beside me and yes I have creative license to make it look the way it looks. To be honest there is usually more stuff then that on my bed and can be in piles in my room around my bed. I have become more of a hoarder in my older years.

My phone and ipad are usually very close to me always. My phone particularly and not for phone calls but to text and keep in touch with the world through social media and I use it for so many things as well as reading and looking at art of all kinds. This bed is the same bed I have slept in since we bought it in 2000 or thereabouts after coming home to Victoria from Western Australia. We had to furnish a whole house and needed a bed. Queen size and I used to share it with my husband and can you believe its been 10 years since I was married.

So it has not always been a happy place to lie in as a single woman because I miss someone beside me. To snuggle up to at night. Being in this bed I am reminded of the past and what I do not have. I feel my aloneness. My singleness. So the other night as I lay here with all my stuff and those thoughts come.. When you ponder where you are in life. How you are feeling. What has happened to you to get you to this point. I was painfully aware of being single. Being deaf and on disability and living with limited means. Of living in a shared house. Of frustrations to be myself amongst close relationships. Of my body aging.. I was aware of my introversion. The struggle to be motivated…. Etc.. And as anyone would know the list goes on.. You lie there and lay your life or lack of life out in your mind and yes lol most of the hardest and most difficult parts are premiering.. My head was reeling with all my lacks and frustrations.

But wonderfully and the absolute reason for this whole sharing is I was also incredibly aware of a deep sense of peace within. I have felt this before. Once years ago leaning against a toilet door around that danger time of 5:30 ish for a parent when you’ve got a house full of kids and they all want you but you have a full evening before you can relax and rest up. I think there was even little hands trying to get in under the crack of the door.. Trying to find me.. I realized that I still had energy and was still going even though in those days I used to stay up way too late and Justin worked so much and we had struggles with each other even back then.. I recognized that peace and that I was being helped despite myself and it had nothing to do with me.

Another experience was during the time baby Tyler was ill and in ICU in hospital. It was during a very stressful and difficult time in my life when I wanted to escape into music that normally would make me cry and release emotions but I couldn’t cry and I didn’t know why but it was that peace within that kept me calm and still and when the realization came it is an incredible moment like you are suddenly face to face with God and all those hard things just sort of melt away.. And so again I was just suddenly transfixed by it and still am incredibly comforted yes in this bed as I am with all that I have experienced in my life. The thing about this peace is once you have experienced it you do not forget it and it can help you again when you remember!!! You instantly recognize that it is other worldly well at least I do.. HE himself has said it surpasses our understanding.. I think tribulations make it even more recognizable.

This peace comes again despite me and I would be remiss to say I have not contributed to how I am but I do not take credit for this peace. Much has happened to me out of my control, other things I just don’t work at changing. Other things again I just accept and some might call it laziness and I can be very lazy, others might say depression or a giving up. I don’t label it but I know that I have lost a lot of energy for much and live pretty basically and do minimal rather then maximum. I concentrate on spiritual rather then flesh.

This peace is not due to great faith I would not say I have great faith. I have faith yes. I acknowledge God yes. But I do not live as a majority who I know profess faith and live. I do not pretend to be someone I am not. But I believe and know God with me. I do not follow people or go to a weekly place of worship perse but look to God where I am and as I am and that can be 24\7 but not all the time it is rather I am aware of HIM always HE is the reason for everything. This peace is just so deep and so beautiful and again I HAVE to share it. I don’t even think of the fact that maybe few if anyone will read it though for peace sake I hope everyone does because this would help anyone whose life is difficult and how much does our world need peace.

Maybe the art will be seen simply because its colorful and stands out on social media and it might attract attention. People seem to notice art much more then writing but unless you know my heart the art is just a pretty bright digital art piece and oh LORD I hope my heart where you dwell is seen and people might want to think about you or find you. Amen and amen..

I truly hope others would find this peace and it isn’t to do with me. I do pray but its spasmodic. It isn’t cause I am any special kind of person because I am not. But that peace which is HIS presence is with us all you need do is to be aware and seek HIM for his sake HE says seek and you will find.

If I kept focusing on the troubles it be easy to be depressed because its been such an impossible struggle to live as I believe and share my heart which is my way in the world. To be even able to communicate normally and deeply when the world isn’t that way then being deaf on top its a cruel and difficult thing. I shared my heart with a loved one not long ago, no response as yet and that happens so much. I even wrote to them answer only when you can but I wonder you know why someone who says they love me as I am has no answer even if its to say well I need time or to think or I have no answer . I give people that option now not to respond not that I don’t want them too I do but I would rather feel more apt to invite non response then have it happen anyway and just live on as if that is normal. Such is my life.

That I do experience peace when I cannot communicate normally and struggle with it and there isn’t much coming back to me is incredibly affirming because I have not had to do anything special to receive it.. Bless God.. I feel so loved, so valued even as I am and especially as I am. I just look to HIM as I am that’s it. I talk to HIM as I am that’s it. I do find comfort in some scriptures which is HIS word to us. I have many that I know off by heart and I can thank my upbringing and many faithful Christians for teaching me to memorize it and store it in my heart.

It is this one that comforted me on my bed the other night.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 this is the King James Version because that is what I know..

We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed but not in despair. Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

We are troubled on every side not distressed.. Makes me tear up.. Not distressed.. Because HE is with us.. HIS peace is perfect despite our imperfections and it comes to us right where we are.

I want to show myself in my pj’s I often stay in them for hours.. I love reading.. Writing.. Art.. Watching TV series and discussions and people speaking and living as their characters and in other worlds, true life stories and documentaries.. because I can read every word via deaf captions.. I feel like I am in the world again because they are living and loving and breathing, there is give and take..sharing back and forth and I can understand every word!!! I do not feel condemned doing art, watching TV, using social media and keeping a blog. Sharing my heart and my faith because that makes me happy and free and I am feeling a part of the world and we are supposed to share our faith. So even as an introvert with my things around me.. I am aware of HIS love and HIS abiding peace and I feel held. I just want everyone that feels different or struggles in this world to know that GOD loves you and will help you through all that batters your soul and HE can give you help within to live despite frustrations on every side.

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Deep Speaks to Deep

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Took my time with this one I may not get through many of the Advent words in the list I’m very loosely following.. I do find it hard to stick with something and I have many unfinished art pieces to back that up.

Today’s word is Creator.. I was watching a wild life documentary and incredibly beautiful whales were swimming.. A drone captured the whales from directly above and oh my it’s what inspired this art but I couldn’t get a good photo off the TV..

I searched for an image.. and loved one I found with sun rays streaming down.. Which have been my ‘thing’ and one of the ways I’ve felt and seen God in my world.. There was a period of time when they appeared in the sky almost every time I walked.. it was phenomenal really but I don’t think anyone else really noticed this though I did post quite a few photos on social media during this time..

Most of the things that encourage me are usually just things I see daily that might only seem to be for me.. such things keep me going and although I do share so many times I’m one of the only ones really enthusiastic about it..

I didn’t trace I haven’t for awhile now.. drawing ✍️ everything myself and of course digitally it’s easier to try and retry until it looks the way you want..

God is the mighty creator of every creature and I guess it makes you think more on the wonder of creation when you create your own art.. I love love love deep things.. so the deep of the ocean where these beautiful whales are swimming up towards the light resonates with my soul.. the light beams that are HIS presence and glory and yet there they are in the depths which often I’ve experienced personally as well..

I’m AMAzed even myself with this art and I kept putting it down while working on it thinking to myself.. I don’t think I can get it right.. it’s too much work. it takes too long.. but I did keep at it. And love what I’ve created.. it’s different to the photo so even though it’s inspired by the original photo it’s not the same. I love how my creative spirit actually over takes me and helps me with how to do it and gives me ideas as to what might work.. And either though I do not know what I’m doing lol I am actually doing it..

We know environmentally world wide oceans are feeling the devastating results of pollution, the greed of mankind and the effects of global warming and whales are often hunted and it’s absolutely heart breaking. The darkness of the earth was in my mind too as I did my art.. and how I resonate with that fear of what is happening to our planet and for us as mankind re pollution and how mankind’s greed affects us all and how we prefer to destroy rather then care..

But as an artist soul you take such care when you create and it opens your heart and eyes to more of the small details… so you know that you know that you know that God the most awesome Creator of all.. Has put so much attention to detail into our world that of course He isn’t just idly sitting by and letting it all go to waste.. HE truly loves and cares for us all.. and He has always had a plan in action and we do good to dwell on that at this time of year.. Advent reminds me of the divine glory of creation and even more the absolute perfection of the earth as it was at the beginning and still we can see that beauty even now in our world.. The Master Creator and Designer has not abandoned us. We can rest when we look up to the light.. that He will take care of everything if we can keep our minds stayed on Him and live by our Spirit.. We have to keep looking up, do what we can do and treasure our world and value ourselves and the creatures and ask Him for guidance along the way.. We can trust HIM with the future..

*****

Divine

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Divine – Taking my time thinking on Advent.. As I pondered the word divine I immediately thought of glorious images of grand cathedrals and my favourite sun light streams from heaven.. Mountains make me think of the majesty of God and grandness of divine creation as well stain glass windows and nativity scenes turn my heart to think of the same.. All glorious things and really they make us look up in awe and turn our thoughts to the heavenly but to humanly relate in our ordinary every day and not have to trek great distances to soak it in or wait for the experience to do so..

In order to sense it and bask in divine in the every day. It bodes us well to see Gods glory right where we are.. Actually inside us!!!

I always think of God when I see little birds.. and there are scriptures on how he cares for them.. feeds them and knows when even one falls to the ground… God used birds in the bible to bring messages and do HIS work and likened the Holy Spirit to a dove descending.. Creatures are part of Gods creation and I would not want to imagine my world or life without them.. Gods Creatures enhance our lives and earth.. They bring us pleasure.. They show us HIS love and attention to detail and I love as I draw my digital paintings how I am thinking of the smaller details as well. Amazes me the intricacy of faces, the light in the eyes, the lines on the face.. The passion in humans, and the way we can enjoy our live and interact with creation.. The birds who come daily into our yards, the colour of feathers, the tiny little heart beating inside the chest of a bird and how they flit from here to there.. and can fly away at a whim.

Of course Gods presence is everywhere wether we acknowledge it or not and His glory is shown in the beauty of the earth too.. And as HE says the Kingdom of heaven is within and HE has gifted mankind with being created in HIS own image so we are very precious and indeed fragile containers of divine.. So I focused my art on drawing the divine within humanity and displaying through HIS creativity the divine presence in us and how glorious that life is.. Life is from Spirit & it’s divinity at its very best.. When we recognise God having come into the world as us, born as human like us yet HE was also God and it has all been for a greater reason.. You can find incredible hope that HE has always poured out HIS love into the earth and upon creation and because you can see HiS attention to detail. You can know that HE has always planned to reset and make new the earth and will one day. Mankind may lose its way and forget their origin and not everyone takes care of our planet, creatures and indeed value and live in such a way as to respect life and every human on this earth.. But we can find HIM and know his peace if we just choose to see the divine in HIS perfect creation and trust HIM who put the stars in the sky. When we do so it changes the way we live and walk on this earth.

We can see the divine in us and all around us. If we continue to look to HIM we do what we can and trust that he will take care of everything else.

John 10:10 I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

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IMMANUEL

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– IMMANUEL- means ‘God with us’.. This is digital art and it’s not based on my own imagination I found an image on Pinterest. My art is inspired by an image by Ryan Lone/Getty Images. I just drew a likeness in my own interpretation..

God with me has saved my life.. extremely meaningful and personal this word..

This picture could have been a drawing of a kitchen sink! Because that’s where I was washing dishes in the past when I heard in my Spirit the words..

….I will be with you always…

Along with a few other words that I have clung too ever since.. I have never forgotten hearing them. These Words are life to me.

They were given to me when I was still married & living in the family home with our 5 children..

Probably no more then a few months later.. My 18 year marriage dissolved, oldest son moved out, we decided to sell up the house etc

Everything changed.. Very difficult time for me speaking personally.

So those words coming when they did helped me know God was always with me. I believed God and they went deep within me like an anchor in a wild sea and held me steadfast.. they reminded me continually I was not alone and that God was looking out for me and HE did.. HE still does.. Something happens when you stubbornly believe..

I didn’t get angry.. I never blamed God.. I needed HIM too much nobody else could walk through with me 24/7 like HE has.. Peace became my assurance that I could trust the light in the darkness. I was comforted many many nights when tears were my constant food.

Even though it’s tens years later.. I can still find incredible strength in this promise.. and I think the peace that comes with it is even more wonderful.. Because it has not been easy.. I currently house share with my parents and I have no worldly status or career or title.. I am low income.. almost deaf now.. hearing has declined in ten years. I am still single.. only two children left at home.. More reclusive.. not particularly do I stand out in any way.

But that peace shows up HIS presence even more when I have this inner hope shining within that all the hardships have never been able to dim. I know HIM best through long dark nights. That’s when the stars shine brightest..

So the divine presence depicted here in the night sky is really HIM with me even though darkness has been more a friend to me then the light. I overcome through it all because of HIM with me.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

*****

The Word

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This is an art prompt based on Advent. Found through Instagram. First days prompt was ‘Word’

I wasn’t even going to do anything but then I saw a facebook friends photo. Which was the inspiration for my art.

I sat up took notice and this is what I commented to her photo.

*** It caught my eye today as Advent starts.. there’s a lady on Instagram who is doing a month of art prompts..first one is ‘word’.. mind if I do some art using your photo.. maybe just draw it.. I don’t of course understand why you posted it.. or if there’s some local controversy.. but that’s been mankind in general over anything everyone has their own opinions.. **

My friends Leigh’s response..

“Sharon Peart help yourself x

There’s a guy in town posts words on his fence , all different ones . I like this one for the same reason you like it 🙌🏻 he calls his are the word so make of that what you will 💗”

Photo taken in a town in Southwestern England.

It took me ages to draw and it’s not quite the same and yes has imperfections..

But I see that spiritual matters have a synchronisation about them.. I can’t help taking notice.. I do believe such things the timing and all have a deeper meaning and they fascinate me. I did want to give up as I drew cause I don’t feel my art has much purpose behind it being just for me.. I think to myself why am I spending so much time on this.. Personally though I’m always blessed when I do art expression. It connects me to express how I’m feeling.. makes me think.. makes me happy.. I sense Gods presence and it brings me joy and I love sharing it.

Maybe the man that displays these words didn’t intend them for Advent or maybe he did. How amazing is it that they had the power to move me across the other side of the world.

I like that even though they are just words they can mean different things to different people and they really stand out in an ordinary street setting.. which resonates with me personally as I hold Gods Spirit.. HIS glory within me in a very ordinary flesh body and I love sharing my faith too..

I believe God is the Word.. I believe HE is who he says.. and I’ve been helped personally by believing..

But the wonder of my believing is I can live in this current world and find GOD everywhere.. see HIM right here in this street across the other side of the world.. these words linked me to my friend, they especially make me think of God and they encouraged me to create this art.. They help me see His presence and his love for us in the everyday world and it’s comforting..

It’s the meaning we attribute to the word or is it the appearance of HIS presence filtered down in a form we can relate too?!? Every child born is created in HIS image..

May your spiritual eyes be opened this time of year like never before to see the wonder, love and be comforted right where you are and as you are.

John 1:14

The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

****

A Gentle Soul

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If you are ever going to know someone personally.
If you are ever going to see a soul.
It is in how one expresses themselves.
And no. Not in how one dresses. Or in how one spends their time.
One is seen when the heart is expressing itself freely without fear.
It’s when you can best view the essence of ones spirit.

Soul flows best when one doesn’t expect it to be one way or another but just accept it as  it is. No force is needed.. its just natural and harmonious.
When we are fully living as we are created to be it invites us all to be at peace.
We all can enjoy our own individuality but also as each takes our rightful place in the circle of life we just fit better together.

How much I have loved creating this digital painting.
I cry even writing about this.
It is a painting of my son and I love him so.
He even helped me name this art piece.
Which I will further explain.
An art piece is as much about the artist as it is about the matter or person\subject painted and it is also as much about how the artist feels about it personally.. as to how it is portrayed.

I was letting my soul/spirit paint..

This young man. This beautiful young man.. This gentle soul is my second eldest son.. Yes I know I share him with his dad too but for the sake of my personal writing and feelings I will use my instead of our.

I also want to thank GOD.. I had started this art way back maybe 2 months ago?
I stopped as I do with many things I take on.. But last night and today I picked it up again.. And I have been determined to finish it.
I got very frustrated with parts of it that I have worked on over and over for ages..
To be honest I asked God for help.. I just couldn’t get it to go the way I wished.. I do not really think I have talent perse because I am lazy and I procrastinate so I do not deserve to have that said about me. But I can see that now it is finished I am happy and God somewhere along the way has come alongside of me and helped me that is obvious. I want to honor him by giving thanks!!
I really like it now and somewhere along the way I started doing different things and kept doing and redoing them till I was happy with it and I really love how it has turned out.

I added hot pink in it to show my spirit and soul working. I added gold and orange to show GODS vitality of spirit working with me and helping me bring forth the essence.

I believe Spirit in art and life is most important. I love the abstract bright colours so they just complete the background perfectly and make Keanu kinda shine.. To me it all resonates the absolute worth of acknowledging Spirit.. I’ve experienced it right here and now doing this art and writing and it just beautifully means everything fits together perfectly even if it appears imperfect..

Keanu is a beautiful soul. And yes my mother, his grandmother and I both agree a gentle soul.

He has not had it easy this year.. He doesn’t have a job and as I am on a disability pension, single mum, don’t have a paying job and no longer have dependent children. I too am on a very low income and you just cannot do the things everyone else does.. I understand how difficult it is not having a lot of cash and what one would call a standing in the community. People do look at you differently when you haven’t got much money and can even discredit you. It affects how you look, where you go, how you interact with others and how you leave your footprints in this world and I think even how you present yourself.
It means there is only so much you can do and you tend to withdraw from everything where you do not fit, can’t afford it and which also means people need to help you financially if you wish to interact with them..

I am so thankful for souls that have been so generous with me!!!

But in general I do not focus on my outward self very much which unfortunately also means I keep my physical self absent from many but on the upside expressively speaking I see my art in the world as also my presence. That probably doesn’t count the same to many though.

I don’t just want my art piece of Keanu to be something only for private viewing so art gives me a reason and a purpose to be somewhere and sharing it a reason to show up. This is where my heart can best be found.. I freely let my soul pour out here with many words that I just do not have the same liberty or ease to share deeply with anyone in the normal physical world. I actually need this.. like air to lungs.. or water to a parched desert.

I can even take heart in the hours of pouring myself into digital art, hours spent honing my writing and working my skills into what feels like a meaningful connection even though I am sitting alone in my bedroom…

Time and emotions are my commodity which is thankfully something I do have a lot of to give and as it has always been so with my creativity it is always such a joy to share it even when sometimes nobody is here reading and very little is flowing back to me.

To share ones creative heart to me is Spiritual life and I truly hope it’s not just a selfish one sided pursuit, but that it is a continual freely giving of myself and sharing my faith which will or does do something for even one other soul.. To me it feels a fullness that never ends once it starts flowing and I think it does vibrate my essence out into the world as only Spirit can and wonderfully internet takes all that I have to offer to even the other side of the world. I can’t wait till I finally come into what is actually happening in this creative journey because God doesn’t waste anything it all means something.. I just have not been privy to much greater meaning for it on a human level apart from the joy of sharing and some looking at it online and two very supportive online friends who’ve cared about my art/heart and writing through the years.

Online is where we gentle but passionate hearts can release all that burns inside when we don’t find anywhere and anyone physically to bring it forth too or even can in such a way as to be heard and seen daily..

You cannot gain a thing from the worth of a soul in just knowing the physical body until you start interacting with them and for us introverts we can take heart here cause what we lack in physically putting ourselves out there we can focus on the spiritual and there’s no barriers here and I don’t believe it’s for nothing..

That is why I can be at peace working on bringing Keanu’s spirit into digital art form and sharing my thoughts and feelings on it via this blog and I have given him a kind of vitality and beauty of soul realm that may perhaps look more perfect of form then I meant it too. But if you look closer you will see I also worked in sort of a scribbly detail too. The scribbles keep true to my kind of messy soul and roughness of life and the way life can be too.
And you can only see them when you view it up closely.. I think true value and worth has to not just be from first glance and especially not from others opinion but rather from a deeper introspection. It is also when you do not just see and judge the scribbles as imperfection but value them as part of the whole that makes one unique and I think all the more interesting.

Worth of soul only comes from knowing where true value lies and that is where God looks too and you really do grow to a much greater depth in life to partake of it. You can draw that essence deep into yourself. Not only noticing the outward but dwelling on the richness of what really matters.. Ones greatest treasure rises from within and if we give it wings and value it.. it brings a richness to everything else I think.. It is incredibly powerful to live from Spirit because this is the realm where God says the Kingdom of heaven is to be found.. In us.. Wow!!! I guess when it all boils down I hope my art shows this realm.. This realm which flows from within us and gives us so much abundance. The true value of a soul is found here!!!

The name of the painting isn’t just because Keanu is a gentle soul. It came from a conversation we both had not too long ago..

The other day I was asking him why not approach your dad who is manager of security at our local city hospital and even other major aged care units in the city too. As manager he is responsible for many security staff and is often looking out for new guards.. Often in the last few weeks and also at various times in the past he’s had to cover shifts on top of his normal busy job as manager when there isn’t enough staff.
I know hiring family is not the done thing, isn’t encouraged at all and hasn’t been an option.. But humanly I get so fed up sometimes that Keanu really needs work and they do at times require staff and his Dad IS the Manager. So to me it seems silly to not be considered when he is always available, able to work and also needs work?!?!

Anyway he said to me recently along these lines ((as a deaf person I cannot quote word for word EVER))

“Mum security work isn’t the sort of work I am interested in…”

I am like hmmm… impatiently and loudly emphasising the hmm

Both Keanu and his father get frustrated with me cause I have asked before and haven’t yet given up asking.. lol.. Security work of course does take a certain kind of person though. Not everyone is suited..

Keanu also added..

“But Mum..

I am a gentle soul…”

Ohh… be still my heart.. Yes Lol.. Of course he is..
I am much the same myself.. He is my son after all..

I smile.. And go ahhh yes of course Keanu.. I just love that he said that… that he says that about himself. It is so important to accept such things about ourselves such as being gentle etc

So yes I do understand you have to be a certain type of person to be in that line of work and yes I do agree being in this kind of work isn’t the best for gentle souls like us and YES… my son IS indeed a gentle soul.<3 ❤

…….

Take Courage My Heart

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I wish I could just do art and not go into it but sometimes I just need to explain some more.. I do not even know what it means till I look at it after I create it and then think about it some.. then it amazes me how meaningful it is.

I rarely if ever plan.

This art piece came to me in pieces. It is based off a photo. A photo that means a lot to me and I always knew I would want to do an art piece on it since I took it but yeah ask my youngest daughter I am never in a hurry.

The photo was taken on recent holidays to the beach. Family holiday that included my mother, brother, sister, both my siblings families and also my 5 children! It was a fantastic time!

The photo was taken on the last day after we had already left the accomodation and actually it was because for once in my life I made a plan and that is how everyone came to be there… Coffee at the beach cafe together before taking off for home!

I did not notice the pigeon at the time.. my sister did and told me. It was sitting on a ledge above the coffee house tables in an outdoor area where the family was sitting.

White birds appearing have been a thing for me. I see it as an encouragement from GOD. It is incredibly life affirming and personal for me…

Now the reason this one really inspired me to take a photo, do an art piece and write about it is…
That only moments before I saw it I had sent a friend request to my sister via face book. We had not been connected on face book for quite some time and for years have had a distant relationship.. At my request.

That is not something I care to explain in full in this writing. I will just say that it was something I felt strongly I needed to do.. I did not take it lightly but unfortunately I do not think many people understood my side or my feelings etc.. it actually made my life harder in many ways.. But I do take pride in the fact I stood up against things that were hurting my soul and causing me harm.. I do believe I have healed up with Gods help and because I did not do the easy thing but stood against it God has rewarded me..

For all that I lost God gave me greater gains.. one of those things has been taking a whole new path in art expression which has really been birthed out of a long and difficult period of my life..

I have found my peace perse about it. And will add that I had for awhile desired to change things but it didn’t seem the right time and it was on this holiday I decided it was the right time..

And therefore that is why I decided to add my sister back on my face book and it was my quiet way to take a step towards reconciliation and strangely nobody has said anything at all about it since lol but that is very normal.

At this point only moments later my sister saw the bird.. I also added a small message to say that I thought we should keep the momentum of the holiday going but that it was totally her choice to add or not add me back.

I had simply done all this while quietly sitting at the table surrounded by family typing it out on my iPhone before hitting send.. It was actually quite a huge thing for me because Face book is a place where I can communicate without deafness robbing from me and it’s been my safe place..

But nobody noticed and that has been the way it has been all along.. I for the most part have had to deal with it alone.

So perhaps there is significance in this quiet and gentle way I dealt with it. Humanly I have no idea why nobody talks about such things but we just don’t.

I do not think Shell (nickname for Rachelle) would have even seen the request at the time and didn’t appear too for a little while after perhaps even the next day I cannot remember now.

The encouragement for me was almost straight after I made that deliberate choice Shell saw the white pigeon and told me.

I had seen a similar white pigeon on a ledge of the Darwin hospital way back in 2007 when baby Tyler was in NICU which encouraged me then too.. I think I was 6 floors up at that time..

So to see this bird after I made a huge personal choice to seek peace seemed to me a sign from GOD it was indeed the very right time.

So my art today is symbolic of GODS Spirit and presence with me and to me it’s absolutely crucial to inspire me to keep looking up and not at what is or what is not happening.. Seeing that HE is helping me when I most need it. And too of course that my sister showed me the white bird resonates that even our enemies will be at peace with us.. Not that I call or ever called my sister an enemy but I know the enemy of souls uses people close to us to cause us harm.. And the enemy has certainly tested me to the extreme limits through a few close relationships and it hasn’t only been testing that’s come via my sister but with myself and her it got to the point I just broke down because the spirit I struggled with in a previous close relationship was attacking me through her as well. It was too similar and I couldn’t bear up under it any more.

Definitely seeing this bird at such a time shows me HIS peace and that I can trust the decision I made.. HE has never made me feel wrong in taking the stand I did rather people made me feel wrong.. I felt peace thankfully even when so many appeared to turn their backs on me and I lost support that perhaps could have helped me find strength and fortitude much much sooner..

I was broken.. and I needed to heal.. But true healing can only really come through God alone.

But I cannot keep looking backwards and surmise as it does not do one any good.. I tend to move forward and simply let go and let God.. The sign to me I was doing the right thing at the right time even despite the hardships has always been peace in my spirit.. I have never lost that since this moment above, nor have I felt anxious! I just tend to look to God not people.

There was a light bulb lit just like this below the bird on the day and in the photo too of course.. which I so love that I can capture this in my art piece.. His light with me. His presence and also symbolic that my prayer and heart cry has always been for my light to so shine and I believe for all that has happened the darkness has definitely not overcome me!!!

A very good sign to have the light shining in this art piece and it symbolizes that GOD has always been my guide and always will be and HE will take care of all things that have not been addressed re my past and that seemed an invisible battle to almost everyone and that nobody even seems to have noticed much then or now… but I take heart that they are certainly important to HIM and I can find complete rest for all things.

And wonderfully I want to and can share it now.. even if nobody knows the greater why..

One last note.. it is also my wedding anniversary today or would have been.

29 years since I married on this very date.. 10 years of being single ohh lol.. which is not so fun.. it’s hard I get lonely.. I find it hard at times seeing others celebrating love and all that and keep it to myself now cause I do not wish to take away any of someone else’s good feelings..

I wanted to stay married but my then husband did not.. it worked out though as we were not happy together and we are better friends now.. I’m just thinking about the date today and all that it means to me.. nobody has said anything.. just me thinking so this art piece comforts me today too.. God was with me in my past, is with me now in my present, & He is also already in my future so I can cherish the peace I experience and treasure these moments in my heart and from all this my heart takes courage..

****

Peacechild

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I really really love creating these art pieces yes even digitally..

Two programs influenced this.. about going back in time.. meeting oneself in the past from the future..

It’s myself of course.. hugging myself as a child..

I was blond back then.. symbolic..

There are things Gods Spirit has revealed personally I didn’t realise till now .. Things I’m aware about and even things I’m not that affect me but yet HE gives me peace for everything.. That all works together for good.. That I can trust HIM completely and that everything will come full circle and has meaning & purpose.

Calling this ‘Peacechild’ which I nowadays call myself online.. though no hyphen in this!!

Connection of past/present/future.. Kingdom of God is within.. one can never enter unless one comes as a child..

Words are from an old childhood bible.. scanned into a photo in the background..

I’ve not really been too worried about backgrounds in paintings but everything works together here and even though we feel our past doesn’t mean anything.. in HIM always beauty for ashes.

Even that the art is digital is meaningful because this is where I thrive in Spirit..

HE is with me always.. HE is my BELOVED and I am HIS..

Healing art piece..

Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you

From

(‭Jeremiah‬ ‭1‬:‭5‬ AMP)

Delta and some lol….

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‘Delta’ is my newest art piece and it is real nice giving it a name like normal artists do.. 🙂 Also it is really fulfilling to sign my initials on my art piece too.. I get why artists do that now.

Delta is my former husbands doggie.. and she’s a fully fledged member of our family. She has accepted me as if I belonged there and that is the wonderful thing about Justin and I we are at home both together and apart. I think personally Delta was sent from heaven lol because she has just helped me heal and we all love her.

I even did some research on the meaning of her name late last night.

Now it depends where you source the name but I found on my search..

Delta

  1. the fourth letter of the Greek alphabet.  translated as ‘d’

Which resonates with me as online my name is Peacechild4

Another meaning is – a change in a figure or amount..

Change.. wow that struck me. Our whole family changed when Justin and I separated and then ended up getting a divorce.. Different homes.. different paths etc.. it did change us all. Justin’s life has also changed of recent too with surgery and he has lost a massive amount of weight (figure fits here) . He is honestly a different person now in many ways so that is a big change. I see that Delta helps him for company sake and also he loves taking her walking or rather she takes him.. She gets so excited! I do not think he could not take her now.. lol.

I see that we have all been changed by having Delta around. Unconditional love does that doesn’t it. New life.. new member of the family changes the whole family dynamic for sure.

I have truly not worked on an art piece like this ever to the intensity as this one. It is digitally drawn on my Ipad using an art ap called Procreate. I used a 6b pencil brush (with an apple pencil) for most of it I think. You can zoom in close to do very fine details and I learnt so much doing that also what not to do lol. So I am sure next time it will be quicker. I felt my intuition kicked in which is so inspiring. I wasn’t just copying but actually found myself thinking constructively about how things looked and moved beyond just seeing but to creating what I somehow knew worked and in doing so I found my own way to get it done. That surprised me.

Usually I post everything or almost everything straight to face book but I am not going to do that today. This blog post will be shared yes. But I just feel if people actually want to see this they should work a little too.. My writing is important to me too and for a long time not so much support here and I really think I need to pull back on sharing creative arts that get not much back and not because there is no attention its just that putting your heart out is tiring even when you enjoy it and when you are constantly doing it and I can be honest.. It does hurt to get little back and it makes you want to retreat and I have done enough of that .. It’s not that I expect people to read it as I find many times I too cannot be bothered with long reading sadly because I myself can go on and on lol and I think in this modern age we get used to instant and tid-bits here and there and you do need to devote time to reading longer things and be in the habit and right mindset.

I just think this creativity is work for me even though I don’t get paid and I think anyone appreciates something better if you work for it a bit lol. It makes you value the work, time spent and effort that much more.. so although there is danger in placing these thoughts further down the page where they might not be seen..  It helps me know where people are at.. myself included..

It is just that I can actually see who comes here and that is encouraging but it also helps me if people are coming to want to keep creating and THAT support is so vital to being all that I can be.. Not just that I am gaining skills but I can be given support and any support means more art and more encouragement and that is actually an important need that others can help with.. Without support many people give up I know I have pushed on many, many times with little support but everything is harder unfortunately.. I know I have struggled a lot and I do not want retreating to be my only go-to..  I have learned I need people and that people need me too and I do have something to give…

I know it is about facing the front and doing the work and I am proud of myself that I’m doing just that and especially glad there are improvements I can personally see and not just in my art but also my self confidence is growing and I am facing life differently.

One other thing I want to say as I share this art piece is I am learning so much more about GOD too.. I don’t mean to just tack this on the bottom of my writing. But all the time spent honing in on my art I forget all my concerns and I just reread my last blog post here and oh wow I have come even a ways since then..

There has of course been times since that post when I have had sleepless nights but thankfully lately I am sleeping better. Ohh what a blessing a good nights sleep is. Reading on face book I have quite a few people on my prayer list for good sleep.. it seems quite a few suffer. It truly robs you and the amount of energy you have for a normal day. I have had some nightmares at times too. I have also had to go through days and deal with anxiety which also lately has been non-existent. Anxiety truly makes the days harder when you deal with it on top of normal life.. So much more I could write but this post is about the art.. Doing the art has helped enormously. For that I am so thankful.  I did lose my joy for awhile but it is returning..

Just like with digital art you learn and I am still learning how to blend.. GOD is the master blender. HE can take two sides and bring them together like nobody else can and nothing else can. Seamlessly.. When you look at the art normally you see it one way but when you look up very closely you can see all these different coloured pixels that do not match well at least I do.. arghh lol and I have spent ages going over this art trying to get it as perfect as I could. There will always be pixels that aren’t right in my art I am afraid.. but I did the best I could despite at times not really knowing what I was doing.. You can mess up so easily but thankfully with layers in digital art you have some modern help and I love the erase and also the rewind and forward buttons.. Probably not called that in real life but you can wind back to something you previously did if you stuff up and that is immensely helpful.

At 6:24am this morning I wrote that through blending pixels in my digital art GOD was healing me.. showing me that it ok to take my time to heal and that HE knows all that isn’t perfect in my life and HE still loves me and accepts me and still calls me HIS masterpiece.. That is ok to go back and face something and then move on and let it go as if it never happened because to HIM when you face it HIS way it is finished with.. gone.. nada.. And when I was satisfied with it even with a few or more pixels not quite right.. I signed my name.. gave my art piece a name and it was done.. I am happy and it is good.

Truth bomb..

That faults happen to us all that is why HE was perfect for us so we could live imperfectly and even enjoy it.. ❤

*****

 

 

Something greater going on despite the weirdness

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Having doubts even writing this lol.

Why LORD why when nobody will probably read it?

But when something amazing happens the normal thing is to share it.. so in what feels an abnormal moment I will share it nevertheless.

Abnormal is what I would call my life. I know people might say I harp on about it. This life I live and being alone so much. But it’s my truth. Only recently a face book friend actually said they’d be in town, where I live and wanted to meet me. But its strange you know this person isn’t what you’d call close. A friend, acquaintance.. Someone I have known for quite a few years through our on-line group Unify and face book and I don’t remember how long or the circumstances of becoming friends either.

But that isn’t why I didn’t take him up on it. He and his wife which he didn’t actually mention but I know he is married were visiting family who live here. The thing is I hardly see a soul and being deaf means face to face is hard enough and I miss so much. I don’t really have anyone else to ask to come along with me to meet him.. like as a support. I only really see family these days. So I declined. Yes I guess seeing I am alone so much that it is rather a bad thing isn’t it to decline to see someone who actually wants to meet up.

It is just that texting on a phone or screen is easier than talking face to face and I don’t feel as comfortable in a social setting as I do texting. I will miss a lot of what is said anyway and yeah losing so much of a conversation and being uncomfortable all the time while you sit and try to work out what has been said isn’t fun.. Although I do ask people to repeat themselves sometimes that doesn’t work either and I feel so bad knowing the other person has said something to me I have no idea about what it was.. It’s not enjoyable and it doesn’t really interest me. Lol not that seeing him in person wouldn’t be good and they are not interesting.. its not about the other person perse.. I mean I love people but its frustrating for me and any good seems sucked up in anxiety.. I don’t think to be honest anyone would like to spend a few hours talking to thin air cause that is what happens yet here I am juggling the very same thing thinking why write my heart out if nobody will read it but I think at least its out in the world and can be found even years later rather then spoken once and lost forever.
I have to be honest and I do not feel that I could be my best or even half myself… meeting him. I don’t think he has ever read my blog here either and I feel he or anyone else would know me better reading here then ever you could know me face to face.. True honest.

In person I am not the same as my spirit or as I am creatively speaking. I am shy, I am introverted and I will freeze up. I will struggle to find things to talk about AND on top of all that I will be fumbling to communicate with you and struggle to hear you.. LOL it sounds like a fish out of water doesn’t it. 😀

Now I am not picking on him. But there is no chat back and forth between us regularly or even irregularly I think thats the same for most people on face book its a connection point rather then social point. You are friends you see an occasional update or too maybe comment here and there. You share your opionions and thoughts on your face book and they on theirs and you might even read up occasionally.

My fault as well it is just that if there was more contact I probably would be more inclined to be around someone even if it were a struggle. More connection.. More meaningful. More ease.. definitely a greater reason to push myself out there. I do not mean to disappoint anyone. Nor disrespect anyone. I find it very hard to be honest in these moments. But I would rather be honest then make excuses and just ditch people by not turning up or not saying how I really feel.. But as always the other person even when I’m completely honest it’s rare I know what they feel.. very few talk like I do.. so I guess that’s partly why it’s rare for me to find a connection.

In saying all that ha ha. I will get to the greater going on. My latest art piece which I have not finished by the way. And it could be rather embarrassing too because I was actually attempting to draw/paint my own brother. I have one sister and one brother on earth and one sister in heaven. My brothers photo added to show as reference.

I thought this time I should draw a guy.. the portrait before this one was a weird face guy.. it was refreshing to draw/paint a guy.. it wasn’t my usual portrait.. I especially loved drawing a character where I just had fun with freely drawing a face and letting what came come..

My own best attribute I feel is just being myself lol and not being afraid to be honest and let my imperfections show. The good and the bad..

I don’t believe I am a gifted artist. I believe I can do art and I am improving and I have talents but to be honest my art has imperfections and I never feel that I could get to the point of selling it because of this very reason. So I feel my art will mostly be just be for personal pleasure and also a beautiful freestyle vessel of communication and sharing my heart. Any artist that makes money lets be honest they are very good at what they do. There is an excellence about how they craft their talent & how they do it. And very rightly most art is pricey. Good art is and that is because it takes time and devotion and artists are worthy of that because they put their heart and soul into it.

Good artists are noticed and although some may not be appreciated in their time. All great talent is eventually realized because it wows us, it thrills us, it brings us to our knees, inspires, evokes emotions, captivates etc.. Touches and changes the world.

Now what excites me about my art isn’t so much the talent I have or that people are raving about it ha ha but what God reveals to me through HIS Spirit and though my imperfections which oh my is so empowering. I mean I literally get propelled through my life simply knowing that GOD is in this with me, no matter who else isn’t noticing… and it is because HE is with me and so supportive it gives me wings, joy overflowing and love like nobody else ever could.. All the while even though I am imperfect.. It gives me incredible fortitude.. hope spring up in my heart and I can find myself excited to share something like this even though many times the stats tell me very few and sometimes no one reads it. My art unlike my sharing here is getting more attention and it’s not the attention I’m after so much it’s that it’s a place where others come.. we meet where I share my art and I’m happy, free, not uncomfortable and I’m inspired..

It is EXACTLY this determination to press onwards where I feel and I recognise in myself that I know that I know that I know it is GOD in me. ❤ Art is not only where I communicate but where I connect best with others it’s also a place my soul/spirit senses Gods presence..

My latest art piece I have to share even unfinished because last night.. Or rather early this morning GOD was speaking to me in my half asleep time.

The picture was done digitally on an app on my ipad.

To be honest from the beginning it did not start to look like my brother and yes I was relaxed about it. Not anal. I starting erasing lines to and fro and I thought no no I want to be free with this. So I kept on drawing and not erasing. I was trying for a likeness though and sometimes in my drawings others have said they can see that likeness and I have seen that likeness for the subject but this was not one of these times. The more I worked on it the more it began to look like my on line friend Dustin in Canada. I was not thinking of him at all. But it looks like him though lol. I am not sure if that happens to any other artist? Draw one thing and it kind of morphs into something else or someone else. But even though I was using my brothers photo for a reference point and did not stop using it.. my online friend was forming in the picture and I have no idea why. Spirit surely does come and go as it wishes..

It was late at night I was drawing so I was tired and went to bed without finishing my art. I shared it with Dustin via messenger though cause he is also an artist but not a practicing artist lol he did 6 years at uni for art but hasn’t got the heart for it anymore. He is extremely talented too and very patient with me lol and I show him most everything ha ha.

It was overnight in Canada so I see now he has finally seen it. Haven’t talked to him though about it. But it wasn’t honestly about him that I was mentally aware of at the time.
The kicker is that before I went to bed I heard the Holy Spirit say. ‘There is a friend that is closer then a brother. ‘

Which is an actual scripture in the bible. And truth for me too in life because my brother Quentin and I are not close as siblings. Don’t see each other very often and very rarely talk together more than pleasantries.

Which is a complete opposite to Dustin whom I talk to via messenger every single day. Online bestie for many years and he is definitely closer to me then my brother..

Again I do not know what it means but even going back to earlier what I said about my strength being of my spirit more then my flesh or face to face. My art is showing me a far deeper and greater thing happening then simply what I am drawing or how good I am at it. Gods Spirit is right there with me in it.. in me while I am creatively expressing and I can see HE is sort of tying in my life, truth, creative expressions in what I am doing and they all sort of tumble together and come forth in ways that open my eyes to I think other worldly meanings and greater truths which I absolutely cannot keep inside myself I have to share. Isn’t that though exactly what we are meant to do though. Share our faith!!!

I am calling on GOD right now to help me remember but it’s not coming though. Seems so unfair you know when Gods Spirit was communing with me so closely in the dark hours just before sun up and it was woah… but like many dreams I have they disappear pretty soon after I wake and unless I scribble things down I soon forget..

It was early this morning in relation to my art and I think mostly it had so encouraged me that the scripture about a friend being closer to me then a brother that it came and so beautifully fitted with my art and what happened.. That it was a total God moment. This is exactly what motivates and drives me to write now. I rely on spirit and not flesh. God reminds the bible also says.. Flesh counts for noting..

I only wish I could explain just how wonderful it is to me.. I mean I literally have little use lol in this life for anyone.. Raising my children of course. A busy year for my youngest who is in final year of High School. She has a job as well. One more son at home and I run another son around to work etc who lives full time with his father. He is a grown up son though but doesn’t drive.

Not a great house keeper, do not work. Rarely leave the house lol. I do not go to church of a weekend. I cannot hear and God is with me 24/7 right here and I do get some of the social part via internet I mean I am connected to many believers in God via internet. Where I join in and pray with others. Share with others online. But mostly my life is very quiet and not much else.

I am not a motivated person. Art wise is the exception. It is where I am spiritually motivated but outwardly I am looking at what I put out into the world compared to say 5 years ago. I’d say less and less and less.. so much so that as I’ve said before it’s rare I show up on people’s radars these days..

I am not religious outward. I am different to what I used to be. How I used to post. What I used to say. How I came across.

But when GOD Spirit is right here with me. Despite all this. It is incredibly affirming, stabilizing. Peace & joy producing. Personal. Intimate. Spontaneous. Delightful actually. I literally feel my borders if there is such a thing expanding..

Perfect love drives out fear. So I can find contentment right here right now..

I love this from another artist whose magazine I receive in the mail via USA. Mandy Steward. E zine ‘Secret Message Society.’

She says.. I am further along than I thought I’d be at this point in my REVOLUTION. The words aren’t as necessary, nor is the being NOTICED. Who is left to notice?

That fits with me exactly..

I will share a picture of what she wrote..

Cause I love it. I do not have to be afraid. If God is for me who can be against me? And the wonder of it is.. GOD in me. Miracle right there. HE came as us.. Human.. To show us the KINGDOM is within. Humans. Flesh. As Spirit.

Maybe it doesn’t matter the intimate things HE was whispering to me in the early hours. They were welcomed and encouraging to my spirit and soul. They seeped down into the depths of me where I am found where few have found me and I am comforted and feel beloved and precious. Like God stopped the world just for me. Affirmed.. Held.. Loved.. Valued.. Tears come even though I do not remember word for word.. It is enough that HE came and I do not need to recall it. It is there inside me.

My art has been all about faces lately. Which does seem strange for someone who rarely is close to anyone’s face.. It tell me though something great. That Spirit is intimate.. Closer then flesh.. Face to face as lovely as it is.. Is not needed in spirit realms.

Otherwise Holy Spirit could not be our comforter and teacher. YET HE is.. In the darkest time just before sun rise HE IS with us. Speaking. I believe even to the masses who might not even acknowledge HIM.. Just like HE hovered over the void that was yet to be earth. HE is and we are in HIM. Even now as we are. There is not fear. Just believe.

Let’s face it lol

When you are aware of God so acutely you’re in the right place even if it feels the wrong place.. ❤️🕊

Numbers 6:24-26

The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.’