Eternity in my Heart

Eternity in my Heart

I want to write. I want to write. Such a good feeling when inspiration bursts out of you isn’t it..

Exactly as my digital art is portraying today is how it feels. The original inspiration is not mine but it is all my own drawing. No tracing.. I have a coffee beside me. I feel happy and free. It is cold outside my window. Grey sky and cold air. There are bright yellow daffodils that are dancing in the wind. I love the garden outside my bedroom window.

I did have to push myself to finish that art last night.. I actually prayed. LORD this is taking so long and as I zoomed in on the digital painting there was so many pixels that were not right. Yeah the bad thing about digital art is you can zoom right in close and it’s not always pretty. I will say I am not really an artist. I don’t really know what I am doing. I haven’t done many classes or even seen a class live or sell my art. I cannot always understand what the artists I watch via the Internet are doing because often I cannot hear the instructions. I really do feel novice when it comes to following even things I can see. I am not putting myself down. Some people have gifts and talents and they just do things exceptionally well and pick it up quickly. I am not gifted.. I can do things but it is a bit hit and miss for me. I am learning and improving but I don’t feel near where I could be if the talent was already inside of me and honestly you know people notice and are drawn to talent and as nice as the people are who notice my art and I am so thankful for those who support me. My art isn’t wowing the masses and that is ok.. LOL Definitely not a natural at it. I am still so thankful for being able to share it and be free with it as I am. It keeps me going I tell you.

I prayed LORD I do not want to give up. Help me. And HE really did help me. I believe I finished enough to be personally satisfied. My youngest daughter saw it last night and liked it. My bestie in Canada said it was ‘nice’ lol.. But I like it and I am happy with it.. I see GODS hand upon me helping me because it could have been so easy to just not finish it.
Thank You LORD I see your hand on me that I got it done and your strength and power in me that I am writing today and that I feel so happy and inspired because there has been days it has been a struggle to even do the basic things. Because this art it says so much how I feel and ohh that is a miracle of sorts to get that out of me.

My life is very stay at home even before we were ordered to stay at home. Art expression is another world to me.. Helps me bring what is inside to the outer and when I share it I honestly feel like fist pumping the air it feels that good. Like my inner introvert self has become just for a moment an extrovert.

I often feel like I am in a world of my own and although in my art it is depicted as pretty art or even inspirational art.. It is because I love the world around me and it is because my art depicts my spiritual world..

I see God in the world around me and it strengthens my faith.. gives me zest for life despite difficult days. Living from my Spirit is to me more important then physical life..

So hence the flower field where the woman is standing but she is standing alone and that is significant.. The sunset is behind her and I am so thankful for sunsets, flowers, gardens and animals.. Many earthly things like that in our world are daily inspiring to me. Despite disabilities. Despite trials and tribulations there is still much beauty and comforting things around us.. I am aware of them and they help me get through this life and the life I have been given.

But I do still struggle. Quietly. I do not like to burden people with my trials. I mean I would talk their ears off lol if they gave me long enough because look at this picture. I cannot communicate easily being deaf.. I am an emotional creature and I hardly talk to anyone much and I feel so many many things. My online bestie in Canada some days, many days I struggle to think of things to say and the chat is very limited it is a miracle he stays a friend. It is hard when you do not communicate much you kind of lose the ability to say it out loud. I have all of this stuff inside me though.. And just like in my digital painting it is going to burst out.. It needs too. LOL.. And I am so thankful when I can write because that small trickle I usually have to contend with.. it gets to running a nice steady stream here. And I have to write like this despite the lack of people to read it or be around me to hear it. I have to burst out somewhere and at least this way people have the choice to read or not and I am not annoying them with a one sided blast of things I feel and think and hope etc..

Heaven is better.. Is the name of a recent heading in a daily devotion book I use not so daily.. Lol. But I have been using it sometimes.. When I have struggle days when Netflix becomes a welcome escape but still you finish watching it and there’s a longing for more that doesn’t seem to be fulfilled.

I like to imagine myself in heaven. What it would be like to step into it from this life I live. A daydream if you will. This devotion ties in nicely with this art too.

In my devotional this scripture was at the bottom of the page. ‘Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of the man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.’

1 Corinthians 2:9

A niece Kayla when she was much smaller gave me that verse years ago. I never forgot it I think it was a Sunday school project or something. Some things stick in your memory and when they resurface they encourage you.

So like my art expression encourages me.. So does dreaming of heaven.

Of imagining stepping into heaven which is like another world from this one to a place where I am not disabled, where there is no relationship drama. I mean anyone I meet there you’d have connection with.. No shame. No sadness. No one turning away from you because you were strange.. In heaven they’d all welcome you and you would relate to anyone I mean oh wow.. You would have no fear. No failure. You would never feel alone or separate to everyone else and the world would be full of love, acceptance and belonging. Warmth.. Light.. Colors but you wouldn’t be alone with it or feel alone.. And you could be fully you there in every sense. And the LORD would be there. Face to face.. Imagination is a good thing.. Light and love and beauty.. GOD with us but visible.. I found there was no rush to see HIM even stepping into heaven using imagination or funnily enough no rush to see family that have passed on already I guess even in my imagination you are aware that eternity is forever so there’s no rush.. that peace I already know here on earth is there too.

Maybe living the way I have concentrating more on Spirit I am more aware of HIM here with me and on the days I am heaven minded or spiritual minded I do not feel my aloneness and I am content as I am.
I love how the mind and spirit can be at peace even as you imagine. Heaven inside seems to burst out of me here on this page. I feel so happy right now. Even though truthfully there are nights I have cried for a human to love me and be beside me and cried because my heart longs for meaningful connections. The physical world and spiritual world are so different. Polar ends to each other yet our spirit lives in our body.. Fascinating when you think of it.

Yet despite limitation’s and frustrations in my physical world.. My Spirit is content even as I am when I live from it. Otherworldly power at work that lifts your mind, heart, emotions upwards which draws you away and apart from all the lower things and you will notice that earthly things and concerns seem not to matter at all. The things that might confuse, sadden, rob, destroy you and even as amazing as the physical world is.. there is as God says much much more to come..

Higher life and more amazing life to live IS possible than even I can imagine.

I hope my thoughts, my spirit, my art.. God experienced through my imperfect self encourages you right where you are.. Eternity is not just for when we die..

It is within us and at our work in us.. even now.

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