Tag Archives: test

Courage

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Courage.. I am drawn to explore.. Unknown.
I wrote this out a few days ago, sat down to finish it yesterday and the lap top froze. Lol I took a picture of the screen but only managed to take a pic of half of my writing the rest I lost. So frustrating. One thing after another atm going wrong. My Tv stopped working. My lap top having problems and today I dropped my phone quite hard and now noticed the screen is cracked. I have had phones for years and never cracked my screen. It is very frustrating cause I am not in a great financial situation and when things break it means often I cannot replace. Thankfully my TV is still under warranty. So that will be able to be either fixed or replaced.
I struggle to write on a normal day but make myself persist and then losing it sigh I am tempted to give up this one altogether but will struggle on and get it out. I will also remember to keep hitting save regularly. I don’t think I did actually save the writing. I worked on it through the day and Scrivener just re-opened my writing where I was up too whenever I came back to it? I did not seem to have a backup copy even though the computer remembered each time?
The poem I wrote out on the art journaling picture below was found through the Mental Health and Literature course I am doing online at Future Learn University which is a free course. I will add a link to the poem below for anyone who wishes to read it because my writing in my art is atrocious. I am so loving this course. Has really opened up poetry to me and when I saw and read this poem. Man lol it really just mirrored what I have felt about my path with God. I printed it out and pasted a copy in my diary as well.
I combined it with an angel in my art.. Because I found a box of oracle cards for two dollars in an op shop. I love packs of cards especially the bigger kind I can use them for inspiration cards but this pack has the most beautiful art. I found out about using oracle cards through Leonie Dawson. You shuffle, can pray over them, speak questions you want answered to the universe and choose cards using them to guide your life, day etc. Now I know some Christians would have nothing to do with such. I don’t pick cards to guide me rather say if I picked a card and the current one said ‘Guardian Angel’ I use that as a theme to further explore that topic for my day or days. I look for scriptures, pics etc even do a google search for writings on angels. This writing right now is influenced by the “Guardian Angel” card which is what came up for me. I have been asking God as a result that angels guide me to help me on my journey in life and creatively.
With the oracle cards there is a booklet with a write up for every card. I have a look at it but I pray to God firstly, let the Holy Spirit lead me and also see where my creative spirit takes me. It is amazing how bible verses pop into my head as I put this page and writing together based on today’s prompt (Courage) and the word Angel it’s really a very spiritual time. I am very encouraged through it. I can see it all fits, despite timing, things that go wrong, the way I am lol, the different method I’ve used and it so helps me keep at it, this thing called life. It is quite exciting. Spirit is never contained. It is always timely. Such a freedom  in the way you can express it and enjoy it. I see Spirit embraces & connects all of life and the forms it takes.
I am a simple person but I do need guidance. People confuse me. People have their own agendas. I am different to most. I said to God in prayer recently. I am a square peg I cannot fit in a round hole no matter how much people try to peg me in. I don’t want to either. I trust God. I believe this path has been about learning to trust in the dark when I cannot see the light around me but I think also it has been about forging new paths and seeing the light within me does direct my path.

I have had to stubbornly believe despite my circumstances. It has been imperative to have courage and that has been trying different things and not being afraid when it seems not the way everyone does it.

I remember one elderly aboriginal women Mabel who said something so simple but oh so brilliant. She lived in the aged care facility where we lived many years ago called Guwardi Ngadu; back when I was married and my then husband was manager.

“Many paths, same Naboo.” Mabel said. Naboo was her language for God. Isn’t that amazing and she was so wise.

For almost 40 years I did things only the ‘Christian’ way I was taught and raised in and I truly missed so much. But thankfully God is not ever restricted. He is everywhere. He cannot be boxed in. His Spirit is doing many new things and although it could possibly, like many things I do turn people away, I always filter things through my God lens and look for HIS heart and the Kingdom which is within. 🙂 He is the source of all things to me so I want to see Him in and through everything.

“Now I am revealing new things to you. Things hidden and unknown to you. Created just now, this very moment. Of these things you have heard nothing until now. So that you cannot say, oh yes, I knew this. Isaiah 48:6-7

The scripture I used in my art journal is this.

‘Be strong and let your heart take courage. All you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

Seeing God everywhere, in an through different ways has opened up my world considerably.

Love (III) George Herbert [Poetry Foundation}

When it comes to dirt roads… 

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JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project
Day 12
DIRT
“Of all the paths you take in life,
make sure a few of them are dirt.”
— John Muir

Today’s Journal Prompt:
When it comes to dirt roads…I am off the beaten track. There is the direction the majority takes and there is me. It has not been choice for the most part but rather that I just don’t need to fit into the mainstream anymore. The funny thing is we are told to go out into the world. Internet is a great world bringer together and a perfect going out all over the world vehicle. And yet majority live from the position and conduct of where they are and how they are rather than the spirit within themselves being the transporter into the world via self.

 
I see myself as one who has shot off the main stream into a smaller off shoot stream but the same current did carry me here. It happened to me rather than by me. I just went with the flow even though it is different to others. I do not have the fortitude to go back upstream neither the desire either. I go with it. There is no turning back for me. Force beyond myself that propels me forward and I have no idea where I am going I just know I am not alone even though it feels it. Spiritual sense of greater connection and purpose.
When I think of the word ‘dirt’ I think of earthy, I think of natural basic core. I think of dirt as perhaps bumpy, different and unforced perhaps a little rough and very spontaneous. I think of slowing down to enjoy the journey and being in the moment wherever you are. I think of adventure. I think of bare necessities. I think of getting lost but being found.

 

I am at a place in my life where I am out of my comfort zone. Not living from a throng of people around to influence me or support me or validate me. Not too many distractions. It is rather by the moment existence. Look up. Look within. When things around me line up I am glad it gives me intuitive vision to keep trudging on. This inner compass doesn’t say what will happen or how or what is next. It just appears from time to time and you feel things are right. Hard to explain. Relying on peace to guide me. If there is no peace I want nothing to do with it. If there is peace I can cope with just about anything at all and get through it no matter what it is.

 
As I was praying today this scripture has become a base for my prayers.

Ephesians 1:8 ‘the eyes of your heart being enlightened, in order for you to know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints.’

As I said earlier it feels very much this ‘path’ is my calling. Yet I do not understand it and it can be very strange and much like being in unknown territory. It seems selfish. It seems in denial of all that most believe and are being. It seems almost defiant. IT IS a different track to most. A lot of believers talk about being holy, clean and pure. But this artistic, different, expressive, whole-hearted inner path is a breaking ground existence which can get rather messy. Would be considered very much a ‘dirt’ path. Self is frowned upon yet this is exactly where GODS Spirit takes up residence?!?! Being in midst of a larger congregation seems to be the in thing. So being on a solo type path is rather a no no. Yet it’s exactly here I have learnt the most.

 
Yet I am not alone. Never alone. Spiritually speaking we are all in the one vine yes? He being the unifying, eternal force that connects the whole of us into one so can one ever say we are alone when we are in the vine? Yet faith travelers tend to identify one another only by living a certain way. Being the church is seen as people coming together and God dwells in the midst. Yet in Spirit and truth how I live even in my artistic endeavors the Spirit is in the midst of ME and I function from that place where He and I dwell. I am not really different at all. Just my perception of it is different. I am from the same earth, the same dirt that our first ever ancestor Adam was formed from. The same Spirit breathed into him that exists in every human being and also in me. This dirt is my flesh home for His Spirit but in my size and shaped form. Beginning and ending in me but when I do things it’s flowing from me. I have the very same life force that Adam had and I believe and am seeing this is exactly where my beaten path is eking out from. The path is being lived out from inside of me. So therefore where I put my every foot, which creatively is my words, my expressions, my feelings, my hopes, my values, my life force however it comes forth. This is my path as wild and as back to the basics of ‘dirt’ it may appear. Everything I do even from my ‘core dirt soul’ is the kingdom life force living within and expressed through me.

 

Test run of my ebook

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Tyler’s Story – His Pain Our Peace

Above link via drop box is a test run to see how it looks – only the first chapter… Tyler’s story was written years ago but I’m attempting to put it all on ebook in pdf form.. Created with an iPad ap… Not really intending to make money just share the story so I guess it doesn’t have to perfect but I want it readable..

God gave me incredible out of this world peace through the birth, life and death of our infant son.. This is only one of 29 chapters of the story.. Its all finished just have to format it into ebook form and upload on the internet in one place. Its been online but not easy to read or find.

The text might be too big therefore it would come out too long a document so hope there is some way to bookmark it…

So hot here tonight.. In the midst of a heat wave and even late night my bedroom is hot and stuffy.. Too tired to format anymore..