Day 21 Soul Smashing.. 30 day Journal Project. Obviously I have not done this in 30 continuous days lol.
“It’s hard to go. It’s scary and lonely… and half the time you’ll be wondering why the hell you’re in Cincinnati or Austin or North Dakota or Mongolia or wherever your melodious little finger-plucking heinie takes you.
There will be boondoggles and discombobulated days, freaked-out nights and metaphorical flat tires.
But it will be soul-smashingly beautiful..
It will open up your life.”
— Cheryl Strayed
It has opened up my life…
Oh absolutely. I mean it gives me a story to tell unlike anyone else’s stories. I am just going to share this little moment I had recently.
I have a heap of books on the go. Don’t look at my Good Reads account and my personal list of books I’ve added there.. lol I have SO MANY books on it that I have started reading and stopped and picked up something else. Oh my. My latest addition is ‘The Artist’s Way’ because a reference to it keeps showing up over and over and I am taking it as a sign. 🙂
In this book it suggests doing morning pages. 3 pages of writing anything at all just to get it on the page and out of you. Apparently this is supposed to help unclog our creative flow. Even if all you can say is ‘I cannot write today I have nothing to say.’ over and over. Getting yourself into a writing ritual and it isn’t meant to be pondered and it’s just for your own eyes.
I have done Morning pages for two days now.
I found myself writing about the difficulties I have had with other people who have gossiped about me and how it has possibly ruined my reputation or clouded people’s opinions of me. I will not quote myself here because it’s personal and I have never learned to write in such a way people cannot see right through me. I am not about ruining anyone else either. Of course I am not 100% about what things these tongues are saying about me. It is just that a lot of people have been indifferent towards me for quite some time and if I put two and two together I suspect that this is what has happened. I have had fall outs with a few people and I have spoken about such here on my blog and on social media. Never to out or gossip about people but to cope with it, survive it. Anyway I was sharing about this today in my Morning Pages and something else completely unrelated came into my path almost immediately after.
It has amazed me and indeed smashes my soul and is perfect for this prompt for Day 21 of 30 days.
I randomly picked up a book of Sonnets by William Shakespeare and was flicking through it. The thought bouncing around inside my head was that possibly reading one sonnet a day could help my creative inspiration or even just that I could see if the book was worth keeping. I have a very bad habit of collecting books and art supplies and ‘gulp’ not always using them. I have been slowly weeding out one thing daily and today I wanted to see if this one was worth keeping for reading, cutting up, or getting rid of. Yes I do cut up good books but most of them I pick up second hand at thrift stores so although it is still strange to cut up books I feel more justified doing so with old/used books.
At first glance I thought why am I bothering with such writing. Old style poetry/sonnets? Kept browsing looking for pics to cut out and keep and I was almost going to just ditch it when I found a sonnet with crow pics that caught my eye. I love crows. I see them all the time when I walk and I don’t know they seem to watch over me almost. Keep me company because they are simply always there.. I identify with them. They are seen as a bad omen by some yet I see great goodness in them. Birds created by God and HE takes care of them. Many scriptures about God caring for birds.
So I gave the sonnet No.70 my undivided attention. I can thank the recent Mental health and literature University course I’ve done for teaching me the value and strength of writing like this. To look deeper into it. Not expecting every word to make sense but to read out loud or ponder it and stay with it’s words and meanings and identify with the heart of the poet/author. I even went on-line to see if I could find the actual poets meaning of it. Lo and behold it echoed much the same as my feelings and thoughts I had written in my Morning pages, of course not in so eloquent of words but woah!!!
Just like that a bridge appears in my life. A bridge that connects me here in the future to the past, via my own frustrations and struggles and links me to what William Shakespeare for his own reasons wrote so very long ago. It is at this point I’m blown away with the unique timing of it’s appearing. The similarity spanning ages and my soul just sighs.
I can’t help acknowledging God immediately. I just sit and let the moment sink in. I just see so clearly as I study the words in the sonnet that the similarities found show something much deeper and far more reaching is at work. I think my jumbled and mis-matched life just makes it that much more of a miracle that this sort of connection happens. It kind of says to me something greater is working in and through us all which does link past, present and future.
I AM going to cut this sonnet out and use it in an art journal page. How mysterious that a sonnet penned so very long ago connects with me in 2017 and so beautifully describes to me similar feelings. It encourages me that all is not lost. Using Crows as well none the less.
Strengthening me that such things said about oneself shall not be to one’s defect! One’s worth shown to be greater simply because tongues have indeed risen against.
Such moments of connection do indeed happen so often in my creative life that I swoon over them and it is why I naturally want to be arty. Heart is overjoyed and my whole outlook is lighter. I feel a huge overriding sense of a past and present oneness of Spirit and at least at this moment can see it all melds together. That no matter what happens and how strange it might seem all peoples’ throughout time have experienced such. Identifying a similarity, a common thread and it comforts me. I am helped by these words in this sonnet which I will copy a pic from the book here below.. It is extraordinary.
I think to myself. For something as powerful as a connection like this to happen in a small tiny random moment in my life. How much more is happening out there to all of us that maybe we are not yet aware of but it IS still out there working beautifully and hopefully my sharing might make someone else notice soul smashing moments too. Gives one incredible fortitude to think of the similarity of Spirit connecting us all.