Escape

JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project — Day 27 

(haven’t given up just taking my time lol)

“Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.” — Twyla Tharp
I wish I could communicate like everyone else. I often get tongue-tied even when I am with people and that’s without throwing in deafness. Every day conversations aren’t deep enough either and I go away frustrated that I didn’t say or ask others the things I really wanted to say.  I turn off easily and that’s not the fault of people I’m with it’s just I crave deep soul connection and it’s tiring having to try to hear and understand even half of what’s said and find a way to dig deep as well. I also like to chatter on about everything too but that’s hard to do when few are around and there are barriers.

 Art stops me giving up shutting down completely.  I used to wish more people saw it but now I just have to churn it out to survive. 🙂

Somehow when I create.. everything i miss and all that’s unsaid inside me doesn’t need to be said. Somehow it’s absorbed into what I’m doing and where my art takes me and it’s enough.. I don’t have to go anywhere and yet I feel fully alive and happy. As if I’ve travelled all over the globe and sailed the widest ocean. 

When I create and express myself I’m not disabled and I can go as deep as I need. 

It doesn’t have to sound right, it can be loud or soft, bright or dull. Angry or sad and I’m not restricted. Yet it still says what I need to say. 

Things fit together in this world. I don’t have to explain myself here. I don’t have to miss out.. 

Why I love what I do is when I started looking for cut outs from magazines for this page. With the word prompt “Escape” in my head I found the word almost straight away. As if this very page was exactly what I was meant to do today. It was waiting for me.. My life seems fitted for creativity and I run here more often than not.

I see it as God going before.. meeting me here. I’m welcome. I’m free. I’m happy. I’m contributing. 

I find the connection I need to live the life I live. Meaningful & with purpose. I can let my emotions sparkle & shine. I can share my heart & soul and enjoy doing it. Where I can be fully me and speak my truths. Live a full life within this skin and the circumstances I’m born into. Where joy springs from within no matter how many emotions I might have felt up to this point. I belong and gracefully even my imperfections are perfectly at home in this place.. 

(( For this Art Journal page.  I painted over an image in a magazine with water colours and gelatos and it ripped unfortunately when I pulled the page out.. I’ve kept it and didn’t throw it away.. symbolises embracing my own imperfections.. I’m learning colouring skin, drawing faces and the shaping of the face, shading, colouring and practising finding my own way to express my own unique art.. )) 

Voyage of Persistance

Day 23/30 Day Journal Project

“Make voyages. Attempt them. There’s nothing else.”

— Tennessee Williams

Prompt : What propels me forward..

I am propelled forward by the content I come across in life and as always it fits. Doesn’t matter when I look for it. What time of day or state of mind I am in. It all fits. This is exactly what keeps me going forward.

Lord have mercy. When there is nothing in the tank but still I can drive ha ha. What is that?? A miracle. IT IS HIS strength in my weakness.. is what it is. No doubt about that. It is an inward journey I am on or voyage. Sailing the sea of the Kingdom of God. My Spirit alive and free. While my body sadly lags. My flesh gave up many moons ago. True that.

Today the magazine cover floors me. It is a magazine I rarely read that comes in the mail because I am in a roadside assist for my car. Magazine comes with the deal. I cut pictures out of it that is about it. But today the cover oh my oh my.
THIS is what propels me forward. That a Lion is a representation of GOD. Look at the title. Woah.. In the KING’S DOMAIN. Couldn’t be anymore accurate!! I have basically failed in the human domain. Mmm and I am not ashamed to say that. But IN HIS domain well it’s a whole different ball game. The Kingdom of God is within. So my introversion serves me well.

My daily voyages are in-wards. Art picture fits. I copied or drew it based on another artists pic. Nothing like the original except the figure is based on it. No worries about copyright lol. I just liked the closed eyes and the hand on her heart. It’s a representation of myself and my inner voyage. The arrows are outward pressures. I have felt them about as strongly as I ever have of late. I don’t always fair well with the voyage. It can be choppy seas and I spend most of it holding the edge of the ship and hanging on for dear life. But when I do cry out to God and look for HIM HE is always with me. Last night he was speaking to me in my dreams. It felt like I was not sleeping much. But today I am no more tired than other days so I don’t know what exactly it was. He seemed to have much to say. Traditional type prayers have kind of let me down. I don’t know it’s very hard to know what to pray for when you don’t see much change in your life. Our oldest daughter has had what looks like a relapse of earlier illness that knocked her around as a teenager. It’s a knife in your heart when a child suffers. You suffer along with them as a parent. You may not feel the pain they do but you feel a different kind of suffering alongside of them. Our daughter has worked so hard to get through university, finally is qualified and doing nicely and illness strikes. It seems so unfair.

The other night I cried out with what felt like virtually no faith at all. I have never been in that place before. I have always had some faith. Small though it may be but never what felt faithless. I was crying and just saying GOD I don’t believe help my unbelief. I guess even when you feel you have none I was aware and still crying to God. But it felt so absolutely empty my faith gauge. Like I didn’t even want to because nothing much happens in that prayer realm but I still need help and my daughter needs help. So Damn it I am here crying because I have nowhere else to turn.

I know HE is there and I do not doubt that. I know HIM very closely because there isn’t really even a person I can talk too about deep things anymore. Not in a way I feel I need too. I am glad HE is there I was just very physically low that night and stretched thin. Strange times. I know others go through it too in their own way. One thing that amazed me as I cried out was what I said.
“LORD I want to see.”
Over and over. Now I am single and a loner and my heart cry wasn’t for a man or friend. Though I did also cry out for someone just one other person who gets me and I can share my heart and this crazy loneliness with. But my main cry was to see!?! Just has felt very dark for quite some time. No breakthroughs. No changes. I have had no energy for much at all. Nothing that I could say has happened that I could put my finger on. This is helping me or that is helping me or this person is close and I can go to them. Has been no one. Not the way I need. I want to see something more for all the darkness. I know I have not been alone in it. I know it all has helped me know peace and joy and spiritual strength like nothing else on earth could bring me. That is there that has not alluded me. It is just this darkness and void that I walk through daily that seems never ending. It is a most unpleasant place.

To see the Lion. To read “In the King’s domain.” To talk here and now about a voyage. To talk about what propels me forward. Is this. That I desperately need to see GOD for HE alone is the only one who knows and can comfort me right now in this place. HE who can make HIS presence known even using a secular magazine. It is incredibly comforting I just suppose I need to avail of HIM more then ever before. It may not mean anything to anyone else but to me it is the “seeing” I need and I have cried out for. I must believe I am indeed in HIS realm. That HE is taking care of me and I can let go of all that outwardly isn’t making sense and seems to be obliterating me from the outside.

Look beyond the difficult to the clear messages and signs GOD is sending my way and putting in my path. Avail it. Breathe it. Live it. Share it. 🙂

At the end of this writing I will show you what I am seeing and have seen in the past. I really truly hope sharing my own personal low and high moments. Anyone else struggling will start seeing GOD in their own lives in whatever way HE shows up and that your spirit sees more clearly than ever before. No I cannot unfortunately save you from the physical world or give you anything in that realm but I can show you that GOD has not abandoned you therefore somehow someway there is something greater happening and inwardly we can be revived and I believe we will walk through it eventually.

++ The art of the Lion I came across over 3 years ago and it so so so encourages me in my life journey and it helps me for where I am and how I am.. you should be able to see it still links in and is extremely relevant.. I paid the artist money to download it, keep and use it.

Home

I feel most at home.. Sharing my heart unashamedly and freely. But there is a risk to it. You put yourself out there and you are opening yourself up to be criticized, judged and talked about. Ha ha either become popular or unpopular or completely misunderstood. 

Yesterday I shared my heart on a topic on-line and immediately felt the latter so that I edited it quite a few times then eventually deleted it altogether. I could see it seemed what I wrote was personally aimed but it really wasn’t. I felt I had to change it even though I’d done nothing wrong.  I realise I need to be careful. But sometimes no matter what you say or how you say it someone can take it wrong.. 

So although one needs to be wise when they open up yeah if you did stay safe you may not put anything out there at all. I wonder sometimes why there has seemed such a personal negative splash back on my sharing and simply for being myself? Many people have wished I was quiet. I give sport to others. Why I can still feel afraid saying anything? If you thought about it too much you would stop altogether.

You know what? I’m still saying it 🙂 fearlessly.. Bravely..  be it with a little trepidation. 

 You’d think by sharing your heart you are actually wanting attention but that has never been the case with me. Just how I am made and I don’t have the support system around me to talk about it so I do this instead. I write and express creatively about and from my own personal experience. Perhaps it is why it appears so acutely that others feel it to the extent they think it is about them or their lives? So maybe I should not be afraid of misunderstandings but indeed see that they are showing me there is some recognition to be found in what I write. I have always felt sorta different to most. But if someone is noticing than there must be some kind of similarity at some point. Otherwise I’d be so off base they would either think I was crazy and ignore me altogether or take no notice at all. That they do says something. Though I do not like anyone thinking I’m having a go at them because its definitely not who I am or being made fun of even if it is behind closed doors. You psyche seems to pick up vibes though and you do sense the people who could be doing it. Maybe it is a God thing too?

Home for me is my every day life, being inspired by what surrounds me and by what brings me alive and I love talking about that. Keeps me going. Like right now I want to stop because of the incident yesterday because this writing seems stupid and maybe even pointless.

Home is where my spirit is and where I can be totally myself but should I be? Why am I afraid right here and right now? Why do I want to stop writing? Nobody needs to read it? Why can’t I just enjoy this? What does it matter if someone misunderstands me? I mean it happens to us all doesn’t it? I do not go out of my way to offend anybody. I live from my heart. I don’t know why others cannot see that my heart IS NOT evil. It has almost destroyed me that people thought the worst of me. But sometimes it has been that various people have been jealous and I do not know why? Maybe that I can do this? Talk about myself, feelings, express it openly? I do not know. I am not going to stop though I never have. This is where I live, brought alive through writing, through expressing ups and downs, thoughts, feelings and joys, sadnesses. Sometimes not many notice but that is ok. I enjoy doing it anyway and if you look at my art you can see I am not a perfectionist. I drink my coffee, I get things off my chest. I do some art. I tell my truth. I share my faith. I can even share my insecurities. I have gone through very hard things and thankfully they did not stop me. I have grown here. I have faced it and I have done some healing.

Home is where my heart is and where my heart is expressed I am most happy and free. I always enjoy returning to expressive writing, prompts, arts and journaling. I return to read. Return to open up my heart. Return to share it where I do also connect with others. Return to remember who I am and what matters most. Return to express life where I am always welcome even if it’s a struggle to find the words or stay and battle it out on a page. Even when I feel restricted by things that try so hard to shut me down my every word is determination to overcome my personal demons. Home because God is here and His Spirit meets me here too, no wonder I love it here and indeed I think creativity is my run too place. If the outside world is hard, I’m lonely or feeling restricted in any way. I always have this place to return too.. For me this is Home.

Dreams

Day  14

I really, really, really, really want to…

Dream again.

You can get so bogged down in survival. Even seems a ridiculous word to use in every day life doesn’t it. But that is what we do daily. Go through the motions. Day in and day out, a sort of hard slog and no wonder it feels heavy and burdensome. Feel like the sky is always gray and the road is always uphill. We forget to dream. We think it’s wrong somehow. Yet every night there are dreams in our heads as we lie fitfully in our bed. They come whether we wish it or not. Yes they can be nightmares. They can seem stupid or pointless but they still come. For a long time I didn’t recall them but I am more aware of dreams I have nightly except that very soon once I wake the content of what I dreamed about fades away.

Why do we humans feel so guilty to enjoy our lives? To find a little respite here and there to help make our journey more bearable. A couple of times I really do believe God gave me gifts to help me fill in the time. Raising children you can be stuck in the home, you can get lost in daily chores and running back and forth but not really going anywhere. There were a few times I have been given access to lots of books. When I was knee deep in raising young children I lived in a remote town where there is not a lot of places to go. I used to do a weekly bible study group with other ladies. The Lady who led the group was a missionary. She had a bookstore in her home. Helped make some money to support their work but also to provide materials for local people. Often people would send her things to help their family and to help those of us that they gave their lives to minister too and at one time someone sent a huge shipment of books.

Pam set them up in a library for free borrowing. I hungrily took advantage of reading probably most of them and listening to sermons on cassette that was back when I could hear much better. I really felt blessed because it helped me survive raising children which is wonderful but can be so tiresome. Like an escape, a way to learn when you are not getting much feedback and your body is exhausted but your mind is alive and starving for more of something. Husband was at work all day and too tired most night to do much talking. And you are stuck with kids all day lol. Books helped immensely. I thanked God for those moments when the children were asleep or at school or for a snatch here and they were contented and not fighting or making a mess. I was so very blessed with babies and young children who slept all night except for times of sickness.. I think from 6 weeks old every baby slept all night.

Two years ago or thereabouts it happened again.. A friend of the family gave me 5 or 6 huge bags of books to do whatever I wanted with because she didn’t need them anymore. I did actually give some away because there was no way I could read them all. But I remember I did take a deep sigh you know when she gave them to me. I thought ohh I am in for a huge chunk of time where God knows that I will need occupying lol. And yes as my children in this stage of life are growing up I have more time. Being disabled here in Australia I do not have to work I’m on a pension and am home an awful lot, and every weekend the children go to their Fathers so I am alone on weekends. These books comfort me that God cares about me and about my having something to fill in my time. I enjoy reading so I see that God cares about us being happy and enjoying our lives and I really do not feel that He expects humans to be busy always working. That it is OK to rest and not just sludge through life. Books and stories help me dream they help my mind stay alive when sometimes I feel lonely and can just shut down. I can be comforted by the characters and getting lost in the stories. 

Yes I do not have to feel so damn guilty for filling in time that sometimes seems to swallow me up. Our society is ALL about productivity unfortunately and it shocks me these days when very very young  children are pushed out into the world and it’s all so much about stimulation and learning that I think play time, dreaming and fun must surely be things we seem to frown upon. I mean everything seems so darn controlled, regimented, something to slot in on our time tables. Well not my life lol. But even so I still feel that pull on me. That I am worthless because I DO NOT live like the majority. It’s like please do not waste your life dreaming. You need to produce something with your life, do do do.

Dreams come and go but they lift you up. Make you hopeful. Gives you beautiful thoughts and daydreams that dance in your head. Your body might age. Kids grow up. You might be alone a lot but stories can fill your heart and mind with life inducing dreams.. I don’t think your spirit ever ages. It makes life beautiful, bearable and fun once again.

And IT IS GOOD!!!

JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project  Day 4

QUESTION
“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”
― Rumi
Today’s Journal Prompt:
I am pulled inward by… circumstances and pure delight.

I asked GOD why yesterday. Why this has happened the way it has? Why it has been such a lonely type of journey and what was supposed to happen next? Like ok GOD it is a Spirit thing I get that. But ok now what? I acknowledge You are here and even though it feels like I am alone. I am not because You are here. The very prompts above make me squirm a little because it seems all about me though and wow that cannot be right can it? I mean isn’t the journey of life supposed to be ALL about other people and me last of all? GOD first of course. The outward has not given me much help except to tell me all the things wrong with me and how I should face it and ways to survive in the outer world. Yet when I do allow the inward. You GOD to be center and all the other stuff to fade still they find fault or just want to write me off?? I mean I am supposed to just go and forget myself and do service to the community to tell them about YOU when I don’t even know where I am going or what my purpose is. Anywhere but here. That sounds rather hollow to me. Like I am getting the person in a shell only because they have to be there. Not because they really want to be. Out of service rather then the heart. Fake.

Only when I look to YOU alone can I still my beating heart. Can I breath easily and find my own rhythm. And its only by knowing who I am that I am found confidence in the gifts and joy of being creative and my creative journey has given me back a voice the world wanted to shut down. Only by closing my heart to the voices who for some reason find fault and not add support can I do the workings on a page or writing like this. I cannot do those things when I am doing what is a constant struggle without help and living a certain way because everyone does it like that. I am not anyone else I am me. There it is. I am pulled in wards not out wards. Is that a sin or should I fight it? Is not this where heaven is? Is this not where you are? Is this not where my Spirit and Your Spirit are one? Is not this where the real me lives? The me that will live on for all eternity when my body eventually ages and dies and me lives on. All seems so deep and yet so different to the way of the masses. Yet I love deep and deep calls to deep.

When I think about it I have never been drawn to the shallower things. I want and crave deep. It bores me chit chat so I excuse myself from it. My deafness has been a bonus in this. I can say sorry I cannot hear and step away. But I feel guilty though. I feel I have missed so much of the every day conversations and things that EVERYBODY seems to know. Yet have I really missed so much? Or am I the one learning and growing from the all that the rest ignore because the outer life is the way to go. Yet the outer life only exists for as long as we are in the body.
The fascination about any kind of art expression is. It will live on after the flesh person is no longer. How many books, paintings, poems, pieces of architecture, films, sculptures and so on will remain on earth to be seen, loved, admired and studied after the author, actor, artist, painter, etc has passed on.

The very thing that is happening right now to me in this prompt, in this 30 days of having to sit and journal is there is no boundaries on my spirit at all. I can write what I want and think what I want and instead of looking to the constrictions of my life I am free. For once in my life I am seeing it.. Freedom. Because its Sunday. As I write this millions of Australians are sitting in churches under pastors or teachers and they do that every week, or more often. Yet here I sit on my bed, with my trusty lap top. And I have the same Spirit they do. Yet I can be in my own home, on my own bed, in my pjs even, yet I am still a part of that. Not because of where I am but because of the Holy Spirit. That is the same anchor we all have yet HE doesn’t say do this or do that. HE is in us. HE in us make the whole lot of us one. Right where we are. As we are. HE gives us freedom. HE gives us talents and HE gives us choices. This art is my talent. This art expression is my choice.. And the way I am being is HIS gift to me. This freedom every person in the world has right now. It is a joy. It is a knowing. It is a force greater then us yet available to all of us. I just acknowledge HIM and let my spirit flow. Strange though how it happens in and through me.
And IT IS GOOD!!!

Dazzled

ROOT: 30 Day Journal Project

Day 23

Today’s Inspiration:

“You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and every moment of your life.”

— Walt Whitman said that

//

I am still going on this 30 days lol and its very spaced out.. Important to finish.. I am a procrastinator so finishing something is exceptionally good for me.

These have always been good prompts and no matter when I do them they have been timely.

I’m just going to jot down what I penned on this pic and maybe through-out elaborate a bit more. Only so much you can write on a single art journaling page.

Train your eye to see it. Light is from GOD. GOD is everywhere. Photo taken in Torquay Australia. 4 of my 5 children came with me just recently for a few days holiday. Torquay is on the coast of my state! My parents paid for a surfside cabin for us for two nights. It was during school break! Even though for us it’s Spring, the weather was cool and not a lot of people around. Usually the place is packed especially at holiday time. I am grateful for moments on the beach with my kids when there was no one else around.. Thankful also that it didn’t rain. It was so sweet of my parents to do this.. I couldn’t have afforded it!

Rays of sunlight coming out of the clouds. When I see these rays I see GOD.

In the photo they are not that easy to see, you do have to do as the quote above says. Train your eyes to see..

They were streaming down though and although not as bright as many I’ve seen. They were still visible and I was glad I captured them on a picture!!!

Of all places to see these rays, that I saw them while on holiday has special significance to me. Dazzling!

Icing on the cake!!

As the word says in the picture.. What makes life simple?

Rays in the sky make me look up in the natural world. They are where I am. I don’t need to do anything special to see them. Or pay money lol as so many special phenomena displayed in the world you’re so often charged to see it.

Makes me thankful. Appreciative of life and that in the ordinary moments just being out in nature, we are reminded that we are taken care of by an extraordinary GOD.

Appreciative of life, light, being in the right place at the right time.

At this moment and whenever I view such an image. I am dazzled by HIS presence seen through creation and all my worldly cares/distractions fade away from sitting heavy on my mind and heart.. You do become lighter in spirit. I can enjoy everything better..

Once you see GOD in these ways.

Suddenly you begin to see similar everywhere..

Solitude is different than Loneliness

ROOT: 30 Day Journal Project
Day 22
Today’s Inspiration:
Solitude is the cure for loneliness. Like cures like.
— Caroline Casey said that.

Solitude is different than loneliness because…

Your making use of it.. your time. It can be a very sacred place. Loneliness speaks to me of sadness.. Disappointment.. Being very unsettled in your circumstances. Sorta like a crises and a saga but only for one. But today for me its been filled with purpose.

Tonight is a funny night to write this prompt because my ex husband has the kids and its school holiday so they are away a bit longer than normal. I have been alone most of the day.. I did say to my mother I missed the kids and I don’t like being alone so much. And then when my oldest daughter came home.. My mother said to her that I was feeling lonely.. That’s not quite true.. I’m missing company and it is very quiet but I’m not missing the fact I can do my art without feeling guilty that I’m being selfish with my time. If the kids were in the house even if we are doing things separately I always feel some guilt.

The wonderful thing about this solitude is I can do art to my hearts content. I have time to sit and think undisturbed. I don’t mind my own company. I often laugh at myself and talk to myself… So I do keep myself good company lol. My biggest downfall is… Simply wasting this time.. Switching off in front of the TV… Or spending ages playing games on the iPad or just going from here to there on Facebook.. That sort of thing. When instead I really like to read or write or blog or create things or tidy the house or go out and about or pray to God or pray for others.. So many things you can do on your own that aren’t so easy to do when company is about but not using your time wisely can suck it all away and leaves you feeling morose and empty.
Making art is solitary. It can be isolating.. But it truly fits into my life and it satisfies me and I hope it blesses others too.

This prompt coming up on a day I’m alone a lot encourages my soul to embrace it and see it as a gift. To indeed bloom here where I’m planted.
To not be discouraged.. Or think dry thoughts or become weary in this life.. God is with me here.. My heart loves to feast on inspiration. I love that this page is full even on a quiet day!
I find God on my pages.. In my room and in my solitude. He satisfies me. I talk to Him about all sorts of things. My heart is always involved so its personal and meaningful to me. I find joy here.. Freedom. This place of solitude is not so scary and definitely not fencing me in.

The 2nd pic is my art journal cover this pic is created in.. Ta da.. More solitude huh! Its been my lot in life for quite some time now. But it can be a beautiful place.. Where you learn to hone in to God and know His presence in a way you couldn’t if you lived a busier life with lots of distractions..

Also added in a pic of recent stamp purchases.. I ordered the set just so I could have the “I am Grateful” stamp specially to stamp in as a daily reminder to write in my diary things I’m grateful for.. Oh my how this helps to overcome the trials and dark days and keep my mind and heart looking up.

Remember Who You Are

ROOT: 30 Day Journal Project

Day 21 (haven’t given up this project)

Today’s Inspiration:

remember who you are

In Spanish:

recuerda quien eres

– A message spotted painted on the side of a building in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

In between waiting for this new week “Made” materials to come through I will continue on with this project.
I’m a kind of loner so I always sit with self.. The last couple of “Made” posts I was focusing on my weak self amidst the greater spiritual learning.. Difficulties and such… But this one is fun and positive.

A little disappointed the “Made” course is not teaching more art techniques. Not much new art journalling know how. I don’t even know the technical terms lol. The backgrounds, step by step tutorials kind of thing.
Spiritual side of it yay! Definitely meeting new people and going through the material and seeing others work is wonderful.. Its opening up myself to more of Gods Spirit through my art and self so that’s a bonus!

Finally getting some feedback.. What others see or feel because of my art.. A few more comments really helps me be more fearless and lose myself more and more into the process.. We really do need one another!

I know I see improvements and more of a connection to others. That’s what I want…

I watch X-Factor Australia.. And the judges often talk of the contestants connecting with the audience. Its something any artist longs for that soul to soul understanding. Where who you are and what you desire to share is conveyed in what your bringing forth… Its felt in the heart. It moves people. It touches soul deep.

At the core of every person is a unique soul/spirit unlike any other and when we remember who we are there’s an authenticity that cannot be replicated.
I’ve heard the judges say many times to the X-Factor contestants stay true to who you are.. Its how we all should be in life!

Enjoy Just Because

ROOT: 30 Day Journal Project

Day 20

Today’s Inspiration:

Enjoy your presence.

— Holiday greeting card message by Lisa Sonora Beam

//

Today’s Journal Prompt:

In this journaling process, I am discovering… enjoyment!

I collect pics from magazines and any place I can get them.. Just to combine them on an art journalling page in a book to keep is fun. I can flick through my art journals at any time and they cheer my heart.. This page on this day was simple.. Easy to put together and just flowed. Feel in myself peaceful and restful. You can put whatever you like together. In any way, shape or form! Sometimes you do fuss over how to make it relevant if you want to say something more and it takes time and effort. But this one was just straight forward.
Losing the fear of messy writing and wondering “does this go with that”.
I am finding time to do it even though this 30 days has been more spasmodic. I haven’t given up and I admire that in myself. Also I’m not putting off finishing this just because I’ve started something else. I have wondered why I keep sharing or want too.. I don’t know I just do.. Yes I can understand why people with obvious talents share it. But really if you think about it not that many ordinary people just share everything like this.. Ha ha and that makes me smile.

For my “Made” art course I explained about it last post. A friend has been watching the videos and will sit and type out the dialogue! Can you believe she’d go to the trouble of this for me!!! So beautiful.. Some of the teachers are looking at ways to help me be more able to participate. I mean I enrolled fully knowing I wouldn’t hear any oral dialogue. So they don’t have to do anything more. But that they are aware and will look into it makes me feel wonderful and special..

Art is therapy. Its healing and opens up my world. Ha ha its hard to hold back buying more materials 🙂 I’m so much happier in myself doing this daily.
You can see what I do is very simple but that’s me!

Stirring stirring

ROOT: 30 Day Journal Project

Day 19

Today’s Inspiration:

“I want to unfold.

Let nothing in me hold itself closed.

For where I am closed, I am false.

I want to be clear in your sight.”

— Rainer Maria Rilke said that

//

Today’s Journal Prompts: (do one, some, all, or none, as you wish)

I want to…

See what happens.

This is going to tie in with another project I’ve started this new month. I let it all hang out here.. 🙂
All so appropriate. The stirring is my wanting to shine with all I am being so totally free and uninhibited. That’s not a naked lady lol but rather a spiritual metaphor of myself creatively exposed in all fullness. The inside loving and living outwardly. I really really do want to unfold as it says above..

There’s a saying that one day in the future in heaven there will be such a shout heard as never before when everyone is at the end of all we know and the beginning of forever after and the worst is totally behind. I feel that rising up in me now… A deaf person is muted. There is a reason deaf and dumb are lumped together. Drives you on though because you have to get loud in a whole different way.

Artistically and spiritually no limit. So this 30 day journal project and “Made” online course starting from September 1st see pic below are vehicles I’m going forward in leaps and bounds I feel already it is happening.

I mean if there’s a God. I believe there is.. And a soul unites with the creator of the world no matter the dysfunctions… There’s going to be wham bam thank you Mam lol. I mean something’s going to happen and I’m alive with it… Like a vibe pulsating in and around me. I’m excited about that.. I feel a great momentum inside.. Churning away and I’ve no doubt its going to produce something wild and wonderful despite me…

I’ve read stories about ordinary people when God suddenly shows up and the time is right and it can be world changing. People around sense it too. Its not a human thing and don’t we all need the miraculous. I want to see that and God use me here and let it pour out you know.. He says when we are weak He is strong and I guess the more humble the circumstance the better it is to shows Him up best. I’ve got that part covered! 🙂

Included is my very first art piece for “Made” and I ruined pens doing this. Learning what to use and not to use.. I can’t hear all the instructions given on videos because they are speaking while they do the art classes. Some of this I have to use my imagination and just soak in what others in the face book group are saying..

Visual is great but I haven’t quite learnt how not to say things with it. Like a picture is said to be worth a thousand words.. But because I don’t hear normally I need words too..

This quote helped me when I was tempted to do as I’ve always done and cut and paste..

When I forgot about trying to succeed as an artist and just started painting the way I wanted to paint on what I wanted to paint on, just for fun, new things really started to happen.
Ken Delmar