Tag Archives: leonie dawson

Courage

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Courage.. I am drawn to explore.. Unknown.
I wrote this out a few days ago, sat down to finish it yesterday and the lap top froze. Lol I took a picture of the screen but only managed to take a pic of half of my writing the rest I lost. So frustrating. One thing after another atm going wrong. My Tv stopped working. My lap top having problems and today I dropped my phone quite hard and now noticed the screen is cracked. I have had phones for years and never cracked my screen. It is very frustrating cause I am not in a great financial situation and when things break it means often I cannot replace. Thankfully my TV is still under warranty. So that will be able to be either fixed or replaced.
I struggle to write on a normal day but make myself persist and then losing it sigh I am tempted to give up this one altogether but will struggle on and get it out. I will also remember to keep hitting save regularly. I don’t think I did actually save the writing. I worked on it through the day and Scrivener just re-opened my writing where I was up too whenever I came back to it? I did not seem to have a backup copy even though the computer remembered each time?
The poem I wrote out on the art journaling picture below was found through the Mental Health and Literature course I am doing online at Future Learn University which is a free course. I will add a link to the poem below for anyone who wishes to read it because my writing in my art is atrocious. I am so loving this course. Has really opened up poetry to me and when I saw and read this poem. Man lol it really just mirrored what I have felt about my path with God. I printed it out and pasted a copy in my diary as well.
I combined it with an angel in my art.. Because I found a box of oracle cards for two dollars in an op shop. I love packs of cards especially the bigger kind I can use them for inspiration cards but this pack has the most beautiful art. I found out about using oracle cards through Leonie Dawson. You shuffle, can pray over them, speak questions you want answered to the universe and choose cards using them to guide your life, day etc. Now I know some Christians would have nothing to do with such. I don’t pick cards to guide me rather say if I picked a card and the current one said ‘Guardian Angel’ I use that as a theme to further explore that topic for my day or days. I look for scriptures, pics etc even do a google search for writings on angels. This writing right now is influenced by the “Guardian Angel” card which is what came up for me. I have been asking God as a result that angels guide me to help me on my journey in life and creatively.
With the oracle cards there is a booklet with a write up for every card. I have a look at it but I pray to God firstly, let the Holy Spirit lead me and also see where my creative spirit takes me. It is amazing how bible verses pop into my head as I put this page and writing together based on today’s prompt (Courage) and the word Angel it’s really a very spiritual time. I am very encouraged through it. I can see it all fits, despite timing, things that go wrong, the way I am lol, the different method I’ve used and it so helps me keep at it, this thing called life. It is quite exciting. Spirit is never contained. It is always timely. Such a freedom  in the way you can express it and enjoy it. I see Spirit embraces & connects all of life and the forms it takes.
I am a simple person but I do need guidance. People confuse me. People have their own agendas. I am different to most. I said to God in prayer recently. I am a square peg I cannot fit in a round hole no matter how much people try to peg me in. I don’t want to either. I trust God. I believe this path has been about learning to trust in the dark when I cannot see the light around me but I think also it has been about forging new paths and seeing the light within me does direct my path.

I have had to stubbornly believe despite my circumstances. It has been imperative to have courage and that has been trying different things and not being afraid when it seems not the way everyone does it.

I remember one elderly aboriginal women Mabel who said something so simple but oh so brilliant. She lived in the aged care facility where we lived many years ago called Guwardi Ngadu; back when I was married and my then husband was manager.

“Many paths, same Naboo.” Mabel said. Naboo was her language for God. Isn’t that amazing and she was so wise.

For almost 40 years I did things only the ‘Christian’ way I was taught and raised in and I truly missed so much. But thankfully God is not ever restricted. He is everywhere. He cannot be boxed in. His Spirit is doing many new things and although it could possibly, like many things I do turn people away, I always filter things through my God lens and look for HIS heart and the Kingdom which is within. 🙂 He is the source of all things to me so I want to see Him in and through everything.

“Now I am revealing new things to you. Things hidden and unknown to you. Created just now, this very moment. Of these things you have heard nothing until now. So that you cannot say, oh yes, I knew this. Isaiah 48:6-7

The scripture I used in my art journal is this.

‘Be strong and let your heart take courage. All you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

Seeing God everywhere, in an through different ways has opened up my world considerably.

Love (III) George Herbert [Poetry Foundation}

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I Need a Life Change

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Its Sunday… still in pjs…. This is going to be blunt lol and I think people will be surprised.. but this is me and its time to be completely honest and change things.. maybe sharing it honestly will help lol or scare people away..

I am doing my “2014 Create your Amazing Year life edition work book and planner” by Leonnie Dawson. I am in her academy for a year since September I think.

Doing the page that asks… Darlingheart… (and I love that) Darlingheart, what do you most want to experience 2014 as?

I could have just put the title of this blog post.. I NEED A LIFE CHANGE..

These are answers to the question above.. things I want to experience 2014 as.. Same as in photo image…

To be varied..
Im really boring.. I stay in my room too much… I don’t work because I am severely hearing impaired and I get a pension. Plus my ex husband pays child support so I get enough to live.. Also the kids and I share a house with my parents and our expenses are low… I mean I don’t have to work.. but I definitely don’t take advantage of this or live a full life I waste it.. 😦 over the years of my life.. deteriorating hearing.. marriage probs and finally over years till the divorce and beyond I just stopped a lot of things and got lazy which makes me boring..

Make plans…
I never or rarely plan.. Enough said…

Do different things..
Well that kind of goes with the varied theme above.. but I know I could do things differently and change things and that might help… I tend to do the same things the same way and eat the same foods lol… not a great person for change…

Be daring….
ha ha yes I guess sharing publicly is being daring.. so there I am doing this.. 🙂 but taking some risks.. and trying new things might bring some pizazz into my life..

Stop the fricken waiting..
yes I tend to put things off.. wait for things to happen instead of make them happen.. I have dreams you know that haven’t died.. but I do nothing to help be in the right place for them to happen.. Like meeting a guy.. they don’t just knock on the family house door and ask to date you.. or meet you.. I wish..
I need to do things or be places or at least meet people to find a soul mate… Ha ha.. not just day dream… I have waited a long long time for love.. the kind of love I have dreamed about.. but he is not going to just zap into my little house is he…. I need to go meet him or at least be out there, putting myself in placees where he might run into me…

Stick at things…
I procrastinate.. I also put things off.. and I do a little of this.. and a little of that.. and then get frustrated because I have unfinished projects and mess and things mounting up I need to attend… a growing number of books that I start to read and move on to another book.. ohhhh… I feel so much better having accomplished something.. I even have books on motivation and de-cluttering and changing your life but start to read and follow and don’t finish of course..

Better organised….
on my bed beside me I have books, art supplies, diaries, papers, etc.. though my room is a lot cleaner than it can be sometimes… I have been working on that some lately.. more is required and I have to keep at it..

Busier..
well lately as its school holidays.. summer break.. I get up late.. go to bed late.. yes I think you can see how things would flow on from that.. or not flow on from that..

Bear fruit
.. is a christian concept where we think of results as per life and how your living and what is being produced.. I know because of how I am living.. I am not getting the the results I would like or have the possibility of producing..

Stop wasting time..
thats pretty obvious isn’t it. Hours can pass by and nothing to show for it.. The more aware of this I am.. the more I hate it.. but that thing I don’t want to do I end up doing..

Enjoy it.
You can just go through life and live.. or you can go through life and enjoy living.. Big difference isn’t there… In my own way I enjoy it.. but to savour the people around me better.. the experiences and every day life… It takes thought, time and application.. Set your heart and mind on that.. Also spiritually to enjoy GOD more too.. and thats something I definitely want to do more of…

Fuller year…
Fits with so much already said above.. My mother can pack so much more into a suitcase or box by her creativity and wisdom.. With more thought and wisdom and yes that word that I have hated but see the life changes it can bring.. Planning…. we can have a fuller year..

Keep moving through it with purpose…
Have you seen the soapies/drama’s where the actor or actress looks off into space for a brief moment which I have not yet ever seen another person do like that lol.. thats exactly what I do in real life but in a sharon way.. I just switch off and thats where my problems start.. when I do that.. I lose momentum and find myself distracted.. Then I move off into never never land and don’t return.. I don’t mean the never never land thats fun and frolicsome.. I mean the never never land that sucks you dry and you come back emptier and more zombie like.. To be moving.. keep going means I might commit myself and get something done and when I do have time to create, read, write, or whatever that actually might be enjoyed and find myself blessed for it at the end.

Even writing this above is good for me.. Because I am thinking about myself and life as I write and Im getting ideas on how or what to do different…. also I am writing and not wasting time.. Every time I do write its keeping my mind at work and motivating me… I will finish it so I can post.. Knowing others will see it means I want to do things differently because then I have some updates to post at a later date or just if someone says something that encourages me it does help.. Something about airing publicly that makes you realise you now have less secrets and more people know and you want to (eek) better yourself because they now know.. 🙂 and its a bit embarrassing…

Many years ago when I told the deepest darkest struggles to a trusted friend… How I was struggling with lots of little kids, and a messy house, failure at doing what I should and all the problems that were going on around that time..
She said.. “But you can do better”…. wow.. I spiralled.. for a long time after that and although there have been positive changes since and much hard times too.. I still struggle with many things you can see above.. I can be a lazy and unmotivated shit.. 😦

She had it altogether.. Still has… I read a recent family christmas letter.. and the family.. still married and thriving.. kids having own families… Great jobs and many life “wow” moments..

I know I can do better.. and its not the low blow as it was back then to ponder it.. But its to do it.. keep at it.. its one thing to write it down.. know it.. but another thing altogether to get off your butt and do it.. Now to start somewhere… and invoke an amazing 2014!

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