Tag Archives: deaf

What does my inner child need to know.

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“Loneliness does not come from having no people around, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” Carl Jung

Something a face book friend Avalon Indigo Moonsong posted yesterday on her face book got me headed in the direction of attending my inner child.

She posted… “Many of us are traumatized children who still desperately want to be seen and heard — forcefully living in the bodies of adulthood.” by Feliciana Cacciapuoti-Mathew .. along with more thoughts which I also very much liked!

I have already shared here on my blog previously two parts of a series I’ve taken part in called “Into the Shadow” by Tracy Algar so the post from Avalon really reminded me of part three which I had still yet to do and it just seemed so right to think about it. Part 3 called ‘Inner child’ fits exactly. So I did an art piece (see below) based on what my inner child needs to know. Link to part 3 which will open another page to the site. Here.

The main image in my art is traced from a photo on the Internet via an ipad ap “Art Rage”. I was looking for a photo of an adult looking into a child’s face/eyes at the child’s eye level showing a real intimate connection between the two. This image seemed just right and resonated with me. I just traced it on my ipad and then printed my drawing. Colored it in with oil pastels using normal computer paper and then used ink spray and a dauber with black ink along with some acrylic paint through stencils for the background.

I want this art to express my thoughts on why the quotes and also on what Tracy has shared on her website resonate with me.  Plus also what it represents to me currently in my life.

I wanted the image to show my inner child face to face with anyone who values me and my need to feel and express my emotions and share my truth and passions as I am.  I have often craved strong encouragement to keep going in my life simply because I feel so vulnerable and weird to keep sharing and expressing myself as I do and I have felt so alone in this journey because few around me have been the same or recognized this heart cry in me.  So I have always tended to stick to myself and go inwardly instead ( except when I am sharing) and I’ve created worlds where I could be as fully me as possible. Many times I’m alone in even these worlds. Or I just shut down in a way and I guess my inner child feels neglected and why bother.

I have not always felt understood, accepted or valued as I am either in childhood or adulthood and I have often felt extreme loneliness.. Explained well by the very first quote I shared here in this post. I found that quote at the beginning of part three of “Into the Shadow”.

I am reminded at this point of the scripture “Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands.” 2 Timothy 1:6 I know that might seem like a weird verse to think of at this time. But the stirring up by another’s hands seems similar to what my inner child needs..

And that is that this endless tiredness of soul because I am putting my heart out in the world unseen which leads me to always be searching and desiring and longing for attention and nurturing and when I seem not to be its hard to keep doing it the same

I see that this need to be valued does actually have a reason behind it. That I am actually much less a person because of this lonely struggle and of course I am not going to feel oh goody lets go do it some more…

To be reminded that although I am a unique person in doing this I am not weird or need feel so awkward..  I can feel brave and precious and that it is OK to be supported to bring forth my fullness of inner being as well as blossom in my adult outer being too.

I need encouragement. We all do. But we each also need to know that we are loved and important as we are and how we are.

Therefore I see that when I struggle to be affirmed by another person it’s not cause I am weak or selfish or it’s a bad thing to be different to others and even the bible agrees that I need it.. We all do.. 🙂 ❤

Therefore I must not lose heart but awaken to the fact that I can be the one to stir it up in myself and recognize the importance of what I do and why I do it.  I can focus on what brings me alive and stir up my art expression to empower my inner child.. My creative spirit.

Confession. It has taken hours and hours to write this and as I am writing my whole thought pattern and flow has changed. I am seeing myself more clearly through my whole life and how I have been and why. I usually work at putting my blog out on the same day. But this time I told myself it is ok to go to bed and sleep on it. That this was an important exercise. That it is OK to be a work in progress and take my time with it. I was being helped even as I left it to work on it more today. Less of a desperation to get it out of the inside of me. 

So I am seeing through this exercise that this adult figure in my art expression is a representation of any person who will meet me where I need to be met.. Anyone who is moved to meet me on a level where I am at. Even if that is via my adult self encouraging what is needed for my inner child to thrive. I do not need to wait for others!

That there is a life changing epiphany.

Soul expression is never selfish but vital to my daily life and daily life force so I should nuture it and treasure it at all costs.

My Inner child therefore seems to represent my creative Spirit and that’s why it is so crucial to my whole being to pay attention to my inner child. Maybe my inner child has always needed art expression and that’s why I have become such a loner because I did not realize what I so desperately needed.

My inner child needs to know it is OK to be myself. That is OK to live expressively and share it. That through sharing my emotions I feel accepted on the level where I currently am. Eye to eye or face to face is so vitally important to a deaf person too who has lost the ability to use one of their five major senses but it does not have to be through only speaking and listening and it does not need to be physical. I can be met in a way whenever I and another person touch souls through my art or words or in a working and understanding relationship. For me especially through online friends have I found this to be a vital link to not feeling alone.

How important it is to be able to communicate where I feel heard and seen. That I am worthy of someone adjusting themselves to my height or mindset or wavelength by reading or viewing or acknowledging me where I am at..

How often have I been depressed because I cannot communicate with others like they can at the same level they are and even feel expected to function as they do. I do not have to try to communicate like you. It is OK to communicate in my own way that works for me.

Yes I do communicate differently and I do so love deep heart sharing. I am built to express myself for I am an emotional soul but I prefer one on one or even prefer on-line where I communicate easily as it is much more personal to me.

Connection happens for me whenever someone pays attention to what I say on social media, sends texts because I cannot use a normal phone or just cares for me in a way where I am free to do the same back. My inner child needs to know that others share my world and want too just as I share their world and want too. That my heart/art expression is valued. Not that it has to be praised for being good.. no no…  just that I be acknowledged for its how I speak, move and it is my presence and way to live in this world.

If nobody says what I need to hear or communicates in a way that I can understand. I can and should say it to myself. ❤ ❤

It is OK to be me. It is OK to live by my Spirit. It is OK to communicate in ways that I love and that work for me. I am enough as I am. It is OK to love sharing my faith and art via my spirit, express myself through art and my own words on my blog and via social media or any way that I do. It is OK to enjoy the way I want to do it and how I do it.

I am OK.. 🙂

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Crowd of Witnesses

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I woke up early this morning with a headache and I think even half asleep I am so used to just starting to commune with God in prayer in my mind for healing. I find myself rebuking sickness even half asleep. I think also a bit of pain now and again God uses to get my mind on HIM and this was one of those times. He had a message to share with me. As I am praying I am waking up. Having a drink of water. Toilet stop. Talking to God about things that have been on my mind the previous day gone. Heck my mind can go all over. :/ I am sure others understand this. Unfortunately at times it can be rather annoying because it means I wake up too much and its not so easy to go back to sleep. In this instance I am glad I woke up more than I needed..

Not all my thoughts tend to be happy though. At times there can be rather an onslaught of reminders of ALL the ways I have failed since childhood. Groan groan groan. I wish I could write exactly how my thoughts led to this art piece today and why as soon as my youngest had been taken to school and I was home again I got to creating it straight away. I do not actually know the lead up. I do know that as I sat on the toilet with my phone lol. Yes I do that. I started to type in the words and thoughts that were coming up in my notes ap so later when I got back to sleep I could remember them.

Quite often I can have the most amazing dreams but wake up and quickly forget them 😦

The words I wrote down were ‘Crowd of Witnesses’ ‘Support’ ‘Comforting’ Helps’ Not alone’

I have personally often felt alone in my sharing. There are a few faithful yes. But the majority of what I create, share and express I have felt generally alone with it. So often I read just how important support is to an artist, athlete, person etc when they are working on a goal or career or life purpose. Crowds cheer on their football team or line the marathon course to encourage the athletes, fans buy the paintings of an artist & faithfully attend the concerts of their favorite music bands. Family attends recitals, practice sessions etc etc.. it goes on..

It seems imperative to me just how important it is for anyone who wants to go places in life that they feel supported and cheered on. A reoccurring suggestion often put to me seems to be that my art should be mostly for myself or even just for God and me. Rather then looking for outward recognition and being disappointed by lack of interest .

Now if anyone really knows me I tend to stand back. I tend to stay hidden and do not excerpt myself. I am not known for outward confidence at all.

So putting my art/heart out into the world has been quite a huge step out of my comfort zone personally yet those around me do not seem to recognize this the same which can drive me batty. YET even still I do not do it for feed back or even to be seen. I do it cause I cannot communicate like everyone else being deaf. It is how I express myself plus since I was young sharing with my whole heart has just been my thing AND I love it.

An Artist has to be bold even if they are not doing it to make money. Because its only natural to share art with anyone else. How many little children’s art work come home from school, kindergarten, child care etc and are proudly displayed where everyone can see it. What on earth happens though as we grow up?

I do not know why people think art or art expression in whatever form it takes has to be only for the person who created it. I think it is natural to share it but for some reason many equate that with some kind of ‘look at me persona’..?!?

Anyway lol I might have deviated off track with some of that but I still very much feel I have to explain myself and why I do what I do. This sense in my mind early this morning of a ‘crowd of witnesses’ around me actually brought a wave of sweetest comfort to my soul. I do not know at this point whether I still had the headache or not. Pain tends to be forgotten when you receive spiritual epiphanies.

But I felt very motivated to try to capture that sense in some way artistically and felt a little excited that I had a way forward for the coming day. Oh how many days I have sitting without any motivation.. EXACT reason I’m fuelled by doing this.. the realisation that this surge of motivation is from GOD.. I truly believe HE wants me to do this!!! ❤😍🕊🌈

I am loving oil pastels atm so that is the tool of choice to do this with.

Lol they are supposed to be buildings.. like houses.. but they look more like tombstones :/ perhaps they symbolize buried dreams, dead ends, end of living my life the way everyone else does or the way everyone else thinks I should? End of relationships? Who knows..

They do speak to me of the coldness of the world/people I often experience.. the darkness of being alone and isolated and rejected.

Feeling unsupported in what makes my heart come alive and feel passionate with purpose. I have also found religion cold, comfortless, not easily able to relate to it anymore.. not really fitting in with the aliveness of my spirit. Boxed in..

The figures around me are not ghosts lol but rather the crowd of witnesses Gods Spirit was encouraging me with this morning. Spirit is not like a human voice. It is rather a knowing in you. Deeper than worded prayer yet appears in some ways like knowing ideas that I could never have thought about in my head, yes scriptures made alive with words or images.. that fit with my life and situation.. like a praying in the spirit if you use a heavenly language of tongues.

I think sometimes my spiritual language is like intuition. Art helps me access it. Colours and images and symbols too.

Moon represents my current life..

I actually saw the moon while walking my dog yesterday. Full moon last night.

Night times especially late at night and middle of night I pray best .. Sometimes with tears rolling down my cheeks. I know GOD better in darkness and from being alone both physically and isolation from deafness and social dysfunction. Introversion has its perks though. I have more time to dedicate to art and expressing myself. I got invited to a craft group just the other day. But my heart was not in that. Some of this life I have chosen, most not.

But I do know that I have time to fully concentrate on what I love to do. The downfall I guess is that when I need people or the way I need people my spirit living has some wave length problems to reach others hearts but I really have to trust God with that because there are some heart connections I’ve made that are stronger than any face to face or blood relationships. Most live by the world around them and face to face.

Thankfully the crowd of witnesses around me depicted in my art mean that I am not alone no matter how it feels!! Encouraging. I believe once people die they are spiritually alive but somewhere else. I do believe they are around us or watching. They are purified and aren’t physically limited anymore and with that I believe come the spiritual knowledge that perhaps I am living with some of that too but yet I am still in my flesh body on earth?

They know our hearts unlike people in the flesh around us may not know or appear to know and understand us. I tried to express that closeness and support of the wittnesses by adding some pink to every witness depicted in my art piece around the central figure that represents me.

It is a spiritual thing obviously and although GODs word encourages us to live by faith and not by sight.. The spiritual living I have since discovered when I shifted from physical worship to spiritual worship in truth is very very different like day to night or night to day .

I am encouraged and inspired to draw from their strength. Encouraged by their presence. I do not have to rely on human connections that have for so long not seen or known or connected with me in ways I needed or desire.

God is helping me keep up the good work I have been fitted to do. And I am not hiding my light under a bushel.. or whatever the modern word is for that. Basket? Cover? Under wraps? Definitely not hiding socially just expressing myself through another medium!!

We are supposed to let our lights so shine. My light just so happens to be my simplistic/symbolic art and many words 😁.

Shared via social media in the here and now.🕊

Hebrews 12:1

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..

 

I especially want to voyage to..

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JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project that’s taken months lol but not giving up.

Day 29
ADVICE

Prompt — I especially want to voyage to..

Some people travel the world I may never get to do that. But every day I have access to me. So many things in my life including people have tried to shut me down. The person who I am. My prerogative is to live out loud and at the very least enjoy my life and let that joy be released somewhere. All the better if it helps someone else!!

Lately so many photos on my face book news-feed have been of friends I know traveling the world sharing their adventures. It is lovely and how easy it is these days to share what one is doing even on the other side of the world. I get to see places I could never afford to see but alas it does remind me of how closeted I am. How boring and poor I am lol travel wise. 🙂

I enjoy seeing the world though but it can make the four walls around me seem to be closing in mighty tight especially when you think outwardly too much about it and wish yourself away but you cannot go there in person.

When I was thinking about this prompt I mean obviously there are many places in the world I would love to see. I grew up learning about the bible and the stories in it and I actually would love to travel to the Holy land and see those places for real.. I am best friends with a Canadian on line so obviously as I have talked to him all about his life and where he lives I have grown an interest in his part of the world that would be fascinating to see in person especially cause it would mean meeting him too.

But honestly thinking too much about what I cannot do is quite self defeating.

So my mind was whirring as I contemplated this prompt and suddenly a song popped into my head. The song with lyrics “I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me..” Vivian Chow is the artist and Ron Miller the composer.
I have not been all over the world in fact I have never traveled out of Australia except to Tasmania lol which is an island state but daily I can visit and trip to ‘me’ and lack of money cannot bar me from this journey.. The imagination alone of one human being can change a world. Look at artists and authors whose imagination has brought much joy through the ages!! Dr Suess, Ronald Dahl, J. K Rowling, J. R. R. Tolkien, Frida Kahlo, Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet.. Andy Warhol.. to name a few.. So I shouldn’t be so afraid of being in my own little world.

You can never be bored if you open up your mind, use what you have at hand and introverts can really be at home with themselves and enjoy their own life much more than extroverts could.. If you can be happy on your own and find your own amusement right where you are it makes the hard times extremely bearable and you can still have a full life. Paint your world red or blue or green or multi-colored and change it every day if that’s what you wish.

Obviously art journaling, prompts, blogging etc all these are ways to explore myself and my faith and life. If I can keep doing it daily it truly helps me stay positive, happy and stops me shutting down. Cause we all know life can be hard and a daily slog and when not much changes around you, not much money etc you can pine away and lose hope.. Creativity keeps the inner world alive and kicking and imagination can take you places that are fun, challenging, deep or shallow and do not depend of others being there or not.

That song I quoted before many of the lyrics resonated with me so I added them to my art journal page.

It’s interesting as I look at the pages which I did a while ago now. That although the black figure which represents me seems boring it is surrounded by very bright colors!!!  I can see in my art I am depicting that I am not found where naturally one would think I should be.. I live on in my art and I don’t know whether other people do see that or not. I do not get a lot of responses and although I am not really very social at all I think my art is me being extremely social!!!

My art continues to go out into the world so people can find me if they really want too and I hope get to know me better this way.
The key word for this days journey is Advice and mine is ‘Live out Loud’ which just seems so appropriate and what my life has been all about as I am said to be a quiet, introverted person yet bright yellow in the background really does scream something quite different doesn’t it.

Deaf people are often muted in the world simply because we cannot communicate in the normal way so we can be easily forgotten and left out.

One important way to live fully functioning for a deaf person is through expressive sign language which I don’t think anyone can help noticing!! It’s very visual and many hearing people nowadays enjoy learning it.. A whole new path to communicate.

Art has been my path and it so beautiful and I am very thankful to God for it. Loud is  expressed in the colors that I use. Loud is speaking my truth and sharing my spirit/heart publicly often even when it appears no one is listening.

Sharing my blog which is my thoughts etc into the world via social media IS being loud. It all says something about who I am and what my message is to the world and sometimes I am amazed just what I am expressing and how easy it is to do when in the natural I feel quite tightly bound and muted. I cannot physically put myself out into the world like I wish I could but here oh wow I am as free as a bird. So where I am missing in this world.. you can still find me.. right here is where I am and what I share is what I feel and think and see. So where I cannot travel in a physical sense with words or in person or to different places because I do not have the money or availability to do so. I can travel through myself via the creative expressions I use.

This lyric from the above mentioned song say it perfectly.

Because I had to be free.

Stretch my wings and fly!

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 I wrote this for a online magazine publication but never heard back. So posting here.

  

 Hi my name is Sharon and I’m a 45 year old Australian woman. Based in Ballarat Victoria. I am a single mother of 6 children, 5 on earth and 1 in heaven. Three currently live with me at this time.

I am severely hearing impaired and receive a disability pension. I don’t currently work.

My hearing was fine till I was in my 20’s and had children. It has continued to decline ever since.

I enjoy writing, art journaling, mixed media and I have a blog I update fairly regularly.

I have been busy raising a family but now that they are growing older I have much more time to devote to developing my own interests. Latest writing venture was Heart Recycle 101! This is the first time ever for me to seek my writing to be published!

——- 

Writing is my authentic voice. Finally free I stretch my wings and fly!

I’m almost deaf and there’s good reason deafness is linked to being dumb. I can’t communicate in the world normally and it silences me. Modern technology helps but only if you can use it. If you still struggle aside from what is the norm your on your own.

People are sympathetic at first and give lots of suggestions. Even try to help me fit in. I begin to take the defense though when people just see the disability and start giving advice or don’t accept the way I face it. I absolutely hate when instead of stopping to ask me about life in general I’m told how best to live it.

This is how it goes.

‘Aunt Mary is deaf but she does this..’ Or ‘Uncle Frank is deaf I will text you his phone number!’

I’m not Aunt Mary or desire to speak to Uncle Frank. I’m not in your space to be fixed! I just want connection between us.

When people can’t get through to me they can give up and I’m left feeling rejected.

If you get frustrated with me imagine how I feel?

What works is paper and pen, text messages and Internet! I don’t miss anything and I’m not disabled! Unfortunately most people prefer face to face. Straight away a barrier goes up. Every person who rejects technology means an ever widening social gap. Strangely some don’t see online as real and for all the instant-ness you can be left waiting on replies. It’s disheartening to read technology is anti-social because it’s my word and I can be fully myself here. Therefore an open door becomes a barred gateway to many meaningful relationships.

I can be standing face to face with you and still not understand what you are saying. I can be in a room full of people and I do not know what topics are currently being discussed. It’s strange to be surrounded by people but your disconnected it’s like your in another world!

What kind of life is that?

I just decided one day ‘being physically present’ wasn’t working and stepped away.

People judge. Think I’m rude. Label me depressed without even stopping to ask why I’m not around.

I’m just frustrated!

It has meant isolation, being misunderstood and like a book hidden away on a shelf. Story unread, forgotten and gathering dust. I can understand people seeing the closed for business sign I put up and backing off. It’s just not many came looking for the reopening..

Regular blogging is one way my heart channel remains active and present. I also post my life journey on face book which isn’t always popular because many are private and want you to stay that way too. People get very uncomfortable reading about my life with it’s highs and lows. Thankfully internet like TV it’s your choice if you subscribe or follow along.

Unfortunately people have said to me that I should not seek attention or expect it by continually putting myself out there. Ironically they outwardly communicate with speech to another person I just do the same online with writing and art!

Where would I be if I stopped? 

As my life has grounded to a halt there has appeared less interest in what I’m saying. Diminishing audience, losing friendships and many times my most personal sharing via my blog has had no recognition at all.

I’ve had to be stubbornly persistent and a voice that’s needed to be louder. A deeper purpose churning away within my DNA to keep putting my heart out there.

Certainly this unresponsiveness and people turning away grounds you. I’ve had to keep searching for inspiration to press on. ‘No man is an island’ quoted by John Donne and I have to agree. Humans thrive best with support and encouragement.

Of course deafness isn’t the only darkness I’ve faced. In 1984 my 5 year old sister drowned at a family picnic. 1997 I lost a 2 month old baby boy. 2009 my marriage split. Recent times it’s been a struggle with a teenager facing mental health challenges.

All these things combined have worked to gag me. The less I say, the less I flow and the more I grind to a halt. Bit by bit I’ve almost lost the ability to express myself at all. No wonder I am awkward at times!

Before the dark times I used to spend hours telling whomever would listen the things on my heart and sharing encouragement because I needed it too. But I’ve lost confidence and its gotten harder to find people I’m comfortable baring my soul. It’s crippled me. Plunged me into oblivion but I’m still walking about above ground.

I was raised in Christian faith since I was a child. But when this whole shutting down began religion fell way too short. I didn’t only step out of the world I knew and was known in. I stopped attending the church building too. 

The isolation though it separates me from “life as most know it” has brought about a strange rebirth. My spirit has survived and I’ve kept talking to God and a few loyal online friends. If my physical presence has been absent my spirit has still been humming within and when barriers go up you have to reroute to survive.

Change initially sprang from this cocooning period. I realise that even in the deepest depths of darkness I have not been utterly extinguished. That’s miraculous if you think about it. I am alive inside despite it all. I did not give up. I can see this strength in me that defies logic. How I’ve kept going and it gives me so much hope.

God spoke to me when I was doing dishes one day many years ago, a voice in my heart saying. “I will never leave you or forsake you.” I recognised it as a bible verse I knew but at the time and ever since it has brought much comfort to my soul especially when I feel alone.

It is enough. I believe Him. I feel loved and at peace even for where I have failed and others have failed me and it’s ok. I don’t need to go anywhere special or be this or that. He is with me where I am and how I am!

I testify that even in the most soul crushing place you find yourself.

The light shines in you even if it feels only the tiniest spark.

Jesus Christ says He with us and is the light of the world and has overcome darkness, death, human failure and anything that holds us down.

He is the door to life abundant and the way ahead is opened to us.

But you cannot go back to the way that you once lived or even that everyone else lives.

You need a different mindset

Living from your awakening spirit.

Where I have been unable to confidently communicate. I find that my soul expressing itself rebelliously and fearlessly is a kick-ass way to shine my light out in the world again. At this time online mostly because it is where I’m least inhibited. Slowly and surely I have been learning new skills and created a bit of art here and there which I’ve passed on to others. What a good feeling that is!

I share a poem below.

My Spirit rises up today and meets with your Spirit.

Peace be to you this day. 

——-

Transformation

Artistic voice birthed from salty tears of persistence.

Stubborn defiance of faded and vanquished dreams.

Delusion has channelled attention onto a spark of light within.

Knowledge of highest truth intimate, an invite to prevail.

Salvation springing forth from exposed transfigured pain.

Soul crushing isolation catalyst to bursting forth of spiritual vitality.

Expression a brazen release of the invisible and hushed.

Loss is buoyancy that leaves in its wake a healing cascade of peace.

Stifling darkness antithesis to unquenchable freedom to shine.

Boldness of a hopeful heart on the sleeve transparent.

Soul finding its own unique unfolding majestic wings.

Unlimited possibilities delightfully appear in every direction.

Recognized it echoes to hearts searching for escape from earthly bindings.

Captivating and inviting abundant bodacious life wherever she goes.

  

I Must Write..

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Last day of 30 days of ‘Write Yourself Alive’ Ecourse. It’s taken me a lot longer than 30 days but only have one more prompt to answer after this. I want to keep writing and I have new directions to go. 

My own photo to go with it. I’m sitting at my art desk contemplating what to say. The feet around me is that even though I can be surrounded by people I’m often alone with my thoughts. I seem to be embracing my deafness more lately though. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I just want to find a way to communicate better with them. That works for both of us. 

DAY 30 – DIG DEEPER: Must you write? What does your 3:00 A.M. heart whisper back to you? If the answer is YES, how will you build your life from here on? 

I must write. It is a survival thing. I can’t rely on communication normal ways because I am deaf. Words typed or scrawled can say what I can’t say because there isn’t really anyone around to listen or that I can hear to reply too. I don’t use hearing implements or even know enough sign language to have a conversation. It’s just been snatches of words here and there spoken and that’s been for years and years. 

Only today my sister after telling me something about our brother that I didn’t know remarked to me that I hardly ever know what is going on. Hmm.. She is right.

Writing becomes even MORE a deep need and a deep and overwhelming desire for me to live life. The biggest struggle is what do I say because I am missing so much of what ‘normal people’ are actually out there in every day life saying? I feel like an alien in your world and oh so awkward because I am out of the social loop. 

I need to write some every day just to clear out the clutter because everyone has that inside them and I think I might have even more of that because I rarely talk to anyone. I need to daily journal and that will help archive the stuff that nobody listens too and everyone has thoughts you don’t want people to know but you think about and need to express.

If I don’t do this I walk around talking to myself. Not a good look if you want to be socially acceptable. Or I begin to shut down. I need to express myself that’s part of who I am and part of my make up. Writing is a big part and an essential part of my life.

Persistence is how I build my life. You write and write and write and create and create and create. You find something to say and with the practice that comes from typing it out and expressing it you hopefully get better at saying it and expressing it. I just miss the people aspect. It can be devastatingly lonely. So I hope someway and somehow that as I build my life with words and keep sharing them I find some meaningful connections along the way.

  

Love means “Respect”…

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I’m almost deaf so listening is not the best way but there are others way to show you care… How many people understand their pets without the pet saying a word… Its possible to live side by side of people even in a hearing world and not feel heard or understood.. When someone shows me respect and kindness I hear that with my heart.. I’m not easy to communicate with but I’m still here.. I’m still human… I still feel and see and have dreams.. When someone takes the time to ask me how I am and be patient for a reply that might mean texting, or repeating what they are saying, or slowing down to look me in the face.. I feel it doubly inside.. I don’t feel disabled I feel normal.

The first duty of love is I think respect… When you respect a person you seek a way to understand how they perceive the world and communicate that to them… you want the best for them… Its showing them reverence for who they and that you see them for who they are. It makes the other person feel important and welcome to be themselves.
Even if they are different to you… Your giving them space and consideration and showing that you will take the time to make sure they are understood, valued and appreciated for who they are. That they are ok.

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