Tag Archives: Communication

I especially want to voyage to..

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JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project that’s taken months lol but not giving up.

Day 29
ADVICE

Prompt — I especially want to voyage to..

Some people travel the world I may never get to do that. But every day I have access to me. So many things in my life including people have tried to shut me down. The person who I am. My prerogative is to live out loud and at the very least enjoy my life and let that joy be released somewhere. All the better if it helps someone else!!

Lately so many photos on my face book news-feed have been of friends I know traveling the world sharing their adventures. It is lovely and how easy it is these days to share what one is doing even on the other side of the world. I get to see places I could never afford to see but alas it does remind me of how closeted I am. How boring and poor I am lol travel wise. 🙂

I enjoy seeing the world though but it can make the four walls around me seem to be closing in mighty tight especially when you think outwardly too much about it and wish yourself away but you cannot go there in person.

When I was thinking about this prompt I mean obviously there are many places in the world I would love to see. I grew up learning about the bible and the stories in it and I actually would love to travel to the Holy land and see those places for real.. I am best friends with a Canadian on line so obviously as I have talked to him all about his life and where he lives I have grown an interest in his part of the world that would be fascinating to see in person especially cause it would mean meeting him too.

But honestly thinking too much about what I cannot do is quite self defeating.

So my mind was whirring as I contemplated this prompt and suddenly a song popped into my head. The song with lyrics “I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me..” Vivian Chow is the artist and Ron Miller the composer.
I have not been all over the world in fact I have never traveled out of Australia except to Tasmania lol which is an island state but daily I can visit and trip to ‘me’ and lack of money cannot bar me from this journey.. The imagination alone of one human being can change a world. Look at artists and authors whose imagination has brought much joy through the ages!! Dr Suess, Ronald Dahl, J. K Rowling, J. R. R. Tolkien, Frida Kahlo, Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet.. Andy Warhol.. to name a few.. So I shouldn’t be so afraid of being in my own little world.

You can never be bored if you open up your mind, use what you have at hand and introverts can really be at home with themselves and enjoy their own life much more than extroverts could.. If you can be happy on your own and find your own amusement right where you are it makes the hard times extremely bearable and you can still have a full life. Paint your world red or blue or green or multi-colored and change it every day if that’s what you wish.

Obviously art journaling, prompts, blogging etc all these are ways to explore myself and my faith and life. If I can keep doing it daily it truly helps me stay positive, happy and stops me shutting down. Cause we all know life can be hard and a daily slog and when not much changes around you, not much money etc you can pine away and lose hope.. Creativity keeps the inner world alive and kicking and imagination can take you places that are fun, challenging, deep or shallow and do not depend of others being there or not.

That song I quoted before many of the lyrics resonated with me so I added them to my art journal page.

It’s interesting as I look at the pages which I did a while ago now. That although the black figure which represents me seems boring it is surrounded by very bright colors!!!  I can see in my art I am depicting that I am not found where naturally one would think I should be.. I live on in my art and I don’t know whether other people do see that or not. I do not get a lot of responses and although I am not really very social at all I think my art is me being extremely social!!!

My art continues to go out into the world so people can find me if they really want too and I hope get to know me better this way.
The key word for this days journey is Advice and mine is ‘Live out Loud’ which just seems so appropriate and what my life has been all about as I am said to be a quiet, introverted person yet bright yellow in the background really does scream something quite different doesn’t it.

Deaf people are often muted in the world simply because we cannot communicate in the normal way so we can be easily forgotten and left out.

One important way to live fully functioning for a deaf person is through expressive sign language which I don’t think anyone can help noticing!! It’s very visual and many hearing people nowadays enjoy learning it.. A whole new path to communicate.

Art has been my path and it so beautiful and I am very thankful to God for it. Loud is  expressed in the colors that I use. Loud is speaking my truth and sharing my spirit/heart publicly often even when it appears no one is listening.

Sharing my blog which is my thoughts etc into the world via social media IS being loud. It all says something about who I am and what my message is to the world and sometimes I am amazed just what I am expressing and how easy it is to do when in the natural I feel quite tightly bound and muted. I cannot physically put myself out into the world like I wish I could but here oh wow I am as free as a bird. So where I am missing in this world.. you can still find me.. right here is where I am and what I share is what I feel and think and see. So where I cannot travel in a physical sense with words or in person or to different places because I do not have the money or availability to do so. I can travel through myself via the creative expressions I use.

This lyric from the above mentioned song say it perfectly.

Because I had to be free.

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I Must Write..

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Last day of 30 days of ‘Write Yourself Alive’ Ecourse. It’s taken me a lot longer than 30 days but only have one more prompt to answer after this. I want to keep writing and I have new directions to go. 

My own photo to go with it. I’m sitting at my art desk contemplating what to say. The feet around me is that even though I can be surrounded by people I’m often alone with my thoughts. I seem to be embracing my deafness more lately though. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I just want to find a way to communicate better with them. That works for both of us. 

DAY 30 – DIG DEEPER: Must you write? What does your 3:00 A.M. heart whisper back to you? If the answer is YES, how will you build your life from here on? 

I must write. It is a survival thing. I can’t rely on communication normal ways because I am deaf. Words typed or scrawled can say what I can’t say because there isn’t really anyone around to listen or that I can hear to reply too. I don’t use hearing implements or even know enough sign language to have a conversation. It’s just been snatches of words here and there spoken and that’s been for years and years. 

Only today my sister after telling me something about our brother that I didn’t know remarked to me that I hardly ever know what is going on. Hmm.. She is right.

Writing becomes even MORE a deep need and a deep and overwhelming desire for me to live life. The biggest struggle is what do I say because I am missing so much of what ‘normal people’ are actually out there in every day life saying? I feel like an alien in your world and oh so awkward because I am out of the social loop. 

I need to write some every day just to clear out the clutter because everyone has that inside them and I think I might have even more of that because I rarely talk to anyone. I need to daily journal and that will help archive the stuff that nobody listens too and everyone has thoughts you don’t want people to know but you think about and need to express.

If I don’t do this I walk around talking to myself. Not a good look if you want to be socially acceptable. Or I begin to shut down. I need to express myself that’s part of who I am and part of my make up. Writing is a big part and an essential part of my life.

Persistence is how I build my life. You write and write and write and create and create and create. You find something to say and with the practice that comes from typing it out and expressing it you hopefully get better at saying it and expressing it. I just miss the people aspect. It can be devastatingly lonely. So I hope someway and somehow that as I build my life with words and keep sharing them I find some meaningful connections along the way.

  

Love of a Another Kind

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Sitting here in the purest of raptures.
Like being intoxicated.
So peaceful.
Feel like my face is glowing..
The atmosphere seems charged with good vibrations.
Though physically I’m alone..
I’m so in bliss.. I don’t feel lonely at all.. Totally accepted..
My face wreathed in a kind of silly grin..
Deep inside a kind of unexplainable warmth and honey like sense..

If you had a lover with you it would be described as the kind of heavy but nice feeling of being desired and awake to all your physical senses.. But its not something that builds and is released.. Its a heavy presence that your totally satisfied within and out at the same time and totally at ease.. You don’t need anything else at that moment.. I know with sex… right.. you have a build up.. and release.. you are driven wild for culmination of your bodily desires.. Its the way GOD has created us.. but with the spiritual heightening.. its not something you need more of when your aware of it.. your sort of paralysed lol in the nicest way.. Its too good but yet somehow you endure it.. Everyone likes the peak.. but you climb down the mountain.. What if you were in the valley and still had the mountain top experience.. 🙂 thats how I am going to describe it.. You know something wonderful is going on inside, outside of you.. but I certainly cannot see it or easily explain it..

Being single I miss physical affection.. I get lots of hugs from my kids.. and sometimes friends.. but that is not the kind I mean.. But this spiritual high.. enlightenment.. rapture.. yes does supersede physical I suppose.. Physical desires can come and go.. they can drive you crazy if you cannot find fulfilment.. But they are short lived.. people take medication to get longer satisfaction….. You need helps right.. to get you there.. or you need someone else.. but spiritually speaking.. you can be alone and it doesn’t stop GODS presence neither does your status in life.. You cannot earn this.. or work for it.. but I will say.. You need to spend time in HIS presence.. talking to HIM.. the more you are aware of GOD.. the more wonderful the experience is.. I talk alot to HIM.. ha ha I will say not always by choice.. Im not so spiritual I am continually praying and interceding for nations.. not like that at all.. My kids see me talking to myself.. so more like a nutter.. ha ha.. but talking to GOD for me is natural.. you tell it all.. all of it.. not like prayer.. more like continual conversations through the day and anything and everything.. Yes and normal prayer requests.. someone sick.. someone hurting.. someone needing help etc

Now I get frustrated.. because yes I long for human contact.. being deaf.. or severely hard of hearing.. Im in my own world as far as communication is concerned.. and being single I don’t have a lover or husband.. so I get frustrated with GOD because I have wanted love… romance for a long long time.. the kind of soul relationship long time lovers have.. But GOD has not given that to me.. not yet.. not the way I want.. or think I want..

But yet I cannot say that HE has withheld Himself.. HE is a lover.. thats for sure.. and HE can show YOU much much more.. than one can easily explain.. HE loves.. HE gifts.. HE blesses.. HE favours.. HE is real.. HE is able to supersede our understanding.. I can understand people not knowing HIM.. because HE is not like humans.. We are made in HIS image.. but HE is far greater than our capacity to understand.. HE is beyond our minds.. and even the wisest man or woman on earth is minute in comparison of wisdom they can achieve.. No wonder there are atheists.. That I can understand.. Because if you come in your humanity.. you will fall very very short.. There is a place for the faith of a child.. very much so.. GOD knows it.. and HE can withdraw the awareness of HIMSELF.. HE has done that world over.. you can see it.. but its not that HE wants people not to know HIM its actually just the opposite..

I know this.. because in my personal struggles I have isolated.. some part was not my fault.. but other parts I choose it… I do so sometimes to see if people really want me.. really want my presence and miss me.. GOD has shown me that many men and women seek HIM and want to understand HIM.. but there hearts are far from HIM.. They have it all wrong.. not really wanting HIM.. HIS presence at all.. so HE will appear to be distant to get them to desire HIM more.. But they turn to all manner of things and HE is jealous for them.. yes HE actually really really wants us.. But he is like a jealous lover making himself scarce so that we come after HIM.. Hiding if you like but still there.. close.. very close..

In my day dreams and dreams I desire to be wanted.. sought out.. and ha ha hotly pursued.. and it appears so does GOD… I told HIM.. you have millions who follow HIM.. but he said few seek HIS heart.. they follow HIM but not with their whole hearts.. It is possible to be in a room with someone speaking but your mind is elsewhere.. you are thinking about other things and not really fully present.. GOD said people are the same when they pray.. they are not really talking to HIM.. but asking for this and that.. and not really talking.. communicating with HIM.. HE has told me just to enjoy HIM.. But you know religion has burdened us.. because from what I have experienced all my life.. its about what we are doing for GOD.. and oh yes all that we are not doing.. Yet how often do you get taught to enjoy GOD?? When its all about HIM.. you are free.. free to be yourself.. free to love.. free to enjoy life and GOD and each other.. free to get on with living…

GOD is GOD.. he is great.. I mean look at the whole world.. the flowers, trees, every single human you know.. and HE made all that.. how do you get your mind around that.. its impossible.. but yet its HIM.. HIS signature everywhere.. and yet we are tiny in comparison.. but we really do want to know so little about HIM..

I do hope and pray.. ask GOD.. that somehow this isolation.. or intimacy I have with HIM.. cause HE is always here.. so I am never really alone ever.. and I’m aware more times than not of HIM.. that something greater comes of it.. I do so little out in the world.. I see so few people.. I don’t work out of the home even.. yet GOD is with me.. and I do what little I can.. like writing this now.. and I leave it in HIS hands.. and hope it speaks in some way.. you can easily see my humanness I just pray that through my weakness HIS greatness is shining!!

I am going to include a picture.. a expression.. a piece of art I came across.. through reading a book called.. “The Life of Teresa of Avila” this sculpture created by Gian Lorenzo Bernini. Called the “Ecstasy of Saint Teresa” and it displays intense spiritual and physical experience.. Other worldly.. heavenly.. woah.. lol…

Just because it fits with the experience I have had of GODS great love and how its heavenly and how it just completely “undoes” us physically and its all very very good.. Mine of course.. nothing like this.. but it encourages my heart to see this.. If you search further you can see it in more detail and read more information.. its very interesting..

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