Vulnerability

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Day 8# Create a piece of art outdoors limiting yourself to just 15 minutes.

What did you enjoy most/least about today’s challenge? 

I could write a book on this one lol and that is because I feel so many things and am often alone with it. Feeling a lot right now but that’s normal for me so I am so glad I am able to do this right now. Honestly my art might be simple but it has mega layers of meaning to me.

I went to check out others art first and what others had done with this prompt lol which probably isn’t very wise. In the Thriving artists group I am in where others are joined together and I am doing this art challenge with there are a lot of very highly talented people.. 😮

My immediate thoughts were mine is not going to be THAT good. Lol and honestly speaking without being afraid to say it. It is what it is. It’s just simple water color probably the same as a child would do and yeah I have been doing art for awhile.

BUT this is what I love about just doing art. Simple can reveal so much and THAT is what I enjoy what it all means to me. Everything has deeper meaning.. it’s being able look beyond the immediate and more deeply see it..

This is drawn in our backyard directly outside my bedroom. It is winter here and quite windy outside. It was cold even for the 15 minutes it took and the wind was blowing straight across my paper and making the paper dance and the daffodils in the garden dance which I do so love.

Beforehand I was doing my sitting thing. It’s been a habit of mine. To sit.. sit.. sit..

But I saw an image on Instagram which I will share by Sark which made me almost immediately want to get up and go do this prompt!!!

It motivated me.

I just did it.

And I chose to paint outside my bedroom because that is where I spend a lot of my time. This is really weird too but just before I went outside to paint my bestie made this comment… “kinda still in ur comfort zone”. Woah!!!

So that made me want to do it even more.

But my determination was driven even further because my friend knows me better then most everyone else.. because he texts via messenger with me every day.. I just felt no no no he couldn’t be more wrong. More to it then meets his eye..

Timely that he’d say that though about my comfort zone when it was going to be my soul focus.. except the difference being that was I on the outside looking in.. My art was just taking a different perspective of it lol.. I hope just like me you can see there is much more to “this moment” ” this sharing”.. “this timing”… Cause all this stuff totally flabbergasts me..

That blue screen is a sun blind. I am thankful for it. It gives me privacy. Otherwise my parents whom I house share with and who do frequent the yard would look straight in at me. Sometimes my mother is gardening right outside my window!!
I house share so I value my privacy all the more. We share the kitchen.. our lounge is in the same room. So even my lounge is not private. So my room is where I go and spend a lot of time. I am more a loner.. can be happy doing my own thing. A lot of my art, writing, art expression is done from my room. My comfort zone I guess you could say. So sitting outside of it today in the cold sorta had some huge meaning. I wasn’t thinking about my room at all as I did my water color.

I was thinking just on the 15 minutes and getting color down and as much as I could paint of it in such a short time. I would prefer to go in and define it with like a black pen. To make it look better. But I have not done that. I did the time allotted and this is the result.

I can see through the blind to the outside from my room but you cannot see back through it from the outside. It is supposed to be for summer to protect from the heat but it is a privacy thing for me as I want my inside blind open and to see out but nobody else to see in. Kindly and thankfully my parents are happy to leave it down for me. I rent the back house from them. Two children and I live here sharing kitchen and laundry and as I pay normal rent my parents let me park my car in the garage.

The reason I entitled this ‘Vulnerability’ is that its just a very simple and not particularly great capture. Rough with a few colors. The blind takes up most of the page actually. So it is funny that something that I did and am sharing publicly is a majority of a blind/covering to a place I retreat too that I guess is what my friend sees. That I stay in and he is right in this fact a huge amount of time in that comfort zone.

So why do I disagree with him?? And why did I say he couldn’t be more wrong?

Because I feel vulnerable sharing something amongst a group of very talented people that is just so very basic and in Christian circles there are obvious gifts and talents and even out in the world from a very small age you can see people who have are gifted and I am not one of those people and I am ok with it. It is only really in the last 6 months people have commented on my art sharing and I will agree with them I am improving in ways. I have been openly and publicly sharing for a long time though. I know art is subjective and obviously good art who can not be moved by it. My vulnerability to keep sharing despite how I am is my strongest point I feel. I am not good at most anything really, definitely stay to myself and that is not wrong to say or putting myself down. I do not put my heart into much these days. But in these I do even if it’s simple and it doesn’t stand out and that is what I see is being vulnerable but also that I do it regardless of results. I saw other artists in the challenge say that they took a little more time and tweaking of this challenge so I feel brave that I did not add to it or take extra time. I was rough I know but I wanted to do it and do it as I am without fear and without judging it or changing it or tweaking it and without fear of sharing it.

Speaking about sharing a house with my parents at 48 is vulnerable. Speaking about staying in my room alot.. Is vulnerable. Putting out art that is child like as an adult when I do a lot of art already is vulnerable because it isn’t easy to show raw and rough. I think very much I am putting myself out of where it is not comfortable. This is what I did in 15 minutes.. Full stop..

Another reason I see it as vulnerable is that for me art is about sharing with the wider world cause I need connection. I am built to share and as a deaf loner.. people are not around me much (staying in my room doesn’t help that lol) and even as a loner I need people and look I know majority of people cannot fit to my needs and I cannot expect people to fit to mine but I still need people. So it is vulnerable to be out in the world with my simple water color art challenge and my need to write as much as I do on a blog hardly anyone reads and yes it is vulnerable to do this knowing what the stats usually say. Does it all have to mean something to someone else to mean something to me. NO otherwise I would have stopped and given up a long time ago.. it’s just lovely and incredibly meaningful when I can share it and it does mean something to even one other person. And sorry friend but THIS to me IS very much me being out of my comfort zone but you are right in that I use my comfort zone and that is where I am majority of the time.

I guess for me it is where GOD has been most beautifully with me despite me. I mean I can very easily have a lot of time to know my own self and I know where my own borders fall.. even despite the losing touch with much of the outside world. In my comfort zone I can that much MORE understand GODs presence in this place. Cause peace comes.. Joy comes. A sense of being held comes. Finding satisfaction with my art expression even in simplicity.. And yet I am on my own.. I do not sense this with people and yet I have longed for intimacy with people.. As I sat outside in the cold trying to convey and pretty poorly the outside of my room in a very short time. It kind of echoes why I am not moved to be anywhere else. Because GOD is everything and enough and I sense HIM right where I am and it can make me happy without results even and without anyone else needed.. And I let that take me wherever it will be it on this blog, via social media, on chat, on a blank page and/or through mixed media etc.

Talking about it right now and sharing my art is most definitely NOT my heart staying in my comfort zone even if my physical self retreats here!!!! My heart roams all over the world via internet lol ❤ ❤

What did the LORD show you through today’s challenge?

Miracles can still happen in comfort zones and to child like souls even if its only for me but I LOVE that I can share what I feel and experience and anyone could read it. Inspiration will always come when I am unafraid and do it anyway no matter the results. Art expression always blesses me. When I do it even simple. When I am weak. When I am vulnerable I know GOD is in this with me and I share it and keep sharing it and even if I do not see results or experience more than the personal joy of sharing.. GODs glory will be seen simply because HE is involved. And in two instances through every day occurrences even in my comfort zone I have seen HIM clearly.. Even when I am doing things that don’t make sense to other people.. HE is saying YES to the middle age, 48 year old deaf single mother still sharing a house with her parents, doesn’t come out of her bedroom much. That HE speaks with me and to me in ways right were I am and as I am… I am given strength to keep going. I can fearlessly be me so HE is seen because in my weakness HE is more clearly seen as my strength. HE is my help and I love that HE does all this in midst clutter, imperfection, where I enjoy it.. my heart can do things in my own way and personal style.. even when I am buying more art supplies that I could ever use.. It is more a matter of faith and trust to rely on HIM for the why, wherefores’ and meanings when you know it is out there in the world despite my weaknesses, faults and lacks..

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