The gift that is not just a gift..
Given through someone else when I’ve made it quite clear, as rationally and as kindly as I can not to do it..
They take no notice.. so I do what I’ve said I would do..
This below (3rd image) was sent to them in September last year because this has happened before.. I resent it last night.. there was no reason for sending me this recent gift except creating drama cause they knew my feelings.. my boundary..
Replied to me.. how could I throw kindness back in their face..
I’m now blamed.. they become the victim?
So seems it was more about them then ever about me..
I have walked the room.. prayed.. cried.. awake for hours.. thought about going public and changed my mind again and again..
I know they want me to react.. but by staying silent I continue to be the victim and often without support.. because of how it always happens.. how it looks..
The people around me don’t really believe me so I’m not feeling confident or safe to talk about this.. and the few who do know.. sigh.. I just want it over.. I don’t want to burden people anymore.. But I can’t just pretend this isn’t happening.. it’s been years.. so much damage and I’m not the only one.. maybe the only one who will say something..
If I stay passive.. I shut down I struggle even more.. I need to tell my truth.. Speaking up gives me my power back and helps me.. standing up.. resisting it.. is me being brave.. writing it here on my blog.. gets it out of the inside of me at the very least..
For me since I received it.. symptoms- – Brain fog.. Anxiety.. Trouble sleeping with bad dreams.. feel controlled.. feel manipulation.. feel powerless.. feel bad that it affects me like it does.. how can I be honest when speaking up makes me look bad and this person look good.. but the truth is still the truth.. I seesaw back and forth..
I’ve been told.. don’t worry.. let it go..
But unless I stand up.. I’m controlled again.. it keeps happening.. losing my voice.. NO!!!
Below except in brackets – found here..
** Be aware of relationship dynamics. You can usually feel when someone is manipulating you. You will often feel stressed, guilty, pressured, frustrated or even angry, but may not understand why you are feeling these emotions. This is a red flag to evaluate the interactions you are having with the other person.
(Boundaries crossed and they continue to do so.. )
Decide to continue or leave. Finally, you need to determine your next action. Will you give the manipulator the option to use a better interaction approach or will you move on and leave the situation. You may also have to make the decision to continue the relationship or end the relationship. You are the only one who can determine the answers and you will need to base this on how the person accepts your feedback and responds to your boundaries. If the person is in your family or a coworker it may be difficult to cut off the relationship. In this case, you may have to just keep your distance and have a plan for managing your interactions with that person.
The intricacies of human interaction and communication are deep and complex. We can use our brain power and relationship skills for good and for ill will. Unfortunately, there are people who use them to manipulate to get what they want. However, as an influencer it’s critical that you understand manipulation tactics and not only stand against them for yourself, but also do so for the good or others.
((This is just one thing.. happened for years in many different ways.. I make my stand because of how it affects me personally.. how it’s affected me family wise, how it affects relationships around me.. Many losing out here.. peoples opinions based on false appearances and how staying silent is really destroying us all..
It’s worked to try to shut me down but my voice, my sharing keeps me moving me forward.. There has to be more than this!!!
Extremely personal and affects my every day life.. There’s always the danger of what I write being used against me.. but it also might help those who care to know more.. to understand why I do what I’ve done.. Maybe I can bring about greater, deeper healing because I’m not being a door mat.. not sweeping it under the carpet..
I have to take a hard stand not one I would freely choose cause I’m a peace child.. There are loved ones I really truly miss.. Not an easy decision.. No pay offs.. My life has got harder the more honest I’ve been.. I’ve been more misunderstood..
God reminds me..
Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword..
A sword in the internal sense signifies the truth of faith combating, and also the vastation of truth; and in the opposite sense falsity combating, and the punishment of falsity. ))
Despite the cost to myself, my faith and daily life.. I stand for truth..