Emerge

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I have been very fortunate/blessed in the last couple of days. I recently got a new car Subaru Liberty well it feels new to me and a big step up from my old car that died and I started an on-line workshop I won called “21 Secrets Tell Your Story”..
Today though I am hesitant. I completed the first artists’ contribution I suppose you’d called it. And I just feel so underwhelmed by what I produced. Not that it isn’t what I was inspired to create or that I wasn’t enjoying the content and that my heart wasn’t in it. That’s not it. It’s because I feel I should do so much better. I have been doing art expression a long time and I still feel so simplistic in the way I do things.

But you know I don’t have to share this with anyone but I am choosing to do so. I want to feel uncomfortable and pushed out of my comfort zone. I want to be unafraid. I want to shoulder through. I was not as playful as was suggested. I think I tried too hard and thought too much and that was not what the lesson was about. It is not what the teacher Carissa was saying.

I had extra challenges with the videos because there are no captions. But I have an Iphone ap that captures most of what she said although it takes extra time to go through the material. I enjoyed the journaling that I did as part of this workshop which surprised me because although I try to write some every day more often than not I don’t. I think journaling and writing is my strongest creative gift. Visual not so much but I still do it because I enjoy it.

The image of the two troubled figures with their backs to each other with the little child like souls inside reaching out. Is an image my brother sent to me awhile back. He said it reminded him of me. I hardly see or speak to my brother so we do not have a close relationship but you know he has said a few things personally that shows he understands me and has done many kind things for my family. That through the years it’s clear there’s a deeper bond that goes beyond the physical.

My life rests on such as this. If I didn’t think there was more to life than the every day or outward appearance of things I don’t think I could survive. It is why I do not excerpt my physical presence in this world as much as I could. I feel and believe that there is a greater reason we exist, live, move and function in this world. The inner life is deeper, more connective, more intimate and more powerful than anything in the physical realm and if we are aware that spirit lives on and surpasses all that fades, the broken parts we can’t fix or the struggles that appear without meaning. It can change the way we approach and view everything else.

I think this is where my greatest power lies. My Spirit within is my truest life force and my highest self. So this image though I drew it myself and it has smudged some. Is the basis of this whole piece of art. I feel very much like that troubled caged figure with my back to others for a majority of life but it does not represent who I truly am and what I believe is really happening..

The smaller bright yellow child represents my spirit which desires true intimacy and where the most important connection happens and it is where I choose to focus on more than any outward appearance and it’s how I want to be seen and known in this world. I will add another photo of the image that might show up more clearly. It is an important piece of art to me which represents my life. It is symbolic. Spirit strong. Flesh weak.

I am not much concerned with my physical presence so I know I probably come across opposite to who I actually am because I do not have a very strong social presence face to face. I used the skin color as the base of the page to show that I have drifted to the background because of this. It also says that I lived a majority of my past life physically being less than honest about who I was and I did not know the power of my soul or the spiritual realm.

God is love tis the banner over me. A huge force in my life and my strength in weakness and through whom I choose to focus which gives me a greater reason to live.

HE is the core power in my world and truly gives me wings. As I was doing this piece too. This bible verse came to mind. I love when that happens. ‘My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26 I am a faith girl too which again resides with what we are charged to do as we live as a new creation.. to not walk by sight but walk and live by faith!!

My Spirit is my highest existence and is exactly the reason why I do not give up. My Spirit is where I experience peace and freedom and why I share my life story no matter how simple or different to others it appears. My Spirit infused by HIS Spirit and with this comes lightness and the buoyancy to keep going. Words and color and images and sharing my faith give me the greatest joy. Relying on the power of SPIRIT to transcend my humanness through the freedom of creative arts and social media.

 


2 responses »

  1. Wow….i did not look at the picture until I had read your words. It made me get a lump in my throat, close to tears as soon as I saw it. I think it is deep. Simple does not mean bad or less than. Thank you for sharing your struggle.

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