JOURNEY: 30 Day Journal Project
“It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
we have come to our real work
and when we no longer know which way to go,
we have begun our real journey.”
— Wendell Berry
My real work might just be…
Starting, becoming clear, springing from this place?
Oh my how that quote above just makes me sigh deeply like suddenly my soul found it had stopped breathing and didn’t quite know it. Because I often sit thinking of all that I should or could be doing and have absolutely no idea what to do with myself and its such a hopeless feeling and I cannot literally move. I am afraid that if I did ask GOD it be just the same old same old and all the crap I have been through would have been for nothing. Yet I know HE doesn’t waste anything. I know HE has been with me through all the strange occurrences that has been my life. I have not felt HIS displeasure or felt guilty except only by the words of humans who say they are speaking for HIM?
Yet where are they when I am struggling? Judging? I thought the Holy Spirit was supposed to prompt people into action but so far nobody has been getting it except artist type people. People who have struggled and who are what the world considers broken people. They seem more in tune with the Spirit of God than people who spend their lives dedicated to God?? It all makes me look at HIM only at HIM and perhaps what encourages me even though it seems not the way a majority move is just when I think I cannot go on a little ray of light breaks through and I find myself encouraged and fear fades away.
Unknown territory. Where nothing of the normal or old type things work anymore. Its like everything has pushed me here. And even though it has been hard and lonely and isolating strangely I do not wish to go back. I often think how can this be? Majority move a certain way surely I am way off the beaten track yet I find despite myself incredible peace and joy and intuition I know is not me. Maybe it is all for a reason. To begin that REAL journey my soul has been crying out for. I suppose I should not be disorientated when its all new ground around me, all unfamiliar and strange. Because that is exactly what breaking into the NEW is.
So this is it then. This New way. And I just realised yet again when I am honest about where I am something comes alive in me. I can express myself easily. I can find the words that only a short while ago failed me. What a strange thing this is though. This strength in weakness. This surge of life where moments ago I was lost and direction less but now I am moving in spirit, confidence brimming over and it feels really really good.