Three soul questions I asked myself. Written on three pieces of paper. Turned over and shuffled. Than I used colours on those papers. Not knowing what question was on which paper. Than chose collage pieces.. Words and pictures on each as to how I was currently feeling. What images drew me at the moment. I assembled each one and turned over. This is my thoughts on each.. Amazing experience to do. Found through the book “The Artist’s Rule” Christine Valters Paintner..
What does God/HE want me to learn in the midst of where I am currently, how I am currently?
Gold centre.. I have learnt my value in Him. God doesn’t make junk. I’ve found that out through HIM alone and being so alone because of disability and circumstances. The gold was in the middle.. But all around the gold was black.. Hard pressed on all sides. Some yellow in the black because I’ve learnt things.. Important things in hard times. When you blend the colours with water. Gelatos. Gold pretty much stayed pure in the midst of the black. So even though the darkness has tried to shut me down. It’s only made me more intense faith wise and also helped me find my core strength. I look up. It’s not about anything else but HIM really.. Although the person I used to represent myself in this is a child. I am central in my story. I do relate to being childlike. That’s ok. And even though I’m often alone and seems like it’s just about me. It’s actually all about HIM. That’s how HE does HIS thing. It’s an honour. I realise it’s an honour. My Spirit is HOLY. Because of HIM. Love. I know I’m loved. And it definitely doesn’t mean I’m perfected in this whole experience on the outside yet.. In fact my imperfections I must embrace as part of it. Artist. Is just simply telling it in my own way. Look up.. Use it all. Focus on HIM. On love. On Spirit. On limitless spirit. As I am.. Where I am. Opportunities endless.
What is my Spirit desiring at the moment? What is on my heart?
Colour. I want to see beauty I look for it. Open to it all. Variety. Expression that bypasses words. I need to be creative to live this life. . I want to be more honest. Seek truth. Transparency. Of the heart. Freedom. Imagination. Even though I feel majorly shut down in many ways. I still have hope. It’s amazing that the pictures of me I found were large. It’s as if God is saying. It’s ok. How things are and how they seem. Supposed to be that way. It’s how HE uses me. Emotions play a huge part as does the heart. Spiritual longing creates stronger desires. It’s like the more I learn the more I want to learn. More I feel hard pressed. Brings forth beauty. Spills out. Makes me seek HIM more. From my great need I produce life and art and bring forth from that. In simple ways but powerful ways. Desiring freedom. Revealing soul. Going within. Using my spirit and expression. To communicate freely.
How can I use rejection to work for me and not against me?
I drew a heart but not central. Colours that radiated out from that. It looks now as if it’s a flower. Heart are seeds and the paper and gelatos made a pattern that further made it look like a flower. Like petals around it. What was done on the cross central. There’s freedom there. Forgiveness and restoration. Hope. Peace. Love. All that I could want found there and flows from there. A burning heart within the result. Despite the things done to me and my heart. I need to share and that hasn’t stopped. Seeds only fall when a flower dies. But more flowers come from it. I need peace.. Central to who I am. I will always choose peace over everything else. It’s how I live through the hard times. The assaults on my soul.. I can’t bottle it. I have to tell it. Or write it or share it. It’s who I am at the core. Yellow seems good and holy. And what doesn’t destroy us will shine and bring forth beauty. But even if our very hearts wither and die the seeds within will always do their thing! How artists speak from beyond the grave!
Letting myself bloom and my spirit shine and my passion break free. Being myself despite it all. See that hard things are not me. But rather what has happened to me. Makes me bring forth what is always and already inside. It’s the vehicle for bringing forth what makes me bloom and bring forth my harvest. Even if I was completely destroyed from it. You crush a flower the perfume escapes.