DAY 27 – DAILY PROMPT:
Tell us exactly where you would be if you were never allowed to write again from this day forward. Explain what it would do to your life, what it would do to your mental state of mind, and what, if any, new practices would replace it, to help you feel balanced.
Think deeply about how this has changed since you began this course, explain to us what you feel.
A new way has been opened up to me even as I procrastinate my way through this writing course. Yes I started something new before I finished this. So me right now.
Even though I love writing very much. I am also a very visual person too. So writing has had it’s place and so does doing something with my hands art wise or sharing my feelings in a different manner. If I stopped writing I could easily shift into creative expression via paint with a mantra written on a canvas or art journalling or with photography. In fact I have stopped writing almost..
Still words of course but its not relying totally on the written word but using one word or a few words to say it composed with colors, textures, little images and basically my heart on a canvas instead.
As I move through my life at this point. Pretty well everything is fitting. It might be a quote with a prompt, or a word even, or how a question is asked and the timing. The fact that so much of this I cannot tell anyone just about drives me bonkers as I have few I talk about feelings etc with or how I am feeling. I couldn’t stop now if I tried it’s just I have to channel it somewhere right. Except I cannot stand still and question it because to me it doesn’t really make sense but the joy drives me on. I have to keep going and trust the process and the unfolding.
Last night I had a dream, a night mare that woke me up around 3am. So I am going to let this go here as part of this prompt which shows the changes in me I think. As I said everything fits. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else it does to me. All I can do is share it the best way I can.
Perhaps the dream was influenced by the graphic images on TV and in the news right now. Brussels has been hit with terrorist attacks and many people have died and many more injured. It is scary times in our world. I pray for all those affected but trying to grasp it with human understanding is unsettling and you cannot fathom why these things continue to happen. You cannot easily just sit with it.
In my dream I was deep in the forest with my youngest daughter. It was getting late and light was fading fast. I was aware that I was moving away from where I needed to be to safely find my way out. I knew I had to back track from where I currently was. Than I knew from that place I could find my way home. Except that it was getting darker. My phone was low on power so I couldn’t ring or use my phone for much light when it really got dark. It was an eerie feeling indeed knowing I was in a bad way. I knew that although I could at this point find my way home, the coming darkness would make me lose all sense of where I was and than I really would be completely lost. Time was running out it seemed. I am so glad in my dream my daughter was there.. I was not alone like I am often or seem to be in my physical life. That was the one hopeful thing in my dream. Even as I lay in the darkness semi awake I was trying to find a way out.. Trying to create an ending for that dream before it went away.
My heart was beating a bit fast.. The dark of the night in my bedroom seemed to be closing in. I do what I always know to do. I prayed. I prayed for help for what my dream meant. What my life meant. What my creative spirit means. You kind of bring all that is going on in your life into that prayer at that moment. I knew I was safe. It was just a dream except that I was feeling disturbed in my spirit.. I used that to keep praying. Prayed for the world. Prayed for Brussels. Saw messages coming in on my phone. Light flashes when messages are coming in and other times that has woken me up. My friend was struggling very same time too. So I prayed for him. I didn’t reply though at the time. I draw great comfort from knowing GOD with me and the wonderful thing about praying for others is I can feel comfort for them too even if all I am doing for them is to pray.
I thought to myself if the dream was real I would have prayed for us at that point. I would have found comfort even being lost in the forest.
As I kept praying till I found peace in my soul I thanked God for just the comfort and help HE gives me always and whenever I have troubles.
Than I prayed some more about the world who doesn’t know to pray or to find comfort when they are lost, confused, troubled in spirit and the way is not clear. Things became clear to me as I lay there in darkness praying.. Right than and there nobody could help me. No one around at 3am with me physically. I could wake up sleeping children lol but they couldn’t have helped me find peace. I thought of people who are hit by terrorists especially the ones injured and dazed. Who have survived and are injured. It would be terrifying. For many they are alone right at that moment.
Made me think of them and hoping they knew to pray. Because there are moments in all our lives when we are in need.. Maybe not by acts of terrorism. But we are in need, lonely, scared, injured of body or soul or both, when we need assurance. When there is nobody around who knows or understands and sometimes even we can be surrounded by people and feel alone. We need help when there are no answers or its getting darker and more difficult and we cannot explain it easily. We need comfort. No one though can be with us 24/7. Even the best of the most supportive people cannot do that.
I thought of how so much falls so short. Yet God knows exactly where we are. HE is everywhere. People may not know that or may not even believe in HIM. People might even curse HIM at those times. I found HIM in my moment. I received comfort. But than I know HE is there I believe HE is there. Right than though there was no visual sign. I have loud noises in my ears they were still there.. I don’t have anything else that comforts me or another person sharing my bed. It is still dark. I am still in my room. Alone. Still a single mother. Still have mess under my bed and clutter surrounding me. Still have doubts about my own life and where my place is in the world. I mean I didn’t see flashes of insight or angels. I have had to go through times when I had to be stubborn about my faith. When it seemed there was no one who cared, no help coming, everything unfamiliar, nobody noticing, speaking what seems insanity, seemed to be anti-me etc..
Things became clearer as I prayed, just talked to God about everything in my own way. I have so little to offer anyone in this world. Especially those who are REALLY feeling lost and alone and abandoned and it REALLY is getting darker for them.. But I do know to pray and I do know the comfort I feel and have felt and the assurance in my heart of one who is greater and close despite the lost-ness one can feel, the ever encroaching darkness and thudding heart.
I felt even joy last night. A deepening excitement about my faith, about my creative expressions and what was stirring in my heart from this time with GOD. About what I have and feel inside me. Faith. Hope. Joy. Peace. But also direction and inspiration did come. I mean I don’t have much validation and support for my creative life even my spiritual life. But I do know HIM like I do. Although many times I have written here at my blog or shared my faith publicly with family, friends and connections and many have not seemed to notice or appear to care. Still I keep going. I have even more reason too now. Even though my faith is not main stream or like many I know personally. In the darkness I can feel the light.. totally at peace and happy and feeling freer than ever before.
Assurance was the word that last night stood out to me. My writing or expressive outlet is branching off into using a canvas, paint and only a few words to share my heart, voice and self to the world. I know that will be the word for my next canvas!! It will be based on last night. Truly it was much more wonderful than I can put into words. Honestly this writing and my telling it falls short. But I know within me there is something greater happening despite my frustrations to say things and be heard and seen.
I think my picture to go with this writing will be just be a screen shot of my Iphone where I hurriedly wrote down my thoughts from last night.. of course the picture doesn’t show everything I wrote but most of it. Just to re-enforce what I scribbled down so I could remember it today and share it. You see for me. I cannot not share it. I see all things work together for good and I am believing if I am greatly moved perhaps someone else might be helped too.. ((Pic included with a screen shot from TV because I am always encouraged whenever I see these sunlight streams from heaven and I had to take a pic ))… isn’t it weird the patterns that my camera picked up lol from the transmission and the words “Let Light Shine Out of the Darkness” was a free clip art the Over ap gives its users every day.. Altogether Perfect huh!!
For me its about internal. Spirit. Kingdom is within. Eternity. Because HE is our world’s creator connection with all. Trusting GOD in the darkness and in the light. I get high on the most high.. 🙂 I remember praying to HIM and saying. LORD you are the same GOD who created Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, Oprah Winfrey, Frida Kahlo.. Etc pulling famous peoples names from my brain.. Yet you’re with me here and now. I mean the very most famous souls on earth that ever lived past, present and future. You created them and yet YOU are here with me.. I might not be noticed or have millions hang on my every word or creative endeavor. But I know YOU are with me and the same YOU created them. I can trust YOU and just keep going and doing what I know to do because YOU are with me too!!! ❤ ❤ ❤