Feeling hard pressed on every side it feels. The last couple of days especially.. Incredible loud noises in my head/ears. Most times I can kind of just deal with it. Forget it.. But sometimes it makes its presence known and it feels intrusive and oppressive. And I am very very aware of it.
I’ve also had intense stomach cramps, premenstrual, probably close to the worst in my life for days now. Before that it was a headache for half a day. Bodily symptoms doing their best to wear me down.
My earthly mind at the very same time seems to want me to think on negative things too so to combat that I go inward and kind of close myself to it all. Meaning I dwell on GOD. His presence within well it’s everywhere but the outward pressures make me turn inward. My way to explain. I have not had the people around me to rely on or that I felt I could rely on. So my way to cope is escape all outward distractions. Except I do not meditate yogi style but center myself on God with me in my own way right where I am how I am. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. HIM.. I don’t like to label it. Presence. Kingdom within. I don’t go to a building anymore. I see my body as containing HIM and that I am a holy place.. I am at peace looking in. I find solace.
Today’s art journalling is my way to be aware of HIM. It’s restful, it’s calming, it centers, it brings peace. It’s expressive, meaningful and it’s my way of acknowledging HIM. Or channeling HIM.. I know that is ‘New Age” kind of talk. But this is exactly what we as believers in GOD are.. the old has passed away the new has come.. It’s just what we associate with using that terminology. People tend to switch off to you if your not the ‘same’ as everyone else but when you are free indeed things take on a different meaning..
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
Feet without shoes represents to me HOLY as I am.
Tree change.. Goes back to the beginning. Eden. All has been reset.
When you get frustrated about relationships, health, world issues, family issues, people, where you fit, how you fit with others.. I think to what JESUS has already done. Hitting restore. He was the only one perfect enough to make the interchange using a body. To live when he lived, and die as HE died. HE said… “It is Finished” as he breathed his last as a human container to GOD. It was not the end of the story though or was it? What HE did than makes all the difference to me now when I realize it. Only if I know what it was HE did. HE righted all wrong. Restoration right back to the original tree of life.
HE was the change though HE is changeless. Even the very nature of who HE is tells you all would be made right that is wrong.
I get so pulled this way and that when I think of having to change. I can’t change. I am who I am and I do not believe I need to change and when I know HIS life is in me I know all is well. It is my purpose only to know who I am.. HE has saved every part that has failed and fallen and could ever fall short. Through HIM. I am born of HIM. HIS creation. HIS perfection because anything done in the body HE made right in HIS body on the cross. When HE died I died. Now I live the perfect life because of HIM. Life is to be lived wholeheartedly.
HIS kingdom is here now. Heart living. It is beautiful. Freeing. Remember how HE said..
Seek first HIS kingdom.. and HIS righteousness.. and all these things shall be added to you.. Matthew 6:33 ( all these things are earthly cares we worry about…all will work out.. )
I am at home in this body nevertheless. And no matter how much of an outcast I feel. I belong. Because of HIM not me. Not anything to do with me. That makes it easy. It is beautiful. Beautiful indeed.