I don’t write certain things. I don’t want to see myself saying them. Or be heard saying them. God knows though even the things I do not say. I changed my poem today. Not a good idea to write monthly cramps. Changed to outward and inward pressing. Cramps are pressure. LOL I was creative in the saying!
I had nothing in the tank today. Nothing in yesterday. I just wanted to sit and watch tv. Switch off. I felt heavy. I looked around at my creative things and they held no interest for me.
So I prayed a little. Not a lot. Not for hours. But I know it helped because I did something creative.
I did rewrite a poem again too even after I initially hit post.. including my faith. I truly believe that is where my inspiration comes from so I cannot not put it in what I do. I KNOW well what is of me and what isn’t of me. I know that anything of faith will turn some people away and those who are different of faith or don’t think I have faith will turn away too. But you know if anyone wants to persist and they don’t have much to give or feel they have much to give, or are direction-less. I can at least tell them how I do it from where I am. I already know I am not noticeable in what I do so maybe nobody will care what I write about. But I do need to say it otherwise it’s not obvious that all this hasn’t stopped me. There is something in that. Either craziness or I am aware of more than just me. People cannot say they haven’t seen me out there. I am persistent. Even if I am ignored. So either I have nothing worth saying or I have something worth telling.
I have to say huh. I tend to think that what I have written sounds the same as it always has. But at least I am saying something. So much will pass away at the end. What remains and what is priceless is what the heart does. I think heart etchings or heart produced anything is unforgettable. People remember what touches the heart. It touches you. Heart goes to heart. Oh how that keeps me going even if I cannot see it touching people. I rely a lot on the unseen.
If people really knew my weaknesses anyone would see better my strength. That is why I do it too. I want people to know the strength I tap into is very very REAL. It is very good. The rewards for me are knowing I have done it. Enjoying it. The joy that comes and the acceptance of life no matter how it is panning out. There is peace in my soul when I create and express myself. I don’t get paid for what I do. I don’t get recognized a lot. I do not have any important documents to show for what I have accomplished.
It’s just this.. Words. Writings. Soul ramblings. Things left behind that share my heart, spirit, soul and life. Anybody that sees my home life would see. Clutter. Introvert. Too much coffee. An extra loud person. Laziness and procrastination. Indecision. Lack of focus. Hoarder and the list goes on. And if that is ALL they see they will and have turned away. Ignore me. Not pay me any attention. Delete me. Un-friend me. Pass me by.
Yes I bypass a lot myself. My weaknesses in favor of His strength. It’s where I see and know God best and it gives me unbelievable hope. If God is seen when we are weakest, there is nowhere HE can’t be seen. If you have well known faults people can’t even accept you for and yet God hasn’t abandoned you WOW what does that say about Him!! There really truly is nothing to fear. We need never fear what we are not. Our imperfections can even be vehicles for HIM to reveal himself to the world.
Even at the cost of what people think. I use my weaknesses. God has said his strength will be made perfect in my weakness. So I take full advantage of that and find joy. Check the bible out. It’s in there!! 2 Corinthians 12:9
This little canvas is just a practice canvas. Testing out my new artist handmade stamp. How putting text and a stamp on a canvas would work and how best to make it stand out. What mediums to use to do so. How gelatos worked on canvas. That sort of thing. But when I look at it as it is. It inspires me because it’s exactly how my life is. Simple, messy, cluttered, yet colorful, stand out presence, spirit, faith, not hiding…. So when I look up from my lap top while typing this out. I can see it right in front of me.