Not Powerless

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You have to face it some time.. First by realizing it’s there.. And second by realizing your not powerless.The thing is by doing the same thing over and over it ISN’T changing.. And that is why I need to do something.

I faced huge battles before when two people were ganging up on me. They didn’t know it at the time. But it was very apparent to me and very hard to deal with.. GOD gave me help with it.. By a little sesame street song. “That’s about the size.. Where you put your eyes.. That’s about the size of it..”

To me these people were dominating me and so much so that I was shrinking being around them.. Powerless.

But by changing my mindset I don’t know it seemed to help somehow. I saw myself bigger and the problem seemed to shrink. And that is about all I did.. I was playing a victim role.. Now I see myself way higher and taller and stronger.. And the bullies or problem people are way down below.. Maybe they are still doing the same things but somehow this new vision made everything lose its power.

I have had problems with anxiety.. Over_______. ____ is also not aware. Blissfully unaware mostly or so it seems. I need to see this differently too now.. Use the same tactics to overcome this battle.. Because sometimes its about all I think of.. Soul destroying.

Yes it seems unfair that I am targeted so much, for so long and through the people closest to me.. AND especially that they cannot see it so I am even more alone.. Urgghh… to try to explain to people who SHOULD support you and SHOULD listen and they see nothing.. Is the craziest, weirdest and most frustrating thing.. You would think they would simply believe you based on who you are.. And that you are telling them and they should just believe you. But when you look into their face and they aren’t believing you and look at you like you’ve lost your marbles.. Make excuses and try to justify it. It is like having all the air in your chest released and yet your supposed to continue to breathe. Every day you’re thinking why should I tell them anything.. They won’t believe that either.. Your battling every day against being believed as well as what the abuse is doing to you and you become more and more alone.. Your struggling in silence and they look at your struggles and than judge you not on the cause of your struggles but that you are failing and that it must be your fault cause look at you.. Instead of think.. Wow she’s changed.. What could have happened to her to become like that? What pain must be occurring to act like that? What if she IS telling the truth? Heaven forbid that she is telling the truth?!?

Why in the hell would I lie? 

So further and further away they and myself become.. Nothing I  say will make any difference so I start to become silent with them. It’s how it happens.. And than to top it off the person giving you strife is welcomed in and seen as the victim instead lol. Ohh please can it get any more painful so your stabbed again and again as you struggle and they rise.. And forever kept in chains as the victim by the people who could help you but refuse too because this couldn’t possibly be happening.

I think telling your story is one way to take back your personal power.. Ok some already don’t believe me.. But maybe someone else will. Or maybe some peoples eyes will start to be opened to what is really going on. Also as the scripture says Gods power is working through me and its appears the best way to show it. 

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
  

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