Last day of 30 days of ‘Write Yourself Alive’ Ecourse. It’s taken me a lot longer than 30 days but only have one more prompt to answer after this. I want to keep writing and I have new directions to go.
My own photo to go with it. I’m sitting at my art desk contemplating what to say. The feet around me is that even though I can be surrounded by people I’m often alone with my thoughts. I seem to be embracing my deafness more lately though. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. I just want to find a way to communicate better with them. That works for both of us.
DAY 30 – DIG DEEPER: Must you write? What does your 3:00 A.M. heart whisper back to you? If the answer is YES, how will you build your life from here on?
I must write. It is a survival thing. I can’t rely on communication normal ways because I am deaf. Words typed or scrawled can say what I can’t say because there isn’t really anyone around to listen or that I can hear to reply too. I don’t use hearing implements or even know enough sign language to have a conversation. It’s just been snatches of words here and there spoken and that’s been for years and years.
Only today my sister after telling me something about our brother that I didn’t know remarked to me that I hardly ever know what is going on. Hmm.. She is right.
Writing becomes even MORE a deep need and a deep and overwhelming desire for me to live life. The biggest struggle is what do I say because I am missing so much of what ‘normal people’ are actually out there in every day life saying? I feel like an alien in your world and oh so awkward because I am out of the social loop.
I need to write some every day just to clear out the clutter because everyone has that inside them and I think I might have even more of that because I rarely talk to anyone. I need to daily journal and that will help archive the stuff that nobody listens too and everyone has thoughts you don’t want people to know but you think about and need to express.
If I don’t do this I walk around talking to myself. Not a good look if you want to be socially acceptable. Or I begin to shut down. I need to express myself that’s part of who I am and part of my make up. Writing is a big part and an essential part of my life.
Persistence is how I build my life. You write and write and write and create and create and create. You find something to say and with the practice that comes from typing it out and expressing it you hopefully get better at saying it and expressing it. I just miss the people aspect. It can be devastatingly lonely. So I hope someway and somehow that as I build my life with words and keep sharing them I find some meaningful connections along the way.