Day 26 of 30 days of Writing

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Day 26 of 30 days of Writing

Day 26 My worst creative fear would be. That I am totally invisible. That nothing my person said or did or expressed was ever noticed at all.

My whole self was invisible to everyone.

Cause it feels like that at times but I know people CAN see me and see what I post on-line and the things I share. It just doesn’t seem to register in a way I can see it making a difference.

Becoming…

I stand before you invisible just as I have stood in front of so many others.
Your head is bowed and your shoulders are slumped.
Your spirit downcast.
Your eyes are unseeing of anything around you.
When they do look in my direction you see straight through me.
It is as if I am not there at all.
I wave my hand frantically back and forth.
Your face remains unchanged but the wind moves more noticeably through the trees about us.
I speak emotive words to you and repeatedly say your name.
Telling you I love you.
Nothing registers in your eyes.
In frustration I just stand there not knowing what to do.
I hear the birds start to call to one another.
Sing their songs.
Your face brightens and your eyes come alive.
I am encouraged to speak of things that come deep from within my heart.
They seem to fall on deaf ears for you return to a face of unknowing.
Yet when the sun begins to shine brighter..
You smile.
You are so very close I touch your face.
It is as if time is standing still for us and we are frozen in this moment.
I reach and squeeze your hand.
Nothing.
I put my hands on your shoulders and as I do I notice the fragrance of surrounding nature permeates the air more profusely.
Oblivious to my touch your shoulders rise as you breathe it in.
Tears start to form in my eyes.
You become blurry in my vision.
My body is wracked with the pain of what appears a great divide between us.
As I lose my composure my tears fall and the wind swirls around us and gathers them up.
Clouds begin to cover the sun and a few droplets of rain spill from the sky mimicking my sadness.
Your face upturns and your hands lift palms to catch the droplets.
It does not appear to bother you this change of atmosphere.
I sigh wishing that you would reach for me instead.
I scream and shout and birds in the trees beside us take flight.
You flinch turning your face towards the disturbance..
Your eyebrows raise and you look inquiringly about you.
What is this?
You notice the birds?
You notice the sun?
You notice the rain?
Just not me.
I feel so alone even though you are still right before me.
What should I do?
I do not wish to completely fall apart.
Shrivel up and die.
I am still alive.
I am still here.
I kick out continuously at the dust at our feet in frustration.
The small burst of rain like my tears has altered nothing.
The dust rises up about us changing the color of the air.
You cough.
You rub your eyes..
You squint.
I stop kicking.
My heart is beating faster and something inside me is switched on.
I realize there are possibilities and a spark of hope ignites.
My spirit even when I am unseen in your presence can still move and interact with the elements around us and the elements are affecting us both!!
I have found a level we can meet at!
I blow a kiss and a gentle breeze dances in the hair framing your face.
Your face softens and your soul is at rest.
You are now standing straighter and your eyes are shining.
Your spirit has recognized there is life around you and you are peaceful.
I can see that in your face.
Than you start to move.
You step forward and walk right through me with a spring in your step.
I turn and watch you walk away.
What is this?
Why are you unable to sense me in flesh but yet are moved and enabled in spirit?
What has just happened?
Did we make a connection?
Yes we did!
I am not seen and heard one way but I do make a difference in another!
I ponder this and even though you did leave me and even walked right through me I sense peace within myself too.
All the times this separation and invisibility of self has happened again and again there is hope for change and a place of connection to be found.
I do not wish to just crawl up into a ball and give up but I cannot live oblivious to you and others without some meaningful recognition.
Maybe there is a way to interact?
A better way to channel and find one another.
Where spirit exerts itself with power and purpose and there is breakthrough!
I seek to live a dimensional life side by side of you and everyone else. No longer to be walked through and denied.
No longer unseen and unheard but conscious in a way that becomes us all.
Living and moving and existing in a new way that cannot be unnoticed on any level!!!

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