What is one thing /aspect /person you are still holding on to, that directly or indirectly interferes with your ability to create more and better?
What vampires (things, people, situations) empty you and leave your heart in red numbers?
What drains me are people who don’t give me a chance to be myself and don’t talk about themselves. It’s not very personal or meaningful. They don’t ask me how I am or tell me how they are. It’s like they skip over everything that really matters about the every day and we end up chit-chatting. I am all for small talk too but without going deeper nothing worthwhile is ever going to result or change from it!!
Without acknowledging the every day ups and downs and the highs and lows you can’t really connect meaningfully. We all walk the same earth and breathe the same air so why can’t we talk about it all?
Strange thing is that as I write this I see myself in a whole new light. I have always thought I was stuck. I was the alien and I was the weird one.
But the thing is I am not stuck! I am not staying the same way or purposefully avoiding how I really feel. I am evolving. I am attempting to grow and develop stretching forth my wings. I am actually going forward with every word I type (today, even now) I’m deepening in my approach to life and facing it full on. Trying hard not to be the same as I used to be or even was yesterday. .
For myself it is a spiritual journey and a personal and very intimate one. I may not traverse and travel the earth’s surface in a physical way but I am digging into my emotions, my soul and my creative spirit right where I am which I believe GOD has created in his own image and this is truly the most ‘real’ I can ever be. I believe we are all spiritual beings so for me its doing it all from the inside to the outside AND I am beginning to fearlessly explore and express that.
Not in a religious way that restricts and turns people away but in a spiritual way that invites and celebrates with all humanity. A way only those around me who are living from their spirits can truly value. Aren’t we all living this life? I say a very defiant NO!!!!! So many are like a shell of themselves. Fueled by belief systems and other peoples ideas that deny that they themselves can think and decide and be fully the exceptional people that they already are. Individuals first not just one of a boring same speaking and acting corporation.
We have these belief systems so firmly entrenched that somehow we must become something we are actually not and can never be. Conforming to perfection or a holy unreachable standard. Opposed to unique, glorious and imperfectly perfect.
People speak in a dialog that is filled with words that are not their own. Minds tightly shut up and will not accept the truth that we are all designed unique to be unique. We are souls and spirits and people in different colored human skin. We all cry, laugh and love but to do so without owning our choice is killing untapped potential and we are capable of so much more than we can even dream about. We are born and we die but we must live in the in-between and transcend our own personal limitations!! Enjoy our span of years but it seems there is this and that to do and people get lost in the boxes and labels we assign to society and religion and we just see the shell of a person staying small and scared to be different and trying to stamp out anything or anyone who is not like us. Tis very sad. It is how I once was..
You do not need to be like everyone else and keep things locked up inside. You can be whole and dynamic and deep and beautiful in your own way and it brings forth a brighter shinier life that’s new and exciting and authentic for everyone and not just a select few.
Getting back to the gist of this writing. I truly believe that anyone who I meet or am around who can’t or don’t or won’t embrace life in fullest measure I struggle to mesh with. They make me feel like a child in the middle of group of bullies. With their similarities and hang ups and dislike of anyone who is different I feel rejected on all sides. Never wanting to know the real me but always pointing out my faults and judging me on how I am not fitting in. They shut me out and drain me with their standards and make me feel like I am unworthy.
Why on earth would I ever want to be a part of that and because I tried for so long to fit in I almost lost myself completely and the ability to be the unique creation that I am.
It’s these very same people who have propelled me to rebel and become myself in fullest flavor and form. Yes it might be a slower journey and one that skirts the edges and even a solitary one at times but it’s one I walk forward throwing off restraints instead of being tied down.
Putting aside uniformity and stagnancy and walking taller with earnestness to find all that I can be and become the fullest ‘I am’ that the world will ever see.
I thank GOD for freedom, choice to be wholly ourselves and especially for the beautiful people who I meet along this journey who are deliciously alive with exotic rawness fully exposed and invite me to do the same!