Write a letter to the person you think you should have been by now. Explain to them why you aren’t them and offer them proof that who you are is better.
Would the world be robbed of you if you were less a person? If you chose to hide and retreat and explain yourself publicly even if no one else does? Surely that would make you stand out wouldn’t it?
You see you loom over me. You make me feel less and unimportant and not even worth thinking about.
Highly organised person that you are. You shirk not your responsibilities. Your always on time and never miss a birthday. I mean heavens the church building gets your utmost attention and the people there work side by side of you and your always accepted and returning to opened arms. You are utterly kind and compassionate to everyone and they treat you with the respect your presence deserves. Your everywhere and highly social. You’re well recognised and everybody visits you and your always out and about beloved by everyone you meet.
You’ve coped with loss and grief by becoming an upstanding member of your community. You have the right words for everyone. You have the tidiest house and never miss an opportunity to stand forward and give your opinion. You’ve handled your disability in a mighty way. I mean everyone has learned the best way to communicate with you and give you the encouragement you need to be the best version of yourself. Your efforts are highly regarded and your presence is sought. How could I compete with you? You hold your tongue if you’ve been mistreated and yet can say things without offending anyone. Even shake your enemies hands and look them in the eye if you had any. You live above it like it doesn’t even affect you. And if it does you gracefully conceal and lovingly and neatly sort through it. I fail to meet that standard.
I can’t be you. I can’t. Things hurt and I cry. I cry a lot because a lot of things hurt. I have to express how I feel and not keep it bottled up. Yes I stay away from most people but I do so because I can’t contribute in a way I feel on an even par with everyone else. As I don’t have many to tell it comes out where people are and where it works best for me. Where I can communicate what I want and need to say. That doesn’t always come out cute and cuddly. I step on people’s toes in physical and online. I am disastrous at fitting into schedules because I just want to live without high standards I can’t reach and be unashamedly myself. My flaws show. I stay away from where I don’t feel I fit in or belong. If I’m not comfortable I say no or I back away. I will tell you in the only way I can cause I’d die without expressing myself. But I haven’t died or disappeared. I just operate on a different wave length but it’s not a wavelength that you can’t use.
Am I better for it? Yes! I’m free and what I do and how I live is different to most others so I can say something not many others can say. Not on any measurable human standard is how I’d compare myself to you and I don’t want to be compared. Ugh.. I’ve had enough of that. No more comparisons they are shit. Crap. Poo. They rob and push away valuable souls into the shadows those who struggle to say things or feel things or be like you. Not everyone can be you or want to be you.
But they still matter. They always matter and they catch my attention more than any other. They might be messy, loud, failures in your eyes. Have quirks that you might want to keep hidden or private but they are exquisite for their bravery and oh my they do stand out.They don’t deserve to be shut down..
They have been shunned and yet they are expected to act and be clean and tidy versions of moral and of social excellence.
They are loveable because their messy attempts are the cry of the soul to belong and be loved, respected and treated just like everyone else.
Isn’t uniqueness a beautiful form because it means we are not all the same and the ones that appear least to us all have much too teach us. They’ve had to adapt. Find new ways to survive.
I’m unashamedly real. I can be loyal to the ends of the earth. I can say it and be loud. I can say it long or I can enjoy finding other ways to express it. I won’t judge you. That’s the me I want to be and enjoy being. Full of Spirit and grace!
2 Corinthians 4:7