I’ve not long started a week long creative writing course.
This is just a piece I wrote tonight.. This is what came out.. Anyone who frequents this blog knows how I write. I want to find different ways to say what’s on my heart. Writing is my thing but strangely though I’m not a good communicator. I can see I need to stretch myself more and try a different way. I’m seeing in even rereading this where I can make changes..
Ha ha nowhere near condensed enough to fit into one or two paragraphs..
1. Become the seed. Take your top three most painful experiences. How can you turn these painful experiences into one paragraph or two paragraph descriptions? Take the reader into their senses through recalling your own during those moments. Make them feel it. Show them, don’t tell them. Think detail. Think skin, goosebumps, the energy, the scent..
Enter into what has been the most painful three experiences of my life. Losing my marriage. Losing a baby boy and almost losing the complete physical capacity to communicate in the hearing world.
There is semi darkness but faith in God has kept the light shining so I could just see just enough to not give up completely. It has not meant I was spared loss. I have not been aware of many others that could understand the isolation of this place so it’s appeared on the surface.. a journey of one. Forces that have put me into an arena I didn’t sign up for. Like a pawn on an empty chess board but I still have to play the game and follow the rules like normal when it is anything but normal. It’s being aware of people around you but they are transparent… Other chess pieces on the board but you can’t interact with them – and they can’t or won’t understand what your saying. But still you say it.
I almost lost the will to live but un-natural peace within when my baby son died gave me supernatural hope and strength. God spoke to me and said “I am with you.” I believed Him.
Catalyst to staying in the game of life which has given me purpose to tell it and share it with you now.
Even though the sobs rise up from deep within as I tell this. Who would want to know of a path of pain if there were nothing to learn or to gain and no help along the way. I may have journeyed this road but I was not totally alone. An unseen hand has moved my chess piece and continues to do so. Sometimes the game stalls and I move nowhere. Sometimes there are great advances and sometimes great losses.
It has seemed black and white but the sky above is filled with colors. My chess board might be small and I may not even move very far or go anywhere. But I’m not afraid even when tears fall. I see rainbows in my sky. I keep looking up.
I get hugs from my living children who are with me the majority of the time. I am good friends with my former husband. We have peace. I have encouraged others for years who have lost babies and I pray for the hurting and cry to God for them. Most of all I write and keep expressing myself because deafness won’t stop me this way. I can communicate freely and loudly without disturbing people and even though they might still ignore me, the more they do the more I write..
I am playing my game out with words, art and persistence. Sore fingers from writing my heart out on a keyboard where messy writing will not stop me, being misunderstood doesn’t shut me down and my heart is louder and more alive than it’s ever been before…