ROOT: 30 Day Journal Project Day 11

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I’m feeling so frustrated in myself. One of those seasonal flu things going around so everything aches. Blocked up and hot/cold from a temperature. No energy and I feel lower in spirits. Also have my monthly lol same time and it’s like a double whammy.

It’s day 11’s turn on my journal project. Not so sure it will be created in an art form visually today more a written response alone. I want to get through this. I want to push on. So thankful to good friend Amylisa who commented on my last blog entry. I wanted to truly give up and you helped me not too. Feeling more isolated than ever before.

The inspiriation for this day is “You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”

— Freidrich Nietzsche

Kind of appropriate isn’t it.

Four of my children with their cousin went out tonight to a fund raiser. Oldest daughter Talitha is in our cities first only women’s American football team and they are raising money to sponsor their team for upcoming competition.

I couldn’t go of course so home alone.

This writing surprisingly lifts my spirits and for just a little bit I forget my symptoms.

Prompt I’ve chosen for today is.

What message does the chaos have for me?

Well I have no choice but to rest and recuperate. Take things easy. Let things go and focus only on the most important things. It does give you plenty of time to think. I asked for prayer on face book. Asked for help from my family. More than normal.

Appreciate all the more the ones who are still there who still care.

Let some things slide that people say. One man said.. have faith in GOD.. sigh. Right ok. I don’t suddenly lose it lol but ya its not a good thing to say. I learn what not to say during these times.

Chaos is world-wide. I have never before noticed so much of it and it’s depressing. Definitely chaos makes me look to GOD for understanding. No one can fathom hatred, wars, cruelty, and devastation on a huge scale. My trials are miniscule considering. I pray much more for unknown faces and countries and especially those highlighted and described in stories circulating in the media.

Chaos makes me remember the peace GOD gave me in troubled times. How it was so out of this world. All you can do is rest and trust GOD. I mean sometimes I can pray sickness off, you feel the symptoms and after prayer they go. This time not.

I’m thankful my oldest daughter has taken kids to school two days in a row, Zali youngest daughter completely cleaned the bathroom and added recently purchased linen she’s done such a lovely job. That my mother helped with dishes piling up and brought in washing. Appreciate the little things all the more. The biggest thrill is Conner 16 attending 4 days of high school this week. I’ve had so much trouble getting him there with sleep problems and depression and anxiety. But I can be thankful for him attending almost all the week and I have not had the struggles to get him there that I normally have.

The message chaos has for me is even though my body is weak and feels dreadful my spirit inside can be lifted by being thankful and just patiently wait out the moments till I am feeling better. Trying even when you feel you can’t well sometimes you can!

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