Maybe writing this from my heart means I lose even more respect of people and become more isolated.. But I have too.. Its how I feel. And I am not going to be afraid or terrified.
Gods Spirit brought this to mind..
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9
What I’m talking about happens so often and it upsets me.. I know if you reach out to me I will try to see your heart and that you care but sometimes it doesn’t come across perhaps the way you wish it too… This is not about you but about me and how it affects me.
I don’t wish to be in church at all. Its not the people that attend churches fault but right now you are pushing me away more than draw me in. Ok you attend and you enjoy it that’s fine for you..
But right now and for quite some time its the last place I want to be.
I have told people. Various people at the church I used to attend I’m not interested in returning and asked almost begged not to be contacted again.. But it keeps coming in various ways to my attention that someone is trying to get me back…. as if I’m some prodigal daughter that needs to be there in order for the people who do attend to get some peace. It might be in a round about way but I’m still aware people are seeking me out so I need to speak out.
It does not speak of love but force and it does not speak of respecting me but its offensive and hurtful and almost feels evil. Please keep reading though because I’m hurt and I’m trying to be honest and help you understand.. Its not just one person but a variety of people over a period of time.
I have a good relationship with God outside the walls… His Spirit has not abandoned me and is the greatest comfort in the world.. I’m sorry I don’t want to attend with you please please respect that.. Since I stopped attending I have learnt many many things that have changed my life and I truly believe I needed to walk this path to learn these things..
You are welcome to ask me and I will tell you…
I don’t believe I need to be in a building one, two or more day or nights a week because I’m the temple now… The temple of the Holy Spirit… I worship Him in Spirit and Truth as He really is. I meet every single day with believers world wide online where I feel loved, prayed for and welcome… I’m happy and growing in my faith and I’m where I want to be.. Please understand that I’m at peace mostly but I wish for you to leave me in peace… Sure I will gladly share with you my journey anytime but I’m deaf so face to face or in a building with lots of people no longer works either.. Messages, text, internet, face book or here on my blog you will find me every day.. Or can contact me anytime…
Its hard to tell people sometimes how I really feel because I can easily say the wrong thing or it can be taken wrong.. Or it can seem pointed but this is how I feel and I don’t want to hurt anyone or make anyone else feel lesser for how you live or express your faith… This is just what I feel.
I’m well aware a major majority see it differently and that’s a big battle too because it continually means I’m different but I cannot believe or live it simply because the majority do.. I come to Father God through Jesus Christ the same as every church attender does. I just don’t worship Him in a building of a Sunday or any other day. I worship Him where I am every day of the week. Day and night. HE with me with always!
I realise many I know will not read this, that I will probably still get contacted and it may mean I’m even more misunderstood. But I needed to write this to remind myself and tell those who are connected to me daily my heart on this matter. Please don’t take it personally I love every single person who cares for me and my family.. I definitely have not abandoned my faith and I will respect how you live your life, and if you worship too how it happens as I hope and pray you respect me the same.
God bless anyone who reads this.