I’m hearing impaired, based at home, I don’t work, not social, and I feel mute in many ways. Deafness seems to be linked with dumbness. I am not calling myself stupid but I suffer from this kind of inability to speak and express myself which is one reason I isolate so much. Honestly tongue tied, shy, introverted, wall flower or whatever you like to call it. Its real and it sucks and the wonderful thing is art, writing and poetry of late seems to be a wonderful release. The only release I seem to have. All day every day I have incredible loud noises in my ears. It interferes with life because I feel I have to speak over it but nobody else hears it. So for a quiet person having a loud voice is freaky and disturbing. I do not like to stand out and being loud makes me stand out everywhere..
To get to the heading and why I wrote it that way… Days can be hard.. Not going anywhere, seeing anyone or the normal conversations others have to feel a part of the world some days I feel I have absolutely nothing to contribute to the world and it seems to drain my mind of potential.
Yesterday I worked on an altered book (Brides book that was once a registry book but un-used) with lovely thick pages and I have been painting, collaging, creating new pages from old with colours and pictures… Its beautiful, spiritual and speaks messages from my heart but also its a place I retreat too which I can pour out into …. who I wish I was and who I am and what I’m learning.
I find I gravitate to God who is with me and how the relationship with HIM is my hiding place and where I find my life and purpose… Only when I lose sight of this connection with God do I struggle and then I kick myself that I get silly and focused on dead living.
Spiritual life is the greater reality. We are called to be the Bride of Christ.. technical term if you will for the closeness we experience when we are awakened to HIM. I nearly always capitalise HIS name its a respect thing.. Just my way of showing it.. 🙂
Back to the page.. This was the title page of the book declaring what it was created for … I had left it blank for some reason. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with the page ha ha I see it represents my life direction (I’ve had none for a long time) which must be changing too…
See with my art… it just happens.. I don’t plan it.. It just comes. So after some reading of a christian book “Creative Intercession ~ How simplicity, fun and art can move the hand of God : Allison Shorter” it isn’t the bible and a small amount of prayer.. I haven’t even been praying much. I turned to this altered book and with the words of the ebook in my mind started to do something..
Its said that in our weakness we are strong.. its so true because I had no great inspiration at the time but I know that something was coming out of me and it was not of me. Thus you see the reason for the title of this blog post..
The colour gold for the background was an idea that came… thats a royal colour, speaks of wealth and preciousness, the window, flowers, heading “Brides book” were already on the page I just coloured them in and of course I added the romantic pic because bride, groom and everything a bride is about is joining her life, love and self to another.
Her life was one way now it something totally different..
I made the window of stained glass which I admire in life and this beautiful central part of the page means it lets the light in but brings colour to it!
Marriage is about joining all that we bring to each other.. not just about two people involved.. I think of the bride carrying flowers, she receives gifts at the wedding, her belongings and all that she is becomes joined to her groom and all that he is and all that he owns becomes hers too.. Especially in relation to GOD when we join ourselves to HIM or acknowledge HIM and look to HIM.. trust HIM… give our lives to HIM.. its about all that we are.. all that belongs to ourselves.. Merges.. Union… One of the wonderful gifts of being HIS bride is HIMSELF but also that HE endows us with the beauty of so much more.. Another world… HE likes to gift.. and its ok to enjoy HIM and HIS gifts.. its beautiful..
In human life so much of the wedding day is filled with incredible detail which takes so much planning and time yet you know I’m pretty sure the bridal couple really only have eyes for each other on the day and all they are really thinking about is being together… In this page I’ve found so much more than simply intimacy but enjoyment, forces that unite and working for all time not just past, present but future.. Its provision, care, love beauty, gifts, purpose, fitting into the bigger picture.. Etc
Its weird because religion is all about what we should and should not do and how to do it… Restriction… Its here or there or at special times… we kind of lose ourselves in all the rules and regulations and mindsets.. but you can never do enough.. work work work.. But in these pages I find even though its all focused on HIM wow does that open things up.. I see beauty more.. Im rested.. I feel more and more joy and freedom… I find myself in these pages.. I find hope and inspiration and I want to know HIM more in every way.. The pages don’t say that my life is boring… they speak of love overflowing, no lack and expression flows and I have ideas and appreciation even the unseen is recognised…Colour, intimacy and enjoyment.. There is focus there, a world of possibilities and no restriction..
We are no longer beggars and poor in this world we are so loved and cherished and taken care of… HE wants us to delight in HIM and I am so thankful that in my hard times I have found HIM in the pages of a book that was intended one way but used in a total other way..
The hands around the edges are angelic hands.. And when it came to mind for this page I was a bit resistant.. Why bring angels into this? Its about romance, intimacy, lovers if you will.. An escape… Spiritual place… God and me ( which was not the intention as I started this book its just where it went)…
But when it flows I go with it.. They speak to me of tender care and a bigger picture that for the most is still unseen but yet it goes on all around us.. Of God loving me and my family that He sends us angels to guard and guide me/us. They take up a big part of this page and they are busy ministering to us on his behalf. There from the beginning.. Its speaks purpose to my life despite how it’s been and that in this very place of intimacy and focus on GOD with me I’m exactly right where I need to be…
It speaks supernatural and how many of us need that in our everyday hard normal lives… To imagine, see by faith and believe in the divine.. The words written across the top didn’t come up well but they say..
This year believe in miracles.. And ha ha the writing is kinda unseen 🙂
I could go on and on about different aspects of this and that all sprang from nothing… That’s what art does to me.. Opens me up.. My mind, spirit, heart, eyes, ears and yet all from my bedroom.. Same place every day.. Where nothing changes but yet everything changes…
Glory to God..
Most of the art I do does not get much response… But I say to GOD.. Take from my weakness and humility… My unseen life yet I’m a royal by spiritual birth… And use it for “the greater yet unseen” purpose… Which is always there.. May GOD be known and HIS presence believed and this in itself bring miracles in the world around me simply because of HIM recognised in and through me!