I usually write these on Twitter but only so much you can say on there..
I want to expand a bit on these graces/gifts God has given freely and without me having to do anything special to receive..
Life changing and keeps me you know believing through all my life no matter what happens..
1. Gods peace I received when our baby son was born, got sick and died at two months.. I mean our family was separated because i had the baby in a remote place… Four young children to care for, my marriage had had problems too so the peace held us all together during a very tough time.. I was watching RPA a medical programme on Australian TV last night.. one lady gave birth via cesarian section and the baby was small so it was dramatic.. I was bawling.. seeing it all just brought back losing my own baby… So even though its been 16 years.. I’m changed for life.. you never forget losing a baby.. and all the emotion that goes with it.. I want to hold him again.. normally.. not be separated.. etc.. and as tears poured down my face and my body shuddered remembering I realise that I still went through it and feel it..
Yet by the grace of GOD.. the incredible thing through the time in 1997 was that I was miraculously spared the normal grief and shock and upturn that a mother would go through at that time and for a long time after.. I was so peaceful at the time.. I hardly grieved… I just didn’t feel the grief and seeing that documentary last night.. I just continue to praise GOD because I KNOW what great peace HE gave me which is unexplainable and I will never stop talking about it because thats how great it was.. I just see that for some reason GOD spared me and gave me peace and it has changed my life about death, loss and hard hard things.. because I know HE is there with me.. and HIS grace is sufficient.. and HIS peace passes understanding.. I still feel hurts yes but remembering HIS peace.. comforts my heart always..
2. Through my divorce I was helped and I know it was GOD and it was through rainbows and peace.. One day while I was driving with the kids I saw double rainbows in front of us and this is really weird but they traveled along with us for awhile to the side in the vegetation and surrounding area and the reflection travelled along with us before they disappeared.. The kids at the time saw them too.. A sign to me GOD going before and to keep going…
Then they turned up again one rainbow on the day I went to start proceedings.. and another rainbow in the sky on the final day I was in court when the Judge ruled the divorce was acceptable or whatever they do… I don’t know all the legal jargon.. We had had up an up and down marriage for a long time but I prayed and believed for healing and better days just about all the way through our 18 year long marriage.. So It was a massive struggle to let go because no matter how hard it was and did get at the end I was determined my faith was going to outlast so I did pray and believe and keep going and divorce went against everything I believed about marriage and being faithful and sticking it out. I literally wrestled for a couple of day in prayer when I started thinking of divorce (I was deeply unhappy, struggling and failing being separated for a year and there was no peace) but I had to trust GOD and HE showed me a scripture that gave me peace again and I let go.. Started divorce proceeding and that was a few years ago now. But so much changed then.. Things got much better in the long run and God helped me through those tough times of dealing with all that.. Peace and a better relationship with my ex husband is one of them..
3. You might have read two blog posts ago that I have had my own personal struggles in latter times.. I’m laid back too much sometimes for my own good. But one of the greatest graces that keeps me going is knowing I’m loved and accepted by God and completely forgiven for all my stuff ups and screw ups.. All of them… To believe and know that God is with you always and will never leave… Wow… To know your righteous.. Perfect because of what Jesus did…. That’s freedom to live with confidence and security all your days… God doesn’t give up on me and never will… He loves me as if I was perfect and doesn’t see my sins.. My shortfalls even though I still have some and still fail… I can face each day with hope and his help and that I’m forgiven… Great is his faithfulness and He knows my heart inside when nobody understands me… I tell Him everything and He comforts me even when I don’t see a way through and when my hopes and dreams seem far away and impossible.. God also gives me great joy too a sign He is with me… Contentment another that no matter what He is with me and I can trust Him..