I need to write.. I need to express myself.. I cannot not.. I think I would lay down and die if I couldn’t.
Obviously I was born to do this very thing.. because there is right now nobody available to hear it..
So I write instead..
I have been reading an ebook.. I mentioned last blog post.. by Mandy Stewart… Spiritual Wanderings.. Link below..
And its stirring my soul inside.. in some nice and some not so nice ways.. I need it.. ohhh I need it.. and I can vouch yes for so many things she is saying..
I walked the dog yesterday and was talking to GOD about it.. it takes a lot to be vulnerable… to be transparent.. to be honest.. to be open in public.. a book is a very public way but the wonderful thing is.. you can be private with it.. just you and the reader.. intimate.. even though you will never know just how many people will share your innermost thoughts, struggles and joys..
I mentioned to GOD how its stirring things inside that I would have to share and publicly and that its messy and honest and out there.. I would much rather be strong, positive and uplifting.. I would rather skip over the messy, naked bones part.. But there must be a greater reason this book came my way.. these inner urges are compelling me and yes I believe my stories are waiting to be told..
LORD but.. what will they think.. am I not supposed to be strong.. and heavenly.. but HE reminded me that HIS strength is best shown in weakness.. Right.. that resounded in me loud and long.. but LORD there is so much there.. lol.. ha ha.. it feels cavernous.. deep and dark sometimes.. it may be totally different to what I’ve ever written and expressed before.. But I know something is needed.. an airing.. a healing.. a telling.. an honesty..
What if they still won’t listen.. why am I saying that??
I was just confronted today about things I am saying.. how I cannot expect things from outer.. from people even that they will listen.. that I have all I need inside.. but yet something is missing.. the inside needs to come out.. spirit flows.. it doesn’t pool.. it cannot pool.. but it has.. for a long long long time.. it doesn’t mean I am weird or screwed in the head.. or unspiritual or not grace minded.. It means GOD is digging out the treasure inside for some reason.. but there is some dirt there too.. that has to be dug out.. I am not aware from what place this writing is coming.. But I will let it flow.. because I like flowing.. I have had too many stuck days.. blank days.. lost days.. sad days.. but this is freeing.. its real.. its me.. and its heavenly..
“What did I just say”… that this is heavenly.. how can that be?? Yes it is because I am smiling and expressing and that makes me sigh and feel useful.. yes because I am unafraid.. yes because I am being free.. There is no fear in love.. Love is with me.. HE is in me.. and HE is opening my very soul and showing the world through my weakness HIS amazing strength..