( I Type prayers.. Journal prayer) powerful way to just flow with His Spirit.. Dustin mentioned is an online friend. We talk pretty well everyday I thank God for him.. )
Good morning LORD.. I slept in today.. I am well aware of attacks against me now.. I cannot actually really hear my own voice today which is very weird.. I can feel a headache slight LORD.. and a kind of hopelessness settling on me.. I am aware the kids want to do stuff.. I have not any real direction.. LORD I seem invisible to people.. posts going out with hardly a mention.. and one had none.. I don’t know LORD either I am in the wrong place doing the wrong things and nothing much will work or they are attacks on me or….. I don’t know..
LORD I acknowledge you in my day.. because I believe in YOU.. just now the sun shines brighter outside when I said that.. thats comforting.. and there it goes again.. Thank you for small mercies every day.. I will trust YOU..
LORD I just simply acknowledge you in my day.. YOU know all these things right.. how I am treated.. how I am seen.. what is thought of me.. LORD in YOUR hands.. even my hands feel tired to type LOL.. weird..
My sunflower is dancing.. the sun is out.. the wind has been shocking.. and there I was yesterday hanging washing in it.. no wonder it was such a struggle.. I believe YOU LORD.. LORD thank you for a long sleep.. I just paused to pray over my ears and send a blessing to the source.. as we are told to bless our enemies..
LORD I am glad to talk to you.. or type to you..
Dustin was struggling yesterday I have gotta stop struggling when I talk to him.. this rest.. or entering in the rest of GOD.. has to be the answer.. that is what is coming to me now.. I know sometimes I have to struggle to enter.. but I am aware it gets easier after that.. I am in YOUR hands no safer place than that..
Your purity I was thinking of the other day.. that helped.. didn’t help anyone else.. lol cause when I told Dustin.. he said that was only for me.. but it helped me and it helps me still.. it always will because when I look at my life.. faults.. disability, frustrations.. but YOU in me.. or just YOU alone.. purity.. healing.. wholeness.. etc.. no fractures.. no brokenness.. no troubles.. no err.. so I think of YOU in me.. and well that is hope.. that is freedom.. that is blessing.. that is deliverance.. that is truth.. so that is my salvation.. mine now and always.. especially now not just when I get to heaven.. you are the same for Dustin and I.. or anyone for that matter.. so there you go.. always the same.. would help anyone.. that is in YOU.. or YOU in them.. Rest, purity, yes.. nice.. I rest in the knowledge of YOUR rest.. I rest in the knowledge of your purity.. yes yes yes.. I feel my soul sigh..
I in YOU.. YOU in me.. means I am joined to every man, woman and child.. I am included.. no matter how my life or circumstances lie to me.. say different.. its all a lie.. thank YOU LORD I am included.. thank YOU LORD I am accepted.. thank YOU LORD I am beloved.. I breathe deeply.. its so blissful..
I close my eyes.. even as my fingers are paused over the keyboard I feel how tightly cramped they were.. I sit eyes closed and gently stretch them out.. it feels so good.. As I just breathe in and out.. in and out.. I feel even the loud noises in my head abating.. getting less and less.. the curse of Tinnitus…. so very loud it was earlier.. like jet planes close by.. no wonder I feel bound up.. tight and ratty… I stop typing for a bit.. just rest.. ohhh the bliss.. the peace in my soul.. thank YOU LORD.. Sometimes when I have just sat in my bed like this.. I have felt uncomfortable.. my back hurts.. or I keep shifting.. but today.. just now.. I am not moving.. I am breathing in and out.. and I am blissful.. a whole new me sitting here typing and trying to capture what has happened since I first started this.. Im so relaxed LORD.. so at peace.. smiling.. the noises in my ears are still there.. but they are not overwhelming me now.. the sun is coming in through the space in my pull down blind which is open a fraction.. Dancing sun flower dancing in the UV’s.. My body is rested.. my mind still.. and my heart hopeful..
Thank you LORD.. I have not meditated in a bit.. I am surprised how little I had to do to get this again.. and I am still able to type and think.. but its easier.. and I want to do it.. and its not pushed.. its flowing..
Im stretching my arms it feels good.. as I close my eyes again this time for a longer period.. the words come.. meditate day and night.. like a tree planted by still waters.. so is that YOU LORD saying.. that to be like this.. often.. through the day and night.. I would be being like a tree.. which yields its fruit in season.. whose leave does not wither.. everything he does propers.. the sunshine just got brighter coming in the window as I write that..
I have learnt those verses off by heart before.. but YOU bring them to mind LORD.. and it gives me the idea that this meditating.. this stilling of the mind.. this thinking on purely YOU is helpful to my life.. and the produce I wish to bring forth.. the sun is brighter than ever before outside my window.. I feel YOU in the sunshine.. the warmth.. the rays when they touch me and my heart or so it feels..
This time with you has been very beneficial.. I am calm as opposed to scattered when I first wrote this..
my thoughts were on the attacks.. now on the freedom I have.. YOUR presence within and without.. is greater.. assuring me.. blissful.. and calming..