Looking Back & Surging Forward

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I am forever seeking inspirational things.. quotes.. words.. pictures.. expressions.. in whatever way I can find it..
I am happy in my own little world.. but I love that I can search the internet, second hand stores.. old magazines.. books etc for things to make me happy and yes to share with others.. I guess I am an introvert in many ways.. but extrovert when it comes to what I am thinking about.. I kinda need to let it out.. As I am restricted socially.. being hearing impaired. I naturally just go online to communicate but it has also become a way to express myself where I feel no restriction. No disability.

I read an art journal prompt in an online zine I bought on looking back at the memory lane of my creative life.. seeing how I have progressed.. My idea for a bit of life direction… was to see what is coming up the most out of what is flowing from me..

I looked through my diary (written book), art journals, online blog, things I have posted on face book etc.. and the highest recurring theme for me.. is that I am simply sharing.. I mean that is restricted to online of course but hey online goes all over the world..

Diaries and art journals here at home are personal but ha ha I do take photos and share even those things that I piece together at home too.. I simply like to share what I am doing.. I have always like inspiring and encouraging others.. I like to pass on things that make me happy.. I do also like and need the responses.. especially when someone says something like.. “Thanks I really needed that” or “wow that spoke to where I am at”… that sort of thing.. But as I have said before I don’t do it specifically for that because sometimes very few say things..

As I am writing this and correcting before I publish. The thought came to me that I do need feed back. Think about it. It is normal to go out into the world and share your thoughts and expressions simply by communicating with a friend or colleague or family member or even a stranger.. But because I am hearing impaired its not as easy for me. I cannot hear enough to strike a normal conversation. Its done in very small ways, gestures if understood and it is very limited. Stopping and starting in a conversation because I cannot hear well and often means repeating and most times I confess I just decide to stay away from people..
Ive got off track here.. but I have to be honest I need feed back too.. I need to be heard although I am finding deafness can be isolating and one sided.. Those needs still have to be expressed.. my thoughts.. my feelings.. my heart.. my frustrations.. and my joys.. so I can be honest and say that in some way all that I do in my creative life is in a sense that Im wanting to be heard..

Of course expressing about my family rates high.. as does encouraging.. expression.. art.. inspiration.. creativity.. funny things.. expression.. bright colours.. my faith.. things that are a bit different.. & about life in general..

I can see more creativity in myself.. more fun.. more freedom emerging.. more ability to express myself.. more desires in me to get into it.. looking at what I produce makes me smile, feel happy and encourages myself and gives me more inspiration to keep going.. The more I do it.. the more I am wanting to do it.. Better ideas come to my head.. my heart is happy and free.. I am more able to enjoy life everywhere else.. I can be more unafraid to be me wherever I am.. I can think of creative ways to tackle life.. I find myself more productive and I given helps to encourage others.. Also a fearlessness to talk and say things that may go against what the majority believe or might be confronting or very different to what others are thinking.. To go against the flow..

Im less restricted.. in my past I was very religious. I read only religious type books only saw certain movies and I thought it best to be around certain people. I was more restricted in my views of the world and of how people lived. I was more judgemental and less open..
I feel less stuck now, more able to enjoy a wider spectrum of humanity and I am finding my unique self.

I have a closer and more intimate relationship with GOD and I do like and enjoy sharing that wherever I am.
Which is incredible really. All our lives we are taught to go preach the gospel. But it was with hesitation, and in dribs and drabs and it wasn’t particularly easy or enjoyable. NOW try to stop me.. lol..
I like to express that freedom in my creative life. I long to do more and more with it and let it out of me in an ever increasing flow.. It would be likened to the scene in “When Harry meets Sally”… and Sally fakes an orgasm in a cafe.. and a customer says.. “I will have what she’s having”.. Its so good you let it out wherever you are.. and people can see its different, unique and enjoyable.. and yes stand out.. and they want it too..

Less afraid, more on fire, definitely happier but its the lasting kind.. the deep inside joy that can still be there even when I have a crappy day..

I am learning Spirit.. Creative Expression.. GOD.. is cup running over..

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