Flowing from my Heart


Two things are on my heart right now.. Divorce.. and keeping things “Personal”.. I bracketed that word because that is who I am.. I like to be honest and open and I am created needing to share things.. I don’t have a great deal of people I talk about things too.. So for me writing.. journalling.. diaries and social media are a way to get things out of my insides.. My voice so to speak.

A friend wrote on her face book recently how we need to keep things personal private. I don’t agree speaking about myself and I wrote some of what I feel in response. Obviously each to their own but its not fair to blanket approach everyone the same. Specially with a platform as popular as “Facebook”.. Now probably some people do indeed say too much or talk too personally and you do have to be careful especially when you are referring to others in our sharing. I have myself got into trouble there.

But in a world that is slowly or quickly becoming less personal I think being ourselves is more crucial than ever before.. Now I am open that is me.. and I realise others are not.. But that shouldn’t mean I cannot be me just because others are not comfortable.. If people don’t want to read then don’t. Thats where I find a blog is great.. though it isn’t easy.. I have children online who have access and many friends and family.. Do I want to personally share things and have everyone I know read it? Well I do link blog posts to Facebook but that’s me.
Sometimes there is a fine line as to what actually can be said.. but it certainly makes you creative because I will still write knowing it could be read by many I know and it does make me think about how I come across!!

I have not thankfully lost too many people.. meaning people befriend me because I am offending them.. there has been a few family members which is very hard and a few others. But mostly most have accepted me for who I am and what I share. Probably less now respond than ever before but it’s not about responses I am learning more just to be me and this is me!

I do appreciate people being open and truthful and especially brave hearts that open up and be who they really are without fear of being rejected and taken the wrong way.. I like quirky!

I also mentioned divorce above.. I have been reading an autobiography and the author when writing (1996) was happily married a long time and had at the time been with the same man since a teenager.. I did a check online which I now wish I hadn’t at least not yet – Wikipedia – and found out they are now divorced.. I am so sad.. Of course I don’t know the details but in the book they seem happy and inseparable.. I guess my own divorce a few years ago still deeply affects me.. I am surprised at the intensity of my feelings over reading about this marriage breaking.. To me marriage should be for life.. Love forever.. I still believe in it. But divorce happens.. Still so sad.. I have a bit to go in the book so maybe I have destroyed my chances at enjoying the rest of the book.. I have been so enjoying the love between this couple.. The woman is a celebrity and that they had a long happy marriage was exciting to me.. Sigh.. I wonder how it will change the story that I am reading knowing this now?

It affects you every day.. He is one place I am another.. Kids two homes.. Life has majorly changed going from married to single.. Your future was ahead of you to raise kids and age with someone beside you.. Now it’s divided homes and ???? as to the future.. Everywhere you see a family you are reminded of what you no longer have.. Everything is different.. All that you have are memories.. You still have dreams but now they have to change and I have not ever found a new dream.. You still love at least I do.. But unreciprocated feelings left inside to fester.. I pray.. I cry sometimes.. I hope.. I wonder.. I trust.. I open my heart and keep feeling and keep believing…



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