What astounds me is that I’m learning the most amazing stuff but I’m the least likely person to do anything with it.
Why me lol I cannot even express it so people understand.
I’m not educated or particularly talented.
Nobody really pays attention to me either lol
And the people closest to me well they can’t seem to see it no matter how I glow lol and sometimes I’m so deliriously happy because of all God is revealing. I know it’s not me but how do you explain that!
Some have said its like I’m bipolar sigh.. I have gone through periods of depression and through my marriage breaking down.. I cried most nights. But I’m much happier now.. I have learnt things that help me focus on good.. and it works. Also when you know God is with you… I mean He is the source of joy and He said in his presence is joy everlasting. Well when you start focusing on that you do in fact find that joy and you start to lose the sorrow. Being aware of Him… you just start to live differently.
Heavenly things are un-explainable. People are very closed minded. Skeptic and doubt everything. I face book a lot and the more out there (different to the norm) my beliefs expressed have become the less people like it or respond. Seems to good to be truth I guess.. but didn’t God say.. Taste and see that The Lord is good.. well He is!!!
Heck if my writing moves even one soul there’s a miracle right there.. I dropped out of High School and didn’t complete Year 11. I was told by my English teacher I had the potential to go to University. But still I have not worked on my talents excepting what writing I do personally.
Here is a big clanger that I think turns a lot off ~ I don’t attend a church! This is controversial but I stopped going because mostly my hearing made it impossible to sit and enjoy any service no matter how good it was. It was most depressing to only understand what words might be shown on the overhead screen. And I don’t know but I would go there faithfully with my kids every week and did all through the years of raising kids.. babies and all. Most people noticed me when I stopped attending.. I felt alone there.. and would find a table to sit at and with my hearing I struggled to express myself.. I could never think of what to say. And I looked for people to talk too and there were a few. But I don’t know it felt impersonal to me.
But God is with me always and no matter where I am… HE is here… I know Him better out of church then I ever did know Him in the building or taught there.. I talk to Him like a friend.. I mean not having a husband you need an outlet every day to express all the little things that crop up every day in a household. Also I’m an emotional creature, I need to unload. I need to talk. Yes through the years my life dramatically changed. Marriage problems, raising kids, my then husband was distant with his own problems and I learnt to go to God. I did shut down a lot. Just starting to open up again. Heal. Doesn’t that take awhile. But as I spend time with God, read, study, pray, contemplate. So much has opened up to me. I don’t work because my hearing is so bad so I have a lot of time to read, meditate and search/learn. Just God and me many many days.
Now I just need to find a way through Him to let out of me what He has been showing me.. And if He can use a shut away woman, isolated in many ways, but who knows His presence, peace and joy despite all else. I believe we will all be helped.